I cannot be part of an organization that allows AUTHORITY to determine what is TRUTH; while TRUTH itself has stood, and will always stand as it's own authority.

Happy to say I just joined this website today, in hopes to ease the transition.

In short, I'm a married close to 40 year old guy with 4 kids. Both wife and I the church together, mutually. All things considered, her transition has (relatively) smooth. However, my born and raised LDS, seminary grad, return-missionary, BYU grad...you get the picture- transition out is still a daily struggle.

Born and raised in the E Coast region. Family on both my side and wife's side are LDS, thru and thru- most of which also live in the E Coast region and makes things all the more complicated.

I'm for fellow former Mormon with whom to communicate- as I feel there is no one to turn to about this here locally.

You know the deal...

So, I'm starting a ground zero here. I'm wanting to start taking kids to (a church) b/c I know church can be good- but I'm just so damned bitter/heart broken over this whole Mormon scam. I go from happy I found what TRUTH is. To tearful b/c over the pain I feel the next day. To angry the next day. Every day is different.

Oh, and the current church "leadership" (especially those cats in SLC), are in my opinion some of the most spineless, elusive, self-serving folk on the planet!

Why? I base my assessment strictly on their continued willingness to send missionaries to the field, il-equipped,to deal with the TRUTH about the church.

Furthermore, the same church "leadership" figures of authority WILL NOT tackle these tough issues of truth themselves b/c they CANNOT. They instead send the (minion) missionaries and members out to catch arrows while they (leadership) sit back and try to generate the next cover story to what the TRUE narrative to the LDS church.

So, I'm looking for some advice on how to move on. How to move forward with a family, while all surrounding family members are still happily neck deep in the fecal matter of what is the LDS church's vision of a white-washed history book.

I'm all ears; and, in advance I offer my gratitude for your input.

Neck deep in fecal matter.... wow what a statement.

I could start a thousand different places having been neck deep as your say. But, I feel you should start with yourself, then your wife then the kids. No need to go beyond at this time or any other for that matter.

1. Both of you sit down with the kids and calmly explain that neither of you will be attending church any longer. My bet is your oldest is teenage years at least. Depending on their ages they can be given things to read, explore and come to their own conclusions
2. Next, both of you together tell your bishop in a calm yet decisive manner,you resign from all callings and will not be attending further nor paying tithing. Leave after that conversation regardless of where you have it allowing no threats, rebuttals or counter offers.

When and if you resign is another matter of timing. See how your kids are treated and come to their defense if needed. Or be ready for them to disagree. Read of the similar stories here on the board and return as often as needed for support. This is a start...others may have better ideas based on experience similar to yours..my life has not had all the similar entanglements of yours..Did I interpret correctly your wife's phase out has been easier than yours??

Gatorman
8-4
9-3



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/29/2016 07:58PM by gatorman.

Howdy, WN?!

Couple quick thoughts:

(1) It's hard to go wrong with sticking up for the truth, as you see it.

(2) Re: family. Plenty of us have family issues, but many of us have forged work-arounds. My TBM wife and I get along fine. (In fact, her acceptance of my inactive status has strengthened my love and respect for her.)

(3) As you've learned, we can't expect LDS upper management to yield on anything. At this point they're all about maintaining the status quo. You and I will be dead before that changes.

(4) I applaud you for looking out for the emotional and ethical growth of your kids. Your heartfelt admission of responsibility toward them bodes well for you finding some appropriate alternatives for them.

(5) Don't underestimate the emotional and moral power and truth that exist in your own home. My wife and I like to cook together and we like to host friends, family, and neighbors, many of whom are Mormons. A couple weeks ago one of them asked me why I wasn't going to church. I pointed to the dining room table, laden with food and surrounded by friends, and said, "What are you talking about? THIS is MY church!!" A TBM himself, he smiled and nodded. The other day he stopped by again and ended up leading the group in a rousing hour or so of karaoke. I think the Gospel of Exmo may be spreading!

Welcome to the board. Here you'll find the most empathetic people on the planet. Why? Because when your world is wiped out, you find real meaning.

The General Authorities are curious creatures indeed. Maybe they're victims themselves. It takes a certain breed of true believing simpleton to even be called as a GA. They literally can't afford to entertain the truth because it would ruin them. A true man of God (apologies to true Scotsmen) would gladly sacrifice that much for the truth, but notice how that doesn't happen.

What is the power of truth? I think you're about find out. I think the power of truth is universally underestimated.

