Date: October 05, 2017 06:19PM
thing myself while also raising 2 kids. I didn't dare go get the mail as there was always bad news. I was banking with Wells FArgo and when I'd make a cash deposit after 2 p.m., the money wouldn't show up in my account until midnight THE FOLLOWING DAY--so it sat there for 1-1/2 days and they wouldn't let anything come through.
I got rid of all banking accounts. I lived in fear, just waiting for them to take my house. I did state recently that I realized one day that I could live at my dad's farm in the old, old house that was overrun by mice, etc., but I knew my dad would let me stay there. The people who bought the farm tore down the house. That is how bad the house was. I hated farming. I hated that farm until I lost my dad.
I was able to borrow money from my parents, but I always paid it back. One time I felt so bad about it, that I tore the check up on my way home as I felt so low. I still owe one family member some money. I know he doesn't expect me to pay it back as he has told me.
I took in 2 family members when they were down on their luck and I was in no place to do so and I got nothing for it.
I just don't know how I did it. After the worst was over, I would sit and sob.
I KNOW where you are at. I've been there. I know how desperate you are. I, too, wanted to end it and was trying to figure out how to take my 2 kids with me, and my dog. But I couldn't do it, so I stayed.
Life is so much better for me now. Yes, I do have bad days, weeks, months, but NEVER like it was when i was where you are at. You can treat someone with therapists, etc., forever, but until you are able to help them with their finances, you can't really help them because finance is the ONLY THING ON THEIR MINDS.
And I had my ex screaming at me all the time and his boyfriend telling me they were going to put me in the nut house and take my kids away from me.
There is hope. Believe it or not, my ex lived in my driveway in a motor home (that he bought with a loan against the house I wa spaying for) and paid me a whole $200 and I paid the house payment and all the utilities. My daughter got angry at him and so he started paying me $300 a month. That went on for 4 years. Then we started splitting the costs and he lives downstairs. That freed up my money BUT I STILL HAVE meltdowns about money. I don't have as much work as I used to and I should be fine, but I've been having a tough time with PTSD about those bad years. I really DO NOT KNOW HOW I got out of that place, but I did. I survived.
I will again state that if someone started a go fund me page for you, I will be happy to contribute as I KNOW what it is like. I've been paying a lot of things for my son and he lives here with us and he asks why and I say "Because I KNOW what it is like." He has a part-time job. I think he needs a mental health diagnosis. He wouldn't make it without us. I know he wouldn't. He is 32 in a month.