I am a convert now born again and I suffer from extreme PTSD. Now that I am in the process of leaving and healing from this deceptive and toxic "relationship", I am finding that returning to normal is becoming a trigger for me and setting off panic attacks for me. I had a beer today and I'm so upset I can't sleep. I had sweet tea the other day and I was hypervigilant the rest of the day. Has anybody else gone through this? Please help, I just want to be whole again.

It is stressful leaving a cult. Your feelings are normal and perhaps a bit extreme as everything is fresh to you right now. Keep reading and you will feel more comfortable with your decision to leave. A counselor familiar with cults may help. There is a great deal of material here on the various archives to support your transition out.

Give it time. You will notice that every Friday on this board, there is the "Obligatory Friday" thread, where many people share whatever they are drinking, including beer, wine, or cocktails. Part of the purpose in that thread is to help board members feel comfortable with imbibing adult beverages.

As Eric suggested, perhaps short term counseling might help. Or you could talk to your physician about it. I get work-related panic attacks, so I do understand how frightening they can be.

If I could make one more suggestion, it would be to give yourself a long break before diving into another church. Jesus isn't going anywhere. Christianity isn't going anywhere. Take some time off.

summer Wrote:
-
> If I could make one more suggestion, it would be
> to give yourself a long break before diving into
> another church. Jesus isn't going anywhere.
> Christianity isn't going anywhere. Take some time
> off.


this is good advice.



If you must, read the bible and every commentary on it: become well versed in scriptures.

At the present time you are revisiting the emotional state you were in before you converted, if you were subconsciously 'seeking' something then, you still will be. Converting to mormonism merely put your feelings on hold, it did not solve anything. You, however, have changed; you are stronger now since you developed the insight to recognise the mormon church is crock, and you found the will to break free from it's toxic sphere, although it's influence on your psyche will take a while to purge.

You can do this.

Mormonism taught me that any belief, no matter how ridiculous, can be okay to have. That means you get to pick and choose what you believe and nobody gets to tell you you're wrong. You have that right because you're human.

If a belief isn't serving you, ditch it. I guess that's easy for an exmo to say, since Mormons think their outrageous beliefs actually serve them. But anyway, beliefs and personality are like a wardrobe you've put together over the years. There's nothing wrong with taking the old stuff to DI and trying on something else.

You could google "Raising your vibration" for help in developing better beliefs. I like Matt Kahn's videos, but I like woo.

I'm not sure PTSD is the term you're looking for, but maybe for you it feels like PTSC. You happen to be a very sensitive person. That's a good thing. The world needs more sensitive people.

I have PTSD too, not necessarily from the cult although that does compound it. I also have the joy of anxiety and fighting depression off and on. I was misdiagnosed as bipolar for a few years and there was some concern for a time I had borderline personality disorder, but it turned out to be undiagnosed PTSD, which for decades was difficult to diagnose A. Women with, because the previous two are more common and B. If you hadn't been involved in a combat situation, people still don't believe it's PTSD.

One thing I have found in my studies, therapy, and experience, is that when you start the feel safe, the brain allows you to finally process the trauma. While going through the trauma, you're in survival mode and parts and your brain is basically shutting down in some areas so you can survive the situation.

The worst of it has passed so far, although occasionally memories will trigger if I flip on the wrong light switch or accidentally dribble some water on myself. But it does get better, and learning how to manage the symptoms and triggers IS possible. Therapy or a support group may be beneficial to you. I found that comparing my experiences here was immensely mitigating. Good luck to you, I hope you find some peace.

I bought decaf so that I could sleep at night, and then I drank coffee continually until it no longer felt odd--no longer felt like a sin. Because.It.Isn't!!!

I drank it in front of people at every opportunity, whether I wanted it or not (That was a big one--drinking coffee in front of people!)

Yes, garlic, I have been through it. And rest assured, it does get easier and better. I got through it, I am sure you can, too. If you want more detail I would be glad to share. But don't panic. It is pretty normal and quite fixable.

If I had to face a challenge like giving a speech or taking a big test, prayers would leap into my mind and I be asking the mormon god for good luck and courage. I had to stop this thought by with reminders that I was prepared and could handle the situation without the help of imaginary spirits. It took me years to be rid of this quirk.

I also used to think mormons might be at the door or on the phone when I'd receive an unexpected knock on the door or the phone would ring. I'm glad not to be bothered with mormon pop-ins these days.

Some people are more sensitive and that's perfectly fine. Some people need some help dealing with anxiety and medication prescribed by a physician can be a big help. There are common anti-anxiety medications that've been around for many years. It might help to see a physician for medical help in dealing with leaving a traumatic controlling organization.