I'd say it's less necessary now than it was in years past.

It still helps those who want to leave mormonism by helping them feel supported and appreciated, but it isn't the only voice in the wilderness these days. No one wants to feel alone when they're leaving a cult.

Of course, now there are other sites and local groups that have pitched in. Eric has made a difference through hard work and diligence. Now, most mormons know that they can leave or become less devoted, less active. They can say no to callings and can sit in on child interview though more needs to be done in these areas. Still, more and more mormons try to ease out of paying the full measure of flesh, money, and sweat.

I think many of them know of someone who has left who they might contact to discuss their situation.

There are more websites and more materials available to read and help them come to terms with church lies and conflicting doctrine.

My own book covers the subject of polygamy, racism, anti-semitism, and priesthood dominance and abuse. My book is one of many that weren't available when RfM was new.

As much as I applaud this site, I think it has worked so well that it's somewhat less needed than it was. And some have seen it as a chance to push politics which has undermined recovery for those seeking only recovery from mormonism.

Are there other ways you see for those who need help and support?

Or do you think RfM is still as vital as ever? If you do, I would hope to see donations and praise rolling in and readership increasing. I'm interested to hear what others think. Thanks.

It's like any-time-of-day seminary where the teacher leaves us alone in the classroom most of the time and we get into trouble for thinking outside the box, but if you go too far out, the rest of us fling feces at you...

It's hardly ever good to be too different or too bossy.


I give it an 8...

That’s an interesting question. Unfortunately though I can’t answer it properly on here. That’s because there is apparently a whole list of things we are not allowed to mention.

This would be my only criticism of this site. There seems to be some censorship, which seems contrary to the spirit of ex-mormonism. (Now let’s see...will this be deleted or will I get banned just for saying it?)

So it will have to suffice to say, that aside from this site, the thing that helped me most was focusing on and exploring all the things that mormonism forbade or discouraged. It wasn’t a fantastic time, but necessary. I think exploration is a normal part of personal development that happens when you’re young, and as mormons we missed out on that.

Cheryl Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> And some have seen it as a chance to push
> politics which has undermined recovery for those
> seeking only recovery from mormonism.
>
I absolutely agree. There are some people who fail to realize that this isn’t a political web site, or a general discussion board. Banning certain subjects is essential to keeping this board on topic, and greatly helps it achieve its goals.

Maybe RFM isn’t as needed as it once was, but it’s still a good resource. I’m sure that some people who are taking their first steps away from TSCC stumble on to this site. RFM is still good for me. I enjoy venting about the FKA Mormon church. I often like to ridicule the doctrine and policies that I once followed. I also have to laugh at myself for being so devoted to that nonsense.

Takes a lot of dedication to keep an endeavor as this running.
In doing so:

- is it enjoyable? (I get a kick our of it, sense of doing good in the world, contributing to the life force, sense of purpose in life)
- or is it work? (Burden, sacrifice, obligation, not having fun anymore, this reeeeally sux)

The very question suggests the latter perspective.
Why do this to oneself?


So -- most Sundays fly for a humanitarian outfit that transports sick folks (or blood - prefer boxes because boxes don't throw up on you) for free -- the obligation is evenly made up for by the flying, and the "good deed" humanitarian excuse assuages the guilt of flying. But I do it for me.

Now -- if it ever gets to be work where there is more cost than benefit - out of there. I will continue flying and be fine with the guilt of being "selfish."

I'm grateful for RfM because before it was a very solitary journey.
But my gratitude and benefit derived does not warrant the sacrifice of another.

"You must sacrifice yourself for me."
Second biggest lie in the book.

but I still like coming here. There is always something mormon going on around me. Always some family dynamic because of mormonism (like my daughter or my aunt). So I'll continue to come here.

I think it is better sometimes than others. Just depends. I don't like the politics either. Mormonism has enough to discuss.

I agree.

I suspect Mormons are slowly becoming another "We do what we want and the history or teachings don't matter" church.

The members are used to seeing people who don't obey every little thing. I think they are beginning to realize they need to find a way to rationalize keeping everyone in the tent they can. Prophets come and go, just like popes. The members can ignore them and be part of the culture on their own terms, just like apologists from other religions claim to do.

If this is what happens, people won't need places like RfM as much.

