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Posted by: Cheryl ( )
Date: December 30, 2015 07:00AM

My lovely exmo little sister died last month. During her last two weeks of life she told my older TBM sister and niece they needed to stop playing tag games with her, phoning every few days to tell her about the wonders of their church. Little sister was down and out and didn't appreciate the harassment. She was also crushed to realize these TBMs cared more about their missionary effort than about her.

Since she died, DH and I have been driving half way to meet Sis's widowed husband regularly for lunch. He needs the support of talking to us about how he's doing emotionally. Christmas was especially difficult. He's a never-mo.

At our last meeting, he said the Mormon harassment has been difficult. After the death, this TBM sister and her daughter have been playing tag again to remind him about how he can see his dead wife in the afterlife if he's willing to become Mormon.

Also, his next door neighbor is a Mormon bishop and has been dishing out the same line including coming over with a Book of Mormon and hammering this grieving man with Mormon propaganda.

He hates it but is too nice to tell them so. Instead he just nicely says he'll think about it, but lets them know he isn't interested since he's satisfied with his own beliefs.

I think Mormons are rude heartless oafs. Shame on them.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/30/2015 05:23PM by Cheryl.

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Posted by: Aquarius123 ( )
Date: December 30, 2015 07:14AM

I think it's goulish the way they are preying on this poor man in his time of sorrow for their stupid mission efforts.

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Posted by: scmd ( )
Date: December 30, 2015 08:14AM

aquarius123 Wrote:
> I think it's goulish the way they are preying on
> this poor man in his time of sorrow for their
> stupid mission efforts.

I agree that it's ghoulish. My brother-in-law's parents pulled that sort of nonsense after my sister-in-law lost twin preemies. It's sick to prey on the bereaved and vulnerable in that way.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/30/2015 08:16AM by scmd.

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Posted by: yows ( )
Date: December 30, 2015 07:28AM

I'm very sorry for your loss.

Your late sister is no longer an obstacle in their path, especially now, when he's so vulnerable.

How fortuitous for the vultures.

You may need to show them that there's another mama bear around.

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Posted by: Amyjo ( )
Date: December 30, 2015 07:54AM

It may come down to your telling them off, as yows asserts. It would irritate me to have them haranguing around when your BIL just wants to be allowed to grieve his loss. That is rude, insensitive, and moronic of them to go after him like they are.

Give them a no nonsense talking to, and perhaps write the stake president on behalf of your BIL, to request the contact cease and desist. Have your BIL sign it, to be sure they know it's his wishes.

Just imagine what they're doing to him would be their behavior to your family in the event they outlive you. It's a shame they don't understand simple etiquette and allowing a family to mourn a loss without interfering with their heretical beliefs mucking up the loss of a loved one.

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Posted by: seekyr ( )
Date: December 30, 2015 08:18AM

That's so sad.

One of the LDS church's most popular attractions is the "forever family" idea. Or it must be, because they use it a LOT. I'm sure the ladies and his neighbor are thinking that telling him about that is a WONDERFUL message of HOPE and COMFORT and is JUST what he needs right now. And because he's being polite - but dishonest - in return, they do not realize that their message is doing just the opposite of comforting him. In fact, if you keep saying "I'll think about it" I suspect they'll think he's starting to "feel the spirit".

I would suggest that if HE brings it up again to you, maybe suggest some sort of polite but clear refusal - and maybe just a tad of dishonesty one more time.

So if they start to launch into churchy stuff again, maybe say with the kindest tone of voice - "I really do appreciate all your care and concern and for thinking about me. It means a lot to me. But I feel like I need to tell you now that I WON'T BE GOING TO YOUR CHURCH because the fact is that I BELIEVE QUITE DIFFERENTLY from you. But even though I DON'T BELIEVE THE SAME WAY AS YOU, it comforts me to know that people in the LDS church believe in accepting other people's beliefs - it's part of the LDS church's . . . Articles of Faith? So I'm going to ask you to please accept me from now on as a NON-MEMBER brother/neighbor of yours. So CAN you accept me as a non-member brother/neighbor? (hopefully they accept) Oh good, I was hoping that you could. That makes me feel much better.

Of course, it doesn't have to be the above, but I would suggest a polite refusal of some sort so they don't think he's nibbling at the bait. Polite doesn't have to mean wishy-washy. And I don't think you necessarily HAVE to be rude to be clear.

