Posted by:
severedpuppetstrings
(
)
Date: November 12, 2018 08:33PM
I applaud your nephew, because it took me years to catch on.
Reflecting back on my twelve years in TSCC, I've noticed that there were many strange testimonies that were born. As well as many generic, predicted types.
There was one woman in my old ward that had a not so good marriage, divorced, and then was "sealed" later in life to her current husband. Many of her testimonies were pretty much tirades regarding how bad her first marriage was. At one point, it got to the point where someone in the bishopric had to gently pull her away from the stand.
And then there was always one that would get up on the stand, call out certain member(s) and tell them how much they love them.
I wanted to save this list for the next Fast Sunday, but I'll share it now. Based on my experiences in TSCC (and maybe some others here), this is pretty much the types of testimonies you would hear...
And this is all in good fun...in some ways...
Generic Testimony: Where a good percentage of people says the same thing: "I know that this church is true. I know that I'm a daughter/son of god. I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet called to restore this gospel. I know that President (insert current "prophet's name here) leads the church today. I know that the Book of Mormon is the truest book." Something along the lines of that.
The Humblebrag Testimony: i.e. "The blessings have been filling our household. Our son is engaged. Our other son is going on a mission. Our lives are just so awesome...blah, blah, blah..." with no thought of the member(s) that may be struggling, and probably asking themselves what's wrong with them that they cannot obtain such blessings.
There's also the newly engaged/married couple that bears their testimony on being engaged or just being married. "What did I do to deserve such a righteous son/daughter of god?!"
The Crier: The person that grabs a tissue that just cries through their testimony, and sometimes makes you so uncomfortable that you can barely make out what they're saying.
The Child-Fed Testimony: Where the parent comes up with their child, bears their testimony, and then has their child bear their testimony (when it's pretty much the parent whispering in their child's ear on what to say.)
The Story Teller: The one that gets up on the pulpit and talks for a long, long, long, long time. Sometimes on random stuff. Back in my TBM days, I would try to listen, but I would always space out.
The Broken Record/Repeat Offenders (I guess this could be equivalent to the generic testimony): The ones that get up on the pulpit every month and says that same thing, every month. Every. Single. Month.
The Oscar Winning testimony: Those that get up on the pulpit and thanks "those that had helped them with (insert act of service here)."
The Family Celebratory Testimony: I'm not sure how many here have seen these, but in the first ward I attended, I saw three. The first was when a baby was blessed, and the ENTIRE family gets up on the stand and bears their testimony. Two couples that used to attend the ward return for their wedding reception the day before, and then on the following Sunday (which is ironically always the Fast Sunday) the entire family gets up to bear their testimony on the marriage, how blessed they are, etc.
I don't remember hearing much about Jesus. Maybe 9% of the testimonies that I've heard during my twelve years in TSCC were about Jesus.