I only share this with you since it is topical and may be useful to someone in trouble.

When I was 16, my bishop conducted my annual interview. Let's just say that this was when Regan was president.

I was a new convert and had no idea what to expect. It got to the awkward bit when he asked if I had any trouble with masturbation. I was not an idiot, but I had no idea what he meant. I said I didn't know. Now the confusion was on his side of the desk. How could I not know if I had that problem? I asked him what he meant. With a straight face the old dude asked, "Do you play with yourself?"

No kidding. I said no, and honestly that was a lie. He pressed on with more questions. Not even in the shower? Did I get aroused watching television or movies? I did not know what aroused meant. He explained and I was again embarrassed. I said no. How did I feel when slow dancing at a church dance? Did I go to high school dances? These were discouraged. Did I ever have a wet dream? By this point I knew that the correct answer to nine out of ten questions was a quick, expressionless, "no".

Also, the bishop explained how important it was to take the sacrament worthily, which meant I had been drinking condemnation to my soul. Yep, I was a mess.

Well, what did I learn?

I came away from the experience feeling like a liar and a sinner. I clearly had a problem controlling myself, including my thoughts and my actions. I was worthy of shame and self-loathing.

I was getting worse, not better. The shame of it made me hate myself. I would have stopped attending, but I beleived that it was true. It started me down a tough path.

I did not turn out to be a bad person, but I have spent many years feeling like I was.

If you still have kids in the church, please do not allow them to be subjected to this interview process! It will not make it better just because you attend with them, either. Questions of this nature are not appropriate for youth, especially when asked by an untrained person like a bishop.

I have learned since then that my sexual behavior as a youth was well within normal teen aged experience. However, the emotional impact of the bishop's interview was not. If you are a youth or have a child who has experienced this, please seek qualified help. This is not your fault.

I hope this makes sense.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/21/2018 12:53PM by Lowpriest.

Sorry you went through this. There are many stories like yours.

https://protectldschildren.org/

I was not aware of that site.

This is stunning.

Protectldschildren is on youtube and on facebook. Sam Young a former lds bishop did great work bringing this subject to light.

https://invisiblescubit.wordpress.com/

...more lawsuits will be needed to stop this. I don't understand why the Church legal dept continues to allow this. As it is, with the ongoing BSA lawsuits, etc, they continue to walk a very tight rope....idiots.

The topic frequently focuses on women's experiences, but it is essential to the whole picture to understand that the damage is gender-neutral. The problem is universal, and it is called the psychology of shaming.

Some men are telling their stories too.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZpLheV1Dghw