That's what prompted me to resign when I did. The anger came much later from that point.

It was RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION that led to my resigning after having my rights as the head of my family violated by a group of busy bodies at the morg, who tried to get their talon claws into my children.

By resigning I was invoking my rights as the matriarch of my family, and head of household. The Mormon church would no longer claim ANY PART OF ME OR WHO I AM. It was freeing and cathartic to leave that bastard cult behind me.

Like some find solace in saying, "Satan, get thee behind me." That's what resigning felt like for me.

It showed them I was boss, not them. Nor would I buckle or cower to anything they ever tried to do again. It got them off my back. More importantly it sent a strong message that I would no longer be willing to engage them on any of their terms.

It was so much better than a divorce, by resigning. It became official I was out. No more second guessing on anyone's part that I was "just another inactive." No. I was very pro-ACTIVE in asserting myself and telling them to their faces they had no more power over me.

They hated it. I felt blessed to be done with that chapter of my life. It also helped me move forward, unequivocally into the uncharted path of my future.

Take that, Mormon CULT. And shove it up your MORMON HEINEY.

amyjo Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Take that, Mormon CULT. And shove it up your
> MORMON HEINEY.

^Amen!

I LOVE . . . LOVE THAT!

amyjo,

That is perhaps the best statement I have seen in favor of resigning rather than just walking away / going "inactive".

Thank you!

I would like to add your statement (with attribution or not, as you prefer) to my webpage
"Leaving the Mormon Church: How To Get Out"
http://packham.n4m.org/leaving.htm

I include there a discussion about resigning vs. just going inactive.

May I use it?

Thank you very much.

It would be an honor. :)

You're welcome to use my username here on RfM.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/24/2015 05:20PM by amyjo.

Amyjo, I totally respect your thinking and your conclusion. Obvioiusly this is an individual decision and most people here probably agree with you.

I suggest, though, that for at least some people not resigning is the better choice. That would include those who have family or professional reasons for keeping their disaffection quiet, but I am not speaking of them.

My personal choice was to remain on the books. Why? Because I want to force them to take the time and energy to excommunicate me. Where I live, my hostility to the church is well known. They don't try to get my children because the few times they tried, I told them that they were an evil influence in my home and that I would call the police if they ever tried again. It has been many years since they darkened my doorway.

Imagine how much time and effort it would take for them to excommunicate all of us openly hostile people, how many bishops and high councillors and stake presidents would hear our critiques and complaints again and again and again. I say let them come after me if they want. I will react with a very public and very aggressive campaign and it will hurt them. Many, many years ago, when I was still a (heterodox) believer they convened a court for me and decided they had no grounds to excommunicate me. Having been through that harrowing experience, I no longer fear their judgment and in fact would welcome it.

That is just my opinion and not in any way appropriate for others. But I wanted to say that some of us may want to stay on the books as a thorn in their side, one that they should feel free to extract anytime they dare.

I'm still on the fence about resignation. Yeah I want to do it, to really be free of that harmful religion and to show they have no control over me.

But it would hurt my believing parents. And it might cause my many Mormon neighbors to start up some misguided campaign of love bombings or just stopping by to "save" me. Currently nobody bothers me which is nice. I don't want to deal with the fallout, like a bishop I've never even met suddenly wanting to meet or the possibility that they'll ignore my resignation request or even call a "Court of Love" for me.

I dunno. I know I should just do it and get it over with but my anxiety makes it difficult. I never was able to make important decisions on my own anyway -- thanks Mormon church.

They cannot call a bishop's court, after you've resigned.

I understand the tug-of-war you may be feeling. I was ambiguous myself once.

After war had been waged, I could no longer be a fence straddler.

Fighting back was my only option, and by resigning was my release and ticket out.

It does take resolve and steel. But is worth it for the freedom that awaits on the other side.

"or the possibility that they'll ignore my resignation request or even call a 'Court of Love' for me."

It's none of my business whether or not you resign, and it doesn't affect me either way. For the same reason, I've never disclosed my own resigned-or-not status. It's simply no one else's concern.

