I resigned in 2009,only contact has been with a dear friend and a chap who was BP years ago and contact only by phone,never discussed my resignation since he visited a few days after I put my resignation in,just catch up chats about family etc,he was very kind and non judgemental when my daughter became pregnant at 16,he delivered a lovely high chair for the baby.

We hav'nt chatted in a while,my dear friend called me yesterday to say this chap is seriously ill and is in the High Dependency Unit of our local hospital,I called his wife,who has been inactive for over 20 years,arranged to go visit chap tomorrow,his wife said she was concerned as some members were giving him a lift to Church until a few weeks ago when he became to ill to attend,he had been dropped off after Church the last Sunday and she knew something was wrong,all he would say was that some man would never speak to him like that again ( his words) and some woman had upset him but would'nt say who.This must have been serious as he would never discuss things that happen at church as he wanted his wife to return.

Now when I visit tomorrow I really hope no members are visiting
at the same time, really don't want to see any of them and just a tad afraid my mouth may run away with itself,don't think I will at the bedside but its a long walk out to the carpark,his wife is extremely upset about what happened to him on that last day at Church,she knows all the problems with Mormonism but has supported her husband,there are some members in that Ward ( it became a ward around 2000)who are very cliqueish and only stick with their own kind,this chap is a one off,would give his last to anyone,a real christian heart...Question,what do I say to him if the subject arises about my resignation and how he has been treated by certain members,he was a hardworking man with a low wage and was looked down on by some members,can't call them christians,any advice appreciated.

I would be a good listener if he needs to get anything off of his chest. When you are engaged in active listening, you reflect back to the speaker what he is saying, "It sounds like they were very mean to you. How did you feel when they said that?" Accept whatever feelings he has. If the subject of your resignation comes up, treat it in a matter of fact way.

I think if I were in his shoes, I would want to hear about how my friendship was meaningful to someone, the kind things I did or said, and whatever good times we shared. I would want to know that my friendship has been meaningful and that someone has cared about me.

Please let us know how it goes. I'm sure that this will be a difficult visit for you.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/10/2018 05:47PM by summer.

My best guess would be that they pressured him about money. That seems to be the new push. Don't leave anything to your family, especially if they are "sinners". Leave it to LDSInc instead. He may feel more comfortable talking to you as he knows you are already out. All you can do is be there.

It could also be a case of, "blame the victim" i.e. he deserved the illness for some unnamed deficiency.

Thanks Guys

I visited for 30 minutes,he is in a lot of pain and pain relief not very effective,however,he was very lucid,we hugged and both shed a few tears.

For the last 4 years we have only communicated by phone so it was good to see him,a real gentle giant of a man,his testimony stands on his prayers for his Grandson to survive a serious illness,his prayers were answered and he spoke of this to me,we chatted about family and he asked if I was still going to the Church I attend now,he said he was pleased to hear that,we worked together while I was a member and we talked of those times,not on doctrine just the joy we got from serving,he is a very generous man and I often went with him on his visits to folk who were struggling,he would give his last away bless him.

He mentioned the laughter we had trying to get through a field of cows to help someone,the field was so muddy we gave up the car and walked through it to get to the person we were helping,the parties we put together for Church and more.

He never mentioned doctrine or anything to do with LDS,it was a sweet visit to an old friend.I suppose I'm grateful that we shared the memories without anything Mormon coming up,was thankful that no one else was visiting at that time as visiting hours are 2pm-8pm,

Susan he neither has property or money to leave to TSCC,which I am thankful for.

Its so sad to see a man with such a generous spirit still attached to TSCC.