I have been out of the church for 20+ years. I drink alcohol and coffee, I am a man who has sex with another man, I swim and ski on Sundays, I often call the Lord's anointed foul names, I usually vote for Democrats, I try to guide others out of the church, etc.

And yet, I still burn to a crisp in the sun. What the hell do I need to do to get some God-induced melanin?!

Have yet to worship satan.

I have sex with my male boyfriend (I'm female). I'm still married to my gay husband, though we've been "separated for 22 years or so.

I do a lot of things on Sunday, not skiing or swimming, but that is my day for going to movies, etc., and shopping. So few people here in Utah on Sundays.

I love calling myself an apostate adulteress.

Cl2. I guess I either need to worship Satan or try to throw my brother off a boat (it worked for Laman and Lemuel!)

"apostate adulteress" I like it!



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 09/15/2017 03:15PM by Atari.

I made that joke with a TBM friend who didn't recognize me in the bus (he had never seen me with long hair and glasses).
When he told me Oh that's you, I didn't recognize you. I told oh yeah now I'm an apostate my skin is now dark. He laughed and we talked for a couple of minutes.

Apparently, no time frame is given for turning dark and loathsome in the mormon myths.

So it's unreasonable for you to expect it to happen right away. From their point of view, anyway.

Of course, that won't prevent them from insisting that if your descendants (if you have any) continue in your evil ways, THEY will be dark and loathsome. Even though they won't...

:)

...but, but, but... We've all seen the Deseret Press article in which SWK is quoted as saying that the littlest Indians living with mormon families as part of the Indian Displacement Program were noticeably lighter at the end of the school year than their littlest Indians siblings who'd stayed on the Rez! NOTICEABLY LIGHTER!!!!!! They used color swatched from Elder Sherman Williams' paint store to prove this!!

How do you explain that, if not the fulfillment of prophecy? (I feel a swoon of religious ecstasy coming on!!)

elderolddog Wrote:
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> How do you explain that, if not the fulfillment of
> prophecy? (I feel a swoon of religious ecstasy
> coming on!!)

I played golf this weekend with a well-known Lamanite from the board.
Since he beat me, and has darker skin that me, I can only conclude that it was SATAN who gave him those straight (but relatively short) drives, and who made me not keep my head down on my iron shots.

So I guess I must bow to your explanation: evil people keep their gorgeous bronze skin, in order that SATAN can continue to influence them and let them win at golf. They also don't need as much sunscreen, which is a sure sign of EVIL!

Meanwhile, all those indian placement program kids, who were forced by their mormon keepers to stay indoors and study instead of play outside, must have become lighter because of prophecy...not because of less exposure to sunshine.

Oh, how did I ever doubt mormon prophecy? It's so clearly right!!!

<grin>

Good times!

But drinking beer ONLY after a short prayer puts a slight nick on your anti-mormon status.

elderolddog Wrote:
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> But drinking beer ONLY after a short prayer puts a
> slight nick on your anti-mormon status.

Hey, it was hot. I simply muttered, "dear god please let this beer be ice cold!"
That doesn't count, does it?

I guess it is a good thing I don't have kids then. Can you imagine the horror of them having dark skin? Gasp

Golly. Do you suppose this whole skin color thing might be a made up 19th century racist myth?

No, with Trump in office it's now a 21st century reality.