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Posted by: jiminycricket ( )
Date: May 01, 2016 11:10PM


Quorum of Twelve Apostles

Tempe Arizona Stake Center
2707 South College Avenue
Tempe, Arizona

Tuesday, April 26, 2016
Audio Link:

(Made by jiminycricket of RFM)

(Emphasis added in spots to reflect Holland’s voice)


Somebody once said, “God loves broken things.” And he must be deserved of so many of them. And that’s apparently the way it is with broken things in life ― broken marriages, broken economies, broken political systems, broken homes, broken emotions, broken minds. But I assert to you, and it will be my theme tonight, that whether it’s a little break or a big break, we’re all a little broken. That’s the nature of a fallen world.

(0:40 minute/second)
God loves broken things, and I ask you to take heart in that, because there is something in the plan that seems to require that. I know that may sound a little harsh, I don’t want it to be patronizing, but think about it: It takes broken clouds to nourish the earth. It takes broken earth to grow things. It takes broken grain to make bread. It takes broken bread to nourish us.

These are the cycles of life. This is how it works. And in the immediate instance, in the immediate moment, that can seem horrible. That can seem terrible. Whatever this breakage is, this is how life was supposed to be. This is how they told me it would be when I was a laurel. This is the way they said they told me to come back from my mission and get ready for all this. This is following whatever that was. Too many things are broken.

Well, things can be broken, and they are, and they will be. But, hang on and persevere ― and stay with me, and stay with the Lord, and stay with the Gospel, and learn that it’s only by throwing that little kernel of corn away, the scripture says, that we could ever have a harvest and a return on that.

Everybody knows that you gotta plant in order to harvest. And you better save your seed corn. And it would be foolish beyond measure to just sort of hold that tight in your little sweaty palm and not let it go. We know that now.

But what about the first guy that ever had to do that? What about the first family that was hungry and some angel came along and said: “Well, now in order, maybe to make this work, you’ve gotta throw all that stuff away?”

We’re given these acts of faith in these moments and cycles of life where we have to trust God. And somebody said, “How can you trust God?” And the answer was [stern voice]: “Because he TOLD me he could. He TOLD me I can. He TOLD me he’s trustable. He’s trustworthy.” THAT’S why I trust in God.

And we need to believe that every word that ever was uttered by the mouth of almighty God will be realized, will be fulfilled ― and that includes your blessings. That includes: your baby blessing and your confirmation; and for the many ordinations of the Priesthood; and the women and all the Priesthood blessings that go with that ― Patriarchal blessings, father’s blessings, temple blessings. EVERY WORD will be realized. EVERY PROMISE will be honored.

DON’T CUT AND RUN ― because somehow there’s the tinkling of the little glass, or the shattering of the favorite piece of china, or somebody doing something where you say: “Gosh this isn’t the way they told me it would be.” Everybody is going to have some things broken. And apparently, apparently the thing God loves most of all in this world is a broken heart and a contrite spirit.

For all these generations, for four thousand years, Adam and Eve and their descendants, took these little lambs and offered them on an altar as devotion and loyalty and love of God. THAT WE TRUST the future ― WE TRUST THE FUTURE.

How far away is the Savior from Adam and Eve? We don’t know all the dating in the world. But traditionally, scripturally, we mark it as at least four thousand years. That’s a lot of time to live by faith. That’s a lot of time to believe that somebody’s gonna come and help. Well, you can trust in it because divine beings said it so. And for four thousand years God’s children offered a little lamb to represent the great lamb who would come and save the world ― a sacrifice, something broken, something bleeding, something offered, something damaged, if you will, for the great, grand good of mankind. But when the lamb came it was then sacrilegious, and surely counterproductive, to continue to offer the little lamb when the great lamb had already come.

So now we’re gonna ratchet it up a little. We’re gonna grow up. We’re gonna be a little more mature. We’re gonna move a little from a kind of a law of Moses world to a little more of a Gospel world and the principles are gonna go inside. We’re not going to have a lamb out here. It’s not going to be external. It’s not going to be a bit hoopla in the temple. It’s going to be more personal for every one of us, more individual, more elevated – still symbolic, but more personal.

“I am the light and the life of the world,” he said, “I’m alpha and omega, the beginning and the end. You shall offer up unto me no more the shedding of blood. Yay your sacrifices and your burnt offerings shall be done away; for I will accept none of your sacrifices or your burnt offerings any more. You shall offer, you shall offer for a sacrifice unto me a broken heart and a contrite spirit. And whoso cometh unto me with a broken heart and a contrite spirit, him or her will I baptize with fire and with the Holy Ghost. I have come into the world to bring redemption into the world to save the world from sin.”

Why a broken heart? Why a contrite spirit? What did Christ die of? If there had been a post-mortem at Calvary, what would the coroner have said? DEATH by broken heart.

We know that because when the Roman soldier came to break a bone in this unblemished lamb, thank heavens he didn’t have to, discovered he’s already dead. How did he know he was dead? He poked his spear in his side and water and blood rushed out.

What’s it doing down there in his abdominal cavity? He hasn’t been in a car wreck. He hasn’t had all of his organs damaged. Or has he? He died, in effect, physiologically, ultimately, and certainly spiritually, of a broken heart. He died of contrition. He died feeling sorrow for the sins of the world.

And brothers and sisters, we say we’re Disciples of Christ. This is the great church of Christ. This is the true congregation of Disciples of Christ. WELL WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? [stern voice] YOU TELL ME WHAT THAT MEANS. YOU TELL ME WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A DISCIPLE OF CHRIST, BUT I DON’T WANT TO WALK WHERE HE WALKED, AND I DON’T WANT TO SAY WHAT HE SAID, AND I DON’T WANT TO FEEL WHAT HE FEELS, AND I SURE DON’T WANT TO SHED THE TEARS THAT HE SHED. Let’s not push this discipleship stuff too far. [laughter]

I don’t believe there is any royal road to discipleship. What God the very father of us all is saying, and when the Savior came to show us the way to do, is to break a few things, in order that we can understand that they can be made whole and holier and happier and better. That’s the lesson of the resurrection. The ultimate healing, the ultimate impact of the atonement, the resurrection being THEE chief characteristic of Christianity.

