It is for the best. I seriously feel like i am fighting my parents on here and that is not good. There is like two of you that have been through serious hell and get it. As for everybody else you are just like my mormon parents and that is not what i need right now. Yes i got offended, dont come crying to me when you are disabled i hope you lose your job, your home, your family, and i hope you get no help from anybody.

It's not about finding a way out, it's about finding a way in.

Motivation: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=VaRO5-V1uK0&vl=en

Breathing to heal: Wim Hof

You will be missed badassadam, please take care of yourself and I am truly sorry you feel like people are treating you like those that make your life terrible. I don't post here often but I have seen and read many good statements and posters as well as some who don't understand it. I have been where you are now and it took almost 6 months to get my crap together... sleeping at someone's house on their couch, sleeping in the back of a car, in a park, using a credit card to buy things I needed and no way to pay the bill, waiting 16 months to be approved for disability, doing what I would call begging because I would ask people if I could do any menial work for them even picking up pooh from the yard, skimming bugs out of a pool. Things they could do but they would let me so I could feel like I worked for it rather than it being a hand out. Maybe take a step away from the board and just be kind to yourself and work on accepting where you are and then think only of the moment. You may feel helpless right now but you will get through this if you will just take small steps. I wanted the solutions immediately but I learned it was difficult to not think about later when instead to only think about now. Take care of you I know what it feels like to be alone and all, yet you are strong enough to get thru this because you want to find the peace around you. GOOD LUCK. I AM ROOTING FOR YOU ;)

Dear badassadam

Please don't leave us just because there are one or two assholes hanging around. I think many of us here identify with your struggles, even if we haven't experienced all the aspects of your situation, but we don't necessarily post because we have nothing practical except encouragement to offer.

I think you have many more friends than enemies here on RfM and we - most of us - understand the need to vent and seek support. That's what RfM is for.

Hang on in there!

Your friend in France

Tom in Paris

Wow badassadam. Hope I did not offend you at all.

Best wishes for you coming your way.

Well, I've been through all of the above at various times in my life -- disability, job loss (several times,) the loss of home and family when I was a young teen (and the resulting anger,) poverty. Many of us have had to wrestle with difficult problems. I think we do feel a lot of sympathy for you. But all we can really offer you is encouragement and ideas for possible solutions.

The best I've got is, "this too will pass." And that if you work diligently, and in your best interest for a better tomorrow (through surgery, jobs, training, school, possibly a move, etc.) it will get better in time. Maybe not 100% perfect, but a whole lot better.

We're always here. Many board members come and go as they see fit. Feel free to do the same. My best wishes to you.

Summer said it, Adam. Many of us have been where you are, and can only wish you the best.

Take care.

I've been there, too! It is terrible, but it is not forever. Best wishes to you. Hang tough. You can do it.

ok ~

see you tomorrow Opie ~

I really have to leave ziller for my health i will miss you buddy and your videos.

Badassadam, many here understand and empathize with you, and have walked in your moccasins, including me. It seems like when you're going through terrible times, that it's never gonna end, but it does and you'll feel better. I wish you the very best; hang in there. You're stronger than you realize.

Maybe I haven't read all the responses to your posts, but overall I got a sense you have a strong support system here.

Not everyone is going to understand what you're going through.

Whatever you're going through is a process. Whether here or somewhere else.

Someday you may find you are a voice to give support to someone else who is hurting and going through what you are now. That's called being able to empathize. You've been there, so will be able to relate better to others who are going through something similar.

You still have a support system here. You know you do.

Hi badass, you are not required to stay or go, but I would like to offer you a thought:

We are here whenever you need us.

If you find being on the site to be too triggering and painful, then yes, do what is healthy and right for you.

If you stop reading and posting for a time, there is nothing that prevents you from later returning.

