My dear wife of 46 years and I have been mellow since we started dating at 15. We love and respect each other but are very low on formality. We like it that way.

Deep into our Mo'ism years I remember an arrogant stake leader berating me for not opening and holding the car door for my wife as we were leaving a stake meeting. On reflection I so wish I'd spoken up and said something along the lines of "You know, that's really none of your business." (Mormonism is so full of self-appointed guardians of standards, etiquette, dress standards, and a lot more.)

I wonder if any of the rest of you have stories of arrogance or other behaviors that give you similar regrets.

I wish I had used those same words ("You know, that's really none of your business") when my bishop told me to ditch the non-mormon (Catholic) girl I was dating, because as a priesthood leader it set a bad example for the other youth, and she would lead me straight down to hell.

I didn't, sadly.

I bowed my head and said, "Yes."



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/22/2017 03:56PM by ificouldhietokolob.

.. I was in the midst of divorcing. I had just moved back to the Netherlands with my 5 and 3 yr old and temp. lived with my mother in a 1 bedroomed flat. Having been 'kicked out' of the USA because I didn't have an independent visa to stay without being married to hubby who held the work and living permit. My life was in pieces. Husband had cheated on my with my best friend and had left me consequently after asking around if marriage counseling would 'fix' me.
There was nothing left of my life nor of the little self esteem I had once had.

The bishop of my local ward that I had just rejoined came to visit me. He told me to pay tithing, help out needy people in the ward and not think about dating until the divorce was final. ...


At that point I couldn't say a thing.
I should have spoken up. I should have kicked his arrogant ass out the door right there and then.

I didn't.
only went to church once after that.

That's when I started to come to my senses.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/22/2017 04:08PM by Becca.

Becca Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> .. I was in the midst of divorcing. I had just
> moved back to the Netherlands with my 5 and 3 yr
> old and temp. lived with my mother in a 1
> bedroomed flat. Having been 'kicked out' of the
> USA because I didn't have an independent visa to
> stay without being married to hubby who held the
> work and living permit. My life was in pieces.
> Husband had cheated on my with my best friend and
> had left me consequently after asking around if
> marriage counseling would 'fix' me.
> There was nothing left of my life nor of the
> little self esteem I had once had.
>
> The bishop of my local ward that I had just
> rejoined came to visit me. He told me to pay
> tithing, help out needy people in the ward and not
> think about dating until the divorce was final.
> ...
>
>
> At that point I couldn't say a thing.
> I should have spoken up. I should have kicked his
> arrogant ass out the door right there and then.
>
> I didn't.
> only went to church once after that.
>
> That's when I started to come to my senses.

If you only went to church once after that, you acted a whole lot more wisely than most of us would have in your place. I hope you give yourself credit.

I wish I had spoken up in tithing settlement one year.

My husband and I donated a good deal of our tithing for the year in stock which doesn't show up on the ward's tithing records. We paid the rest in cash, which amounted to a couple thousand dollars.

The bishop looked at the small number and said, "You mean to tell me that you're considering THIS to be full tithing." My husband and I told him this it was a full tithe and the bishop turned to my husband and me and said, " Brother and sister, I want you to bear your testimony of tithing to your children right now."

My husband complied. I stayed silent. And I'm pretty sure that was my last tithing settlement.

I always flew under the radar...

When I was finally confronted, I had no regard for the White guys trying to rein me in so it was easy to politely declare myself, with a big smile, an atheist.

The church does not prepare its lay clergy to address this issue, in that testifying in ghawd's name has zero impact on an atheist.

Fun times!

I was 32 years old when I got baptized. I didn't want to. I told my husband I didn't want to. I told the bishop that I didn't want to. He looked at me and said "your name is already on the program."

So I borrowed an ugly-ass temple gown and got baptized.

Now I'm officially resigned and divorced.

Life is better.

I literally burst out laughing when I read, "...I told the bishop that I didn't want to. He looked at me and said 'your name is already on the program.'"

I know I'm not expressing this well, but that screams, to me, of the 'form before function' primacy that exists in the church.

It's not what is right, but what works best for the person asking the question.

In other words, how dare you make the church look bad, not, "What seems to be the problem, Sis, Rubi?"

And we used to fall for it!!!

Yes, it's a damn shame! But I feel ultra silly for getting baptized into it because I am a non-denominational Christian who grew up in Salt Lake. I saw all the bull shit my friends went through with the LDS Church and knew I couldn't live up to their ridiculous rules.

As soon as I was baptized I realized I was only part-way into the "club." The next step was becoming temple worthy. I never did make it that far.

I wish i had spoken up stronger when i was 17, a lot of hell and suffering could have been avoided. I never had the guts to say that i thought the church was bullsh#t and dont push it on me anymore.

I wish I'd thrown a book at that perverted bishop who wanted to know how I handled my wiener. I was too shocked for anything but blushing.

No sh#t the bishop was asking me those questions when i was 30 for christs sakes.

Wish I'd have wised up a lot sooner and spoken up any one of a
gazillion times when I instead bowed my head and said "yes."

However, there's that one time, when I was still a TBM. My
wife was handicapped and we had three children still in
diapers. To make matters worse my wife was suffering from
post-partum depression. She had mentioned to the Relief
Society pres. or someone, that we could use help cleaning and
straightening up the house which had gotten WAY away from us.

The result was the bishopric coming over to chew me out for the
house getting so bad. They made me promise that if they helped
me get it cleaned up that I would maintain it. The whole visit
was them with stern expressions telling me how horrible I was.

The punchline to the story is that nobody--NOBODY--ever
contacted us about helping in any way. The only thing that got
done was the bishopric coming by to chew me out.

In retrospect that's one time I definitely wish I'd spoken up.

mentioned this before, but my moment to speak up was in high school. The supreme court had just handed down a opinion that eliminated school credit for seminary. In my 85% + LDS school they solved the problem by signing up all the kids to be teacher aids, and then let them go to seminary. I should have spoken up on how grossly unfair and dishonest this was...

A seminary teacher took a girl I knew aside and using one of the new testament scriptures told her god hated her new short hair cut.

She ran out crying.

Wish I had followed her, helped her, stood up for her.

We were beginning to fade out of activity that year. We did not attempt to pay any tithing until the middle of December. There was still some glimmer of belief, but it was fading. Under those conditions I went alone to tithing settlement. My wife did not want me to pay. (Damn... I should of listened to her.) I had the settlement in the bishop's office and handed him the check. He berated me for not paying during the year saying, "The lord needs the money throughout the year and I was being selfish to wait until December." I had an impulse to grab the check from his worthless hand and tear it up. I regret not doing precisely that. Our family could of certainly used the money more than the corporation masquerading as a religion. We left a few months later.