Well, the wedding was yesterday, and I didn't go. On Thursday a group of friends took me to a bar and we had a blast. Then on Friday some other friends invited me over for drinks and card games. And today, yet another friend spent the day skiing with me, and then I went out for a special dinner with my spouse.

I will admit that there were a few hours on Friday when I almost caved and wondered if I was making a terrible mistake by not going. But today as I was skiing and enjoying my special dinner, I teared up a little because I felt SO HAPPY and SO LOVED and supported. When I contrast that feeling with the terrible anxiety and guilt I feel any time I interact with my parents and siblings, I know I made the right choice for my own personal health and well being.

And to all of you here on this board, I want you to know that that feeling of love and support that brought me to tears includes you. My friends and family-of-choice love and support me, but they haven't been through the same things that so many of us here on this board have been through. You understand this on a gut level. Your kind words, stories, and support meant the world to me. Thank you. I hope I can pay it forward.

Good for you. Thanks for letting us know.

Your relationship with your family needs to be on your terms or you will feel miserable. They only know how to do one thing, and that is to be Mormon.

I suspect in the future, when your extended family realizes they have a great family member if they just shut up about the church, they might act differently.

I'm glad you have other friends who are so supportive. That's a gift.

Even when they're your blood, your kin, your supposed-to-be-in-your-corner family, it is measurably better to be alone than in bad company.

I think it's a pretty awesome gift a person gives him/herself when he/she learns to enjoy being alone.

No one ever said that growing up human was easy and always a cinch.

Now think up and have ready some snappy come-backs for when people welcomed at the wedding try to put you down. My contribution is "Fuck-off, Mormon breath!" Then hang up.

Sadly religion can break up families. You either go along to get along and sacrifice not being yourself or you break ties and do your thing.

Fortunately my family never went to the extremes of nagging me because I left the church. I had an uncle who left. My brother left. My cousin married a non-member and was having doubts herself. The only person who nagged me was my father in law who was a convert.

It can be worse. I hear orthodox jews have a horrible time breaking with the family religion. I have a friend who grew up muslim and left to marry a christian. She actually got death threats from her cousins. As crazy as Mormonism is it can get more crazy.

I'm glad everything went so well for you. I do think that being trapped in Mormonism, and then leaving it, can give us a heightened appreciation of GOOD people and REAL love. Some of my happiest celebrations have been with my true loved ones, celebrating the "not-having-to-be-Mormon." It's like taking back our rights, taking back our joy. We're going to be more than OK, without Mormon interference.

You have already paid it forward, with your story, and sharing how you solved your dilemma. Thank you, Stranger!

Stranger,

So happy to hear of your good friends and loving spouse. Replacement families that you assemble yourself are a necessity when our biological family failed us.

A very good self-help book I read once pointed out that you don’t have to try to understand or interpret other people’s actions. You just have to pay attention to how you yourself are feeling interacting with them. Good? Bad?

The two words you used, guilt and anxiety when you are with them, tell you all you need to know and understand. It isn’t working. You made the right choices. :)

Please check in now and then when you can. You have insights and experience also, you know, just as we do. As they say, “don’t be a stranger” haha!

mel Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Replacement families that you assemble
> yourself are a necessity when our biological
> family failed us.


AMEN!

I'm glad that you not only got through these past few days, but got through them in style! Keep pursuing your happiness.

rather than fall for the passive-aggressive behavior of your brother. I can just imagine you up skiing in this beautiful weather. I remember going skiing to get away from my problems and that fresh air and snow were so healing. The views from the mountaintops are amazing.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/17/2019 11:48AM by cl2.

I'm glad you had a great weekend! Some TBMs really can't handle when their derision and shunning don't "work" on the intended victim. Some people can only feel better by making others feel worse, and when they can't make someone feel bad, they don't know what to do.

Yay! Happy that you chose to treat yourself well and be with real friends who have your best interest at heart and not the cult's number one interest at heart (the cult is not worth being #1,000,000 on anyone's list and this number is probably too high).

Just look at a sample of a few of the many actions the MormonCult has taken say in the last 10 years......

***the cult's inhumane married gay policy in Nov.2015

***protecting sexual predators, not sexual victims, such as in the Temple President Elder Bishop's case

***declaring their 12 Essays in 2012-13 will bring clarification about church history, making it seem that "this time" they will be totally forthright and truthful. Well, they fell short of that mark.

Good to hear you had a fun time and were doing things that you wanted to do with people that care. Please report back early, often (and most of all) and happily. :)

Life is an adventure that you get to write...don't let others do the writing for you. Do your own thing and be happy.