My 2nd companion used, "would you pull your car over if an ice cream truck tried to give you a ticket?", to make a point that the investigators baptism experience by another church was worthless because they didn't have the priesthood. I loved this one, and never realized how stupid it sounded.

For quitting smoking or whatever--Would the cat rather have his tail cut off one small piece at a time or all at once in one piece?

They should use this one for teaching today's investigators.

"Of course you would allow a 40 yr old man to marry your 14 yr old daughter!"

That's why gawd loves perverts.

Here's one that my comp used to explain why morons don't believe in crosses and or the crucifix.

"If some dude killed your family, then you wouldn't hang the murder weapon on the wall."

BTW, I heard the stupid ice cream truck too many times and I always stared at the floor because it indeed sounded so dumb.

A blind man could become a professor and teach about how the eye works, but without seeing, he wouldn't have a full understanding of what the eye really does.

This was used to let people know that they were to only learn about mormonism from mormons.

happydecemberween Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
"would you pull your car
> over if an ice cream truck tried to give you a
> ticket?"


Guilty.

Naturally, you've got to trust your sources, right?
Well, who do you trust?
Fallible humans or the word of God?

Little did I know at the time, that mentality is what kept Western Civilization trapped in the Dark Ages for 1,000 years, until the Renaissance, when people returned to the humanist ideals of time before Religion became patriarchal.

When we'd be talking to someone who questioned the existence of God or creationism, we'd say something like "Just because I can't see God doesn't mean He doesn't exist. You see my watch? (Pointing to wristwatch.) I've never met the watchmaker, but I know there is one."

I had one companion who, instead of memorizing and teaching the discussions, would come up with analogies to try to persuade investigators. Ofttimes, he would get halfway through his analogy and lose his train of thought, or realize that his analogy didn't apply to the situation or answer the question, so he'd get tongue-tied and the conversation would go off the rails. Doofus.

At one point, I happened to have as a companion the English-speaking missionary that (for being out in the field as long as he had been) spoke the most atrocious Spanish of the entire mission.

He often tried to incorporate the common phrase "when hell freezes over" into our lessons with investigators and members. However, he would always end up "translating" it into a jumble of words that must have sounded to native Spanish speakers more like "When there's ice cream in winter."

So, anyway, that was stupid.

that reminds me of the language missionaries, both sexes, who when speaking English at some mission conference, declare that they've been so immersed in the language that they've forgotten how to speak English. As if it were a sign of their devotion...

We used this gem to explain why Mormons don't hang crosses, "If Jesus was hit and killed by a bus would you hang a replica bus on the wall?"

We just didn't get it... pretty sad.

There was that tithing one with the M n M's..
Give one out of the 10 M n M's to the church them pour out
the rest of the pack into the investigators hands, overflowing like blessing from heaven!

Urghh:(

The kids liked it

Chevy, Ford dealer.

By the way, the real way that one should work is, "if you were
considering buying a Chevy would you be interested in talking
with former Chevy owners who had problems with their cars?"



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 12/19/2015 09:30AM by baura.

"What I mean is, you can get a good look at a T-bone by sticking your head up a butcher's ass... No, wait. It's gotta be your bull."

Yeeeeeessss!

There was one about a mirror that had fallen to the floor and broken into many tiny pieces. This was to explain how each church had a piece of the mirror [truth] during the great apostasy. And then you would explain how a super-pervert con-man came along to save the world from such a "travesty".

For me it was the stupid-ass "commitment pattern", which was the high-pressure sales technique used by the cult in the 90s.

Yeah, my MP testified that if you followed the spirit and asked the dupes with these specific words (with cockyness/arrogance ~not hesitation or timidness) "WILL you follow the example of Jesus Christ and be baptized in HIS CHURCH this Sunday?"

The capitalized words emphasized what you had to emphasize. I and others probably wasted a hundred hours or more practicing this crap at district and zone meetings. Oh how the promised baptisms were supposed to fall from heaven from learning how to coerce and deceive folks with a dumb commitment question.

This was a big one in my mission too. We were taught to hold two fingers together while pointing straight at the poor investigator and say that in the same way you described... I always felt way off asking someone to be baptised into a whole new way of life with almost 0 knowledge of what they were getting into on day one.

messygoop Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Yeah, my MP testified that if you followed the
> spirit and asked the dupes with these specific
> words (with cockyness/arrogance ~not hesitation or
> timidness) "WILL you follow the example of Jesus
> Christ and be baptized in HIS CHURCH this
> Sunday?"


If I remember right, and I think I do, we practiced asking this question at the end of the FIRST discussion back at the MTC, in that fake-tracting simulation. Of course, the poor saps they had playing investigators always eagerly accepted, thus setting us up for tremendous disappointment in the real world.

Yes that's what I remember too. For awhile they were collecting stats on it. So you had to pressure folks to get dunked no later than the end of the 2nd discussion. Otherwise you would end up on mp shit list. Like everything else about the morg, I excelled in lying.

"Coffe (even decaf) and tea have the same chemicals that they use to tan leather. So if you drink those beverages, you're basically turning your throat and stomach into leather."

Ha!

Omg my stepmother uses this one constantly! So far, my husband still isn't turning into a leather jacket despite his rampant coffee drinking.

I'd forgotten that one, but once I read your post it all came back! ... This was a good saying to make the arguement that "it's not only about caffeine"!

Yes, that was a great way to justify drinking Pepsi/Coke/etc.

There was also one about why we need to obey so many rules. It's like flying a kite, the string is like the rules. If we let go the kite will crash. The rules keep the kite flying. Or some bullshit like that.

I remember some of the others mentioned here, like the tannic acid in coffee is bad for you. I remember the ice cream truck pulling you over, they don't have the proper authority.

Those are the ones I remember. Thank Dog I don't remember any other ones right now.

An 'investigator' made my senior companion blink when he tried the Chevy/Ford analogy, and answered "I'd check out Consumer Reports first. Get independent confirmation."

Used to buy a roll of rolo candy. Used them to build a church and discuss the "great apostacy".

Doesn't anyone remember the old dissolving penny in the glass of Coke seminary experiment?

Shummy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Doesn't anyone remember the old dissolving penny
> in the glass of Coke seminary experiment?

That's an urban legend. It doesn't work. I tried it with a
penny and again with one of my children's baby teeth. After two
weeks no noticible difference in either the penny or the tooth.
If the penny dissolved in a Seminary "experiment" then it was
rigged.

Anybody remember the door hinge analogy?

It was supposed to demonstrate the need for a second witness of Jesus Christ.

One single hinge would not support a door. But a second hinge made the door far more secure.

So thank God we had the Book of Mormon to support the Bible (nevermind that huge sections of the BoM are blatant ripoffs of the Bible.)

The next thought that comes is, "but when you are pulled over by a policeman you are punished, when you are pulled over by an ice cream truck you are rewarded".

During one discussion I tried this while sitting at the investigator’s piano:

“Many religions have a small piece of the truth,” while playing one note. “Another religion teaches this truth”, while playing another note and making fun of a point of doctrine.

Then I explained how that Mormons had all the truth and played a nice six note chord.

If you nail two board together with one nail (the Bible) then they can move around. If you add a second nail (the BOM) then the boards are secure.

Of course if you want the boards to be eternally bonded, add the nail in the sure place.