But there are a couple of things to address in your post. First, you wouldn't be "requesting" anything. You'd be TELLING them that you, unilaterally, have decided to resign. They have *no other choice* but to comply. The settled law is on your side. They cannot ignore it without exposing themselves to a lawsuit they can't win. Once they receive your letter, you are legally OUT, period, whether they act on it or pick their noses.

Second, because you cease to be a member the moment your letter is received, you'd legally no longer be subject to their discipline. If an assclown bishop were to threaten you with an excom, he'd be violating the law. Then you could threaten him back with a lawsuit, or contact Member Records in SLC, and he'd be forced to go back to sucking his thumb.

You've been conditioned all your life to think that you have no power over the church. In fact, you have all the power, and you need to reprogram yourself to understand that. I'm not advocating that you resign; it's not my place to do that. But I am saying that you must somehow lose your fear of the church. *Then* decide if you want to resign.

Book of Mordor Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> "or the possibility that they'll ignore my
> resignation request or even call a 'Court of Love'
> for me."

It isn't an inquiry when someone requests their name be removed. It's a request, and a formal one. It cannot be ignored.

A church tribunal is a consideration for anyone considering whether to resign or not. For those who don't care, or are fence straddlers, that may be the end result of fence straddling. Or not. For someone wanting to make a statement, it is much easier to walk, with an official resignation.


> It's none of my business whether or not you
> resign, and it doesn't affect me either way. For
> the same reason, I've never disclosed my own
> resigned-or-not status. It's simply no one else's
> concern.
>
> But there are a couple of things to address in
> your post. First, you wouldn't be "requesting"
> anything. You'd be TELLING them that you,
> unilaterally, have decided to resign. They have
> *no other choice* but to comply. The settled law
> is on your side. They cannot ignore it without
> exposing themselves to a lawsuit they can't win.
> Once they receive your letter, you are legally
> OUT, period, whether they act on it or pick their
> noses.
>
> Second, because you cease to be a member the
> moment your letter is received, you'd legally no
> longer be subject to their discipline. If an
> assclown bishop were to threaten you with an
> excom, he'd be violating the law. Then you could
> threaten him back with a lawsuit, or contact
> Member Records in SLC, and he'd be forced to go
> back to sucking his thumb.
>
> You've been conditioned all your life to think
> that you have no power over the church. In fact,
> you have all the power, and you need to reprogram
> yourself to understand that. I'm not advocating
> that you resign; it's not my place to do that. But
> I am saying that you must somehow lose your fear
> of the church. *Then* decide if you want to
> resign.
___________________________

Let's be really clear about something. You don't get to tell me how I feel about my having resigned, or why.

I have no fear over the church or its kangaroo court. My decision was wholly my own when I left there, because I no longer wished to be subject to anything the CULT says or does, and not on my dime.

They had no more power over me past tense than they do now. Only what I was once willing to relinquish.

I no longer am willing to relinquish anything to them.

Being here on RfM is to encourage others like me to taking their power back. They don't have to be fence straddlers or live in fear either.

I'm no more afraid of the cult than I am the boogeyman.

They cannot hurt me anymore, if they ever did.

Now I see it as a pitiful but still powerful negative force to be reckoned with - powerful only in the sense that it's a mammoth corporation with many assets. What it's done is throw people under the bus in its efforts to succeed. That includes sullying people's reputations, ripping families apart, and destroying lives.

I no longer live in fear of what it can do to me. If I once did, that was when I was a Mormon. Being a fence straddler, or an inactive would only serve their interests, not mine.

And I don't wish to be a "number" as in a "statistic" of their membership rolls.

The more people who get out on their own volition, the better. Inactives are still counted as members. By resigning, that elimates more members, and forces the church numbers to dwindling - as a reminder of its origins built on a stack of lies. And a house of cards.

Amyjo, I wasn't even talking to you. I was answering Oneinbillions. That should have been evident to you by (1) the fact that my post wasn't indented below yours, as this one is; and (2) my first paragraph, *in quotes* was pasted from OIB's post, and was not original with me.

Contrary to your mistaken assumption and concomitant false accusation, I wasn't telling you then, and I'm not telling you now, how to feel about anything. I'm not going to fight with you.