I don't think that RFM is attracting recent ex Mos like it did in the past. Maybe my perception is off, but there doesn't seem to be a lot of new people coming here for help and support. There's a lot more resources available and I think it's common for members to know ex Mos or even have them in their families.

Secondly, I think younger people have less to recover from. The current church program is just a shell of what it used to be. The idea of building a mormon community has been shredded by the current fossils. They don't seem to require members to be on their toes (except to beg for tithing and cleaning the potties

Added: I think some here can relate to the youth programs where young people would be randomly called upon to quote scriptures, church mottos or the Articles of Faith. You had to be prepared to say something "intelligent sounding" or look like a fool.

When I attended last month, seminary certificates were presented and the youth just came up to receive them. The bishop didn't even mention what they had been studying or comment on their progress. This was very bizarre and unfamiliar to my church experience.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/18/2019 01:54PM by messygoop.

messygoop Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Secondly, I think younger people have less to
> recover from. The current church program is just a
> shell of what it used to be.
==================================

https://religionnews.com/2019/03/27/how-many-millennials-are-really-leaving-the-lds-church/

Seems may be correct on millennials having less stuck-ness.
Perhaps growing up in the world as it is yields an inherent skepticism.

“The bishop didn't even mention what they had been studying or comment on their progress.”

I think the worm has turned for the church. They’re going through the motions hoping to not get found out. They’re too invested to admit that they’d been had while being bombarded with overwhelming evidence.

I don’t share Dehlin’s optimism. The church is an abomination in the face of the divine. It’s a desecration and a sacrilege. It deserves to be wiped from the face of the Earth.

I think Mormon forums like RFM will always be necessary! Even though there are other websites, and more ex-Mormons than ever, there is still sort of a "gag order" put upon Mormon members. The cult is taking away opportunities for discussions and questions.

Stick to the lesson
No outside sources
No time for discussions
Questions are discouraged
Now, most of the time, there are no lessons, at all.

Mormons are taught to stay off of the internet, and they say that it's evil and full or porn.

Sacrament meeting talks are assigned, and the material is usually from old GA Mormon Conference talks. Even returned missionaries are ordered to not say much about their missions.

Mormons are not allowed to discuss the temple at all. To do so used to be under the penalty of death!

Most Mormons refuse to talk to "apostates". I wouldn't talk to them about religion, anyway, because it makes them defensive, and all they do is bear their testimony at me, anyway. Many ex-Mormons are just as reticent to talk about religion, because they are afraid of Mormons. Some ex-Mormons are in danger of having their TBM spouse leave them, losing the respect of their TBM children, losing their TBM friends, and even losing their job.

Apostates don't even exist, in the Mormon world. We're only "having a faith crisis", are "less-active", are "offended" or "lazy", "following Satan." We need a place to be acknowledged, listened-to, and understood.

Testimonies are now more controlled.

No more HT or VT's. For a lot of members, these were people they could talk to about religion.

Fewer activities. Fewer opportunities to "bond." Mormons never did have mingles or coffee-time after church, like other churches do.

No talking or visiting in the classroom or the foyers or the hallways or in the temple or in the Celestial Room.

I hope RFM never goes away. Without forums like this, Mormons and ex-Mormons would have--loneliness and isolation--until they leave, and find new friends.

I still enjoy coming here. It's got a good beat and it's easy to dance to (for those who remember American Bandstand).

"I give it a 78, Mr. Clark."

What are you, El Cryptkeeper?

I come here to mock Mormons. It’s tremendous fun.

Am I reading these replies right?

This board has helped me feel like I’m not alone with my beliefs, or lack thereof. I’ve never been one of the inner circle. I find this board a little like a clique. And although I still find value, I feel like the board has been taken over by some people that will post on any topic just to be heard. I find that very tedious.

But so many of you long time posters have really been a lifeline for me and I appreciate that greatly. I check in maybe weekly when in the beginning it as daily, but that’s because my recovery is moving along. I still think this is a good place, but no longer the only one.

Having been on the board since the mid 90's (since close to it's birth), it's time that it be retired/closed down.

Another thread is currently discussing the biggest lie uttered to humanity, the biggest lie of this board now is:

Very Active and Compassionate Activity on the Recovery Board - 2018

Maybe 1/2 of 1% of the threads are compassionate - but that would be about it.