There have been a lot of other smart people in the world. There have even been people who’ve done magical things and worked wonders. But we’ve never had anybody take off his own burial clothes and stand up and live forever and forever and forever, and extend the promise to the rest of the human family. THAT is the singular mark of Christianity.

So the resurrection means that EVERYTHING GETS FIXED. Everything that was broken is healed. Everything that was deformed is made right. Everything that was impure is made pure. Everything that was affected or infected is perfected. And we get something back better than we gave. Whatever this resurrected body is, is supposed to be us at whatever our ideal time or age or circumstance was – plus. Plus celestialization. Plus eternity. Plus redemption.

Please, please I don’t want this to sound condescending. I don’t want it to sound patronizing. I don’t want it to sound cute or quick. But every one of us are gonna be invited to come up to the altar of God and place a broken heart on it. And you get it back – that’s the kernel of corn parable.

Hang on. Don’t, don’t panic. He tells us he’s very much in charge and very, very capable. You’re gonna get your heart back. You’re gonna get your life back. You’re gonna get your kids back. Those of you who don’t have kids are gonna get ‘em. Those of you who aren’t married are gonna be married. You’re gonna get everything. You’re gonna get everything – just bring me a broken HEART! Bring me the symbols of the atonement. Show me you’re a disciple. Show me that you’ll sacrifice – and sometimes that just means weathering your own tears, and holding on to your own hope, and forgiving somebody who’s transgressed against yah.

Why, why do you think a third of the hosts of heaven rejected the father’s plan when it was presented? There was a father’s plan, period. Christ accepted, fortunately we did too, but a third of the hosts of heaven rejected. Why did they do that? I don’t think it was because they were somehow buffaloed about Satan guaranteeing their salvation, which was kinda the pitch – I’ll save everybody, I don’t think that was the appeal. I don’t know that life without any decisions or any choices or any sunrises or any sunsets sounds pretty exciting. I don’t know that that was a very glamorous offer.

Do you want to know my personal feeling? This is – this is JRH 101. [laughter] Do you want to know my feeling about why they – why they followed Lucifer? It was NOT because they liked his take on an option. I think it’s because they were terrified about the true plan. I think they were terrified to something. I think they were afraid to run the risk; that life would have some dark days; that decisions would be made, and some of them would be right and some of them would be wrong; that we’d live with other people and some of them would treat us well and some of them would treat us poorly; and that when we got our own agency worked out then we had to turn around and realize that everybody else had some; and just when we thought life was gonna look pretty good then our kids start growing up; [laughter] and they think they’ve got agency. [laughter] – a couple of the laws we all wanted to revoke from time to time. [laughter]

I don’t know that that’s true. But I have a hunch that it’s true; that they were fearful of the divine experience; they were afraid to suffer; they were afraid to weep; they were afraid to know that some nights would be very, very long, and some days would be very, very painful; and they would cry in the night for help and go to a single adult [inaudible] [audio cut off, then resumes].

[Very stern voice] Now, don’t - you - cave in N-O-W! Having made the decision then, the right one, don’t cut and run now!

Oh Lord, not me. Don’t ask me to suffer. Don’t ask me to weep. Don’t ask me to be disappointed. Don’t ask for me to have a decision that went wrong or somebody else who made a decision and that really crushed me. Or, even that somehow heaven is being complicit in this. Don’t do that now.

If God helps you make your ultimate offering; if God helps you somehow allowing the way, creating the circumstance, designing the environment, giving the option; whatever heaven does, not to cause it but to allow you to make your offering, to break your heart; don’t resist it. And don’t shake your fist at heaven. And don’t say why me, ‘cause it’s always ultimately finely gonna be all of us. None of us will get there without a broken heart and a contrite spirit.

“I have come into the world to bring redemption to the world and to save the world from sin.” And that’s how we get there. And when you’re in the middle of it it’s very, very painful. And so we need each other. And we need reminders. We need the Gospel. We need single adult devotionals. When you’re in the middle of this, when you’re trying to remember that this is part of the divine plan and that you’re trying to be disciples, and you are trying to be willing to weep, and you are trying to be willing to suffer – and by the way, if the contrition and the suffering is not for your own sin – hallelujah – I’m grateful if you don’t have any, but you can join him in suffering and feeling contrition and shedding tears for somebody else’s.

There’s plenty to go around. If you’ve got yours all taken care of then I ask you to look to the left, and look to the right, and look back and look forward, and there are plenty of people who need your help. So weep for them. Cry for them. Suffer if you will, if not for them, at least with them, because that’s what he did. Now when you’re in the middle of that, when you’re willing to follow a plan that had suffering built in to it, remember this single line: Endure and save yourself for days of happiness ahead.

Want me to say that again? Endure and save yourself for days of happiness ahead. The problem, I’ll warn you right now, I will warn you this minute, the problem is when you’re in the middle of these messes you don’t think there is any happiness ahead. You don’t think you would ever gonna be happy again. In fact, if we really get a pitty-party going here, you’re gonna say: I’ve NEVER been happy. [laughter] You know before I think about it, I’ve NEVER been happy. Worlds without end I’ve never been happy. And then you’ll say, I don’t know anybody --- before long we’ve got a real mess here. [laughing]

That is not fair, and it is not true. And you have been happy. And you have been blessed. And you’ve got blessings right now. And if you don’t think so, join me and I’ll take you to some parts of the world where we can really grieve and break our heart for the sins and difficulties of the fallen world.

You’ve been happy. You’re gonna be happy again. You have been blessed. You are blessed. You are blessed and so am I. And God forgive me if I ever in a moment of pity, in a moment of self-indulgence, crying around and suggest you know: Why do you pick on me? Why is life so tough for me?

Well, life’s been very good to all of us. Some days and maybe right now for some, not as well as we’d like. But that’s part of the story. Hang on. Hang on. This is the church of the happy endings. This all works out. That’s the plan. That’s the purpose. That resurrection morning, that resurrection Sunday morning always follows, it never precedes; it always follows that grieving sacrificial atoning Friday night. It’s always happy in the end.

Hang on, and hold on, and persevere and weep for the sins for the world; that we wish and hope that it can be better, and it will. Endure and save yourself for days of happiness ahead.

