My 7th grade daughter is confident and freindly. She also high has high standards, if I do say so myself. A few nights ago she told me that something goes on with Mormon girls at her Provo junior high that make her feel uneasy. She gets asked:

1) "Are you Mormon?" to which she replies yes. (She is a member of record.)

Typical answer: "oh, GOOD."

2) "Do you go to church?"

My daughter confessed that she said yes just to get people off her back.

I suggested that next time she either say, "Religion is a private matter." or "Why do you want to know?"

She'll let me know if it works.

I like "why do you want to know?"

Another tactic would be to turn the questions back on them...start asking them the temple interview questions. "Do YOU go to church? Do you keep the word of wisdom? Are you chaste? Do you masturbate? Do you pay tithing?" Etc. Etc.

This is the high school version of the "garment feel-up."



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/24/2010 01:58AM by DebbiePA.

My children were asked this question (Are you Mormon?)in K-garten and 3rd grade when we arrived in Utah yrs. ago. It broke my heart. Of course my girls said No or what's that? The Mormons were very mean to them. Ignoring a 5 yr. old or an 8 yr. old is seriously a crying shame. They had no Mormon friends....only two or three came to one party I had for my girls and 9 were invited. And in the neighborhood no Mormon kid invited mine into their home, but I had their kids in mine. They used me like a babysitter. I love kids so I didn't mind. By the time my oldest was in 7th grade she was a student of strong character and not shy and she let many of them know just what she thought of their shunning. It was great to leave that place. Children are TAUGHT to shun others and we know who to blame for that.

sorry- double post. I deleted this.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/24/2010 10:39AM by honestone.

Teach your child appropriate assertive behavior.

A good assertive answer would be something like "Why do you ask?" or perhaps "My choice of beliefs is a personal matter. I prefer not to answer that" Perhpas, you can give her a few examples of possible responses. Start with "Well, here is what I do when people ask me that...."


Of course, she can test other responses as well...such as "going along to get along..with a yes, I am Mormon" or telling them "My family was Mormon, but are not anymore" Just keep asking her how various responses "worked for Her". That way, you are helping her learn what works and what does not work in keeping her safe and happy.

Encourage her to experiment with various answers to these questions and then review with her what kind of reacions she got with her various answers. You then are helping her learn how to be in control of own her life.

You are giving her "tools" to use through-out life when people encroach on her bounadaries. And that is your job as a great parent!

I TEACH middle school, and my seventh graders ask me that, too!

They really don't know boundaries do they? I couldn't ever imagine asking a teacher "are you _____ religion?," of course that was decades ago. Back then (not in UT) it would probably have gotten you sent to the Principal's office.

So how do you answer them?

I am a high school social studies teacher in Virginia. I get asked that question all the time. "What religion are you?" Usually it comes when I'm teaching something regarding the history of religion.

I also get "are you a democrat/republican" when I'm teaching about a political viewpoint on any issue.

My response is usually something along the lines of "I don't tell students what religion I belong to or even if I have a religion. I want them to make up their own minds and I don't them to think I'm influencing them."

Usually that makes them even more curious. Sometimes they'll say something like "I bet you're a ________" because I might be giving that religion's postion at the time. To that statement I usually go with something along the lines of "believe that about me if that works for you." It drives 'em nuts!

They're always curious about The religion and politics of their teachers.

My niece teaches in an elementary school on the east side of SLC and has had Mormon parents withdraw their kids from her class when they find out she's not LDS.

Grrr!!

Provo Girl, I never understand what that means.

It is usually used by Mormons and I hate the expression of "my standards" or "high standards" as if that is suppose to mean something. My BYU TBM nephew used it recently and I was sorry later that I let him get away without explaining what he meant by the use of the term.

Kids ask just about anything. I knew one 8th grade student who was asking every unmarried teacher in the school whether or not they were virgins. Thw sad thing is that some of the teachers actually answered that.I made it clear that that was over the line. Talk about lack of boundaries. I will answer questions about politics and religion briefly if asked, but some things are just none of their business-like virginity. I don't see anything wrong with asking someone their religion or politics, but it shouldn't be a test of some sort and you should actually know them first.

Any answers other than expected ones (Yes, I'm a Mormon and I go to church) mean social rejection. The questions are a test to see if the interrogated one is worthy of friendship. Questioning their right to ask stupid, loaded questions just makes things worse. There's no winning.

Stray Mutt Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Any answers other than expected ones (Yes, I'm a
> Mormon and I go to church) mean social rejection.
> The questions are a test to see if the
> interrogated one is worthy of friendship.
> Questioning their right to ask stupid, loaded
> questions just makes things worse. There's no
> winning.

