A little back story: We have 5 children and our oldest (a daughter in her mid 20s) is the only one of our kids active in TSCC. I found out the truth, stopped believing and attending in 2005. Hubby and the four younger children became fully inactive by 2009 and hubby stopped believing about 3 years ago. We have a son in college (away from home but not LDS) who met a girl last summer who, unfortunately, is LDS and attends one of the BYUs. When they were both back home over Christmas break, they started becoming more serious but of course she wants a "Mormon Boy" for long term and is encouraging our son to go back to church. Also, we have a niece currently serving an LDS mission in Europe. She is the nearest in age cousin to the above mentioned son but they were not raised near each other nor are they close in any bonding type of way. We found out yesterday that she has gotten approval to start corresponding with our son but we do not know how "mormony" the letters/emails will be. We can only assume they are "love bomb" conversion/reactivation letters since no one is interested in the church where she is serving. Hubby's parents are also always mentioning that he is still in the age range to serve a mission. So here is a draft of the email we are planning to send to him, with names removed. Input appreciated:

[Son's name],

We want you to know how much we love you and that we want what’s best for you. We know that other family members love you and want you to have a happy and successful life. We are aware of the “hints” of Mormonism that some share in correspondence, such as emails and birthday cards. We know that your cousin [cousin's name] wants to correspond with you more. These things, along with the love that we feel for you and a desire for you to have all that you need to make wise and informed decisions, has prompted us to share some things with you.

Unfortunately, many members of the church, including family members, believe that the best way to show love to others is to convert them to the LDS church…or if they are inactive members, it is by reactivating them. They do not see how or believe that anyone can be happy about their life/existence without Mormonism. [Cousin's name] has been given permission to contact you personally as a missionary opportunity…right now her priority is as a missionary above being a family member. The mission that she is serving in covers some of the most liberal and open-minded countries in Europe. The missionaries serving there have very little success in finding “quality” people to teach or convert to the LDS church. The church knows this and will allow the missionaries to try and reactive or convert family and friends back home.

We are also aware that your interest in the girl that goes to [a specific BYU] may have you looking into going back to the LDS church. If this is still the case, you need to be aware of some things regarding dating someone who is a true believing Mormon. If they date someone who is either inactive or a non-member they will pressure the person to become “worthy” of their love and this is by becoming LDS or active in the Church. In a situation like yours, they will pressure you to become active and worthy to serve a mission so you can take them to the temple to be married. In most of these cases, while the guy is then on his mission, she finds someone who is already a returned missionary and more “worthy” than you and writes you a “Dear John” letter. Also note that even if things do progress to marriage with an LDS girl and you both choose to marry in an LDS temple, your friends and family who are not tithe paying, temple recommend holding, members of the church will not be allowed to attend your wedding in the temple…only the reception afterwards. This would include us (your parents) and all of your siblings except [oldest sister who is TBM].

Before you make any of these types of life altering decisions you need to know the full and truthful, not just faithful, history of the church and its origins and details about doctrinal changes. The internet has been a major catalyst for the church needing to “come clean” about its uncomfortable past. More and more historical documents and books are becoming available for people to read online…no need to travel to the source/library/archive to see this information. The church knows this. The internet and social media have also allowed members with doubts to interact with each other and share information. Often, this information is more accurate and truthful than what the church would acknowledge and would be labeled by active members and the church as “anti-mormon.” Some of the catalyst websites that we think you should read are:

CES Letter (http://cesletter.com/)

Mormon Think (http://www.mormonthink.com/)

Only recently has the church acknowledged these issues to be valid and over the past year and a half they have published online “faith promoting” essays to address them. These essays are unsigned and undated. Many of the church members do not even know that these essays exist…the church has never announced them from the pulpit and they are not easily found unless you have direct links to each one. Recently, the church was forced by the media to acknowledge them with this press release, which also contains links to the essays, please read them: http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/church-provides-context-gospel-topics-pages

We love all of our family members…no matter what their life situations are and no matter what they are involved in or are doing…including what religion (or none) that they choose to believe in. We see the good in all of them and see that even those who are not LDS are living good authentic and true lives…oftentimes even more true and authentic than many Mormons. We want you to also live an authentic and true life. We want you to succeed in every phase of your life and right now that is your education/schooling. You will have plenty of time after college to pursue other major life interest…but now is the time to focus on your education and to learn the critical thinking skills that will help you make informed decisions the rest of your life.