And so here you are and you are going down this slope, this precipitous slope on a bobsled and your nose is what’s leading right into a brick wall. [laughter] You are head long into disaster and you think there’s no happiness ahead for me. There’s no way out of the mess I’m in. There’s no way I can undo the trouble that’s come. There’s too much water over the dam. There are too many troubles in my kid’s lives; or my hopes and dreams for marriage are dashed, or even the marriage we had is dashed – I don’t know – pick a problem [laughter] and dive down into the pit. And if you will, if you will persevere, if you will stay faithful, if you will say as Elder McConkie wrote in that marvelous hymn, “I believe in Christ, so come one and all,” you will some remarkable day, sooner than later I hope, but if it’s later than so be it, you will some remarkable day suddenly feel that that bobsled you were on nose first hasn’t taken your life. You may have hit a brick wall or two, but somehow you’re still on it; and you’re still riding, miracle of miracles; and the pace is changing. The angle’s changing. It’s not going as fast and I’m not angled down so much. And I’m almost kind of even feeling here for a minute, and it’s been so long I can hardly even recognize it. [laughter]

And then, up the other side of the morning – up the other side of the dawn. [Sounding emotional] I know what it’s like to walk the floor at three o’clock in the morning and believe it will be three o’clock in the morning forever. I know what it’s like to look out of the window to the east and never see a single, solitary sight or the rising sun – day after day, week after week.

And so do the best men and women I know – start with Thomas, go to Henry, go to Dieter, go to Russell, and so it goes in this dispensation and every dispensation. You, nor I, nor anybody out there has any corner on grief; has any full mortgage holding it tightly on tears that travail, and sorrow. Everybody I know, especially here, everybody I know has looked out the window and thought it was going to be three o’clock in the morning forever.

But of all the titles that I love, Elder Roberts has heard me say that on this trip, among I wouldn’t say of all, among the greatest titles of the Savior that I love, the bright and morning star – that’s his title from the Book of Revelation, the son. I testify of the bright and morning star. My brothers and sisters the sun will come up. If I could, I guess if I could, I’m not sure I would, but I’d like to say for you that if I could I’d have it come up immediately. I wouldn’t have you wait 24-hours. And for some of you that’ll be so. For others it’ll be longer. Brothers it might be a very long time. But the sun always rises. The morning sun, the bright morning star, the Savior of the world – endure and save yourself for days of happiness ahead.

A couple of things you’re supposed to do: You’re supposed to be willing to be broken, you don’t have to look for it. By the way, don’t go look for trouble. [laughter] You’ll find it. There’s a way that it somehow seems to find us. But, be willing to be broken knowing you can be fixed; knowing that everything’s going to be healed; and the great metaphor of the resurrection – everything’s going to be perfected – you get it all back.

In the process – enduring, don’t give up, don’t panic, don’t cut and run, don’t bail out in the middle. You’ll ruin the whole story if you run.

Those are two things you’re supposed to do. One thing you’re not supposed to do: Don’t you ever, don’t you EVER [yells] look to heaven, wail and weep and whine on the way, and say: Well I guess God doesn’t love me. [yelling] DON’T YOU EVER DO THAT!

And you know what I know – that some of us have done it already. And some of you might have done it tonight. And some of you may be tempted to do it tomorrow. Don’t. You see the problem here? If the suggestion is: because I suffer, God must not love me – WELL WHAT ON EARTH DOES THAT SAY ABOUT THIS? Name me a story, name me a person, name me a character in these books who didn’t suffer somehow, someway – and you’re telling me that they’re not righteous. Is that the implication that they’re not righteous?

Or, what about the Son of God himself? Let’s just pull all the stops here and say: Oh that’s interesting theology. But because, Jesus of Nazareth, who suffered more than any human being can suffer, that’s what King Benjamin said by the way. King Benjamin said he suffered more than a man can suffer; partly because he wasn’t fully a man – he was, some elements of the divinity there – still mortal.

But King Benjamin says he suffered more than a man can suffer. And a lot more than you and a lot more than me. And you’re saying to me: Well, than I guess he, most of all, gets to say – I guess God doesn’t love him. And God loved him more than any other child in his family. But because he loved every one of us he was willing to offer that son to save the rest of us. One perfect child for all the rest of us who are so terribly imperfect.

Don’t, don’t ever find yourself accusing, or controversial, or threatening, or shaking your fist about the love of God. There are a few things that are sacred in this universe. And chief among those is the love of almighty God for his children. [near yelling] Don’t you EVER dare say that, NOT in my presence – NOT EVER, because it’s not true. And I think it’s blasphemous. I think it’s absolutely blasphemous for what he’s done, for what he continues to do, and what he will yet do – all personified ultimately in the atonement, but covered with blessings all along the way in ten thousand kinds in your lifetime.

So you stay with us. You keep your faith and you persevere.

<< Noticeable break in the audio feed, resuming as follows >>

We don’t want to be patient. We say: I believe in being long suffering; I don’t want to suffer; I don’t want it to be very long. There’s scarcely a virtue that we communicate and identify and testify of that we believe. Actually, want to undertake.

We’re the church that says: “We’re Gods and Goddesses in embryo – we’re the church that says we’re kings and queens, we’re priests and priestesses.” People accuse us of heresy. They say we’re absolutely heretical non-Christians because we happen to believe what all the prophets taught – and that is that we’re children of God, heirs of Christ, joint heirs of Christ. We just happen to take the scriptures literally that kids grow up to be like their parents.

But, how does that happen? How does Godliness happen? Do we just pop up – are we just gonna pop up out of the grave? Just halleluiahs – resurrection morning – give me a universe or two, you know! [laughter] Bring me some worlds to run. I’m ready here [still laughing] I don’t think so. Doesn’t sound like line upon line and precept upon precept to me.

How do you become Godly? You do Godly things. That’s how you become Godly. And you practice, and you practice, and you practice ‘till your nose bleeds, ‘till you’re sick of it, ‘till you say I can’t do it any more, ‘till you say is there any other way? Can this cup pass? MAYBE, when you’re finally to that point, God can say I think we’re beginning to get the message, I think we’re on our way.

Most of us do not want to pay that price. Now thank heavens we did survive that war, that one-third-two-third cut in the pre-existence. [laughter] But I think there’s some days here where we get a little weak-kneed, get a little willy-nilly and say I don’t know what to make of all this. Don’t you dare bail.