And I stand by my position. Resignation is NOT a request. It's a directive, telling the church what they have to do. A court of love is not an option with a resigned ex-member.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/24/2015 10:54PM by Book of Mordor.

Oh kay, got it. I was watching Dateline, while multi-tasking on this thread. But my sentiments still stand. On the plus side, perhaps my reply to your post above to Oneinbillions, will help someone else who's a fence straddler. :)

Still I digress and disagree with you that resignation is not a request. You state that, "Resignation is NOT a request. It's a directive, telling the church what they have to do. A court of love is not an option with a resigned ex-member."

As far as I'm concerned a request and a directive are the same thing. I know a kangaroo court aka Bishop's court is not an option for a resigned member. I stated that in my response to Oneinbillions right before yours.

When someone requests to have their name removed, it is still a directive, which the cult cannot ignore even if it wants to.

A request isn't asking them to do something, like if you please will you be so kind as to remove me from your rolls?

It's telling them to remove my/your's/his/hers name and be done with it. How is that any different from a directive, pray tell?



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 10/24/2015 11:28PM by amyjo.

"I know a kangaroo court aka Bishop's court is not an option for a resigned member. I stated that in my response to Oneinbillions right before yours."

Yes, you did. Fair enough. I had forgotten that by the time I was writing my post.

Regarding request vs. directive: In my mind and experience, a "request" is made by a subordinate up the food chain; the other party has the option of saying no. Requesting a pay raise or time off, for example. YMMV.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/request

"the act of asking for something to be given or done, especially as a favor or courtesy; solicitation or petition"

I don't like the word "request" for name removal because the church is a totalitarian obedience cult. Its use may give a dickish bishop the idea that he can simply deny the request, if he approaches it from that mentality. To his way of thinking, it may allow the option of playing into his control fantasies.

On the other hand, directives are issued from a position of authority. If your definitions are different, and they work for you, then fine. Live and let live.

I've now reached my self-imposed limit of three posts on any given thread. I yield the last word to you, if you choose to take it.

I appreciate your taking the time to respond as well as you did.

For me when I resigned I sent my request (for me means the same as a directive,) to Salt Lake City directly. I bypassed the local lay ministry because I figured they'd attempt to misread or undermine my efforts at leaving. I remember calling the stake president where I live, and was given the "protocol" for leaving ie, write to bishop, request a meeting, and so forth. I next called SLC, and complained that I was not about to meet with anyone locally. My mind was made up. I had nothing left to say. It was action I demanded.

I'd been a "fence straddler" up to that point when I knew I had to either leave or capitulate to their demands. I wasn't about to compromise my values, for theirs (which is nothing more than blind obedience to an authoritarian regime that no more had my best interests at heart, than they do others.) The LDS church isn't about what the church can do for its members. It's all about what the members do for the church.

They suck their members dry, and use them up; usurping time, energy, resources.

Concerning my leaving, I'm not even sure it was a choice I made or the choice was made for me. My hand was forced.

I stood up to them the best way I knew how. I wasn't going to stoop to their levels of conduct. I was better than that.

I guess I've read too many horror stories of people who tried unsuccessfully to resign, and people who got excommunicated instead. Plus resignation "gets the church's attention" and makes them try to reactivate you which would be incredibly annoying. I wish I could resign quietly without all the backlash because Mormonism contributes a lot to my anxiety and I want nothing to do with it.

I truly believe if you were to do something as simple as send in your written request via e-mail to the address in a link provided here, check out Richard Packham's link on this thread, to his web page, you will find all the information there to get you started, that you will find it both painless and worry free.

You can be as anonymous in requesting your name removed as you wish to be. You don't need to go through your local ward or bishopric. Don't let anyone kid you otherwise.

Once you're out, they shouldn't attempt to contact you as you're no longer a member.

If you get the occasional contact by a missionary here and there, just tell them you aren't interested.

For your parents, tell them when you're ready to, not before.

My parents knew I'd left long before I'd resigned. They didn't disown me. True they were both inactive, but I'd stopped believing altogether. Parents still love their children, by and large.