Not always. I have asked people whether they were Mormons just out of curiosity both when I was a Mormon and since. It didn't make a difference in whether I accepted them or not.I never asked perfect strangers though, not even as a kid.My students who asked didn't seem to change their opinion of me when I told them I'm not a Mormon. For the most part, they were simply curious. I answered the question and that was the end of it.

Yes, for kids it is about finding out if they are worthy of friendship and if they will be in "good" company. They know what they are doing. Now NORMAL kids would never ask a question about someone's religion on first meeting them. This is a Mormon thing pure and simple. I teach and have never heard this type of query among nonmormon kids. Never.

First, thanks to all for the support and additional ideas.

Nomo--what I mean by "high standards" is my daughter dresses modestly yet stylishly, has made a decision not swear and curse like so many junior high and high school kids do, and so far--like her brother who's a high school sophomore--wants to stay away from drugs, drinking, sex, etc. she's trying to to focus on school and good freinds, and excelling at the things she loves.

(I'd want this for my kids whether I was Mormon, atheist, whatever . ..)

I have approached these things from not the idea of sin but of being responsible -- that sex is something power that you should wait for until you're older -- in college, out of high school, etc. and hopefully in some sort of committed relationship and mature enough to be safe with your health and to use birth control. Same with drinking -- do it responsibily and be of legal age. (if they ask me about the Big M, I'll assure them it's natural and a private thing.0

I'm keeping my fingers crossed with all of this. As long as they keep talking to me--that's what I care about most.

Oh, “high standards” means: abstinence, modest dress and speech, and academic pursuits. You should have said so. I will know next time a my RM nephew speaks, because for me, a bachelor, it means not leaving the bar with an unattractive woman just because I am single and want to appease my sex drive, but I am an atheist and I don’t reside in Utah County.

I am glad that your 13 year old daughter is abstaining from sex and alcohol/drugs at such a young age (she is too young, she doesn’t have the maturity to know when to stop, she may contract an STD or become pregnant and it is illegal), but to equate one’s form of morality with “high standards” is what I find objectionable. “High standards” seems to be used as universal term by conservatives, Mormons, and residents of Utah County for their ideas on morality. I find it repugnant to drive through Utah County, much less reside there, but I find their politicians too right wing, I was denied entrance into dance on the BYU campus because of long hair as an 18 year old Utah freshman (so we went to a bar instead), turned in to law enforcement as completely sober adult at the state park because I had one empty beer bottle in the car but welcomed as a Mormon missionary.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/25/2010 07:05AM by nomo.

I feel for you and your children. I stayed in Utah after my divorce to be a father to my children rather than move back to California where I was from and really wanted to be. The children are now grown and have moved out of the state because they were raised non-Mormon in a Mormon state. They both excelled also academically in what they loved to do. My daughter now anguishes because she and her daughter are not near family, but she hated the culture so much that she had to leave. My son was teased, shunned and taunted by the Mormons in his neighborhood. Mormons in Utah can be cruel.

Nomo, sorry for the confusion about "high standards." I should have taken the cultural context of this board in mind.

I really want to leave Utah as well and my kids do once they are finished with school.

"My niece teaches in an elementary school on the east side of SLC and has had Mormon parents withdraw their kids from her class when they find out she's not LDS"

How the hell do they find out??

My kids teacher lets his kids know he's mormon. (talked about his mission, asked all the kids to pray for the BYU football team). I think I'll be talking to the priinciple here soon..

just on principle i should not say that the word you should spell is..principal... but my standards are to high to permit my pointing that out! :)

I haven't used either word in my posts and, yes, I spent enough time in front of the principal's door waiting to see him to know the difference. If you are going to be pedantic enough to correct spelling, you should at least get the right person.

In this part of Texas, Mormons are something of a curiosity. My wife has a girl in her class who's name is a strong hint at her parents' faith and my wife had already caught on. The girl herself is perfectly nice and my wife had her several years earlier when she taught pre-K. One of the nice but fundamentalist fifth-grade teachers took my wife aside one day to inform my wife that the girl was, gasp, Mormon! Of course my wife had already figured that out.

Its not just Mormon kids. In my wife's class NONE of the kids seem to have any boundaries. They're perfectly innocent, but they'll ask anybody anything and a fundamentalist Christian set of parents asked that their child be placed with a fundamentalist Christian teacher rather than my wife but reconsidered their request when they found out that my wife's class was the only talented and gifted class in the grade level. There's a limit to standards after all.

No I don't -- I prefer going to the railroad yard and watching the tracks rust.