Welcome!

If I can offer a suggestion about your kids and a church...

They don't need a church to learn morals and ethics.
You (and your wife) are what they need to learn morals and ethics.

You've made a great step in being the person they can and will look to for morals and ethics -- you searched for fact and truth, found it, and acted on it. What a great example that is for your kids. And what a great platform it is for you to use to teach them what honesty is, and how and why they should be honest in their lives.

Morality and ethics isn't hard...treat yourself AND other people the way you'd like to be treated. You don't want people to lie to you, so don't lie to them. You don't want people to steal from you, physically attack you, treat you like dirt, or dismiss you without reason...so don't do it to other people. Be honest with yourself, be honest with others, and you never have to worry about whether or not some lie will be found out, whether or not people "like" you, or whether or not you're doing the "right thing."

Best wishes and happy new year!

I left in my early 40s with my five children aged 6-13. Initially I thought I needed the crutch of a church community, so I church hopped for a while. 8 months in one church, a year in another. But I came to realise that it was community I was looking for not religion. I found my niche in life. My kids have morals and ethics. They are recognised in school for their service, leadership and positive attitudes. They don't need a church, they volunteer in a variety of ways eg feeding the homeless. They don't need a bishop or young men's president to tell them how to do good works, it is inherent in their behaviour because of our family values. That being said, if a church is the right thing for your family then plan a tour of local churches until you find one that is a good fit. I made friends at both churches we went to. They do not hound me or question my non attendance, there never was any pressure to "join". Baptism is to be baptised to Jesus not as an indication of membership in their church. Enjoy your journey. It gets easier. Re family. I just try to ignore the guilt trips and most of my family are amazing anyway so it is not something I worry about.

You certainly don't need a church to teach morals and ethics! However,if, like me, you don't know enough about the various religions of the world to be able to advise your kids if they ask questions like, oh--for instance, "What all stuff do Buddhists believe?" Or..."What is Diwali and why do Hindu people celebrate it?) Or..."Why are Christians and Jews so different? They both believe in the same God and the old testament of the bible." I didn't think I could answer any question my grandchildren might ask, but I wanted to protect them from being susceptible to *any* cult--LDS, FLDS, JW, Scientology, etc.--even right-wing evangelical Christianity, which as an atheist, I consider very cult-like. So I started taking them to the UU church, which has a great RE program (Religious Education/Exploration.) They learned about different religions, and what they believed and what their holidays meant. They were never taught what was "truth", or what religion was "right," but were taught to think for themselves, and discover their own spiritual truths. Of course, they were taught the UU 7 principles--that UUs affirm and promote the inherent worth and dignity of every person; justice, equality and compassion in human relations; acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations; a free and responsible search for truth and meaning; the right of conscience and the use of the democratic process without our congregations and in society at large; the goal of world
community with peace, liberty, and justice for all; and respect for the interdependent web of existence, of which we are a part. Smaller kids usually translate this to: nobody is better than anybody else, everybody's thoughts and feelings count, be sure to recycle, and be kind to animals. The rest comes as they get older. No dogma. I started going there for the RE program (including the sex-ed OWL program when they were a little older), and stayed for the society and fellowship and social justice work. Everyone--atheist, Christian, Hindu, Buddhist, Wiccan, LGBTQ, married, single, old, young--black, white, whatever---everyone is welcome at a UU church. My grandkids are grown now, but I keep going because I like the people and the intellectual stimulation. If you are still a Christian in spite of no longer believing the Mormon message, you might not be comfortable in a UU church. It won't be as "church-y" and religious as you are used to, because there IS NO DOGMA. Your kids will not be taught that the bible is the word of god, that Jesus was a savior who rose from the dead after being born to a virgin, or that there is a "God" who sees all, knows all, expects perfection, and judges harshly. Everyone is on their own spiritual journey . On the other hand, it could be just what you're looking for. Every congregation is different. Good look on your continuing journey!

Hi What's Next,Congradulations for having discovered that Mormonism is not the authority on truth. You have gained insight from having passed through and graduated for Mormonism.

I believe that one of the greatest gifts for the truth seeker is a big and unquenchable curiosity. The curiosity aided by so much info available is wonderful opertunity to learn much. Welcome to the discussion.

