The moment in the movie Truman where he reaches the door to the "real world" is dramatic. Is there a need for never mormans to be available to listen and maybe offer guidance to those who are taking a scary step into the unknown?

There are ever so many people who have made that Truman transition and many make themselves available to those who seek assistance.

But there are a lot of people who do it on their own.

Is there ever "one right way" to do a thing that has options? Meaning right now there's no way to transition from breathing oxygen to breathing carbon dioxide...at least until I finish the integration of my with corporeal body with Humulus lupulus, and will be able to exist on either O₂ or CO₂.

But my point stands, if you need help it's available, but not always necessary.

Everyone is different. RfM helps many and I've heard that therapy also can be very helpful.

I left a long time ago and looked and listened to everyone I met in the outside world. They helped me by just living their lives and interacting with me. They didn't usually know I was watching them and learning about how real non-mormons live.

Therapy can be helpful but it can also be very expensive and time consuming. There is also a danger one can become addicted to counseling or even one's own misery through it.

Sometimes we have to take radical shifts. I have a friend who is going through a tough time just now. He was on the phone to me today about something and I try and help him. He is also getting some prescription drugs to help him through. However, I've said to him, "I'm your friend, and because I am your friend, I am going to have to tell you things sometimes you don't want to hear." If I wasn't a true friend, I'd only say things he'd like to hear. But because I am a good friend of his, I have to try and tell him what I believe will help him. A shrink won't do that most of the time, and he's admitted that he hasn't told his shrink about a couple of the habits I believe he needs to change to become happier.

I'm a great believer in changing your life when your life changes. If you have lost a loved one, go out and do things, even new things. It's what most of them would want you to do, and it stops you wallowing in your suffering which can make it worse. If we can get anything from the Truman Show, it's that when he opens that door, he begins to live and his interactions with other people are real. They might be tougher but they are more meaningful. I guess it's also a great metaphor for the viewer leaving the false world behind.

I still go see my therapist once or twice a year like after my daughter got married in the temple, but he was invaluable at the time my husband left me, my gay/straight marriage, leaving mormonism, raising 2 kids, and dealing with my family. I know he saved my life. When I went to him the first time, I had been planning not just my own death, but the deaths of my children as I couldn't leave and leave them here. I hadn't even been able to save them from being abandoned by their father.

AND EVENTUALLY EVERYONE GETS TIRED OF YOU TALKING TO THEM--they think "Why can't you just get over it?" Therapy is invaluable for some people. Not all therapists are good therapists, but I found one that works really well for me and I've been seeing him for 20 years or more. I used to go twice a week in the beginning. Even my boyfriend, who hates therapy, tells me sometimes, "You need to go see _____."

My therapist says I'm the identified patient because everyone else needs therapy, but I choose to get therapy. There is no way in hell I could have made it this far without him. And no, I'm not addicted to therapy, otherwise, I'd be going twice a week still. AND luckily I didn't divorce my husband or his insurance wouldn't have paid for most of my therapy.

But to ever tell someone they are becoming addicted to therapy is a horrible thing to do. Believe me, a good therapist will tell you things you need to do to change and they'll know how to tell you without making things worse.

I'd say as a nevermo I have no particular qualifications to help here.

Far more qualified would be someone who has made the transition successfully.

I found there's a grieving process in leaving TSCC, similar to losing a family member or a loved one. Because you're losing an identity you've known all your life.

I still have some of that identity in me. It didn't all up and leave. The values I was raised with, etc.

The sense of belonging to the Mormon clan is what I'm talking about. When you leave that goes with you. The grieving stages are quite real and being aware of that helps to process them instead of stuffing them inside or not dealing with them in a healthy way.

If you have a good moral compass you may not need others to help you transition out. I got some of that in college. Some in the workplace. And some from life experience. You learn as you go.

Truman Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Is there
> a need for never mormans to be available to listen
> and maybe offer guidance to those who are taking a
> scary step into the unknown?

To some extent, never-mos are just as much part of that unknown as coffee, tea and wine. Transitioning mormons, for example, can be petrified ordering in a Starbucks or asking the waiter which wine might best go with dinner. Bottom line, the more isolated the transitioning mormon was from mainstream culture the more they might fear being made fun of by non-mormons (or worse).


For me, the best guidance for transitioning came from former mormons, and the best guide to the possibilities of non-mormonism came from never-mos. This is why I like RfM's mix of ex-mos and never-mos.

One of my purposes for being here as a nevermo is to help transitioning exmos feel that the world outside of Mormonism is a welcoming one. I want them to feel that they can have a normal life -- work, family, friends, hobbies -- without thinking that they might go off the rails, as the Mormon church so often threatens.

Truman,

The best thing never-Mormons can teach you is that they exist. Let me explain what I mean:

The Mormon church is skilled at making itself seem far more important than it really is. It inserts itself into your family, friends, schools, workplace, recreation, volunteer work, thought processes, you name it. It is appallingly controlling, especially in Utah and nearby.

A big part of that is making everything a false dichotomy. Do what the church says, or go to outer darkness for eternity. People are either church members in good standing, or wicked sinners. And so on.

As you interact with people and institutions outside the control of the Mormon church, you'll see how little power the church actually has. You'll meet people embarking on a million different paths in life that don't end in either Mormon heaven or outer darkness. You'll learn that people go to church as much or as little as they want, and the church doesn't mind that. You'll observe that things proclaimed universally good or bad by the Mormon church actually have both good and bad aspects.

The Truman Show is a good analogy. Realize, as Truman did, that you've been lied to, and denied access to truth, your entire life. Keep that in mind as you venture outside the plastic bubble. Just talk to people (most people enjoying talking about themselves) and listen to them describe lives that have never given Mormonism a single thought. These may not be lives you want to live for yourself, but they are real, and will give you the perspective you've been denied.