"... and I say these things in my name, amen."

Plus he and Holy McGhost were very, very close.

Yeah, he was actually just talking to himself.

Apparently, Jesus authorized John the Baptist to baptize Jesus in the name of Jesus, so that sinless Jesus could be saved from his non-existent sins by Jesus...and the act of being baptized demonstrated Jesus's humble acceptance of the atonement of Jesus, and the resultant forgiveness and redemption made possible by Jesus, who is the only being who ever lived a perfect life on this planet.

Who ever knew that splashing around in the river could be so complicated and hard to understand?

Its complete crazyness .

So, John raised his hand to the square and said “Having been commissioned by Jesus Ch...uh, you, I baptize you in the name of the father, and of the son-that is you, and of the Holy Ghost.”

“And try not to get a boner from the young women in their wet jumpsuits.”

I look ill in my baptism picture. Least sexy day of my life.

meeting, I bet he would spend 20 minutes hogging the microphone, so that he could blubber and cry about how grateful he is to himself for the sacrifice that he made and the pain that he suffered so that all could be saved and then he would tearfully urge everyone to constantly be mindful of the debt that they owe to Jesus and to at all times have their hearts filled with sorrow as a reminder of the sacrifice that Jesus made.

Then, when the sacrament started to be passed around, he would probably make things even more dramatic by giving himself a hickey instead of partaking of the bread and water. "Hey, it's my flesh! My blood!"

Then on the way out of the chapel, some kid would come up to him and say, "Hey, Jesus, since you are alive and have all your superpowers, you didn't really die and sacrifice yourself for us...you know when you really look at what has happened." Then Jesus would touch the kid's forehead and the kid would shrivel up and burn until there was nothing left but a little piece of charcoal on the foyer carpet, and Jesus would say, "Suffer the little children to come unto me and if they give me any lip they will suffer greatly."

Jesus is god,
who sacrificed himself
to himself
to appease himself.

elderolddog Wrote:
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> "... and I say these things in my name, amen."
>
> Plus he and Holy McGhost were very, very close.


Was there a race?

I must have missed it.

Who 1?

This was before 'photo finish' cameras, so declaring "who 1" was completely dependent on your perspective.

Jesus probably didn't even have a ghost (baby)

With a god for a father and a ghost for a friend he either was really good at getting dates or dismal. Just depended upon his personality. Praying in his own name indicates narcissism. Willing to die for everyone doesn't.

Confusing guy.

Talking to himself doesn't seem all that unusual but I wonder if he answers himself more frequently than he answers other prayers.

He does always find his keys.

Remember how he lost his keys for almost two thousand years? It was such a traumatic experience for him that he called it the "great apostasy".

He didn't find his keys again until sometime in the early part of the 19th century. Apparently, some goofy kid in upstate New York found the lost keys. They were found in the woods. Jesus was so happy! So happy that he rewarded that kid by entrusting his keys to that kid. As a result of becoming Jesus's new BFF and keeper of Jesus's keys, the kid became popular with the ladies.

"Hey, Fanny, you want to see Jesus's keys? Yeah, I still have them. I keep them in the barn. C'mon...let me show you. But be quiet. I don't want Emma to see me playing with the keys with other ladies. She prefers that I only show the keys to her."

Are the holy Jesus keys kinda like "Jesus Juice?"