Strip naked and put on the polyester shield. Then put on the polyester garments. Wear the polyester clothes. Wear the polyester robe, hat, put the polyester apron on and tie the polyester sash. You have been washed and anointed and you are no longer wordly trash.

Sit through a boring movie and try not to crash. Get up and sit down and turn the polyester robe around. Say Pay Lay Ale so you don't go to hell.

Step up to the polyester curtain and give the secret password and do the funky handshakes. Try to remember that blasted Five Points of Fellowship and thank God it's all over for goodness sakes.

Enter a room that looks like a hotel lobby or maybe your rich grandmother's house. Be quiet. Oh so very quiet and whisper softly as you sit on the polyester couch.

Polyester is a man made synthetic fabric.

Mormonism is a man made synthetic religion.

Nobody's said Pay Lay Ale for around thirty years, buddy...

It’s a shame. Mormonism used to be a lot more funky.

Leaving that aside, do they still chant "O God, hear the words of my mouth"?

I always had a hard time not laughing at that part. I always imagined God saying in a suitably temple-esque reply: "I will not hear the words of your mouth, for I have commanded you, and all the progeny of Adam, to speak through your butt and will only hear the words of your butt, for the sphincter is sacred and only it is capable of articulating the pure language of Adam, pursuant to a meal of consecrated beans prepared after the manner of Eve's holy offering in the Garden of Eden!"

The members of the prayer circle, who are gathered around the altar, must then chant in unison:

"We will do as we are commanded and will partake of the consecrated beans prepared after the manner of Eve, so that we may form Adamic words with our sphincters, for such is the true order of prayer. Let us now eat beans, O Lord! Let us now eat consecrated beans and then we will return and report."

knock three ♫ times, with the ♪ malllit ♪ you waannt me.

The instant your polyester tush touches the polyester couch, a polyester matron rushes up and tells you to get up and get out of the celestial room, because another large group is coming through.

They used to sell them in something called "bemberg fabric". (I guess it's a kind of rayon weave.) Never heard of it before or since buying garments in the 80s. Never heard of it outside of the context of Mormon garments. I guess they were trying to make the synthetic fabric sound exotic and special. IIRC, bemberg may have been the type of garments that took on a horrible yellowish hue if it ever got put in a dryer with a high heat setting. (It was probably one of the more flammable versions of the temple garments. You wouldn't want to be torched by an angel while wearing your rayon temple Gs.)