Posted by:
CurrentYStudent (Not Logged In)
(
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Date: September 19, 2010 11:18PM
Honestly, people say that time will heal all wounds.
But shoot. Sometimes you just wish that someone would develop a little bit of "Emotional Ibuprofin" to get some real, FAST-ACTING relief NOW - when you need it most.
It's been a good several years since the falling out with the "family." A good while since the "friends" turned their backs on the anti-mormon, apostate sympathizer.
And for what? Because I started asking the wrong kind of questions? Because my honest pursuit of a strengthened testimony led me to seek clarification regarding doctrine which I misunderstood, but leaders thought best left buried in obscurity?
I was giving everything I had to these people. Everything to this institution. I was fully invested. Therefore, it naturally followed that I was to lose everything upon their "inspired" closure of my proverbial account.
It hurt. A lot. It hurt like Hell. But when the pain begins to numb and you see that the world WILL and IS continuing on, what more is there to do than pick yourself up, dust off your jeans, and KEEP. MOVING.
I've moved a quite a ways from that spot on the ground that kept me drowning in a paralyzing, seemingly inescapable ocean of despair. I was alone then, yet the solitude taught me the value of myself. And not just...Michael, son of Heavenly Father and future holder of the Melchizedek Priesthood.
No. It was the value of....Just Michael.
Just. Michael.
No longer a mere number within the ranks of "the group," I finally gained the wisdom to seek that which is best in me.
I've grown so much stronger.
And yet, through it all.....
The familiar throb of the fall can still come back around, just as powerful as on the day on which you stumbled.....and lost your seemingly immobile footing.
Those of you who have been here.....
Did it ever go away for you?
Somehow, when I'm by myself....lying in bed at the end of the day, I still wonder if I made the right choice to walk out on it all.
And then....I'm afraid.
I'm afraid of D&C 1:14.
Because even though I can try to not like my family for what they did....and do.....to me since becoming Just Michael.....
I will always love them. And I am afraid that someday I will no longer be able to see them.
I just want to do the right thing.
This is what the Church is to me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9-meJHF5QeY&feature=related