"Our hearts are broken" said Frederickton's mayor after four people in the province of New Brunswick were shot dead early this morning. Among them, two police officers. Not much information has been made public so far. The suspect is in hospital with reportedly significant injuries.

There have been an unusual number of shootings in Canada lately, both back East and scarily close to home for me here in the West. Gun crime stats have been relatively low to date in most places in this country.

This is not about me. But. Watching coverage this morning I was more than usually upset at such news. I reflected that times like this bring me closer to a glimmer of comprehension about what it must be like to suffer from PTSD. How out of the blue previous incidents and reactions, feelings, tears, grief can hit you anew. Because I was instantly transported back to the time years ago when a police officer friend was killed in an accident while on duty. As a victim services volunteer I was called in to the station to help deal with the aftermath. Rough. Among the very most difficult times I have had maintaining composure in order to fulfill my role. Duty first. Tears later. Lots of tears then, through the years, and now. The memories arise unbidden, the leaky eyes again as if it were yesterday.

I lay in bed for many hours after my friend died. So suddenly. So seemingly needlessly. I felt physical pain along with the grief. Or maybe it was all the same thing. I have mentioned it several times here. Only once I think have I described that the pain was so severe and overwhelming, in my chest, like my heart was going to explode, that I actually prayed for relief. (Despite being a Christian for years I never prayed for anything concrete for myself. This time I felt compelled to as it got to the point of seeming literally unbearable). I have mentioned that the pain did immediately ease during my prayer and, of course, as a believer I attributed it to help from above. I can't explain it in physical or real world terms. I was just grateful at the time to get my breath back. Maybe it's a mechanism of strong belief. Or just maybe...

Those feelings and the tears came rushing back this morning and they linger. That's what brought PTSD to mind. Not that I suffer from that but it's a sort of shorthand way I use to express the situation. Not to take anything away from those who truly are afflicted by it. I ruminate about it to try and come to some measure of understanding. Many here are familiar with grief of all kinds. Recently someone posted about people saying "just get over it" (whatever "it" is). Tall order. Not always altogether within one's own capacity.

It's interesting how the body and brain can summon up memories and feelings in an instant. As if they are living entities that reside within. My chest hurts, just like before. I can effortlessly recall walking through the halls at the police station. Silent. Heavy. Dozens of people not making eye contact so we wouldn't break down. Gotta be tough. Don't want your tears or need to weaken others' composure.

Some months ago, an officer was killed on duty in B.C. He had brought his family here from the UK to take up a new job. Obviously, that added to the utter tragedy as he would very likely have been alive still if he had not relocated to Canada. His family came from Scotland for his memorial service. They spoke, as did his children. Their obvious extreme pain was truly heartbreaking but still they told us about their brother and dad, with laughter, and tears. The sorrow from that incident also lingers. It's still often mentioned in newscasts. Maybe that is close enough in time, and pain, that today's sad news from back East has touched me so greatly, not even knowing the people involved. But fellow feeling for others in similar situations is part of being human.

An Anglican bishop is hosting a vigil tonight in New Brunswick (where today's shooting occurred). He said it's not a time for a lot of words from him but just an opportunity for people to gather. He mentioned the God of Comfort. A bit of a hard sell right now, it seems. (You know the refrain: if the incident hadn't happened, no need for comfort. Why could it just not have occurred in the first place?)

"Oh" is an interesting little word. It can express great joy or supreme sorrow. It's also a word in the very short and relatively uninspiring title of our national anthem.

Today, Oh is for sorrow.

Oh Canada. Indeed.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 08/10/2018 05:14PM by Nightingale.

I am very sorry that (as it certainly appears) our American dysfunctions and tragedies seem to have migrated north, over the border to you and to your compatriots, Nightingale.

I remember the afternoon, just after JFK was assassinated, and I HAD to go to the supermarket for whatever (I had no option--it was a necessity).

I remember standing in the totally silent checkout line, with no one (including the cashier) saying anything, visible tears were falling down most everyone's cheeks, and the small children with their mothers were totally silent and were looking fearfully at each person near to them, because they knew "something" awful had happened, though they had no idea what that something was.

I have wondered since then if those small children (now long grown into adulthood) remember that afternoon, when they realized that their secure individual worlds had turned upside down, and very obviously, the grown-ups felt totally helpless.

I am sorry that whatever has gone wrong in our culture has now begun to affect you, and your fellow Canadians.

I am sorry.

Tevai, I was a young child when JFK was assassinated. I was with my mom in the supermarket as well. The news broke somehow that the president had been shot. I understood, but was really too young to fully grasp the situation. But when my mom and I were driving home, patriotic music started to play on the radio. My mother said that meant that the president had died. Died? It was almost too shocking to comprehend. And then, what -- a few days later? The president's assassin was himself killed. I suppose it was my introduction to a sometimes violent world.

I'm terribly sorry, Nightingale. I found it to be shocking as well, at least in part because the details are still not clear. But it is an awful day when two police officers are shot in the line of duty. We don't expect it to happen for our peaceful northern neighbor. Oh, Canada, indeed.

This is awful news for anyone with a heart and soul. Good thoughts to our Northern friends.

Regarding the JFK assassination and children's memories of it, my youngest aunt was four years old and in kindergarten when it happened. She remembers the teacher getting a call on the phone/intercom, and either the principal or secretry telling her teaher JFK had been shot. The teacher told the class, and immediately took the class out for an impromptu walk around the neighborhood (that sort of thing could be done in those days), presumably because she didn't feel much like teaching. while the class was on their walk, A mother of one of my aunt's classmates was drving, and stopped when she saw the class. She told the teacher that jFK had been pronounced dead.

My aunt's memory isn't highly unusual, but she remembers both the teacher and the classmate's mother being in tears. she remembers walking home (the family lived just a block away from school, so she usually walked herself to school and back, which also wouldn't happen in today's world) to find her mother crying in front of the television. She remembers the weather that day. She remembers the family being clustered around the TV most of the weekend and remembers seeing Oswald be shot on live TV. The tBM family actually skipped Sunday School that day.

I don't think my aunt's memories of the day were all that unusual. It was a memorable event, and even four-year-olds remember it because of how shaken the adults around them were.

Our hearts are very heavy tonight. Can't imagine the anguish the victim's families are going through or the hatred and anger the shooter(s) were/are feeling that led them to this evil.

It's very sad and troubling that gun violence continues to plague our borders.

Canada has more stringent gun laws than does the USA. Is it enough to stem the tide?

If Canada has a tide then the US has a deluge.

Right? We're under siege.

Nightingale, I can only send heartfelt hugs from High Desert Country.

I am saddened by this news and angered. These things should not happen.

I think I'll just express my sadness and send you all my best wishes in a difficult time.

what kind of gun was used and where did he get it ?

It was reported the shooter used a rifle and was firing from an elevated position. He was a sniper.

Thank you to our southern brothers and sisters for your thoughts and prays.
Unfortunately this can happen anywhere, although have to admit not as frequent here in Canada.
My heart and prays go out every time this occurs, regardless of the location. It extremely hurts when police officers are the victims, being a son of a policeman, thankfully now retired.
Every since 9-11, which shook our shared world, the world is more confusing.
I vividly remember the JFK, the shock, emotions and disbelief; especially with the Cold War brewing, it was many of the joint common experiences we all share.

I think of Canada as the most beautiful place on Earth. Condolences to you, our lovely neighbors.