I've seen threads on here telling funny YM/YW stories, but I don't think I've ever seen funny primary stories... I'll start off with a few...

I was on the older end of primary at the time of this story-- someone from the bishopric dressed up as Moroni (I think?) and taught a lesson about the gold plates. He gave us each a little piece of wood that was supposed to look like a page of the plates, and he had even spray-painted them gold. They were super stinky-- filled the room with paint fumes. All of us kids were like, "Eeewww!! It stinks! Eeeww!" I guess we were being really ungrateful and rude about how stinky the spray-painted wood was, haha. So the next week, one of the primary leaders stood up and in a very quiet, stern voice told us how rude that was, and how that embarrassed Bro. So-and-so as well as the primary teachers. She then said, "If you don't want to be here to join in the lesson, that is your choice and we will take you to another room where you can study by yourself. So please, if you don't want to be here with us today, raise your hand." I'm sure she was expecting everyone to be so ashamed that no one would actually do this, but sure enough, one girl raised her hand because she didn't want to be there! So the woman standing up had to say, "Um... okay... come on... we're going to another room," and she escorted her out.

Another--
When I was very little, pre-baptism for sure, a primary teacher asked what we knew about Jesus. I raised my hand and said, "I know he's magic like Santa Claus because he can fly." (LOL whatever) I remember the teacher getting this shocked look on his face, and in front of the rest of the kids he shook his finger at me and said, "Don't EVER say that about Jesus. He is nothing like Santa Claus!" Still to this day I don't get what he was so butt-hurt about... but I guess my innocent comment struck a nerve in him.

One more--
when I was a primary teacher, one of the other teachers gave a lesson to all the kids (combined primary?) about temple marriage. She was showing us some of her wedding pictures, telling us what a beautiful place the temple was, and she explained that she had gotten married outside the temple first, then got sealed to her husband later. Well, a little boy, maybe 10 or 11 y/o raised his hand and asked, "Why didn't you just get married in the temple first?" She got very red in the face, and answered, "Well, we just had to wait for a little while." The boy didn't let it go. He said, "I don't get it. Why didn't you just get married in the temple?" Oh, that poor gal giving the lesson was so embarrassed. One of the other teachers had to kindly tell him to shut up so she could get on with her lesson. Haha!

Keep the stories coming!

A little kid threw up during Sharing Time. Someone went to retrieve a couple members of the bishopric so that they could open the door to the cleaning closet to get the special throw up kit. They brought the kit in and I think they expected one of the women to take over at that point, but none of us volunteered. It was pretty funny watching two men, who had probably never done anything like that before, clean up vomit in their suits and ties.

Another:

The topic during Sharing Time was the Holy Ghost. The teacher had written "Holy Ghost" on the board and then covered each letter with paper. Kids were called up one at a time to uncover a letter. When the word "Holy" was revealed a little girl in my class shouted out, "I know what it is! It's Holy Cow!"

In primary, a teacher asked the kids if any one knew what job Jesus had. One little boy just put his hand up and said "He sold cigarettes".

I wish I'd have been more like that boy when I was growing up, instead of a people pleasing little mouse.

One of our Sunbeam teachers taught the principle of tithing to the 3-year-olds and said that if they paid tithing, they wouldn't be burned when Jesus came again. For weeks after, one little boy would NOT go to primary because he was afraid they would burn him up. His mom had to attend with him to protect him until he felt comfortable again.

One bishopric member came in to help the music leader with her music time. She got an old tie from DI and wrote the names of songs on the back of it and then had him wear it into Primary. Then, she had one primary child come up, cut off the bottom song from the tie and hand it to her. That was the first song they sang and if they sang well, she said she'd pick another child to come forward and cut off another piece of the bishopric member's tie to pick the next song. The kids LOVED being able to cut the guy's tie to pieces but the Primary president was furious. She said it taught kids it was fun to go home and cut up their father's ties and after primary, told the music leader her lesson was inappropriate.

Reminds me when I was primary choister. I didnt feel qualified (wasn't) and didnt particularly want the job. But being the good sheep I agreed. One of the first weeks I had gotten new shoes, probably small heels which I usually never wore-9more of a tennis shoe person). My feet starting hurting at some point so when I had to stand up again I slid me shoes off and stood in stocking feet until after the song. I didn't think anything about it until I got a call later from the prez telling me how inappropriate it was. I quetioned her and she stated all the kids would want to. I was like, really? I didn't see one child try or ask o take off their shoes (guess only a good sheep up to a point). I remember we got into a little argument and I was released shortly after. LOL. I was relived. Not because I wasn't qualified but didn't want to work with someone so petty and rigid.

