Hello,

My name's Eve. I publicly announced I was an atheist when I was 16, ~7 years ago. I lost my friends and got a nasty letter from my grandfather. I was a TBM and it destroyed me.

Now he's dying and we're all going on vacation together, and my mom keeps telling me that I should try to spend all the time with them I can. I help them with chores on occasion, and since my whole family will be there I'm thinking about going to church.

I don't know what to expect since I have never shown up to priesthood in a dress and I don't have any suits any more.

I've been thinking about attempting to participate in TSSC for a while now given I live with my passive-aggressive TBM family. Hopefully I can become independent soon, I'm pursuing SSI disability as I lost access to my job training

I would not go the church with them, pretend hat you are sick or something. Your grand father wrote that nasty letter to you so be careful and protect yourself and try to avoid confrontation. I would just stay away from the Mormon church, it would be the best thing for you. They would not not how to act around you if you are wearing a dress

There are so many other ways to spend time with family that don't include going to the lds church. Do those things. If you feel you need to (and I would do it), spend time with the family as long as it doesn't get too difficult for you. You will be glad you did. Do not take disrespect. You can always just leave so that there is less drama.

I definitely wouldn't go to the lds church.

To answer your question. Not a chance in hell!!

You are in a Mormon no-trans-land. Mormons can accept much of the DSM5 stuff as well as homosexuality but transgender is more foreign to them than "gay."

It isn't something I would wish on my worst enemy - being Mormon and transgendered.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/24/2019 11:51AM by Elder Berry.

I would wish that on my worst enemy. There are some TBMs that could use such a lesson.

Personally, I think your attention is better spent trying to become independent and finding people who accept you for who you are. It doesn't sound like you're finding that in your family. The LDS church certainly has nothing for you.

It's not clear from your post, but why would you want to attend? For the hope of acceptance from your "passive-aggressive TBM family"? Going to church isn't going to change that, if anything it'll make things worse as they may being to think that you're coming back into the fold and be what they consider to be "normal". Also, attending church is simply going to open you up to a wider group of people to be passive and actively aggressive to you. I can't begin to imagine what they would do if you showed up to priesthood in a dress.

At best, if you were to attend, I'd think you would likely be misgendered, repeatedly asked what your "real" name is, and openly stared at, and asked awkward, personal questions that people have no business asking anyone. And that's if things go well.

I personally, just don't see any gain for you going.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/24/2019 09:09PM by anybody.

Yikes. Why would you even consider doing this to yourself?

Spend more time with your self-righteous, judgmental grandfather and toxic TBM family so they can… shame you some more? Lecture you nonstop about your poor (to them) life choices, and how you're letting Heavenly Father and Jesus down? Hand you Dallin Oaks talks to read and get the Spirit™ back? This, or something very much like it, is what will probably happen.

Pretty sure they won't let you into priesthood wearing a dress and answering to Eve.

Attending church as a transgendered person is a really bad idea. I can't think of a single positive result that could happen.

Can U tolerate wearing pants … as sort of a compromise?


me: compromise isn't bad, it's a needed skill in our complex / complicated society.

I agree with what everyone else has said.

You are different then them and they don't have the social

or people skills to even relate to you. They have no experience

with people who don't think like them, or dress like them or

believe like them or look like them.

You deserve to be loved and accepted for who you are, not

because you twisted yourself up into a person who does not

exist just to get love from a family That is incapable of it.

Be who you are, be you and do it amongst people who are

capable of love and acceptance, not your mormon family who

don't seem to have any talent for loving people who are not

as up tight and twisted as they are.

Good luck dear. You deserve it. PLease let us know what

happens.

With mormons there is one rule about clothing and one rule only... Look and see what body parts you have and then dress accordingly. Trans is not acknowledged in the mormon culture, It is considered a mental derangement.

Dress with the nicest clothes you have, admit who you are, coup an attitude, be yourself.

If they can't accept you for who you are, it's their problem not yours. Have fun, don't let anyone put you down, walk with your head held high.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/24/2019 11:54PM by tumwater.

Stay home and cook something. That is something they can appreciate. I would run it past your family to find out if they would even want you to go if you wear a dress. I see no reason to put yourself through something like this.

Trying to keep relationships going with a family that cannot love you unconditionally is a losing proposition. I've been trying for years with my sister and her family. I do all the work to keep things pleasant and they merely show up. That's about all you get. The best I can do is just appear when absolutely necessary for family events but keep at arms length and leave events ASAP.

I don't recommend going on the vacation. You will be trapped. Church will give them hope you aren't really trans. Can't you come up with another idea in place of the vacation? Anything! Tell them you are having oral surgery and cannot change the appointment. ANYTHING! I think you will be sorry if you go.

I have started humming the Tina Turner tune: "What's love got to do with it" only I've changed Love to Blood. What's Blood got to do with it (love)? Many of my family cannot love. But many people love me more than my blood family. Sooo.... "What's blood got to do with it?" Love the ones that love you and don't worry about the blood relations who cannot.

The Mormon church is very hostile to trans people. I don't think it would be a safe place for you emotionally or even physically. If you are asked to go to church, simply say, "No thank you." Don't let anyone bully you into it. You are an adult and you get to decide.

The Mormon church is big on outward appearance. I am gay, but am also cis gender. So my outward appearance doesn't draw their attention. What's on the outside with them is more important than what is on the inside. Don't put yourself through a LDS church service. It's not worth it.