The game changer for me happened years ago when I was 30 and kicked out of a "University" ward. It has taken a long time for me to come to grips with the fact that this event changed my relationship with the church forever.

I live in a southern city with a major University and a limited LDS population. The ward that met at the University's institute building had been welcoming to everyone in the area who was single - then one Sunday I showed up and the stake president announced that anyone over age 30 was going to be removed from the ward and should from that point forward attend their geographic family ward. This happened without warning and it took me completely by surprise. My entire social life revolved around my group of friends (mostly young professionals and grad students) who lived all over town but attended that ward.

I went to one fireside at the ward one time after that and the new bishop told me not to come back and I was not welcome.

Transition to family ward was not smooth. As you all know the church of the almighty family isn't overly friendly to singles. I vowed to never again wrap my entire social life around the church.

At this point most of my husband (who I married at age 35) and my REAL friends are nevermos. My family participates on my terms and after all these years I think I have finally recovered from the trauma.

Just wanted to tell my story to someone who might understand.

That does sound rather traumatic. It's amazing how cold the leadership is to the congregants. They always operate from the point of view that the members are there to serve the church and not the other way around.

I remember some of the "undesirables" (meaning over 30 and -- gasp! -- not married) that got "kicked up" to our regular family ward from the local YA or institute wards.

They always felt out of place. I think a lot of them found their way out, never to return. So maybe the "policy" was a good thing after all...even though it feels awful to the person being kicked around.

There were also some young adults/college students who got "kicked" to YA or institute wards. 'Cause the bishop didn't want them around hitting on the MIA maids. Or something like that.

Yeah, DevotedExmo said it -- the members are there to serve the church. Obey, bow your head, and say yes. Ugh.

When I moved to SLC, I felt very alone. The “home” ward was all “newly married and nearly dead.” Nobody cared if I attended or not. In fact, the newly marrieds were dropping like flies due to the pressures of church callings and schooling. The nearly dead’s were about the only ones attending.

So, one day in the mail there’s this survey from LDS, inc. It’s asking for feedback from single members. I honestly replied that I felt no part of the church as a 27 year old who wasn’t married.

Soon, the Morg tried a series of pilot singles’ wards. I joined one. I got married.

Then, the singles’ wards were dissolved. The rumor was that the “brethren” were concerned that men were just socializing, fornicating, and not getting married.

Now, many years later, singles’ wards are all over the Morridor. My kids go to them.

Leave it to a cult to separate people, control every aspect of their lives, and make groups of people feel unworthy or less welcome.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/17/2018 08:37PM by BYU Boner.

I joined the church when I was about 40. My first ward was marvelous and everyone was very friendly. Nobody seemed threatened that I was a divorced woman. I was most certainly not on the prowl to bag anyone's husband.

After settling into the ward, and enjoying it very much, somebody in the bishopric said that I should ACTUALLY be attending the Singles' Ward.

I didn't want to, but I tried it a couple of times. There were a few predatory jerks over there who routinely preyed on anything female. I didn't care for the atmosphere, so I went "back home." And I let it be known that if I had to bring my son along to prove that I belonged in the "family" ward, I would. Fortunately, nobody challenged my decision, and I remained happily in "my" ward.

I hated that the cult forced kids to attend a singles ward. Religion, to me, was always about worship--not about dating and finding a mate. A lot of my BYU friends refused, and went to their home wards with their families, during the summers, to reconnect, and enjoy being home again.

I was obedient, and went to the singles ward. I was in love with a young geology graduate student, who always had to be out of the country for his PhD program, during the summers. While he was away working with other men, I was being constantly hit-on by predatory hopeful celestial polygamists and rulers of planets.

Most of my focus was on avoiding being accosted, and this really distracted me from having any kind of religious experiences. My boyfriend was TBM, but he felt uneasy about my going to church. I just wanted to be home with my family in the summers, as long as I could. The cult has no right to push children out of the nest! They do this with missions, especially.