I am so furious with people who leave this church. I don’t know whether furious is a good apostolic word. [massive laughter] But I am. What on earth kind of conviction is that? What kind of patty-cake, taffy-pulled experiences is that? [laughter] As if, as if none of this ever mattered; as if nothing in our contemporary life mattered; as if this was all JUST SUPPOSED to be [near yelling] JUST EXACTLY the way I want it? And answered EVRY one of my questions – and pursue this and occupy that – and defy this and then maybe I’ll be a later-day Saint. Well, there’s too much Irish in me for that. [laughter]

[emphatically] This church means everything to me. Everything. I don’t care what happens; I don’t care what price has to be paid, as painful as that can be; and as much as I don’t want to invite the test as much as I don’t want to sound arrogant, or self-confident, or filled with any kind of pride other than the love of the Lord – this church means everything to me. And I’m NOT going to leave it. And I’M NOT GOING TO LET YOU LEAVE IT. And if there’s anybody in this room who’s investigating, I want to talk to you tonight before the clock strikes twelve for you to get in it. [laughter]

Because everything that I’ve said tonight is true about the destiny of the human soul – a plan ordained for us to be like God-head [second anointing slip-up], with God, and resurrected, and whole, and perfect, and happy. And it’s in the Gospel of Jesus Christ that that happens.

The great, initial first principle of life on the high seas: When life gets tough, and the church is complex, and the world is crumbling, the first great rule of a storm at sea is [yelling] STAY IN THE BOAT! [slight audience chuckle] This is no time for you to say, oh well now it looks like, I don’t know, nobody cares. I’ll get up here, I’ll get up here on the edge and do a little half gainer over the side. [laughter] Boy, if that’ a terrific performance. I’ll tell you you’re in for a good experience.

That’s the dumbest thing you can do. [laughter] And, and the only thing dumber would be for somebody else to follow yah. [more laughter] You stay in the boat and pull the life jacket down on yah and grab an oar and just hang on and it’s gonna get calm. The storm’s gonna pass – we’re gonna come into port – the sun is gonna shine.

“That same day, when the even was come, he saith unto them, Let us pass over unto the other side. And when they had sent away the multitude, they took him even as he was in the ship. And there were also with him other little ships. And there arose a great storm of wind, and the waves beat into the ship, so that it was now full. And he was in the hinder part of the ship, asleep on a pillow: and they awakened him, and say unto him, Master, carest thou not that we perish?” (Mark 4 35:38)

This is a serious storm. The ship’s taking water. It’s clearly, clearly a serious storm. Part of the reason we know it’s serious is who’s fearful? Who’s panicky here? The most experienced fisherman in all the Galilee, that’s who. Peter, James and John chief among them – six of the original twelve were fishermen from the Galilee – Peter, James and John were the most famous and probably the most experienced. And if it’s serious enough, that they’re frightened, it’s a serious storm.

But Christ is tired. Does it ever, does it ever dawn on you, does it ever dawn on me, does it ever dawn on anybody that God might be tired? Or that Christ might be tired? Or certainly in his mortality that he was tired. He’s sleeping through this storm! How tired could you be? He’s people tired. He’s blessing tired. He’s parable tired. He’s sermon tired. Everywhere he goes he’s tired. It’s people, people, people, problems, problems, problems – I can’t walk, I can’t see, I can’t hear, bless my child, bless my father, heal my wounds. He’s exhausted. At least he has to be to be sleeping through this storm. Ship apparently looked like [it’s] not going to go down.

I’m grateful that someone, I’m grateful that someone had the sensitivity, as they pushed away from shore, to give him a pillow. I mean that. Somebody thought the Son of the living God might at least deserve a pillow for his troubles. He was asleep on a pillow, and they awakened the same answered carest not that we perish? I’m not sure how he looked at ‘em when they woke him up. I’m sure it was compassionate. I’m sure it was loving. He was always that. But I wonder if he just didn’t kind of [audience chuckle] – what would he wonder about?

Well, he arose and rebuked the wind and said unto the sea “Peace, be still.” And the wind ceased and there was a great calm. I promise yah, I told yah, I told yah, the sun’ll come up. We’ll make it to port. It’s calm, calm as a summer’s day. But he’s not through rebuking. After his rebuke of the waves he rebukes them – gently, sweetly – but it’s a rebuke.

“He arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm. And he said unto them, Why are ye so fearful? How is it that ye have no faith?” (Mark 4:39-40)

It’s interesting that the very next line is: “Now they feared exceedingly.” [laughter] They can’t win. But it’s for a different reason. Now they’re not afraid of the storm. Now they’re worried about him. “They feared exceedingly, and said one to another, What manner of man is this, that even the wind and the sea obey his words?” (Mark 4:41)

Why would he say, why would he say: “Why is it that you’re so fearful? How is it that you have no faith?” Why would he say that? They had some faith. And it is a bad storm. And they’re entitled to be a little fearful. Why does he rebuke them? Did you catch my first line? I kind of [inaudible] that intentionally. The first line of the parable: “That same day, when even was come, he saith unto them, Let us pass over to the other side.” (Mark 4:35)

[forcefully] IF THE LIVING SON OF THE LIVING GOD SAYS WE’RE GOING TO THE OTHER SIDE, THEN YOU PUT INTO YOUR BOOK, WE’RE GOING TO THE OTHER SIDE. [almost yelling] Do you believe that God in his heaven, would let the most perfect, only begotten child of his destiny, sink into the middle of the Sea of Galilee? Well, if you think so you've got another thought coming, and so do Peter, James and John. Now they’re new, they’re young. This is only the fourth chapter of Mark. They’re young. [laughter] And they’ve got a ways to go. They’re learning. But Christ is not gonna go down in a boat in the middle of the Sea of Galilee.

Now when he says let’s go to the other side, I’ve got the salvation of the world to complete. I’ve got the atonement of almighty God to fulfill. I’ve got the Gospel to bring to the living and the dead. What he’s saying is, Elders, like I said to the missionaries this afternoon, Elders you’ve gotta get the picture. You’ve gotta be believing. You’ve gotta be bigger and better than you are. You’ve gotta be bolder or stronger and more powerful than you’ve been. You gotta see who I am. And you gotta know that you’ve [?] know it? How is it that you’re so fearful? Why is it that you have so little faith?