Remember, we are only sharing this information because we love you. We love the uniqueness and personality that make you who you are as an individual. This is not a love based on a perceived righteousness/worthiness because of a religion…a religion that we feel will rob you of some of who you are. Unfortunately, we did not realize this before [TBM sister] became so heavily involved in the church. But as with her, we will still love you no matter what decisions you make in your life…we just do not want them to harm you.

Love,

Mom and Dad



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/14/2015 08:11PM by eunice.

I thought it was pretty good. Nice balance between expressing your concerns, giving a little bit of information, and leaving the decision to him. Made it clear you will love him no matter what.

I think the bit about focusing on school right now might be a little too subtle. I think he'd miss that you are really linking that to not go an a stupid mission.

I'd think about adding a small bit that makes it more clear you chose to leave the church because it was a bogus organisation, not because you wanted to sin, or couldn't handle the rules. Maybe even a one liner about what it was that tipped you over the edge. To give him a clue about how you ended up deciding it was false.

Just my not-so-humble opinion.

Thank you scotslander. His dad will be reviewing it as well this evening before sending it.

Wonderful letter! I hope it works out well for all concerned.

Thank you moose :)

It's a good letter. I would also mention the tithing expectation along with a list of some of the church's extensive properties.

+1 along with the fact that the church doesn't release their financials.

Hopefully your son is already aware of the fraud that is Mormonism and will not fall for any family member's or girlfriend's manipulation.

Now, something to consider for the other kiddies still at home. Now is the time to make sure they are well aware of why Mormonism is a fraud. Don't wait for them to possibly fall in love with a Mormon and then grow concern. If the kids don't have a clue, how can they make well-informed decisions? If you don't want them to fall into the same trap you did, give them an education about it. It is scary that family members who still belong may feel no compunction about getting their hooks in the young ones.

Good luck with the letter informing your son. Give us an update about how it goes. The cousin obviously has no real concern other than how your son's reactivation will reflect on her. It should be obvious to him.

Thanks Clementine.

He's aware that I consider the church a cult but not details. In the past he's stated that "all churches are cults" and he's always been very open to learning about other cultures and religions. So it threw us for a loop when he started liking this girl. When we asked about her, he said "she's not that Mormon." But then over winter break she began exhibiting more Mormonism and he went to church with her each Sunday while she was back home.

Our remaining three at home are very aware of how their father and I feel about the Mormon church and religion in general. We have very open discussions with them...something we didn't do enough of with him due to our TBM daughter living at home with us.

eunice Wrote:
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> When we asked about her, he said "she's not
> that Mormon." But then over winter break she began
> exhibiting more Mormonism and he went to church
> with her each Sunday while she was back home.
>

I remember dating and marrying a girl that "wasn't that Mormon". I thought she was super cool because she was relaxed about the religion, and rebellious. Holy sh!t, that soon changed after marriage and kids, ultra-TBM super religious and strict Mormon woman suddenly appeared.

That didn't turn out so well.

where you wrote:

"The church knows this and will allow the missionaries to try and reactive or convert family and friends back home," change "reactive" to "reactivate." Otherwise, good letter.

Thanks for catching that Michael!

eunice Wrote:
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> Thanks for catching that Michael!

You're welcome.

I would also get a copy of "Combating Cult Mind Control" by Hasan and have it prominently laying around the next time he visits. If he doesn't ask about it, have him overhear a conversation between you two about the amazing similarities (be vague enough to peak interest, not so vague as listening isn't interesting). If he speaks up, incorporate him. If he doesn't, tell him you read the most fascinating book, and give it to him to read later.

Also, nice letter. Not pushy, but direct enough.

Mention that the term "hormonal conversion" is very real, and was created by the Mormon church's strategies.

eunice, just a little FYI - a couple of identifiers slipped through - the specific BYU and a person named M----n. If you can't edit your post yourself, you can always 'report' it and ask the moderator to change it for you. Cheers!

Thanks PnP! Corrected/removed :)

Moved to bottom of thread :)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/14/2015 08:43PM by eunice.

I think you misrepresent the mormon church position by citing ces and mormonthink and then alleging that the church has "acknowledged these things to be valid". It will be easy enough for him to find things online showing that the church does not acknowledge that the ces letter or mormonthink are valid.

Maybe, "has acknowledged that there are multiple and different accounts of JS's "first vision", JS practiced polygamy in Nauvoo [insert link], that there are issues with the Book of Abraham that cannot be reconciled with known science [insert link], and that the DNA evidence doesn't support that Native Americans are descendants of the BofM peoples [insert link]".