Wow- thanks to all for your prompt and thorough responses. Very much appreciated and gives me some first-hand assurance that others are indeed facing the same challenges. Before I re: to some of your thoughts, to further elaborate on my situation- I have a daughter that lives, I'll say "out West," with her mother, step father and step siblings. She's being raised in a heavy LDS culture that happens to be, oh, about 10 min from the missionary training center.

What's interesting is that my daughter, since before she became a teenager, began asking me question about the church such as:

"dad, why is the church called the church of Jesus Christ....." but in church no one hardly ever mentions Jesus' name?

My point in sharing this is that at times it seems SO SIMPLE, and SO OBVIOUS. Even I kid can pick up on the smoke and mirrors.

I'd like to re: to some of your much-appreciated comments:

@gatorman- as my wife and I became to come to our realization of what the church REALLY is, we were in the process of moving. We only moved a short distance, but fortunately moved into another ward boundary. We initially started to attend the new ward, but later just stopped all together. For the most part the ward(s) have left us alone. And, part of me doesn't want to go thru the sit-down with the Bishop, Stake Pres, etc...mostly because I feel that doing so would almost (acknowledge) their authority, or importance in disavowing the church. Based on my new understanding, everything is a total fraud, to include their authority, the baptism, priesthood, etc. So, in the eyes of the Lord I feel as though He looks at the organization the same. It's just all based on lies and mind control. At some level, I feel as though I'd be submitting myself to allow local church leaders to (try) to chastise me; tell me the "eternal" consequences, yada, yada. And, I'd (again) have to volunteer more time to sit in front of a bunch of suits who:
- continue to lie about some hillbilly from NY who allegedly translated a gold book with God's help; even though eye witness accounts stated his "translation" method involved sticking his beak in a hat with a few rocks inside; with the gold book in another room; and magically came up with the book.

I guess if I fasted for 2-3 days at a time; broke my fast with nothing but coffee and beer; I'd eventually start to see letters appear inside a hat too and might convince myself it was the work of God and not that of alcohol! :)

@gatorman, I'm not at all trying to being cynical. I have thought long and hard about whether or not to discuss with church leaders. But, I know eventually parents, in-laws, brothers, sisters...they would all be "officially" informed. While they are all already aware, at this point I'm just trying to prevent any more drama.

@getbusylivin- 100% agree with your assessment of the emotional and moral power at home. Like you, I feel it all starts at home. Our kids have adapted very well to the change, and I know they'd like to learn more about religion or church. And, i fully acknowledge the onus is on me to make it happen. My wife is super-supportive and I look forward to the future. Biggest challenge now I'd say is figuring out how to allow the kids to continue to have a relationship with their grandparents, when anytime the grandparents see them they (grandparents) want to help "bring them back to the fold."

In fact, last time my father came to visit he had the audacity to state that "as the patriarch of the (my last name) family," he would have to ask to me contact a local church member to have them bring our kids to church if we weren't going to attend.

Seriously, you can't make this stuff up.

What's unfortunate is that because of his (priesthood authority) he truly felt "inspired and empowered" to say what he did.

So, I reciprocated his display of authority by telling him to get the hell out of the house and if I heard one more word out of his mouth I would follow my prompting caused by a burning in my bosom and call the police and have them drag him out; and request a no-contact order be issued.

He pulled this stunt with my whole family in the house. I followed him to the car, as I politely communicated all the highly explicit and socially unacceptable words and phrases I had learned in my 40 years of life- that explained my feeling towards his BS religion.

He hasn't called since and it's been so much better.

I can keep going but I've already wrote much more than expected.

Another question to you all, as I'm very much encouraged by your responses:

for those of you located in geographic areas with smaller LDS populations, have you had success reaching out to folks in your respective local areas who are in the same situation? If no, are you familiar with how to find these types of families? I've searched extensively online to no avail and with no success. If these message boards are my best bet- so be it. However, if other options are available where perhaps face-to-face interaction can take place that would be great.

Thanks you VERY much for all you support and input!

I live in NZ. Initially the members kept in contact but they would keep insisting on asking WHY I had left so kept telling them why! Now they mainly leave me alone and I have moved into a different stake.Us heathens have a way of accidentally finding each other, and while that understanding is amazing (non members do not understand how excited to bare my oh so sexy shoulders) still I have made far more non member friends. I discovered that people FAR prefer the non mormon version of me, maybe because i think for myself now. I guess what I am saying is go with the flow for a while. This group is amazing. It truly was my lifeline in the beginning but it took me about 9 months of following everything every day until the mormon strangle hold loosened enough for me to feel daring enough to comment or post.