I've been thinking why I come to the board the last couple of months, and I couldn't come up with a reason other than it was interesting to read the debates and the name calling that would result and just people being mean to each other. The art of discussion just plainly isn't here. It's about being right.

Like going to church (non LDS) that I was raised in, I determined it was a waste of time.

This board once was a good place, but it is a waste of time.

So it is time to leave for good.

Historian Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Having been on the board since the mid 90's (since
> close to it's birth), it's time that it be
> retired/closed down.


You’ve determined that you no longer like the board. You’ve determined that your time is wasted here. And so you conclude that therefore the board should be “retired/closed down”?

You do realize this is like saying, since you don’t like fun, and fun is a waste of your time (or what you will), then therefore no one should have fun, that fun should be ”retired/closed down”, right?

Part of recovering is shedding the puritanical spirit that continues to haunt LDSinc.


Besides, I don’t understand why people get upset with individual threads and/or posters. No board is easier than this one for ignoring posters and threads one doesn’t like. Also, if you don’t see what you’d like to see, then add what you like.

And yes, if you don’t like anything, and you don’t feel up to adding what you like, then leaving is as easy as not clicking on a web address. No need for an announcement.

This board is, will be and always has been what its participants/readers make of it.

I'd sure hate to lose this wonderful resource, though. We change over time, but this forum abides.

donbagley Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'd sure hate to lose this wonderful resource,
> though. We change over time, but this forum
> abides.

Well said, Don. The Board Remains The Same *because* of constant changes in participants and *in* each participant.

This board is a wonderful thing. Even if I left forever, it’d still be a wonderful thing. My best to those who continue making it available.

I'm way beyond the "exmo" stage now. I still hang out here because of the community. Whether we are going through good times, or less-than-optimal times, we are here for each other. I cherish that.

"Of course, now there are other sites and local groups that have pitched in."

Postmormon is gone. Mormon_Curtain is gone. I'd hate to see RFM go.

It's starting to feel like the church is becoming more and more like the Jehovah's Witnesses especially under Nelson, with the change in name to emphasize "biblical" roots, the dumbing-down of the theology and study curriculum, replacing HT/VT with lay "ministers" and so forth. I think they're taking a page out of the JW playbook to seem more mainstream ... ?

I used to feel strongly emotionally attached to this board, but the last time I needed emotional support, I didn't get it, and I got negative feedback instead.

Since then, I have not written on it as much, because I don't emotionally "trust" my fellow RFM members as much as I used to.

This board started about the same time as the internet started, and as changed along with the internet. The internet has affected everything, including the Church, and including RFM. The Church does not have such a strong emotional hold on people as it did, and so there is less of a need for emotional support such a RFM.

Over time, RFM has been losing many posts that seriously deal with the subject and the problems people are having when they realize the Church is a fraud. Many posts now don't address the issue seriously. Instead, they seem to be written by people who have nothing better to do and are trying to be funny, obnoxious, rude, just pass the time, etc. More people are treating RFM as just another comment section under a generic youtube video.

People are more likely to disrespect others than before.

However, the board is still good, and many of the comments still serious address the issues, and are supportive of people who need support.

In theory we are all united against one enemy, the Church. However, many of us have lost sight of that common enemy. When people lose a common enemy, they tend to create enemies with each other.

I've been here since 2003.

It's a good channel to tune into, get the latest gossip. And occasionally have someone turn over a stone I haven't seen turned before.

Millennials were all on Reddit Exmo a couple years ago. Not sure if they're still there or not. We weren't old 18 years ago, but we're old now. Youngest folks here seem to be middle aged like me.

Nothing wrong with it, though.

RG

Same...since about 2005. Agreed, still a good place to get the latest happenings, which I then take back to my Mormon family...they're always amazed, "Where did you hear this?" To me the board hasn't changed that much since 2003. I still learn new things and enjoy the stories. Yes, a "wonderful resource" indeed.

I love seeing old school websites like this still running. Everyone ran to social media where what you post becomes their property and they can censor you or even de-platform you if they don’t like what you post.

Websites like this are controlled by the moderators. I found there was a lot more freedom of speech on the old websites than the corporate ran social media.

Freedom is what it’s all about. I like freedom and never liked corporations too well. Maybe that’s why I didn’t like the church. I love mom and pop stuff and websites like this are just that.