So, I thought you might be interested in this conversation I had with my xbp last sunday. A little background, I resigned my membership last year. My youngest daughter, 13, has still been attending church somewhat regularly because she has friends there and I don't want to yank her away from something that she's doing for good motives. I'm not worried about her going to church because I talk to her a lot about it and she knows the craziness of the church, especially because they're going to excommunicate her mother. But she has a social network there and there are honestly some girls that she's friends with who could really have some issues with the church in the future and will need good friends to be there for them.

However, this board and other sites have really opened my eyes to the incredible damage done by one-on-one interviews. I'm sure the xbp is not a predator, but that doesn't change the fact that there is not a single question that they ask in those interviews that is any of their business, and, as has been pointed out here many times, is simply a way of controlling the membership and, in particular, manipulating kids into thinking that the "priesthood" is an essential part of their lives, as well as doing major harm by making kids think that giving the "wrong" answers is committing sin that needs to be "repented" of.

So I have been meaning for a while to talk to him about that and finally got an opportunity to do so last week. I talked with him about a number of issues, including my boys wanting to resign their membership as I have done, and the ridiculousness of needing to do so according to the church rules of writing a letter to the bp and getting sp approval, etc. He just said that's the way the church does it and you have to follow the rules (I saw after that something on here about resigning without jumping through the hoops, so thanks for the information!). I also talked with him at some length about my ex-wife's impending excommunication, that's the subject of a different post when I get to it.

Anyway, regarding the interviews, I told him that he was not to do them anymore, and that went for anyone in the church, no one is to give my daughter one-on-one interviews any longer, for any reason. He was obviously not a fan of this demand and refused to see it as a demand, at the end of our talk as I was leaving his office he said that he wanted me to know that the ward would honor my request to not interview my daughter. This really got me, I looked at him and said this isn't a request. She's MY daughter, and I didn't ASK you for anything, I TOLD you that you won't be doing interviews anymore. He didn't say anything else after that.

Later as I was sitting in the hall waiting for my daughter to finish her class, xbp came up to me and said that not being able to be interviewed meant that she wouldn't be able to go to the temple with the youth, to which I replied that that would be great. When I talked with my daughter about this, she was mad at me, since she'll obviously be seen as different from her friends. A couple of days later I talked with her a little more about how the church asks the questions in order to get kids to say they believe in something that they don't really know whether they believe in or not to fit in with everyone else in the church, in addition to asking them personal questions that they just shouldn't be asking. She told me she doesn't believe in the church or its "prophet" and she agrees about the questioning and understands that I did this out of love and respect for her, so we're on the same page now about the interviews.

I hope the fight continues in the church to end these interviews. From the outside looking in it's troubling to me that I wasn't more bothered while I was a member. This is definitely something that needs to be stopped immediately.

Nicely done.
Your daughter's initial reaction wasn't a thoughtful one, it was just a teenage girl reacting to being seen as "different." I'm glad you got her to understand -- because not wanting to be seen as "different" is part of the reason they can get kids to fess up to nonsense in those interviews in the first place!

Peer pressure is always nasty, it's taken to a while new level of nastiness in mormonism.

Looking forward to the story (what you can reasonably share) about your wife's ex'ing...:)

"Your daughter's initial reaction wasn't a thoughtful one, it was just a teenage girl reacting to being seen as "different." I'm glad you got her to understand -- because not wanting to be seen as "different" is part of the reason they can get kids to fess up to nonsense in those interviews in the first place!"

I agree with your premise, however, it's not just a teenage girl response. The church banks (literally) on conformity. It's their #1 tactic. Adults that have figured out the church is BS, stay due to the peer pressure you mentioned. Fear is the driving factor for member retention and tithing. Nice-huh?

Good point. :)

That is a good point. The church holds the carrot of fellowship and belonging and forever families, but you have to destroy your self and your ability to think in order to get there. Being a member of the church is the ultimate self-destructive behavior.

I would get your daughter acquainted with a very important reality, "different" is often BETTER and the status quo hates it and fights it.

When her friends come back from the temple, it might amuse your daughter to tease her friends about ALLLLLLL she missed, along with letting them know that she knows all about it from RfM, which may cause an increase in worldliness 'mongst her friends.

Under-18 mormon females have very little power and I believe that RfM is empowering.

Your daughter is probably old enough and having grown up in the age of Googling, have her google "petition against mormon bishops interviewing children".

Petition started by a mormon Bishop. If a Bishop is horrified and doesn't want his own family affected by this atrocious practice why pray tell would anyone else?

Have her google up stories of abuse by mormon bishops.

The power of information and reality is the best defense.

Mom will then begin very quickly to be seen in a much different light.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/09/2018 04:59PM by AmIDarkNow?.

Thanks for your post on this important subject, and I look forward to your next post.

As a youth I attended church to be with my friends who were often "required" to attend. Mainly I did the fun things like dances and parties, but I did also attend some classes and meetings at the begging of my friends plus needing to be free from an emotional abusive home situation.

I did enough "attending" that I was indoctrinated to think that Mormonism was "the" way for me to find a happy life, plus live forever. The only interview I ever attended was when I was going to be married in the temple. In fact, I do not ever remember any of my active Mormon girlfriends talking about interviews back then. This was way back in time as I am o l d (but still sassy).

In that interview I was with my fiance (is that how it is usually done and done now??), and I rather detested the position of having to answer questions to this man who sat so upright across from us in his desk and seemed so cold and distant. I had no father in my life growing up as he was an alcoholic, so I confess I grew up distrusting of men in general.

So, in this interview which to me seemed to go on and on forever, I mainly, (surprise! surprise!), deferred to my fiance to answer the questions as he after all held the mighty priesthood, not little ole me.

You did a great job in protecting your daughter. I would give her some additional coaching in how to refuse a request to go to the bishop's office, just in case, i.e. "I'm sorry, but my dad does not permit me to do that."

I really like that idea. It's important that children learn to set those boundaries for themselves and not just let their parents do it for them. Thanks for the input.

Incidentally, AmIDarkNow?, her mother is also on board with this, we're on the same page on helping her negotiate boundaries. I can't imagine how difficult it would be with my ex-wife on the other side of this, I know there are lots on this board who have experience with that, I'm interested to know how you deal with that additional obstacle. Thanks for the reminder as well about the petition, I've signed it and encourage everyone to do so.

Excellent job! I would add one thing...cut through the chase of resignation by sending simultaneous letters to church membership, the bishop, and the stake president. Make it explicit—no contact. I received my two sentence letter about 10 days after. Very best wishes!

with her mormon friends. She took seminary. I wasn't sure I was out yet or not.

These mormon friends started smoking pot, skipping classes, and having sex with their boyfriends, so my daughter broke off contact with them. They all got pregnant before they got married, late teens.

Now they are all out and my daughter is in hook, line, and sinker.

Those interviews were extremely damaging to me.

If she feels bad about not being able to do baptisms for the dead, many times on here I've posted about my experiences doing baptisms, as have others. The old ladies wouldn't hand me a towel until I stripped naked out of my wet baptism uniform. I had been taught to be modest and then they did this in the "house of the lord." Others on here have expressed the same thing happened to them.