My daughter, who tried going back to Mormonism, with her cousins, and they tried their local mandatory singles ward. She was immediately hit-on by two handsome young men, that she didn't know, but her brothers knew a lot about. One had been in juvenile hall for stabbing someone, and the other was on drugs, and selling drugs. When her brothers found out she had sat between these two creeps, they warned her to stay away from the singles ward.

I was assigned to the older single adults group. They used to have their own older ward in the Monument Park area of SLC, but there was so much promiscuity and scamming going on, that the church disbanded that ward, and that was the last one I ever heard of. I left shortly after that.

How disgusting, that a church would kick someone out, because they are too old. That in itself is just SICK. Would Jesus do that?

You were in a cult. You were led to believe you were in a religious group that was all about Christ, and LOVE. Not! Most of us have felt Mormon shunning, in various forms. I was a divorced single working mother in the Mormon cult--and not only was I marginalized, but my children were, too. They said we had a "broken home." Enough! We resigned together.

Like we always say here on RFM:

"Where's the love?"

to church. In his 40s, he had a hemorrhagic stroke and after multiple surgeries and speech therapy for a few years, he was able to speak again and he decided to go to a singles ward in Ogden. He was living with my parents in Brigham City, Utah, at the time as they had helped him recover and he could no longer drive.

So, they would drive him to Ogden to the singles ward and they would go to the deaf ward (as my mom's parents were deaf and she liked going to the deaf ward and my dad also knew sign language). My brother bought himself a new suit and scriptures. He was enjoying going and there were several women interested in him. The bishop told him he had to go home to his own ward. Like that was ever going to happen. He never went back.

My experience in the singles' ward wasn't too great either, but I stuck it out and at 27 married my gay husband, who I knew about and the bishopric created an insane situation. I gave up the nonmormons I could have married, 3 of them. Stupid me.

All the other guys I ever knew in the singles' ward would hang out with me and be my friend, but never marry me. One married in his mid 50s and the other one was about 48 when he got married. I'd already been married and separated by then.

My TBM daughter HATES the singles wards and won't go, but then she lives in Alaska 7 to 8 months a year. She hates Utah mormon culture.

It's outrageous that a church would tell anyone that he or she is not welcome there. My cousin left initially because he WANTED to attend a family ward and was not allowed to do so. What is so terribly wrong with putting up church buildings and allowing people to attend wherever they choose? It seems to work for every civilized church in Christendom.

I went only twice to a YSA ward. Like others, I was told that I should be meeting young people and not hemorrhaging in my home ward. One reason I despised it was was due to the great distance of travelling required. It was 100 mile round trip and I was already commuting to college M-F, plus attending an institute class (so I didn't have to pay for a parking permit). Secondly, the meeting was too quiet for my liking. They had it in a RS room as there were 20-30 singles. I started coughing and nearly puked because I was wheezing so terribly. I got up to leave and the PH leader gestured for me to sit back down. The other thing that bothered me was that they forced an "impromptu testimony bearing" at the end of every meeting (PH and SS). As a believing member, I found that custom to be repulsive. I returned to my ward and asked to teach a primary class. The subject was forgotten when a new bishop was called.

The other related experience involved dropping into a different ward for SM at the stake center. I had been working on Sundays; maybe 6-7 in a row. I was getting an earful from my TBM mom who was panicking about another one of her children giving up on the church. So I brought a change of clothing and cleaned myself before leaving work. I had just missed sacrament when I sat down on the back row. During the closing hymn, I saw a suit leave the stand. After the closing prayer he walked back into the chapel and introduced himself as Bishop Bucker. I told him that I was member of the Yonder ward of the same stake. I told him that I was attending church at this time due to my work schedule. He did not have a Mormon smile, but a scowl on his face.

He said "Brother (he didn't care about my last name even though I had introduced myself) you are not welcome here. You have an assigned ward for a reason. I will need a letter from the SP if you want to attend my ward."

messygoop Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> He said "Brother (he didn't care about my last
> name even though I had introduced myself) you are
> not welcome here. You have an assigned ward for a
> reason. I will need a letter from the SP if you
> want to attend my ward."

What a more good bishop. The church needs these in spades to...what was the term? Winnowing? Cleaning house?