My mom recently passed away and we had a good send off at a funeral home. No bishop presiding etc., but since my mom was an active member her entire life the ward did the lunch.

We appreciated it, but just wanted to say the ward bishop called and asked us to pay for the ham. My mom was active and paid tithes etc., her entire life and they ask us to pay for the ham - unbelievable. It's not the money, it s just the idea that the church won't cough up $30 bucks for a ham for lifetime faithful member. We had to make a special trip and give them the money. Typical Mormon bull that I don't miss.

Also wanted to note I am more or less atheist (nature is God), but it was a comfort for my non-member family members and me to talk about mom meeting my dad etc. in the afterlife.

My mom was the kindest most accepting person I know, but she drank coffee, champagne on cruises etc., and liked to have a good time. Church was as much a club as anything, but she did believe in the basics God/Jesus/afterlife etc., which was very comforting to her at the end.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 02/14/2017 01:51PM by perky.

Wow! Both my parents died 8 years ago, 2 months apart. I don't know if they asked for money for the ham. Wouldn't surprise me though. My sister would never tell me if they did. Now, my dad would have told me and he died last. The funerals were not at the church also. My dad also drank alcohol, drank coffee, and chewed tobacco (like his father). I know my dad would have told me, so I doubt they asked for money for the ham.

Talk about cheap.

I'm sorry about the loss of your mother. It is very difficult.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/14/2017 01:53PM by cl2.

Condolences on your mother's death. :-( I hope the nice service was a comfort to you and your loved ones. Talk about tacky, though--asking you for $30! I can only wonder what the total amount of tithing was your mother paid over the years.

You should have told the bishop to come over and clean your toilets and then you will pay for the ham.

Ha Ha - I wish I would have thought of that. By TBM brother was even upset by it.

I wonder if this is typical for mormons to demand 30 bucks to pay for the ham at a funeral lunch. What a nasty image of them and what an imposition on the grieving family.

Tacky. Insensitive. I hope this is not typical of the famously "untrained" Mormon clergy. This must be an exception. I have never heard of charging any family for a funeral lunch. Ever.

I suppose the Bishop was inspired by the Spirit to charge you for the ham. Perhaps the situation wasn't in the handy dandy Bishop's manual and so the Bishop had to consult the Holy Ghost, who apparently is a tight wad.

It also happened at my tbm mom's funeral. The ward did the lunch but they asked us to pay for the meat. I wrote a letter and said that she was a life long tithe paying member, and that it was wrong to ask for money.

I also said that in the future if they have a funeral lunch for another member of their ward then send me the bill for the meat. A family shouldn't have to deal with "meat money" during that stressful time.

The bishop replied and said that they had reconsidered and would no longer be asking families to give them meat money.

Just when you think you've heard it all...

Perky, I am very sorry you lost your mom. That is so, so hard!

Dear Bishop,

I will be dropping by the church this coming Sunday with a check for $30 to pay for the ham. My mother had requested that we donate $5,000 from her estate to the church and my siblings and I have that check as well. After considering the your very unChristlike request we have decided that the larger check should go elsewhere. I am sure you understand.

▲ Winner!! ▲

tig Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Dear Bishop,
>
> I will be dropping by the church this coming
> Sunday with a check for $30 to pay for the ham.
> My mother had requested that we donate $5,000 from
> her estate to the church and my siblings and I
> have that check as well. After considering the
> your very unChristlike request we have decided
> that the larger check should go elsewhere. I am
> sure you understand.

This is awesome!

It's not just the Mormons. My wife's aunt was a devoted Catholic. when she passed at the age of 53 from complications of osteosarcoma, my uncle assumed he'd have the post-funeral luncheon catered by some local business. Before he'd made a final decision, someone from what I think was called The Altar Society called him and asked if they could have the honor of providing the meal for the family and close friends because my wife's aunt had been such an integral part of their association and of their parish. My wife's uncle's first mistake was not clarifying financial obligations, but his mind was on other things. My mother-in-law probably would have been the one to handle it, but she hadn't reached Florida yet from California.