You might want to add something about what a waste a mission is, and what he will forfeit if he decides on going (graduating from college two years late, two years behind in his career, etc). Some of the threads here go into detail just how miserable missions can really be. If he has no idea about that, they could be real eye-openers for him.

http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,1560565,1560595#msg-1560595

http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,1559069

http://www.exmormon.org/mormon/topics_by_subject.htm#Missionary

Good luck.

Book of Mordor Wrote:
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> and what he will forfeit if he
> decides on going (graduating from college two
> years late, two years behind in his career, etc).

Just want to clarify and counter this thinking.

I served a mission, spent 9 years in University, started my career very late. It has had zero negative impact on my career, absolutely zero.

There is no rush to get out of university and to start making money. getting it right is more important. That can happen with or without a mission.

My career is great, my income is great, my opportunities to progress are great. Mission has not hampered me at all. In fact it probably helped me because I did gain some skills and confidence on my mission. Despite all the total sh!t that goes on and the total waste of time from a religious point of view it was.

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't do it again, I wouldn't recommend anyone ever go on a mission.

His dad had a similarly good experience on his mission, so he did not want to completely trash going on a mission. However, it did somewhat interfere with his getting back on track with college after the mission. Knowing this and our son's already existing ADD, even if we were still active mormons, we would have discourage him from going on a mission. Our son has also seen how much more strict and limiting the missions of his sister and other relatives have been recently. We've suggested that some other type of volunteer service would be way more beneficial to others and to his own personal growth than a mormon mission.

Yes, I totally agree about doing some kind of real service volunteer work. I've even suggested to my kids they take some kind of gap year type employment in some far away country. That way they get to grow as a person, away from the nest of the parents, and they get to have some fun.

Or become a diving instructor, or something that gets them to meet new people all the time and grow their social skills.

But a mission? Absolutely not, what a waste of 2 years, when those 2 years could be a lot more interesting and involve better life skills development.

Thank you everyone for your comments and suggestions and we have edited the email/letter with what we feel would be relevant. He has not mentioned wanting to go on a mission, but we know there is family pressure/"hints" from his dad's side of the family and now that his cousin has gotten permission to proselytize to him, there will be even more pressure to be reactivated and go on a mission...oh the horror of one of the grandchildren (especially a male grandchild) on my TBM in-law side of the family not serving a mission!

Second paragraph from the end. I would drop the word 'even' from 'even those who are not TBM'. Then it makes the sentence a little awkward, so I would cut it into two sentences. "We see the good in all of them. We see that those who are not LDS..."

The word 'even' is unnecessarily concessionary.

This is a great letter: pointed, balanced. Should it contain an 'ask' at the end? And invitation to call if you have questions? We would love to discuss these things with you in more detail; when can we do that?

JAR

Thanks for the suggestions JAR. When his dad reviewed it last night, he made some of the same edits as you suggested...as well as adding a few questions :)

One thing, the church no longer 'hides' the essays in the list of topics. Now if you go to the gospel topics page, 8 of the 11 essays are listed on the right side of the page at the very top of the main gospel topics page. The short essay on Polygamy with the three embedded links to the actual three essays is also in the list. It's not exactly being open and announcing them, but they are easier to find, at least.

bakagayjin Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> One thing, the church no longer 'hides' the essays
> in the list of topics.

I think this is an important point. Some of the criticisms of the church are a little nebulous when considered on their own. Easy to interpret one way or the other.

I have found it best to ignore those little criticisms, and to simply focus on the big issues that crush the LDS church. Otherwise I run the risk of everything being dismissed because of some wishy-washy complaint.

Just curious, why did his cousin need to get "approval" to write to your son? You said that she just got "approval to write to him" I thought that was really odd. Are missionaries now not allowed to write to anyone outside their immediate family, even including cousins? Or did she need approval because he is "inactive"? Just wondering.

Corresponding with him would have never crossed her mind without the "encouragement" of her mission president.In one of her oh so mormonly excited mass emails, she announced this amazing new proselytizing opportunity and shortly after this she started reaching out to our son. So yes,she got approval from her mission president to proselytize to him...reactivate him, encourage him that he is still in the age range to serve a mission. Before this, no one in her family (her included) gave a rats ass about him or our family..."evil inactive apostates." We live half an hour from her family and we are completely shunned by them. They never hung out together or did anything together before she left on her mission.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/21/2015 06:04PM by eunice.

your son needs to remind his cousin of the fact that her family has shunned your family, including him, for (whatever the length of time it's been)?

And remind her that since he is the offended party, it's her family's fault?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/21/2015 06:30PM by michael.