First, let me say I went by 'incognito' in the past. Forgot everything about passwords and etc. Decided to chose a new handle. Beyond that, I was pretty much a 'dick' under the other name. Just so damn angry then. Maybe I took my anger out on some of you. Was flip. Sarcastic when unnecessary. Cynical for no reason. Please forgive me. It was never really directed at anyone. My best wishes to all of you. And thanks, too.

Been gone for a year. Almost. Starting anew. In many ways. Hope you will let me. I have missed so many of you this past year. Wish you all the best. From my heart.

Good stuff is all the garden, apples and plums this year. Tried to give the apples away. No one needed them. The deer will like them this winter. Been fishing with my wonderful wife and friend all summer. Lots of backyard fires. Twenty inch trout in the back yard creek. Been working hard for years to bring them back. Previous fires killed/sanitized the creek. Fires! Makes me feel so sad for those in CA who have lost so much. We did here, too. Life....I guess.

Segue: My nephew died in January. My sister's husband died in the spring. My brother's wife, just 55, died on his birthday this summer. A good friend of mine died recently from rabies. My dad died a month ago. Not in need of sympathy. But, it has made me think so much about what life is about. No religion can explain it. All religion is about money. Just wondering what happens after here. I know you have no answer. Could be 'heaven.' Could be hell. Could be we live in a giant video game. A matrix? Whatever. No idea. Could be nothing. Could be our energy just passes out to the cosmos. Not a clue. Not afraid. Just wondering.

Lost my job in January. Had enough savings to get by till now. Too young to surrender yet. Don't want to be homeless. I would deal with it, but not by choice. What would my chickens do? Yeah, I know. Chickens. But I love them. Got some serious choices soon. First snow today....

There are some really smart people on this board. EOD (hope all is well). H2K. Amyjo. The dude who wanted to fish. So many others. Forgot some of your names. Please don't feel slighted if I didn't name you. I even like that tall guy, whoever you are.

What the f__k is the point of all this life stuff? I feel like screaming $^#@%^#%#$%$%^()$##@*!!!!!! Got that done. Going outside to scream again. Let off steam.

Your wisdom is welcome.

Damn, I love you folks.

t....

...Dude, don't crack now. Sounds like you have managed things pretty good so far. Just keep it going, knowing that it's up to you....sad but true. The so-called social safety net is pretty much obliterated, whether it's the main-stream big outfits, religious, or gov't programs. It will be hard going forward for all of us for sure, but it sounds like you have already done the heavy lifting...using a time worn phrase...."We must gird up our loins."....whatever that means.

...I don't know your locality, but whether folks want to admit it or not, self-sufficiency will be key going forward. If you are already outside exploring your resource base, you are just another step ahead of the inner-city dwellers, who will be forced to rely.....on what, who knows.

Thank you. I will never join the safety net of government. Always have. Always will take care of myself. Interesting times we live in.....

Welcome back! It sounds like you've been going through some tough times. Try to hang in there, and post as much as you need to.

By some miracle, I've always landed on my feet after any given job loss. I'm lucky now that I'm in a job (teaching) where it would take several years to get rid of me, should they wish to. And at this point, that would carry me through most of the way to retirement. I've gone through some dark times, so I get it. I hope that your fortunes turn for the better in the coming year.

It will work out. Even if I have to live smaller. Not complaining. Just living. Summer, you are someone I remember. Thank you.

Welcome back.

I like your new moniker, and remember when you posted as incognito. Didn't realize you'd been gone so long. You've been through a considerable amount of loss, and have been able to keep your sanity despite it all.

When sometimes it might feel better to let it rip. How to handle all the feelings of loss and stages of grief is an ongoing process. There are no easy answers, if any. Especially on the big subjects.

I had cancer this past year, and survived. Breast cancer. Been through the treatments and surgery and all that's involved. But my 'security blanket' has been ripped away because it was my wakeup call on how fragile life is, and that there are no guarantees for anyone. It isn't like I needed that wakeup call, cause there have been others. But it was significant.

I'm not taking anything for granted, or my loved ones. I'm hoping to live a little more each day instead of less, and do some things I used to put off, because I didn't think there was enough time. Now I'm just gonna do it.

We had our first snowfall a couple of days ago. Winter has arrived!




Go, winter, go, go, go, go, go. :)

...careful what you wish for. End of Cycle 24 Grand Solar Minimum. Cycle 25 might be a bitch.........possibly more weather anomalies.

https://www.swpc.noaa.gov/sites/default/files/images/u33/What%20Happened%20to%20Those%20Sunspots.pdf

Welcome back. I remember you, too.