He’s teaching. He’s teaching about a broken heart and a contrite spirit, hard times, storms, wind, waves and our little boats that we think are gonna sink – they’re not going to sink, they’re not going to sink, not as long as we cling to him who is the master of ocean and earth and sky. To him, who by his very utterance, can control the wind and the waves, and move a mountain across a valley floor, or plant a sycamore tree into the sea. Count on that. Bank on that. Believe in that. Stay with that and save yourself for days of happiness ahead.

I promise you, with all my heart, that you will have them. And I leave an apostolic blessing on you in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ as if my hands were on your head individually. If we had the time, we’d do that. We do it the way the ancients did. We do it the way the Savior did – whole sea shores, whole mountain tops. I bless every single one of you: with answers to your prayers; with calmness and peace of heart; with tranquility amidst turbulence; with safety in the middle of sorrow; with hope for yourself and happiness for your loved ones; for your family, your children if you have them, your neighbors which we all have; that person sitting on your left, that person sitting on your right.

I bless you in your discipleship. I bless you as you feel sorrow for the sins of the world; and the damage that gets down to people, because [inaudible] if not ours, and I hope not ours, something somebody else did to us. I bless you for sorrow in that regard and contrition; that such circumstances could exist among the children of men.

I bless you also for knowing that the answer, the only answer, the God given answer, the eternal answer, is the Gospel of Jesus Christ. It is the very discipleship we profess and what we he’s determined to make of us, can kick and screaming as we go; he is determined to make us kings and queens, priests and priestesses, and Gods in our own right, in our own effort; to be as he is; and to therefore have yet another season in our life to bless people who are sorrowing, to help people who are struggling, to dry the tears from every eye, that those tears may be dried from yours; and that you might live with the hope and happiness that only the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints brings. I pray and promise and seal a blessing to you in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 05/02/2016 12:29AM by jiminycricket.

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Posted by: thatsnotmyname ( )
Date: May 02, 2016 12:15AM

He's an ANGRY elf...

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Posted by: heat27 ( )
Date: May 02, 2016 01:27AM

it's very sad.

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Posted by: Darkfem ( )
Date: May 02, 2016 01:29AM

Thank you for doing this!

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Posted by: Dave the Atheist ( )
Date: May 02, 2016 01:30AM

(1:12) "This is how they told me it would be when I was a laurel."


What's a laurel ?

Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 05/02/2016 01:48AM by Dave the Atheist.

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Posted by: jiminycricket ( )
Date: May 02, 2016 03:53AM

There are different tittles for the Young Men and Young Women's age groups:

Men: Deacons (12-13), Teachers (14-15) Priests (16-18) or the scouting equivalents.

Women: Bee Hives (12-13), Mia Maids(14-15), Laurels (16-18)

Holland used the familiar, or oldest title the young adult women once had when they were in the Young Women's program.

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Posted by: Dave the Atheist ( )
Date: May 02, 2016 03:56AM

so is dodo saying that he used to be a laurel ?

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Posted by: Eric K ( )
Date: May 02, 2016 11:20AM

See the front page (may require a refresh) and

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Posted by: jvjr ( )
Date: May 02, 2016 02:32AM

They are bleeding young people, and plan on stopping it.

I think it's a rehash of this, the "21st-Century inoculation" of children:

(Stay in the boat)

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Posted by: jiminycricket ( )
Date: May 02, 2016 04:45AM

I'm hoping that RFM will be able to use this transcript effectively in "our cause."

For example:

Many have tried to speculate which apostle 'might' defect and tell the truth about TSCC being a fraud. Some have suggested that it might be Holland. And, we know that the top church leaders have their COB (Church Office Building) snoops who read and report about the dialogue on ex-Mormon websites. Holland said in the (32:29) paragraph (Note the capped words I've emphasized here to make a point):

"This church means everything to me. EVERYTHING. I DON’T CARE WHAT HAPPENS; I DON’T CARE WHAT PRICE HAS TO BE PAID, AS PAINFUL AS THAT CAN BE; and as much as I DON’T WANT TO INVITE THE TEST as much as I don’t want to sound arrogant, or self-confident, or filled with any kind of pride other than the love of the Lord – this church means everything to me. And I'M NOT GOING TO LEAVE IT."

Holland says, “I DON’T CARE WHAT HAPPENS.” What? Ask yourself what doesn’t he care about? What is happening here at this very moment of his outcry?

Those capped words are an insight into Holland's mind. He knows he's been part of a fraud. He's dedicated his whole life to it. People he loves are leaving. It's 'painful' for him to be a part of something he's perpetuated. It's 'painful' for him because he's stuck. He knows he hasn't been honest. He knows he can't answer questions publically on the church's historical claims. He hasn't told the truth at all during his apostolic ministry. He can't tell the truth during general conference. He can't talk about false pictures of Joe Smith translating the Book of Mormon when their essay is admitting that he pulled the whole damn thing out of hat from a glowing rock. He can't tell the truth as to where that rock came from (the neighbor's well).

Holland also states, “I DON’T WANT TO INVITE THE TEST.” What test? What doesn’t he want to invite? What test doesn’t he want to take?

Simply put: He doesn’t want to admit to the simple arithmetic that their equations don’t add up; i.e. 2+2 equals 1.9 or 2.1 for their myth to work, NOT 2. He doesn’t want to test the evidence of facts that we here at RFM know about against his faith. Facts vs. faith. Facts vs. faith. That’s Holland’s problem. He won’t admit to the facts. His faith must trump EVERYTHING. He won’t invite the test – not at all. Why? Because his whole world would come tumbling down and he’d have to admit that his faith is no longer needed because the facts say something else entirely.

In this devotional, he never once gave a testimony about Joseph Smith, the Book of Mormon or any of the foundational claims of the church. He's just 'caught-caught-caught' as an apostle, trying to defend the church during a time when the internet has come along. Mission presidents, stake presidents, bishops and the like are resigning and taking their families with them. He knows the hierarchy has to give out Second Anointings as fast as possible to keep those who ascended to high leadership positions to remain in their tent, in hopes they will be all dazzled with their new "afterlife-guaranteed" status. Hurry, hurry, hurry. Meanwhile, the internet is exposing what we now can prove is the LDS fraud.

What's Holland to do?

