Lately I lurk more than I post however, I wanted to share the fact that we just celebrated our 10th anniversary out of the LD$ church.

As some may know, I questioned things in early 2005. I shared with my wife concerns which led to several stressful months as we discussed my unbelief and whether we could remain married like that. By the fall of 2005 my wife decided our marriage meant more then the church and she stopped attending. On Feb. 15, 2006 which also was our 20th wedding anniversary, we (me, DW & all 4 kids ages 12-18) formally resigned from the LD$ church. Our abrupt and non-confrontational exit left many in our ward baffled. We as a family were very active and held important callings. We simply stopped going and then resigned. I refused to meet with the Bishop or Stake Pres. I served in multiple bishoprics so I knew discussing my issues was a waste since they couldn't and wouldn't answer my questions.

So recently we celebrated wedding anniversary #30 and 10 years out. As we have done for every 5th wedding anniversary, we took a big trip. This year was a couple weeks in Phuket Thailand. We enjoyed the great food, cold drinks, warm weather and beautiful beaches. We continue to build great memories together and remain best friends.

So the past ten years have been a mixed bag of results. Our marriage has really not changed much since leaving. We remain in love and enjoy each others company. We laugh at how much we have grown up together and just how crazy the past 30 years have been.

Our children are finding their own in different ways. Our now 28 yr. old daughter always thought she would be married after HS to some returned missionary. We certainly threw her a curveball by leaving. She is very independent and has adjusted to her new life plans. Our youngest daughter was 12 so barely remembers church. She is non-religious and has done great. Our younger son was 14 when we left. He also remembers very little and is doing fine. Our older son was 15 almost 16 when we left. He, like his older sister, was more influenced by the church at that age. It was his social life. He initially struggled after we left with finding non-LD$ friends. As such he struggled off and on with drug use. He is smart and well studied but certainly has not adjusted as well as we envisioned. However, overall our kids are doing well. We are probably no worse off then if we had stayed in the LD$ church.

As I have said many times the past ten years, RfM was a life saver for me. In my darkest moments, as I pondered how and why I couldn't believe like everyone else in my family and ward, I became aware of this site with people who had similar thoughts and concerns. This became the one place I could come and not feel alone. Although I am way beyond "needing" this site, I still enjoy reading about others exits and their stories. I have been fortunate to have met many posters "in real life". I will be forever grateful to Eric and team for creating and maintaining this exmo safe haven.

Most of all, I am so glad I figured it out! I truly have NO regrets and love my life as it is.

Thanks for reading if you made it this far.

Cheers and peace out,
~ Adam

Congrats on doing so well. It is great to have alumni report back!

That's a great and happy story. Thanks for sharing that Adam.
What a great life it is without all the pressures of the cult. Wishing you the best.

Beautiful.

Now THAT'S a great family story. I'm glad the church didn't damage yours.

Thanks for sharing.

So I'll speak for them. Thank you.

Thanks for the update! Love to hear how others lives have improved after bursting the bubble.

I do have one question.

Did you ride Elephants while in Phuket? Reason I ask is that It's on my sweehearts bucket list and I'm thinking to make that come true for her.

Thanks again,

AmIDarkNow?

It was on my wife's list of things to do. However, after seeing them up close and personal before during and after the ride, my wife was very disappointed. She would not recommend it or do it again.

She did visit the tiger sanctuary and she did enjoy that.

Adam,

You don't know me but we interacted occasionally here on RFM back in 2005 and 2006. At that time I had just begun my journey out of the church. Unfortunately my wife never made it out and is still a TBM 10 years later. I still attend for family and social reasons but participate accordingly. No tithing, garments, or calling. It works for us. Unfortunately my kids suffer the most with this arrangement because they see my lack if enthusiasm for the church and are mentally checked out. The day will come when they can check out on their own if they decide to.

Looking back, I most likely should have moved on from the church completely at the risk of losing a marriage that hasn't fully deteriorated like most mixed faith marriages do. However, my happiness has suffered somewhat. I'm replying here to say congratulations on taking the red pill and getting out. It's good to know what parallel life could have been like had I made the same decision as you did 10 years ago.

My biggest worry back then was divorce and how the kids would turn out without the church. Thanks for sharing.

I am sorry to hear that things didn't pan out as well for you as planned. The early stages of leaving were so so scary. Extracting ourselves from the comfort of knowing everything to suddenly knowing nothing was tough. I worried a lot about my kids and the impact on their lives. I often wonder when they struggle if I created that for them by leaving. However, I also hear them talk about their future and see how they enjoy life and realize the risk was worth it. I tell them all the time that I did what I did for the right reason. They are mature enough now to understand and all have thanked me at various times.

Looking back I realize I took a huge gamble. The lucky part was that my wife somehow arrived at the same place but through an entirely different route. That is pure luck so I wouldn't second guess your decision. I remember so many contentious discussions with her about what she would allow or not allow me to do or say to our kids. I wondered if I could live with it that way.

I really appreciate the response. I truly feel lucky despite our challenges. I can't imagine what our or our kids lives would have looked like.

I always tell my kids, "the only thing I now know is that I don't know."

Take care Luther!

Adam,

Our families left at the same time. Happy tenth!

;o)

I hope you are doing well.

Thank you for your success story!

Your children are still in a difficult stage in life, not yet married, probably not established in a career, yet. All that is ahead of them, so you can't expect them to have the same level of "success" as young adults in their 30's and 40's. Be patient.

"The Mormon church is the best way to raise children." That is one of the most harmful lies coming from the cult!

After we resigned, my children lost all of their Mormon friends--and so did I--but it was no real loss, as these were not true friends, and the Mormons have no monopoly on love, happiness, or success. There are a lot of fine non- and ex- Mormons in the world, which we are happy to know. My children made life-long friends, outside the cult, including their spouses, a business partner, ski buddies, party-goers, Ute fans, friends who's children play together, friends who go to Lake Powell and Yellowstone together. The Mormon social (climbing) life is very boring.

I also believe that the boost in self-esteem, outside of that negative religion of threats, prejudices, judgments and oppression, helped my children move on toward success. We have no regrets about resigning.

Congratulations on keeping your marriage together through that fire-storm!

I really think they are where they are regardless of the church influence. They are definitely happier and free to choose authentically for themselves.

The rub is that they are often measured against their TBM cousins in Utah who married at 22, finished college and have 2 kids now. The truth is, most if not all of my kids would not have done that even if we were still in. It is not who they were or are. They are all quite independent and confident with themselves.

Thanks for the congrats. Keeping a marriage together is no small task. It is so easy to justify getting out when it gets tough however, we both still like each other and continue to see reasons to keep going.

I have ZERO regrets and neither does my wife or kids.

Cheers!

Thanks for the update. Good to know you are together as a family!
Congrats on building a new kind of life for your family.

Thanks Susie Q. I have always enjoyed following your posts over the years. I believe we have a mutual FB friend, Odell. Take care...