I haven't posted here in three years. I see many of the names I still know. Human, Elder Berry, Donbagley, Nightingale, Cabbie, Dave the Atheist, RPackham, Brother Of Jerry, Cheryl, PapaKen, Bite Me, Chicken N. Backpacks, and too many more to list you all. I've met many of you in person over the years, including Erik K.

Hi everyone. I've missed you.

Over the years I've used this board as a means of creative outlet and therapeutic recovery. I've written over sixteen hundred posts here, some good, some not, many woven with hyperbole and creative elaboration. Mostly all true save omission or artistic license. Or humor.

Five years ago I got metaphorically curb-stomped. I posted this:

https://www.exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,1090354,1090777#msg-1090777

Many of you asked what happened. Today I'm ready to tell you what happened. No hyperbole, no artistic license. Some omission. This will probably dox me if seen by people who know me, but I'm ready for that now, and most of you know me in real life anyway. Besides, the people on this board aren't who I was worried about.

Six years ago I was given an opportunity for a better life. A path to secure my family's future. An opportunity that seemed too good to be true. I won't detail what that opportunity was but those of you whom I speak to in person already know.

I packed up my family and moved.

I've often wondered if I were given the opportunity to be a General Authority what would I do? Would I sell my soul to secure the future for my wife and children? I think I know that answer to that question now and it's not the answer I wish I could give. The answer is yes, I would. Because I did.

No, I did not become a GA, or get a job in the Church Office Building or anything like that. But I did find myself in a situation where I was at the mercy of the delusions of grandeur of a true believer. I was duped by a sheep in wolf's clothing. You read that right, a sheep in wolf's clothing. A TBM pretending to be an exmo--or at minimum a TBM pretending to be sympathizer.

So I was given a golden ticket. Something no one in life ever gets. What I didn't realize until it was too late was that I had unwittingly put myself in golden handcuffs and given a true believer the key. By the time I figured out that I'd been manipulated there was no going back. Once it became clear to me that my meal ticket and my children's future was being used as leverage and as a reconversion tool it was too late. I'd been duped, and I was trapped. I had to once again pretend.

I won't go into specifics on the dynamics of the relationship between me and the faux TBM sympathizer. All you have to do is watch Better Call Saul. This person is Chuck in my life story. In his life story, I am his Jimmy. I ask that you do not elaborate this analogy in your replies. If you've seen it, you get it. If not, it's pretty great go watch it.

But here's the thing. I survived. Not only that I thrived. The TBM...didn't.

Mormons underestimate us. They think we're misguided, lost, foolish, stupid. They sincerely believe us to be weak. Well, that's where they are wrong. That's where they underestimate us. We are not weak. We are strong. We are strong in a way they will never be. We are tempered in a fire they cannot acknowledge exists much less face. They cannot and will not ever have our strength, not unless they too cast off the shackles that bind their minds. They can never be as strong as we...not without enduring the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune that we have endured. We do not go quiet into that good night.

They hope to be able to endure all things but we...we do.

Why am I back? I won.

Feel free to drop me a line: sl_cabbie@yahoo.com...

No, I don't know the particulars, and I would be all ears in being brought up to date. The last I remember being in contact with you was meeting at a restaurant down here with EricK (who's still around, but the board belongs to CZ now).

This gentleman is the real deal, folks.

SLC

I'm no longer in the Salt Lake area, but I'd be happy to share the details when I'm in town. I'll drop you a line. Perhaps one of the Sunday meetups that Bite Me still does in the Lehi area. I'd have to do a bit of travel to get there but I could do it. Nice to see you again man.

Welcome back, MiB!

I've had a number of points in my career where I've just had to endure and persevere. I get it. I'm glad that you are in a better place, now.

Your's was one of the first names I looked for, but I didn't see it. Totally would have included it but I didn't see you. I hope you're having a great summer break from all the students. Nice to see you again!

I was thinking of you the other day wondering how you were doing. How nice to hear from you. Glad you persevered. Life can throw so much at us. I believe the tools and experiences we gained by being ex-Mormons have made us stronger. You are an example.

Hi Eric. Thanks for rushing to my defense when I was down. If the mark of a good man is how he treats a person who is down, and I believe it is, then you are one of the greatest men I know. I am no longer down. I'm thriving. It's my turn to rush to the defense of the defenseless. I will pay my debt to you forward. I will defend those who cannot defend themselves and watch over and protect new and vulnerable exmos. I've already begun.

Edit: Oh and I'm glad this board is https now. While I'm sure the passwords are still probably stored in plain text that shouldn't be a problem as long as we all use a unique password here that we don't use anywhere else.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/18/2019 08:44AM by The Man in Black.

I love it when the good guys win!

I can't claim to always be the good guy. I have not been the good guy at all times and to everyone. I have however been the good guy to the people that matter most to me, my wife and kids.