He can defect OR be emphatic. Be assertive. Pound that pulpit. Raise the voice. Use oration to mask your inner demon that you CAN'T get out of the predicament you're in because of your non-disclosure agreement; that you're stuck defending a fraud, and you know you cannot tell the truth because it would literally bring out the COB lawyers who will destroy you (not to mention the loss of influence and rock star status from TBMs whose admiration feeds your very existence).

This is why I think this transcript is helpful. Little bits and pieces of it reveal a lot. In fact, I think much of the first part on we are BROKEN, is a way for Holland to admit he's really not so special after all as an apostle pushing this fraud because, he thinks, "I'm just like you - we're all broken." The TBMs see him as being somewhat humble in that moment. He's one of us with problems too! Oh, what a man (thinks the TBM); what a follower of Christ; what a person he must be in his guaranteed Celestial Kingdom status to admit he's just like me; oh, there's hope for me too! It's a mind trip game Holland is playing. Yes, it's sneaky and it's deceiving. But that's what the Q15 are left to do: use language to keep as many in the flock inside the tent paying homage to the church community and funding their way into Mormon heaven (according to a made up doctrine) with tithes and offerings with promises of becoming Kings and Queens, and more.


Also, there is Holland's comments about TSCC being unique with its Christian doctrine that "we become Gods." This is something one of the new, tucked-away and hopefully not read by the masses, essay practically denies. The Mormon Newsroom denies this doctrine that we become Gods. President Hinckley said in that televised interview that we don't know much about it when he was asked about Lorenzo Snow's couplet, "As man is God once was, as God is man may become."

Holland's rhetoric can be used to prove TSCC is lying on one hand to the world while preaching to members on the other regarding "becoming Gods." After all, Holland knows he and his Q15 brethren are administering these second anointings – secretly in the temples. He knows the language. He knows that the whole meaning of the temple is to get to THAT POINT in your earthly life for that ordinance. He knows there are those within the sound of his voice that have received this ordinance and these individuals know they have been anointed to be Kings and Queens, Priests and Priestesses and sealed up to be in a Godhood in the afterlife. He's got to keep them in the tent. He's got to keep them from defecting and leaving the church - they can take a whole lot of people with them because of their prominence in positions. So, there’s no backing out of the Mormon doctrine now. There’s simply a thrust in rhetoric to push, push, push the doctrine that Holland says “has been taught by prophets” and then on the other hand (essay and all) say it isn’t so. That’s got to be hell in Holland’s mind.


Also, Holland knows he did not answer any of Tom Phillip's questions. Tom put his correspondence letters up on RFM and MormonThink. Holland, as Phillip's has called him, is a coward. Holland cannot answer the tough questions. He can only spout that he's dedicated his life to TSCC, which he said is "EVERYTHING" to him. Of course it is. It gives him status. It makes him a star who is practically worshipped when he enters a Mormon meeting facility. It gives him perks, million dollar apostle sign-up bonuses, and a cushy life with the ability to order this or that as an apostle to anyone working in the massive CES program or as a church employee. It really is "EVERYTHING" to Holland. And, you can tell when he gets angry or forceful in his oration that he 'thinks' that raising his voice is an effective way to get the audience church members to stay; and sadly it works mentally on many who feel the message as a powerful display from an apostle who KNOWS JESUS PERSONALLY, so he must be yelling or being forceful because he wants the best for me. Oh, says the TBM, I feel the spirit, I feel it, I feel it. And that's the con game these guys are playing as their ship is sinking.

5th EDIT to ADD:

Notice at mark (5:46) where he transitions from the "Law of Moses" type thinking to the serious. He states: "So now we're gonna ratchet it up a little. We’re gonna grow up. We’re gonna be a little more mature.... IT'S NOT GOING TO BE A BIT HOOPLA IN THE TEMPLE." What? The temple stuff is a bit of hoopla? Yes, he said that. Good grief!

Edited 5 time(s). Last edit at 05/02/2016 06:48AM by jiminycricket.

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Posted by: baura ( )
Date: May 03, 2016 05:54PM

Holland is not talking about himself. He's projecting an image
of himself to the listeners for them to apply to THEMSELVES.
They are the ones who will have problems, Holland won't. They
are the ones who will get screwed over by the Church leaders,
not Holland. He's telling them to stay in the Church no matter
what. He's telling them to suck up all the misery that may be
thrown at them and STILL be faithful sheep.

When Holland talks about Holland it's not about Holland.

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Posted by: Lori C ( )
Date: May 04, 2016 03:04AM

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Posted by: Lori C ( )
Date: May 04, 2016 03:06AM

"And apparently, apparently the thing God loves most of all in this world is a broken heart and a contrite spirit."

Fuck you God. If being broken is what you require of me, then join the line of the other abusers in my life who were hell bent on breaking me.

And btw, who in the HELL speaks to young people about pain and misery and brokenness? This is a time to speak of their awesome potential, hope, the future of anything they want to make it. To speak of such misery is so devastating.

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Posted by: Historischer ( )
Date: May 04, 2016 03:15PM

I think that Lord Jeffrey, just like King Joseph, was projecting his own desires onto God.

All of the Top Guns want you to have a broken heart, just so you'll have to pay them to get it fixed. And 10% of your money (and your cumin) is nice, but what they really want is for you to mortgage your life and reputation to them. That feels so good when you're on the receiving end!

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Posted by: Shummy ( )
Date: May 02, 2016 05:18AM

Well said jiminy.

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Posted by: Lock it Down ( )
Date: May 02, 2016 10:41AM

WOW...this must have been a very under the radar meeting? I have a lot of TBM family in Tempe and none of them mentioned anything regarding this "rescue". my family helped start this tempe stake up! I want to ask my TBM family about it and get their perspectives also. Thanks for reporting this JiminyCricket

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Posted by: blueorchid ( )
Date: May 02, 2016 11:01AM

Thank you jiminy. I could never listen to that voice or watch that face. Just can't do it anymore. But I really wanted to know the whole speech.

Besides the obvious outrageous rant, this is the line that is the heart of the talk for me:

"DON’T CUT AND RUN ― because somehow there’s the tinkling of the little glass, or the shattering of the favorite piece of china, or somebody doing something where you say: “Gosh this isn’t the way they told me it would be.” Everybody is going to have some things broken. And apparently, apparently the thing God loves most of all in this world is a broken heart and a contrite spirit."

