Posted by:
Old Gal, retired.
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Date: June 10, 2019 01:26AM
AnonSTar 1, your question makes me wonder--why do you ask?
Please contact the suicide hotline, if you need to.
I expecially like what Tevai wrote, about the people you have not yet met, and the unknown events in your future. They will not be all bad, but mostly good.
When I was 25, I was a battered wife, and was seriously contemplating suicide.
I had a good childhood, like scmd1 described. Just the normal problems of growing up. I was born in California, and lived in the same house, which my parents lived in, until they died. I attended public schools, within walking distance, with old childhood friends, and had good experiences there, and loved learning, sports, adventures with my friends, and vacation trips with my family. My mother was a SAHM Relief-Society president. My father was a professor, and he loved teaching me. On assignments, my parents took me with them, and we lived for a a half-year in South America, and a year in Scandanavia, and travelled all over Europe and the US. I always had a job, from age 14, babysitting, until now. I was raised Mormon, and always tried to be a "good Mormon girl." I went to BYU, met a newly-returned missionary who had all the right credentials, and got married in the temple. He turned out to be a con-man, a sociopath, with a hidden history of assault and battery. He married me for my money and connections, and I worked to put him through graduate school, while he beat me every day. I knew that I could not have children with that brute, but if I didn't honor my temple covenants, I feared my Mormon life would be over. I did not want to live that life. That could have been the end of my story at Age 25.
No, no, no, you don't ever want life to end--not really--deep in your heart. Admit it--there's something inside of you that cries out, whenever you say, "It's been a good run." Am I right?
As for me, my MORMON life was over. My role as the good Mormon temple bride had ended. But a human being is more than that. There are many facets to a person's mind and personality and experiences. I got a divorce, and struggled ahead. Yes, it was Hell. I was stalked, physically injured, shunned in my old ward, and labeled as "damaged goods." But, only the MORMONS did that to me. The rest of the world was open, interesting, and full of opportunities! I excaped my scary ex, went incognito, out of fear, and started another life in another city. I was lucky to have had a good education, and I had two great careers in my life. One in Silicon Valley, and one in Salt Lake City. Both were exciting and interesting and provided well. It was a good time of prosperity in America, and a good time for women's rights, too. Instead of my life being over, I married another Mormon, and had children.
My children are the "right people" that Tevai tells about. Also, my employers, work colleagues, and clients.
It would take many pages to tell you about all the wonderful, happy, challenging, interesting, fun, life-changing experiences I have had. I agree with Devoted Exmo that the 30's and 40's are great years. I loved being a mother. I enjoyed my career and all the people I got to know. I didn't work when I was pregnant, so I could stay home and enjoy my babies. Even with the pain and hard work, life is pretty damned good! My husband left the Mormon church, and I followed, and we spent weekends at the beach, playing with the children, going on side trips, etc. Pretty ideal, but that was not the end, either.
Unexpectedly, my husband took a job promotion in Salt Lake City, moved us there, and then quit his job and moved back to California, and moved in with a woman. With a phone call, he told me that he didn't want a family, and didn't care what happened to me and the kids. His TBM family blamed me, and since the kids were no longer "sealed" to them, they disowned my sweel children. My ex didn't contact us at all for about 5 years, but I found out he had been cheating on me for our entire marriage, even on our honeymoon, and I hadn't known it. Had any of that sunny beach-side marriage been real? I still don't know, but I do know I created most of it, and the children and I lived it, together.
Needing money desperately, to keep our house, I found a job rather quickly. I became active in the Mormon church again, briefly, because I was told "It's the best way to raise children." Luck seemed to be on our side. My employer helped me get more education, and the necessary business licenses and certifications, when necessary. By the time I was 50, I had a new circle of friends, mostly non-Mormon business colleagues, my children had been happy and successful in their public schoos, Eagle Scouts, side-jobs, friendships, sports teams and interests. They were wiser than I, and left the church, for very good reasons of their own, and I supported them in that, but I still hung onto Mormonism. We stayed in the same house, and the kids walked to the schools, as I had in my childhood. Instead of becoming delinquents, as the Mormons threatened, my kids seemed to thrive on being more independent, and they were moral beyond the Mormons standards. Many of the Mormon neighbor kids got hooked on drugs, and had unwanted pregnancies. The years went by, and all my children graduated from the University of Utah, putting themselves through school and living at home. By then, I was able to help with their tuition. All my dreams were being fulfilled in my 50's. The worst challenge has been an incurable disease, but there have been remissions, and I have always been able to work. Never for one day, since I was Age 25, did I ever want to end my life.
At 60, I reached a point in life that I felt like a failure, again. Where was the "wisdom" that was promised in old age? Something was not quite right.... I had been active in the Mormon church, as pianist and teacher, for most of life. Anyway, what I was suffering was the "cognitive dissonance" that people write about here on RFM. With the help of a boyfriend, I started to seriously question Mormonism, and discovered the Truth. Mormonism was indeed a hoax. Worse still, Mormonism was wrong about a lot of things. Luckily, with me and my children, common sense had prevailed, and we listened to our heart, rather than follow along with something that seemed convoluted, uncomfortable, even evil. The temple is a good example. It was just--wrong. Donating money to campaign against gays, donating to a corporation who was building mallsand resorts and business "globally" was just--wrong. The polygamy of my ancestors was just--wrong.
I never could have imagined, at Age 25, that I would be shedding Mormonism like the scam that it was, at Age 60.
At 76 years of age, I wish I could make you understand how joyful and peaceful my life is now! My career went humming along, and I could cut back, and retire gradually. I have saved money (mostly due to fear and insecurity) without sacrificing anything my children and I needed, and what's left over after retirement, I will leave to my heirs. I have read, learned, travelled, skied, hiked, climbed mountains, repelled down cliffs; bicycled in the mountains, on country roads, on the desert rocks; played Bach on the organ, surfed in Hawaii, seen the world, explored coral reefs; borne children, been blissfully married (for longer than average); had a lot of questions answered. I'll always have more questions, and curiosity. I am interested to learn what mankind will discover next, and what my grandchildren will say and do next.
Bucket list? LOL. I don't need one.
Sorry to rant--but my brain fired up, when I read, "Would you say 25 years is a good run?" I would have committed suicide, and missed my entire life!