The cult changed me and amplified my PTSD, anxiety and depression for decades. I was running on empty trying to become perfect. I was in a dark abyss. When I left, my anger was so intense, it felt like a volcano. I was so burned out, numb, and broken, I had nothing left to give them. That became a turning point, to give freedom and liberation to myself. What changed after leaving is that I lost trust towards all religions. Love one another is what really matters. I don't need a religion for that. I've created more distance to discern facts in ways I never did before. My level of compassion has increased towards being less than perfect. What still needs to change is managing my PTSD. It will be a lifelong journey. Another change is realizing I can live a safe and meaningful life outside the cult. I don't feel guilty about not paying tithing anymore.

Same with me. My only issue is with not being able to tell my extended family. That's what ramps up my anxiety.

"To really understand something is to be liberated from it." This is true of Mormonism anyway. I have spent years deprogramming and unwinding all the indoctrination heaped on top of lies. To aid my recovery I have read many books that expose the absurdity of church claims. Like Tom Padley, my on going problem isn't guilt for no longer believing but rather sadness in not having family that will even consider the things I know. My sister told me that if the church isn't true she doesn't want to find out. We all seek for validation in what we believe and especially from those closest to us. That cannot happen if they will not even consider that they may be in error.

Anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering." - Yoda

You just get tired of not letting go. People are going to be people in spite of their influences throughout time, decades, centuries and eras.

We are suffering from our own dilemmas and inabilities as humans. The cult of Mormonism affords a short-lived, timely relief from the cares of the eternities. The problem is masked behind the facade of faith, hope, and delusion.

Death is the master. Eternity is the kingdom.