So he is calling the many versions of the first vision a tinkling of glass?

Jeff is calling Joseph's philandering with minors and married women a little crack in some beautiful china?

The whole BoA is just a little broken dish to sweep up?

What an insulting unscrupulous old fool! This is blame the victim tactics. Pure and simple.

With this kind of tactic, it's no wonder they assign a portion of blame to rape victims.

The only consolation is the whole talk reeks of desperation;a last ditch effort to plug the hole in a sinking ship.

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Posted by: snowball ( )
Date: May 02, 2016 01:48PM

It kind of sounds like "yeah the church is broken, or at least it looks that way, but stick with it and things will work out in the end. But you will have to suffer until we figure out how we reform this thing." Aghh!!!!!

This is precisely why I left. I did not want to take a chance to try to reform Mormonism, which could take decades and may not happen--at least not before getting excommunicated trying. Why not spare yourself all that, resign and put my energy into bigger causes?

Jeffrey, the universe does not revolve around you---sorry.

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Posted by: Off the fence ( )
Date: May 02, 2016 06:57PM

Thanks so much for transcribing, I know it's a pretty big job.

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Posted by: seeking peace ( )
Date: May 02, 2016 07:47PM

Thank you for your efforts-like others, I simply could not listen to his voice. My only argument with your very insightful analysis is,,, how is he any different that anyone else on rfm? How many of us lost jobs, spouses, respect, sleep, family? I think everyone makes Holland out to be so special. He could defect, move, start again even if it meant bagging groceries somewhere. He could come clean, make a statement and end his days in peace.He has no more to lose than the rest of us and everything to gain. For this reason I think he is a coward and a bully and I have zero respect or tolerance for his theatrics. Just get over yourself Jeff! Hell you may even lose Pat...wouldn't that be ironic, but Tom Phillips could help you get through it! Time to jump ship---do it cannonball style!!

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Posted by: Bamboozled ( )
Date: May 02, 2016 09:22PM


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Posted by: blakballoon ( )
Date: May 02, 2016 07:53PM

4000 years from Adam to Jesus *giggle

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Posted by: presleynfactsrock ( )
Date: May 02, 2016 08:27PM

I appreciate your efforts transcribing Holland's diatribe. For me, it is valuable to be able to read through his words and be able to think about them. Why?

I do think Holland has ability and talent as both a writer and speaker, and is listened to by his Church audience which, to me, is not what occurs with most of the other Church leaders. I care and want to know what he is telling my TBM grandchildren and other TBM family members.

Jeff, I wish you would jump out of the sinking cult boat filled with so many lies and unuseful busywork and use your talents in much, much better venues. Jeff, embrace freedom, critical thinking, and fairness, leaving behind your "broken" beliefs, bullying, and brashness. If you do, you will find a wonderful world that awaits you with open arms.

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Posted by: BYU Boner ( )
Date: May 02, 2016 08:37PM

For a nightcap, I think I'll read Jonathan Edwards, "We're All Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God," sermon. I mean, that's where Jeff seems to be getting his inspiration from. The fear of fire and brimstone didn't work for the Puritans, and it's not going to work for the Morg. As I wrote earlier, tell a dirty joke Jeff! Stop being a sour puss.

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Posted by: templenamegabriel ( )
Date: May 02, 2016 08:51PM

My very public Facebook response to this:

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Posted by: GQ Cannonball ( )
Date: May 02, 2016 08:52PM

So his entire message was learning how to be happy being miserable. (Done with a great deal of rhetorical flourish.)

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Posted by: blindguy ( )
Date: May 02, 2016 08:54PM

For me, the great tragedy about Mr. Holland's speech is that he believes each and every word that he says. It doesn't really matter if he is reaping the benefits of others' devotion to him (which he most certainly is) or whether what he is saying is even remotely true (4000 years from Adam to Jesus; or how about life in the celestial kingdom. Anyone?) An even greater tragedy is that much of the audience he was speaking to believes it to be true (though I did note some loud laughter from members of that audience in certain places during that speech).

Some of the above posters have asked why he just can't quit like they did. And the answers are quite easy to imagine, starting with the fact that Holland believes everything he says to be the absolute truth when time and evidence have shown it to be anything but. Quitting the LDS church now would be an absolute admission of failure, a failure he is not willing to personally face.

I am reminded of the late Gene Scott, an evangelical minister who at one time owned the license to what is now radio station KKLA-FM in Los Angeles, California. His tirades against the FCC (Federal Communications Commission, the federal body that regulates and oversees the issuance of radio and television licenses) plus his failure to follow some of those rules and regulations ultimately cost him the radio station. From what others have told me (I actually didn't listen to it), Dr. Scott (yes, there was a Dr. in front of his name) spent all of the time before the plug was pulled on the station exhorting the listeners to believe in him and to send him more money to fight the actions of the FCC, even though the station's shutdown and turnover of license (to Salem Communications) was already a done deal. Dr. Scott, like Jeffrey Holland now, just could not bring himself to believe that his radio ministry inside the U.S. was now pretty much over.

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Posted by: Dave the Atheist ( )
Date: May 02, 2016 09:23PM

did Holland take off his shoe and pound it on the lectern ?

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Posted by: BYU Boner ( )
Date: May 04, 2016 01:27AM

HA, excellent Dave! "We'll bury you [exmos]" Jeffrey R. (Nikita) Holland

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Posted by: tig ( )
Date: May 03, 2016 09:00AM

He's "NOT GOING TO LET YOU LEAVE IT." Hmmm, wouldn't a court have something to say about that Jeffrey?

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Posted by: angela ( )
Date: May 03, 2016 09:31PM

Wow, Holland, you are loosing it.

How presumptuous you are about the reasons why people leave, and where the rest of their journey leads them.

I recommend you read the parable of the Pharisee and the Publican.

Keep reading it. Over and over.

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Posted by: anybody ( )
Date: May 03, 2016 11:10PM

This speech is interesting because it touches on a lot of core doctrine -- such as men becoming gods -- that The Church has publicly disavowed. Most Mormon doctrine isn't new. Almost all of it was originally Christian heresy.

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Posted by: lavaman ( )
Date: May 03, 2016 11:20PM

His "answer all questions" quip clearly shows he is aware of Jeremy Runnell's exit and it's having an effect - so awesome!