Very typical to criticize and complain about nonsense. Little children would always take off parts of their church wardrobe. Neckties, belts, shoes and socks rarely stayed on for the entire church service.

Teaching the 6 year old class, sharing time lesson was on WoW. First counselor was talking to the kids about the different things they shouldn't put into their bodies. When she mentioned coffee, her daughter raises hand and asks why Mommy and Daddy always go to Starbucks if it is bad for us. Mommy turned red as a beet and said they were just getting hot chocolate, Daughter raises hand again, her mom ignores her and announces the song. When the chorister stands up, daughter shouts out "Then why does your breath smell like coffee?" Mom quietly slips out of the room when the song starts.

Same primary calling, sharing time music, can't recall topic but some question is asked of the kids, everyone raises hands, kids are giving answers, chorister is ready to move on but one sunbeam boy is raising his hand and jumping out of his seat Chorister: "Okay Jeffery, what is your answer?" Jeffery: "Sometimes my pee pee gets hard and itches." All the teachers lose it and can't stop chuckling for the rest of the hour.

When my son was 4 or 5 he raised his hand during singing time. "Can you all sing quieter?," he said when he was called on. "I've got a headache."

I was with my son in the first Primary class. They were teaching about how people receive the light of Christ. They used a couple of flashlights to demonstrate how some people receive more light than others.

They were talking about how after you get baptized you get more light than nonmembers do. And they asked who would like to have more light in their home? My 4 year-old son, who normally is very quiet, blurted out real loud ‘I WANT THAT’. The teacher responded saying that’s the attitude we should all have.

Now after the last meeting, my TBM neighbor comes to me and says everyone in Relief Society was talking about what my son said in primary class. – about how he wants the light of Christ in our home.

I had to bust her bubble and say ‘you do realize he was talking about the flashlight, don’t you?’ This is how faith-promoting rumors get started.

We were all asked to bring in a tuna can and a nail. Some of us didn't have tuna cans so we brought cat food, dog food, any kind of tin can. Some people didn't wash them out as well as others.

We were supposed to use the nail to scratch a word into the bottom of the can, to show us how hard Nephi and Moroni worked on the plates.

That room STUNK! Dog food, cat food, tuna, nasty.

One of my earliest memories is of sitting in primary next to my neighbor and friend Quin. Every time we sang a song everyone stood up. And each time Quinn and I would pull the chair out from underneath the kids sitting in front of us. And every time the kids would fall on their butts. Song after song, I'm surprised we didn't get in trouble.

Quinn always got off on stinky little things like that. Sadly today he is in prison for murder.

When I was on my mission, we were sitting in Primary while a kid who was about 8 or 9 was giving his talk. He looked nervous, but kept reading from his paper and bouncing a bit. Then he started bouncing more and more, higher and higher, like he was really shaking, all the while continuing to give his talk faster and faster. Then he sprang back from the podium (but not far enough away from the mic) and said to the sister, "I have to go to the bathroom." She told him to go ahead and he ran out of the room like a shot while the whole room giggled.

The kid behavior was normal and if someone was embarrassed by it, they don't have right to be around normal kiddies.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/22/2013 02:27PM by Cheryl.

Hell yeah! Those kids were having fun. Laugh right along with them.

My friend is a primary teacher. She has a little girl in class who has a pretty active mom and a semi-active dad. One day my friend held up a picture of the temple and asked whose parents and/or family had been to the temple. This little girl spoke up and said, " My family doesn't go to the temple 'cause my daddy smokes too much!"

We were in the St. George Temple district but lived a couple of hours travel away from St. George.

One night when we had been visiting family in St.George we drove past the temple visitors center. There is a large statue of the "Chistus" that I pointed out to my four year old.

"Do you know who that man is? Who the statue is?" I asked.

"Yes, that's George of the building." he said.

He knew it was the St. George temple because it was the picture held up and displayed in Primary every Sunday, so obviously that statue in the visitors center was George!

So there you have it: Jesus George Christ!

My dad swore like a sailor so I knew how to do it well at a very early age. One day in primary I got into a tussle with another kid and called him a "little fuc$er". The primary teacher was shocked and went to find my dad to tell him the horrible news.

When the story of what I said was relayed to him, he responded casually, "Well, is he a fuc$er"?

He always had my back and that kind of attitude is what kept me from ever taking the church too seriously. He was largely inactive.

Anciently we had jr sunday school instead of primary on Sundays.

I grew up in a rural area. We went for a visit to Ogden and attended my cousins ward. I was 7.