Don't feel guilty about your anger. Some posters on here talk about the "7 stages of loss", as in a death, and they apply it to leaving the Mormon cult. Well, I was stuck in the "Anger Stage" for about 4 years! Each time I would discover yet another Mormon lie, my anger would flare up all over again.

Maybe you will get tired of feeling angry--it is energy draining. Or, maybe you will finally come to the end of new Mormon lies to be discovered. (The problem with this is that the Mormons keep coming up with new lies, new history, new stupid rules, new scams.) Either way--you will become less angry.

About death and the hereafter.... As soon as I left the cult and discovered it was all a hoax, I immediately felt better about dying. Anything is better than the Joseph-Smith/Swedenberg version of the CK, the 3 degrees of glory, and eternal temple marriage! Even just "unconsciousness" would be better. The Mormon cult had me sealed for all eternity to my temple ex-husband, who beat me almost every day, for no reason. My children by my second husband were also claimed by the Mormon cult to be the wife-beater's eternal possessions. The thug was mentally ill, and he and his GA family kept that information from me and my family. For many of my years as a Mormon, that was the "heaven" that was waiting for me, and I was afraid of death!

As you seem to know already, nature can be a great comfort! It is actually my new "religion" if I had to claim any religion at all. Maybe it is enough to know that we are part of this Earth. As Carl Sagan says, "We are all made of the same star-stuff." We have this life that we know, on a planet that is sustaining us, for now.

It was a relief to cast off all those petty rules, the "shoulds", and the busywork, and the money-grabbing, and the social latter-day ladder climbing of the Mormon cult. I could breathe! Hike, fish (release), hug my loved ones, listen to music, have conversations, and watch the sunsets.

You seem to have found your own formulae for happiness. It's different for each individual! (Mormons claim to have a "one-size-fits-all plan for that.)

I have a feeling that if there is a spiritual "Hell", that most of us have already been there. I'm sorry about all the deaths,. There might be some rough days in your future, but no more "spiritual angst". All that garbage and the threats and fear all all made up! You are free! It will be interesting how your better life unfolds for you. I suspect your good relationships are already better, without Mormon interference. As for the toxic relationships--you might have to let them go. The beauty is that it is up to you to decide, and take charge of your life.

Hermano alivenow,

Life is for the living. Make of it what you will. I am doing fine. I'm in love and loved, so that's nice. Being retired is a challenge, but it hasn't gotten the better of me yet. I read I write, I golf, I even fish (catch & release).

My two constants are Saucie and my disdain for mormonism, and those who guide it. It (mormonism, not Saucie!) is such a travesty!

Anything we, your friends, can do to help you? ...not that you can really say without first clearing it with Concrete Zipper, the new Leader of the Band.

Wish I had more answers for you, alivenow.

But life is one big mystery waiting to be unraveled. It's too much for any one lifetime IMHO. Or multiple lifetimes, if such be the case.

If we were meant to know, why don't we? The Grand Master holds the keys to the Universe, and we are the orchestra. Or maybe the audience ie, spectators, taking in the show while we're here for the journey.

I don't believe it's an illusion or we're in a matrix, unless it's of our own making. But there again, some scientists wonder if maybe we are inside someone else's simulation ....

I wish I could respond to a dozen threads while I'm in the bath but... before I draw it-

Hey-

Seasons Greetings - I'm drying - and juicing - apples, I've so many.

You could simulate the bath while articulating responses to threads ... by visualization ... (jkz)

Them apples sounds delish.

You have a point there Amyjo [probably two].
I could always dictate posts for when dry again.
The egg-nog can sit with me as I go in and out
Of consciousness, and sobriety, and my mind.
Then I can post, and drift, and sink, and float.

I'll send some dry apples if you like.
Fresh ones, for some cookies, or pie.
I'm putting some up for the winter.
It's amazing what we'll put up with.

Cheers-

M@t

alivenow Wrote:
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>
> Damn, I love you folks.
>




Even though we are all anon here and limited in our relationships, I've gotta say, this is the finest group I've known.

Glad you're back, Alivenow.
:)

I, too, have gone through some stages, yours reminds me that in 1973 when I was on my mission, both of my grandmother's died, my really cool uncle died early from cancer, and my beautiful cousin was murdered by her husband who then killed himself. (side bar, why can't they kill themselves first, if that's what they're gonna do). But I was on my mission, so it was all good........
right. Glad you're back and best wishes with figuring out life.

I remember your previous incarnation.
No grudges. Welcome back.

I'm glad you're more happy and serene, and apparently enjoying all that life has to offer.

As far as being unemployed...what region are you in, maybe I can help...? What are your skills?

:)

Welcome back!