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Posted by: jiminycricket ( )
Date: May 04, 2016 02:03PM

Before this post is closed by ADMIN and sealed up unto eternal life in the digital RFM realm, I want to say **Thank You** to the kind comments for the hours that it took to make the transcript. Knowing that you appreciate the time it took is satisfying, even though you don't know who I am.

There are some revelations in the discourse, important enough for Eric K. (ADMIN) to archive the transcript. I think that was a smart decision.

We learn several things from the transcript/audio. Among them is:

TSCC cannot claim or disavow on one hand that men don't become Gods (i.e. as stated in the ESSAYS and the on-line Mormon Newsroom, etc.) so the world doesn't think TBMs are nuts AND THEN ON THE OTHER HAND have an apostle, Holland, declare we are God's in embryo; that what he has said "is true." The transcript seals the truth: TSCC is not honest in so many ways.

Would Holland or another Q15 member have the courage to make this admission (becoming a God) in an upcoming general conference address when it would be picked apart as being in direct conflict with the church essay here?

Answer: Probably not. But, Holland can assert what he did in a stake center building in Tempe Arizona when the cameras aren't on him, knowing that his talk won't be chronicled in the church's magazine, The Ensign.

I think there is much to gleam from Holland's talk. I'm glad someone out there recorded it and now it's archived.

Again, thanks for your kind words.

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Posted by: SusieQ#1 ( )
Date: May 04, 2016 02:13PM

WOW...just WOW~!
This has the ring of someone trying to save a sinking ship. He comes across as desperate and angry.

It's clear that he believes, totally, what he is preaching. He's dedicated to his cause. This is how religious beliefs work. They are pounded into the minds of the believers who are taught that these are the mouthpiece of their deity and savior and they must believe what they are told or they are lost forever. Scary stuff.

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Posted by: jiminycricket ( )
Date: May 04, 2016 03:12PM

One more observation from the transcript regarding becoming a God:

“We’re the church that says: “We’re Gods and Goddesses in embryo…We just happen to take the scriptures literally that kids grow up to be like their parents.”

“But, how does that happen? How does Godliness happen?”

How do you become Godly? You do Godly things. That’s how you become Godly. And you practice, and you practice, and you practice ‘till your nose bleeds, ‘till you’re sick of it, ‘till you say I can’t do it any more…”


I have a message for you Elder Holland when you answer your own question of how to become Godly. You say “You do Godly things.”

Here for you is a list of the “Godly things” that you, the Q15 and the Mormon Church does:

1) It’s important not to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth regarding church history and the foundational claims of the church.

2) It’s important that you are honest with your fellowmen to get a temple recommend. But, if you tell the truth, print the truth or preach the truth that we want kept hidden from church members, then we will discipline you – probably label you an apostate an excommunicate you for being honest. You see, we have a different definition of being honest with your fellowman than the one we, the Q15, have approved of in lesson 31 of the Gospel Principles manual: “Honesty.” We don’t live by that definition in order to become “Godly.”

3) We disavow what dead prophets of God, Mormon prophets, have said when they were alive and teaching to their flock that what they were saying were indeed “the words of God spoken by his mouthpiece.”

4) We have an endowment ceremony in the temple that never mentions the word “love.” In fact, God can’t sell his magnificent ceremony unless he uses his archenemy, Lucifer, to help him. And Lucifer, if you remember, is the enemy of all righteousness, the father of lies and the great deceiver.

5) We claim that the Creation story in the Book of Genesis (Bible) and the Book of Moses (PoGP) are literal. Both versions match what took place in a proscribed sequence of “days of creation.” This is the word of God contained in the scriptures. Anything contrary to that is not the word of God, for God cannot lie and deceive. But, then we have to go to the temple to find out that the endowment switches the order of days 3 and 4. So which is true? The endowment or the scriptures (i.e. the word of God). Both cannot be right!

6) We whitewash church history. We obfuscate. We teach a myth-faith-promoting version of church history to build (i.e. manufacture) faith.

7) We as a church NEVER APOLOGIZE. We don’t admit to our mistakes. We don’t repent.

8) When the leaders have spoken, the “thinking has been done.”

9) When Tom Phillips asks serious questions, “We don’t answer them.”

10) We assert that pagan funery documents, called facsimiles in the Book of Abraham, “are the word of God” even though we know they are not. We dare not hurt Joseph Smith’s “made up” translation.

11) We don’t allow those who have been put on church probation, or disfellowshiped, through our disciplinary courts, to pray in church. But, we will allow them to pay their tithes and offerings.

12) We won’t show the “real translation process” of Joseph Smith with his head stuck in a hat looking at his magical stone, especially when we know where he got that stone from – the neighbor’s well. Particularly, we can’t show artwork that tells the truth on the jumbo-tron in the LDS Conference Center during General Conference.

13) We recycle names in the temples, over and over again, and move those names on to another temple. Why? Who cares. Holland called it "hoopla” in the temple anyway in the Tempe Arizona rescue.

14) We practice discrimination against children of gay parents and won’t let them get baptized till they are 18; and then they must get permission from the First Presidency and disavow their gay parents BEFORE we let you get baptized. And, we aren’t going to let the world see what document you have to sign for that to happen so that we can protect our wealth from a potential law suit.

15) We make all missionaries sign their mission calls that they will agree to abide by the mission rules etc. so that they can’t sue the church if something terrible happens to them. We love our attorneys and MONEY more than anyone or anything else.

16) We use brainwashing by telling the young primary children that when they see someone crying in church when they sing or bear their testimony, that it means the church is true – even though the same emotional response can happen watching a Disney or Harry Potter movie.

17) We teach the kids that they need the “Gift of the Holy Ghost” after baptism to receive the baptism of fire, and that this gift is essential for helping us make decisions in life. And then we deny that gift to young children of gay parents.

And the list could go on for miles and miles.

Yes Elder Holland, these are just a fraction of the things that you do over and over again. This is how your crazy convoluted religion makes you “Godly.” And you have to keep doing it, “and you practice, and you practice, and you practice ‘till your nose bleeds, ‘till you’re sick of it, ‘till you say I can’t do it any more…”

THAT’S how you, Elder Holland, BECOME GODLY!

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