Of course, if polite doesn't work . . .

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Posted by: Cheryl ( )
Date: December 30, 2015 08:36AM

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Posted by: summer ( )
Date: December 30, 2015 09:10AM

I'm sorry that the Mormons are harassing your brother-in-law. It sounds like he will need to be firmer with them. Perhaps he should share with them that the vast majority of Christians believe that they will be reunited with their families and loved ones in the afterlife -- for free.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/30/2015 09:11AM by summer.

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Posted by: imaworkinonit ( )
Date: December 30, 2015 10:19AM

When I have had a hard time with people behaving badly, it has helped to ask myself if I would EVER treat others the way they were treating me. If my reaction to that question is absolute repulsion or anger, then I know I don't deserve to be treated that way. It seems like some of the nicest people (like your BIL) are vulnerable to rude people because they assume others mean well. But if the behavior is unacceptable, it doesn't have to be tolerated.

I think just plain honesty from your BIL is needed. He needs to tell them that pushing their religion on him does not feel helpful OR supportive at this time, and tell them that although their religious beliefs bring THEM comfort, they only remind him that they don't understand or accept HIS right to his own beliefs. In other words, their 'comfort' only adds to his loneliness and pain.

If he could somehow find a way to remind them, any time they bring it up, that they are not being helpful. (In reality, they are trying to reassure themselves that they will be immortal).

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/30/2015 10:20AM by imaworkinonit.

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Posted by: Cheryl ( )
Date: December 30, 2015 11:51AM

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Posted by: anagrammy ( )
Date: December 30, 2015 12:09PM

I disagree with this speculation on the motives behind Mormon harassment of the bereaved.

When I was a member I was a perpetrator of this manipulation, which was taught to me by the Mormon Overlords. Just as missionaries learn to seek out the vulnerable wealthy (well-educated going through some kind of transition: divorce, death, relocation, etc), the members are taught "every member a missionary."

This callous indoctrination creates a "last chance" mentality because the Mormon neighbor actually feels that it's their fault you have not converted. The neighbor fears they are not a good-enough example, they have not love-bombed enough, or they have not shown "the spirit" or are otherwise inadequate.

In my opinion, the thoughtless harassment is prompted by guilt and a sincere desire to see the neighbor receive the (illusory) comfort the Mormon after-life promises offer.

Plain and simple, it is brainwashing that trumps normal human compassion.

The question of how to make it stop? Telling the neighbor off is not effective because it only reinforces the neighbor's fear of their own unworthiness. "I deserve this because I am not a perfect Mormon." In a perverse sense, it feels good to them to be scolded.

I don't know if this would work because I have never tried it, but I've always wondered what would happen if you just asked the Mormon to imagine what it would be like to be fully committed to another religious point of view and be hammered by Mormons who are taking advantage of your suffering.

Has anyone done this and how did it go?


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Posted by: Cheryl ( )
Date: December 30, 2015 01:13PM

I taught school. Parents often told me I should give grades based on the child's intent and let them have satisfactory marks if they were suffering a disruptive home life or other stresses. No, it would be unfair to tell them they had learned to read, write and compute if they hadn't. That would mean they did not have to try to catch up and it would tell future teachers that these kids didn't merit extra help or consideration.

If someone succumbs to indoctrination which makes them abusers, they still have to learn that they are wrong to abuse or they will never learn to do better.

A bereaving widower needs to focus on his own needs and not the expectations of barely connected indoctrinated cultists.

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Posted by: blueorchid ( )
Date: December 30, 2015 11:55AM

After reading the details of your post I think the label "oafs" may be too kind. Even tacking on the rude and heartless didn't take it far enough for me.

Selfishly sadistic come to mind, however.

Sorry you and BIL have to endure that.

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Posted by: desertman ( )
Date: December 30, 2015 12:17PM

My solution to this is just let them ramble on and then I do what I like.

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Posted by: CA girl ( )
Date: December 30, 2015 12:18PM

Oh Cheryl - this reminds me of my mission where we were specifically taught, in the MTC and in the mission field, to seek out those who were sad or lonely or suffering a loss. At the time, it was sold to us as a kind gesture - providing a balm to the broken hearted. Only later did I realize it was basically victimizing the weak, the sad and the struggling. Trying to scoop up those who life had knocked down because they were easer to brainwash. Preying on the vulnerable.