The lesson was on obedience. The city gal teacher used the example of a beehive. She went on and on about being good worker bees.

I thought it was interesting because we had bee hives on our farm.

So at the end of the lesson she asked everyone to raise their hands and promise to get baptized and be good worker bees.

Well I did not raise my hand. She says Heartless don't you want to be a good worker bee?

I said "no I want to be a drone"

So she innocently ask why.

I said "well...all a drone does is sit around, be waited on hand and foot, and have lots of sex with the queen bee."

I soon found myself in the hallway while she tried damage control.

When they told my Dad what I said he just laughed.

These have been so enjoyable to read.

Here's one from Junior Sacrament Meeting involving my first church talk at 6 or 7. I think my Mom had helped me use a story from the Friend about JS getting shocked when trying to receive the gold plates. My older siblings even helped me create my very own set of gold painted plates and rigged up a 9 volt battery circuit that actually "shocked" your fingers.

As you can imagine, my talk was a big hit. Nobody was actually expecting me to get a real zap when I placed my finger over the circuit. It hurt me so much that I was waving my hand up and down. I even stuck my fingers in my mouth to ease the pain. When some of the kids figured out it was real, one of them jumped out of his seat and took it. He figured out where to put his finger and delighted in shocking himself. He then grabbed unsuspecting children's fingers to shock them as well. The whole JR Sacrament meeting was in chaos as adults scrambled to intercept him. After that I was told to never bring my gold plates to church.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/22/2018 02:40AM by messygoop.

My Dad loved teaching primary. It was one of his favorite callings. One of his favorite times of the year was Halloween. You'll see why in a moment.

He taught the 6 and 7 year olds in a makeshift classroom that was on the actual stage. This room gave him the perfect setting to create one of his scary productions. He used a tape recording of a Vincent Price narration of a spooky house with lots of scary sounding noises~ creaking doors, cackling ghosts, laughing ghosts, and wind. But my Dad went much further. He had glowing plastic spiders that he had rigged with fishing string that he could raise and lower from the ceiling. He also had a pair of wind up scorpions that marched across the floor.

Can you guess what happened when the children wanted to experience his haunted house?

Well the whole ward knew about it. The children acted like children and ran off the stage. They ran up and down the stairs to the stage all while yelling and screaming. Dad had the entire primary presidency showing up within minutes to see what he had done to those poor kids. Two of the leaders thought that his spooky lesson was pretty neat, but one of them was very upset. She even hinted that he might not be a primary teacher in the near future (but that was all talk.)

messygoop Wrote:
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> These have been so enjoyable to read.
>
> Here's one from Junior Sacrament Meeting

i've heard about Junior Sunday School, though it was before my time, but when was Junior Sacrament Meeting a thing in the LDS church?

scmd1 Wrote:
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> messygoop Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > These have been so enjoyable to read.
> >
> > Here's one from Junior Sacrament Meeting
>
> i've heard about Junior Sunday School, though it
> was before my time, but when was Junior Sacrament
> Meeting a thing in the LDS church?

Prior to March 1980.

It was a lot of "running" around for families to attend the Mormon culture of endless meetings. My parents never bothered to return for Sacrament Meeting and yes my ward started at the lovely 7 pm spot.

Why the hell Kimball and company couldn't have been so inspired to help streamline the schedule during the gas shortage of the 1970's is beyond me.

https://www.standard.net/lifestyle/faith/history-of-the-lds-three-hour-sunday-block/article_76d68e31-fd5f-5904-9bbe-8c92bffd8159.html

We visited family in a utah ward one summer vacation. I was 11 but the class for sunday school I went to had about 6 or 7 12 year old boys. For me as a kid I did enjoy learning some of the bible and book of mormon stories, looking back I was weird.

So we start the lesson and the teacher really just doesn't care. The whole lesson was a game of jeopardy. The topics were things like sports, video games, tv, and there was one section for church topics. I was the only kid who chose from that section because I didn't really get that it was only included as a joke! The "teacher" didnt even have questions pre planned, he just would think of random trivia on the spot. Anyway I spent the whole time getting made fun of by those boys and teacher for being a "nerd" and "loser" "He probably plays Chess!"

I really started to hate utah mormons after that day. Luckily I knew I could count on my Mom to take me out of church early if I told her I needed to throw up, so I didnt have to get ridiculed for the third hour as well.

When I was a primary teacher, I had the opposite experience. During 'sharing time' I made up some gospel centered games that the kids actually seemed to enjoy. After the meeting was over the Primary President came up to me and angrily said, "These children are not here to have fun, they're here to learn the gospel!". I didn't last long with Correlation Jane as president.