You seem more worried about invisible foes than real ones. Your hangups will get better the more you take charge of your life. You'll worry less, and be happier because you were able to make this singular most important decision affecting your happiness and well being.

Look at all the support you have here, for golly sakes!

Many of us when we left didn't have this to look to, but you do! Be thankful for the labors of those like Eric who owns this site, because he's made it possible to share and form a support group of sorts.

YOU can just DO IT. :)

I only wanted Mormon strangers to stay the heck away from my home and telephone.

I didn't care if they kept a file on me in SL or thought I was standoffish or cruel for not welcoming their attention. Resigning meant nothing to me since throughout church history members had been leaving and melting into normal nonmo society without anyone thinking they were still in that church.

No one still thinks I am a soda jerk in a drug store because I used to do that as a teen. And no one would consider me a Mormon because I went to that church as a kid. A letter from me or to me is just a meaningless formality like an old membership to a Govway store chain that hasn't been around for forty years.

I a way, resignation is a sign of respect. It means "I recognize that I belong to your organization and that I must act affirmatively to change that status."

If I frequent a restaurant and then decide I no longer like it, I just quit going. I don't feel the need to tell them that I am no longer a customer even if they want to claim that I am. Meanwhile I tell everyone how terrible the restaurant has become and that it is not worth their trying.

If the restaurant wants to waste several senior employees' time to hold a meeting discussing whether I should be welcome at their burger joint, I really don't care. I may, however, take any warning letter and publish it in the local paper.

For me, resignation signaled more respect for myself, while repudiating any last vestige of my having been a Mormon.

It was telling them to go to hell, in other words.

And cathartic, like redemption.

The cult does not deserve or merit our respect. There are individuals within it who may. But not the organization.

I completely respect that.

There are as many reasons to resign as to not. All reasons are equally valid in my opinion.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/25/2015 06:50AM by Cheryl.

Oh, what to do, what to do!

YOU BET IT IS!!!

It showed them I was boss, not them You tell them I agree with you.

+1000

Amen, Desertman! Right on, and bravo!

Same here. :)

My brother and I co-resigned. We sent in a letter detailing the maltreatment we got at church and especially at home.

A bishop sent us a letter stating that what happened to us was "out of harmony" with church policy. I forwarded it to dear old Dad, so there'll be no tribble at all.

I hear ya, Don Bagley.

That's neat you and your brother were able to be a support for each other.

:)

My position is that the few actual members of record, the better! They count everyone as a member even if you have not shown up since 1970 or so.

I want nobody to think of me and my name as part of a Satanic CULT.

That was one of my points to in a previous post on this thread.

I so relate to what you're saying. :)

I don't want to resign because I just know that there will come that evening, when my girlfriend and I are at an exclusive party with many, many hoi polloi, and there will be an emergency of some kind and people will begin shouting, "Is there an Elder in Israel here!!!"

And my G/F and I will turn to look at each other. We'll stare meaningfully into each other's eyes and then she'll smile slightly and nod her head and then I'll take a big, deep breath, stand up and announce in my squeaky, yet authoritative voice, "I, I say, I...am an Elder in Israel."

For what happens after this moment, you'll have to read the book.

My dad used his priesthood authority as a jack Mormon, to cast out a ghost in his Massachusetts farmhouse, back in 1947.

The ghost left, only to return after dad moved away. But that's a story for another thread.

And to my knowledge, no one has written a book about it either. Just local folklore, and for my dad's stepson and his wife, who still live there. The ghost is very real to them. My step-brother's wife told me she didn't believe in ghosts before she moved into that house. Now no one can convince her otherwise.

It's a regular visitor.

A two-fer! Evidence of priesthood power and of ghosts!

I call that the double whammy!!!!!!!! fake church, fake priesthood, fake ghosts. Whatta story. You can't make this
shit up folks.

Resigning was like eating delicious food! It was sublime.

+1000 And it still is, years later.

It does get better, for any fence straddlers reading this.

The Mormons cannot steal your joy either, by your leaving. They want us to believe the light in our eyes is from their pseudo religion. It isn't.

That inner joy belongs to you, not to the cult.