It's disgusting - love should be shared without an agenda. And Mormons are taught it's OK - even praiseworthy to behave like this. They are the worst then they wonder why they are so disliked. It must be Satan. What they don't realize is it's the way Satan makes them behave, not some weird power he has over humanity, that make it easy to dislike Mormons. If you believe in Satan, that is.

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Posted by: Cheryl ( )
Date: December 30, 2015 01:55PM

I was too distraught by all of this to work through it as well as all of you were. I appreciate your help.

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Posted by: StillAnon ( )
Date: December 30, 2015 02:19PM

You BIL is a wounded fish & the sharks smell blood in the water. You & your husband are kind people to make the drive to see your BIL. It's probably the highlight of his week & a chance to converse with honest, decent people. Please keep up your kindness. Thanks to you, he'll have some sanity in his life as he tries to recover from the loss of his wife. Good job!

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Posted by: donbagley ( )
Date: December 30, 2015 02:08PM

I find it heartless the way they show more compassion to their organization than they do to people.

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Posted by: smirkorama ( )
Date: December 30, 2015 02:27PM

preying, or attempting to prey on the bereaved; it's a MORmON specialty!!!!!

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Posted by: saucie ( )
Date: December 30, 2015 02:49PM

If that was my brother in law who was too nice to tell them

that they are being insensitive pieces of shit, then I would

give them the message myself and be glad to do it. I can't

believe how heartless and cold they are to take advantage of

a womans death to push the putrid gospel on such a sweet man

who is greiving.

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Posted by: ificouldhietokolob ( )
Date: December 30, 2015 03:43PM

They know from experience that they have their "best shot" with people who are down, poor, sad, etc.
So they go after them.
Their desire to convert transcends any human kindness or decency.

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Posted by: Phazer ( )
Date: December 30, 2015 04:07PM

Invite over the TBM sisters while he has a beer or wine available. maybe they'll stay away.

Depending on how things go, they might both be tagged teamed if you know what I'm saying.

You did say he needed to be comforted.

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Posted by: Cheryl ( )
Date: December 30, 2015 04:46PM

It wouldn't work to invite them over since they didn't even bother to attend the funeral. Not that any of the Californian exmos want them here.

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Posted by: Eric K ( )
Date: December 30, 2015 05:02PM

I don't want to overly generalize. I have found that hard core true believing Mormons seem to lack empathy. Their lives are almost entirely controlled by rules, regulations, quotas, repeated phrases and attempting appear to be successful.

My wife and I attended a funeral 20 years ago of a young man who died in an auto accident. The family was not overly TBM as the service was at a funeral home instead of at the ward. My wife and I had been out a couple of years at that time and felt we should attend as we knew him from primary and young men when we were active. The friends of the young man gave very emotional heartfelt talks. There was minimal preaching of the plan of salvation so it went well until the end. The Bishop announced that a member of the high council would give the closing prayer. I am sure 90% of the people attending had no idea who a high council person was. In his prayer he said "... we are thankful to be here today... blah blah blah". The words made me angry. He was at a funeral for a young man who died tragically. I wanted to jump up and strangle the jerk giving the prayer.

Mormonism is superficial living at best. I am sorry Cheryl you are still having to deal with Mormons in your life.

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Posted by: StillAnon ( )
Date: December 30, 2015 05:06PM

BINGO! Empathy has no place in Mormonism. Just like droids, your job is to do what your told, regardless of human circumstances. I think this is where mormons fork from most religions. That's why they're a cult, not a church.

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Posted by: Cheryl ( )
Date: December 30, 2015 05:12PM

Thank you, Eric and everyone who took the time to read or comment.

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Posted by: felixwhiteplz ( )
Date: December 30, 2015 08:51PM

Muslims are worse.

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Posted by: Dave the Atheist ( )
Date: December 31, 2015 12:00AM

no boundries

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Posted by: cl2 ( )
Date: December 31, 2015 12:13AM

It is one thing for the bishop neighbor to be bothering him, but for her family to be bothering him. This is horrible. Even as a mormon, I was taught different than this by my parents. I wish there was some way you could put a stop to it for him.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/31/2015 12:13AM by cl2.

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Posted by: Dafuq ( )
Date: December 31, 2015 12:45AM

Time to get the hose...

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