Posted by:
imaworkinonit
(
)
Date: September 22, 2016 03:05AM
blankstare Wrote:
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> All I expect is for my wife to show me some
> respect when it comes to Mormonism. I don't
> expect her to quit the church, but I do think that
> she needs to listen to what I have to say, read at
> least one book I suggest, or read some online
> sites that I suggest. Instead, she refuses and
> can't see how that is an insult to me. If she
> really loves me as she claims, she should at least
> be willing to study some things to find out why I
> don't believe in Mormonism anymore.
>
I know it's rough when people won't listen and support you. I remember how shocked I was when one of my siblings didn't offer the sympathetic ear I expected.
I don't think the fact that she doesn't want to do assigned reading means that she doesn't respect you. Listen, the Mormon church is a controlling cult. Her behavior is typical of people in ANY cult. Avoiding anything that would threaten her faith has been conditioned into her with fear, probably her whole life. If she comes around, it will be when SHE'S ready. Pressuring people to question their faith usually has the opposite effect, and activates defensiveness. Don't expect her to do assigned reading. If she isn't ready, it won't do any good. Seriously, back off if she's not ready. You have the right to be treated with respect and love, but so does she.
> She can't say the same thing about me because I
> grew up in the cult, did a mission for it,
> attended church for decades, held callings,
> defended it. I know it very well. So I fully get
> her side of the story. But she has no idea how I
> think and feel.
>
I get it. Mormons tend to say "read this, listen to this talk, let me explain it to you", as if you haven't heard it 100 times. It would be nice for her to listen to you.
> This whole thing tells me she doesn't care about
> me, truth, reality, etc. she just wants the status
> quo. I told her that this evening and she just
> can't grasp the concept. She thinks that not
> pitching a fit when I don't attend somehow equals
> supporting me. Hogwash. It could be worse but it
> still irks me and the insult builds up until I
> can't stand seeing her.
>
Does she really not care about you? I highly doubt that. But maybe you should ask just to clear the air. My guess is that she DOES love you, but isn't ready to question.
Does she really not care about truth and reality? (I think it's usually fear of what the truth would mean).
Has she ACTUALLY said insulting stuff to you? If so, then call her on it. But the way you stated it, it sounded like the insult was that she won't read what you want her to read. I think it's unreasonable to EXPECT someone to read a book, or look at a website for you, if they don't want to read it or it goes against their beliefs. I think it would be reasonable to ask her to read the essays on the church's own website. That's not 'anti', and it might at least make her aware of the issues. And then let her talk about her reactions.
The fact that you can hardly stand seeing her is a concern. Please just realize that the cult owns her right mind now. Try and sympathize rather than blame. Contempt will just push her away.
https://www.gottman.com/blog/four-horsemen-contempt-part-ii/> There's my vent for this evening. Maybe some more
> music and a drive will help me feel better.
I hope so.