I completely understand.

It's like you have to speak in code or something.

You know that members of your family read this board, or other church members... so even bringing up a situation will give you away.

I feel your pain!

When you are deep in the LDS trenches, it's hard to send out a signal for help without someone else noticing.

Family members, Church members, Bishoprics... all lurk on this board.... looking for any clues to see if any posters match who they think they are.

Shunning is a REAL thing with this church... I've had good friends that I worked with for YEARS now look past me like I'm not there when I am calling their name, extending my hand, and am a foot away.

I've had other members call me names, and tell me how stupid I am... right in the middle of the chapel. (Wife is TBM and I go sometimes for kid events).

I think it would be easier if you resign and become atheist or go inactive rather than join another church and be active... visible right out in the community like I have... that is the worst of the worst... they treat you like the spawn of SATAN.

I say... let it come. You can't avoid it. Post anyway. Change names if you have to, but still post the situation. You will not avoid the shunning at the end.

Your best home teaching companion or visiting teaching companion who you have known for years will treat you like a total stranger and refuse to talk to you... just accept that, and begin the healing process.

You can't avoid the inevitable.

There is help for people doing this.

They would no longer have to stress over what their friends and family may be saying on a site like this if they Go to LDS.Org and read the essays. It will comfort them to know what the church is saying about this situation.

If you have trouble finding the essays on LDS.Org, they have been compiled and put on a site called MormonEssays.com



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/09/2017 11:24AM by janis.

I think the cat is way out of the bag for me but i never really fit in with them anyways. They are weirdos and i have no problem saying it to their face in public. And if the badass thinks you are weird that is pretty bad. Secret handshakes and death oaths and watching a satan scare movie is weird as hell, and dressing up like a baker.

You can change irrelevant details in your post. Make your son your daughter, change where you live, change your age and gender, your education etc. Maybe add some things that dont really matter to your story.That could confuse anyone who knows you. There are many things that you can change that wont affect the basics of story or change the advice you will get. You can also post anonymously occasionally if your post is personal or might identify you.

I did all those things, when I began to post, because I was mortally afraid of my abusive ex-husband. He still thinks I'm his property, and will be his first wife in the polygamous Mormon Celestial Kingdom. He has two other temple wives, besides me. He might come after my children, too, who he believes are still sealed to him. I see his GA relative sometimes, socially, and he asks too many questions, so I tell him I'm just visiting here, to ski, and that I live in Vermont.

On RFM, I changed the irrelevant details, like the number of my children, the number of siblings, the exact time line, etc., and never revealed where I'm from, or anything about my parents or family, etc. But, you people on RFM were too clever for me, and called me out on the discrepancies in my posts. A few of you said I was making everything up, but I wasn't. Of course, you are clever people! Most of you have been seriously conned (like I have been), and you are alert to new scams. Good detective work! I'm proud of you all!

I had to change my name twice, and the RFM administration got upset with me, telling me to "pick a name and stick with it." LOL. I did reveal my "new name" in that new-name thread, and that felt liberating!