Nice to see you again. Have you by seen After Life? I love it. A quote from it reminded me of you, "And don't give up...because they may have won...and they grow in numbers.".

"Who?"

"A$#holes, like Gavin F@#king Tilley..."

The part that reminded me of your posts and humanistic view was don't give up just because a$#holes win. We may not win, but to quote Mr. Smith goes to Washington:

"I guess this is just another lost cause, Mr. Paine. All you people don't know about lost causes. Mr. Paine does. He said once they were the only causes worth fighting for. And he fought for them once, for the only reason any man ever fights for them. Because of just one, plain, simple rule: "Love thy neighbor.""

We may be fighting a lost cause, but you know what? Those are the only causes worth fighting for.

No good guy is always good. Good guys, like you and me, are human. If we were always good we wouldn’t be human, and we probably wouldn’t be here in the first place.


I enjoyed immensely you and RJ bantering wise things in super-hero clothes, mixed with snappy hats and gloves from the world of video games. You will know the magnitude of the compliment from the fact that, on aesthetic grounds, I despise comic book movies and the deeply immersive video games. But when you two got going, using that aesthetic to talk about our everyday world, everyday life, the Everyman qualities we all recognize and share, I knew I was missing out on things fun and meaningful. Snobbishness has its price, even when it comes honestly; perhaps especially when it comes honestly.

But after all, we all are missing out on something.

Cheers

(Also, i always appreciated how much care you and RJ took with your writing. I gave that up long ago, and so appreciate those who keep it up all the more.)

Good for you MIB! It always amazes me how much fortitude many NOMs and EXMO's have. Best Wishes,

HH =)

We usually never know what happens to the posters who just basically disappear.

I love this paragraph from your post:

Mormons underestimate us. They think we're misguided, lost, foolish, stupid. They sincerely believe us to be weak. Well, that's where they are wrong. That's where they underestimate us. We are not weak. We are strong. We are strong in a way they will never be. We are tempered in a fire they cannot acknowledge exists much less face. They cannot and will not ever have our strength, not unless they too cast off the shackles that bind their minds. They can never be as strong as we...not without enduring the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune that we have endured. We do not go quiet into that good night.

They haven't a clue. Not a clue.

Sonia Johnson, in Housewife to Heretic, said essentially the same thing. She said Mormon apostates (exMo wasn't a thing yet) are at a great advantage dealing with Mormons, because we understand them, but they don't have a clue about us.

Forty years later, still true.

that they think we DON'T know their tactics. They seem surprised when we call them on it as though we forget the minute we leave.

NEVER go into business with Mormons !

Or take an offer that sounds too good to be true. In that sense, I really was stupid. We too are not immune from believing what we want to believe. Like so many other things I learned it the hard way.

Hey, MIB. Good to see ya.

Man, it was hard at the time, but now I am so grateful to have been the only Mormon in my family. I could walk away cleanly.

I think I’m hearing that things are pretty good for you now. If so, I’m glad.

They are and thank you.

Hi it's nice to see you back - I remember you of course - and I'm very glad a) that things have worked out for you and b) that you're back here. I always read your well-written posts with great interest.

All the best to you and your family

Tom in Paris

IN ~



on MiB thred ~

MiB, so good to have you check in! Glad you are winning.

I don't know if you remember or not, but back when we were still meeting at Cabela's you had been gone for some months and then you stopped by one Sunday. You came by to share that you had gotten your wife and kids out. And that with doing that, you were able to let go of a lot of the anger that comes with having your family still in the grasp of the cult. You came to give us hope. Hope that someday things could turn for us and we too could get our families out.

You have no idea how much that meant to me. I have clung to that week in and week out. That gave me hope.

Well, my three kids have all resigned. My wife is now a classic NOM whose shelf is quietly starting to break. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

So, thank you!

We have moved the meetup to La Barba Coffee in Draper. Same time, 10:00-Noon. If you're ever in this neck of the woods, stop by and say hi.

map to La Barba Coffee... http://roadkilldelight.com/NOM/LBM1.JPG


LA BARBA COFFEE
13811 Sprague Ln. (immediately east of I-15 and South of the Harmons Grocery)
Draper, UT 84020

I do remember. I remember saying it took me three years and I did it by not trying to persuade but by living as an example. Seeing an exmo be a better person than they were as a TBM is mind-blowing to a believer, and it's how I did it. I learned that from username ihidmyself (I think he changed his username).

Anyway, I do remember telling you to not give up. This is great news. I'll see if I can make it this weekend and come catch up over coffee.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/21/2019 10:11AM by The Man in Black.

That would be great!

here who are now gone. I wish they'd check in now and then. So VERY MANY great posters.

I know RJ IRL. I'll shoot him a message and let him know you're all thinking about him.

Welcome back MiB...good to see you writing here again.