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Recovery from Mormonism (RfM) discussion forum. 
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Posted by: DNA ( )
Date: July 30, 2016 11:12PM

I used to post here a lot. When I was leaving, it was helpful to talk to others who were in the same place, or had been.

I got to a point where Mormonism seemed to be in the past, not the present in my life. At that point, this board didn't serve the same purpose for me anymore. I found other ways to kill time, where before it wasn't killing time, it was figuring things out. Then I got divorced. Not related to leaving Mormonism, but I would have divorced sooner had I not been Mormon.

So the place I'm at now? Now I pretend that I never was Mormon. It makes me feel so shameful and gullible. So as I live in a new place where nobody knew me, I just pretend it never happened. When office mates talk about how crazy Mormons are and I sound too knowledgeable, I truthfully tell them that I got a Masters Degree at the University of Utah. One thing that I found by hiding my roots, is that when you say you had been been a former Mormon, people still diss on it, but they are more careful about what they say. When they don't know, they let the full force of their thoughts out freely. People really think Mormons are crazy!

I have a wonderful atheist girlfriend. We have guilt free sex, drinks in fun music clubs, and plan to be together for ever, though not married. I never told my family I left. Though I’m sure that they have figured it out. I think that they have pretty much put me out of their lives. When I post on fb, family never comments or “likes” what I post, even though it is never about mormons. I think that I’m probably an evil guy who will drag them down to hell. So I must be avoided, even on the internet. When I asked the one brother who did know I was out if the family knew, he said, “I’m pretty sure that that fb post let them all know.” When I asked what? Because I don’t post Mormon stuff, it was a comment on a cousin’s posting that smoothed over Mormon history of racism. I posted one post that was just a modern prophet’s quote. No personal opinions, just a prophet’s quote. But to a Mormon, that was enough to probably tell them all I was out. So it’s kind of a bummer to be on the outside of your own family and dangerous. I’ve been working on that brother to leave. I’ve made some progress, so I suppose that I am dangerous.I haven't seen family in person since I left. Next funeral I suppose I will.

So Mormonism doesn’t really weigh me down anymore. It is a thing way in the past now. I’m not surrounded by any Mormons at all, and I can just act like it was never part of my world. I have tons of regrets. My life was really harmed by Mormonism. I really wish I could go back and live it over again as a normal person. But my life now is at its peak. The best it’s ever been. There is life after Mormonism.

So this is just an update on where I’ve been. I still won’t be posting. I just came back because I did a google search on a Mormon con man, and the first google hit was for this site. I didn’t even put the word Mormon in. Just the guy’s name. So I thought that I’d drop in and mention where my life is at now, in case anyone who is still in the middle of the turmoil of leaving wants to know what might be over the horizon. It was a very helpful site when I was leaving. But I feel long gone now. Another lifetime. Though it was only 7 years ago that I stopped going to church. Keep doing the good work for those who are in the trauma stage of leaving.

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Posted by: Tevai ( )
Date: July 30, 2016 11:20PM

Glad you stopped by...

...and very glad that your life is working out so well on all levels.

You are warmly welcome to stop by again, any ol' time you feel like it!!!

:) :) :)

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Posted by: dagny ( )
Date: July 30, 2016 11:20PM

Thanks for dropping in with the update, DNA. I remember your posts.

Glad to know you are doing so well!

Life is good. Happy trails.

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Posted by: summer ( )
Date: July 31, 2016 12:45AM

Hi DNA! Good to see you here again. I'm glad that things are going well for you.

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Posted by: Greyfort ( )
Date: July 31, 2016 12:48AM

I hear you on the "another lifetime." It now feels very long ago to me now too.

Sounds like things are good. :o)

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Posted by: Logan Temple Jr ( )
Date: July 31, 2016 01:51AM

Where you are, I once was
Where I am, you may one day be

Congratulations. The truth may set you free, but it comes at a price...

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Posted by: Cheryl ( )
Date: July 31, 2016 09:31AM

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Posted by: Amyjo ( )
Date: July 31, 2016 03:38PM

Thanks for stopping by and sharing your progress report. :)

"The more things change the more they stay the same."

I've sometimes wondered about the wisdom and rationale of my forefathers who came before, and what caused them to give up all they had to follow Joseph Smith. Many of them to their detriment and sacrifice of homes, sometimes family and inheritances, and property.

The same freedom they exercised that led them to joining a cult where they remained generationally for many years, is the same freedom I can appreciate and give thanks for that enabled me to leave it when I finally realized it wasn't what it professes to be. It took me into my 30's to make that connection. But I'm glad I did.

My family who has stayed LDS are very skeptical of us who've left. They're fearful that if they aren't careful they could end up leaving themselves. So they shut the door on historical fact vs fiction, and what makes the Mormon church a cult and a dysfunctional church. They don't want to make waves, and are comfortable with the status quo of their lives. It's like their security blanket to stay LDS, artificial though it be.

For some who leave prefer the intellectual challenge of the unknown quantum. It's that freedom I cherish over sameness and unquestioning obedience to dogma.

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Posted by: dimmesdale ( )
Date: July 31, 2016 03:43PM

So, that's certainly something.

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Posted by: Pooped ( )
Date: July 31, 2016 04:06PM

Glad to read your post. I have to admit I have the same feelings about admitting to ever being Mormon. It comes up when I have to admit to being graduated from BYU.

I suppose I won't feel truly out of Mormonism until my mother passes. She loves her Mormon friends even though she no longer believes. She doesn't want to lose her V.Teacher so she doesn't tell anyone but me that she doesn't believe. This sort of keeps me still involved. I like letting off steam about family issues here because so many Mormons have crazy relatives. Maybe everyone has crazy relatives but apostate Mormons seem to have more than their fair share.

When my mother passes from this life I plan on moving somewhere away from the crazy relatives. It will probably be where nobody knows I've ever been Mormon. Then, maybe, I'll feel just like you and not need RfM much afterwards.

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Posted by: Devoted Exmo ( )
Date: July 31, 2016 04:25PM

Thanks for stopping by! I remember you well.

I have the same feelings about people knowing I was ever a mormon. Thankfully, it rarely comes up.

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Posted by: DNA ( )
Date: August 02, 2016 10:21AM

Dropped back by and read the replies. Kind of nice that some of you remember me from a few years ago.

And just to reiterate. When I was leaving, this board was so helpful. There are a lot of thoughts to clarify and figure out in that stage. But it is so nice to be in another place now.

Mentally and physically. I live where there are no Mormons. No Mormon church buildings. Nothing Mormon at all. About once a year or so I see a couple of missionaries out. And that is all the Mormon reminders I ever see. For anyone living in the Western United States, I really recommend getting out far enough to really be able to leave it behind. It is so refreshing.

Wherever you are in your recovery, good luck to you. It is so nice and peaceful on the other side of it. Take care.

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