The luncheon was held in the church hall. The food was quite mediocre. It was a very small amount of grocery store cold cuts and cheese with rolls, and some cookies and brownies for dessert. No one could have left feeling as if they had over-eaten. I recall being hungry. My wife and I went through a drive-through at a fast food restaurant on the way from the luncheon to her uncle's house.The total cost of the ingredients couldn't have been much more than $100 if the food were purchased at the most expensive grocery store in south Florida. Even if one factored in basically non-existent labor costs, the meal shouldn't have cost anyone more than $300. As the last of the relatives were leaving, a lady handed my father-in-law an envelope and asked him to give it to the deceased's husband.

When my wife's uncle opened the envelope, it was a non-itemized bill for $1,200 for the cost of the luncheon. My wife's uncle was livid. My father-in-law said to let him handle it. My father-in-law is wealthy and could have paid the Altar Society far more than $1,200 without missing the money; it was totally the principle.

The family assumed that a donation would be made to the parish for the priest's time, the utilities, etc., and in honor of my wife's late aunt. The musicians were paid separately. The funeral home, out of the fee paid to them, covered an honorarium to the priest and something nominal for facility use, but it would not have been much.

The next day my father-in-law went to see the parish priest. He handed the priest a check for what I believe was ten-thousand dollars, made out to the parish. He showed the priest the bill from the Altar Society for the luncheon. He explained to the priest that the Altar Society was free to hit him, the priest, up for a portion of the donation made to the church and he, as parish pastor, was free to accommodate their request or to decline. He also left with the priest a letter to the Altar Society thanking them for their time and explaining why their bill was being ignored.

No one in the family ever heard a word from the Altar Society, but when another relative from the other side of my wife's family held a funeral at the same parish, my in-laws were quick to alert them NOT to accept the Altar Society's luncheon hospitality. The family made other arrangements and had a much nicer luncheon for just over half the cost.

It's not just the Mormons who are cheap even in a family's time of bereavement.

That really sucks. I'm Catholic, and at every parish I've ever attended, there was a bereavement group that had volunteers bring food, serve it, and clean up. They would even attend a Mass for someone that did not have family, to honor the dead (one of the seven spiritual works of mercy).

That is totally unacceptable and I'm sorry.

It's just as bad to nickel and dime a grieving family out of $30 for a ham. I wonder if it was on purpose because the funeral was held elsewhere. Just mean.

Condolences on your Mom's death. I'm sorry the bishop acted like such a jerk. Perhaps, a letter to the Relief Society Compassionate Service leader is in order. Thank her for her support but let her know that had you known the bishop would have asked you to pay for the ham you would have declined the RS offer for help.

Oh, and unless there was a contract signed before the funeral billing you for the ham, you're under no obligation to the bishop. You could donate the money to the RS with the stipulation that the money go to provide food for another family grieving the death of a parent. Peace and healing for you and your family.

I'm sorry that you lost your mom, Perky. Things that might otherwise seem like minor annoyances seem especially hurtful at such a raw time.

It is so hard to lose a parent and these things sting so much at a sensitive time! My parent's luncheon was provided by the RS and was really top notch. We did not receive a bill.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Usually when there is a death in the ward a sign up sheet goes around the RS asking for volunteers to bring food for a family luncheon. The ham is paid for out of a ward budget and cooked by someone in the ward. Unfortunately, I've been to a lot of funerals in the last year or so and I can't imagine anyone was asked for money to pay for the food! It's not like you requested lobster! That bishop is a jerk!

My stepdad, a life long tithe paying member, passed away last year and we had to fork out $120 for several hams. No joke. The relief society president called and asked if we needed someone to go buy the hams at Sam's Club. I said to her that would be so wonderful and we would be so grateful, especially since we had so much going on with family and arrangements. She then told me she would come by our house to pick up the $120 to buy the hams. I just thought that was normal so I had the cash ready when she stopped by. My mother was also a life long tithe paying member. She passed away in 2008. I don't recall that we had to pay for hams then. In both instances we had a lot of jello and casseroles.

What is it with hams and mormon funerals?

Mormons are famously boorish.