I know that in my early times of "waking up," my early days of healing, many posts on the board would have triggered me, and some of them still do. I have wondered about how some exmos can be so callous and dispassionate in their treatment of the "newly wounded," and I rationalize that it is from their own needs. Some of the reasons I give myself are listed below.

-They are numb to pain, for whatever reason:

There are most certainly sociopaths among exmos, as there are in every population. They are the assholes who have no empathy for anyone, and cause harm for personal amusement and self-distraction. I count people like "HTBM" to be among that group. They are the rejects of society, those who can love no one.

On the opposite end, are those who have been so deeply wounded, have so many scars, that exhibiting empathy might open their own wounds, open them to the vulnerability that you are now experiencing, and they are not yet ready for it. They tend to sucker punch whatever vulnerability they sense in others, out of fear. They are the ones who tell you to "get over it," tell you to deny your pain, insist that you are "too sensitive." The thought of accepting and dealing with their own "steaming garbage heap" is too much, and they have various ways of telling you how they "ignore" their own.

Then there is what I think of as the "middle." They are struggling to cope with their heaps of pain, and offer you the best that they have at that moment. That is most of us. The posts come from whatever reason and emotion that your post triggered for them, but they - we - try our damned-est to help. It often comes out sideways, doesn't always have the desired effect of helping, and can sometimes make "it" worse. We, most of us, are not profeassionals, just average people meeting other travellers on this path of healing.

In this last group, there are many sub-sets, among them are those individuals I like to think of as the rationalists, and I need not name names. They are those who want to help by teaching others how to get to the "facts" of the matter. Their kindness comes in a cool (as in non-warm) packages, but once unwrapped, is actually among the warmest empathy of all, and here's why.

Thoughts are the basis of emotion. How you think about something is nearly the *Sole Basis* for how you will feel about it. Please read that again.

The "rationalists" try to catch and correct errors of logic, errors in the ways our emotions have been twisted through wrongful indoctrination (and twisting) of our thoughts. These can be some of the most difficult to accept, because we must challenge our "selves," our own "beings."

I think this board is made up of humans, beautiful and faulty as they are.

If you go, it need not be all or nothing, and I hope to "see" you soon. You must make choices that are right for you, healthy for you.

Love you, badassadam. Take care of you.

Do what is right for you, Adam. You will always be welcomed.

There is no mercy for the wounded. I felt really bad for cutekitty. There should be a site dedicated to the newly out of the church or something specifically. I think you kind of lose your heart after decades of being on here or something. Its like finding out the church is a fraud you need to hit a point where you are strong enough to leave the site.

The same day - the same hour. It's fine.

It's okay to post, "BYEEEEE! Outta here!" and come back in a few hours.

Many, many, many of us have done that.

No judging. Zip. Zero. Nada. None. Zed.

I really am leaving really really i have to atleast for a while till maybe after my neck surgery. I have to be very disciplined here.

Can you guess how many times Benson has flounced my dear?

Hey man I hope I didn't do anything to offend you. Good luck out there brotha

Good luck Adam, and you are welcome to come back whenever you want.
I hope you get healthy and you find a good social group.

Sorry if RfM isn't what you need. We'll miss you if you leave.

Perhaps just a break and a return would work for you.

I've had to leave RfM for months at a time to deal with demons and get my head straight. Very understandable. I may do the same soon. Come back when you're ready. Take care.

I think you should put the energy you have been using up here into other purposes that will help you. I don't think you can get what you need at this site, so why waste the effort, time and energy? Staying here keeps you focused on the problem, not the solution.

Bets of luck.

You are right, this site didn't work for me when i signed up so why would i think it would help me now. I just get triggered over and over by people that talk like my parents and that is the last thing i need right now. I have to distance myself from all things mormon even on an exmo site, it does not help. Some knowledge was useful though for sure to strengthen my convictions. It was only a matter of time before i started clashing when i vented.

I think you've got it :) Go forth and do good, for yourself and others!

There are no professionals here so you are double right. No surgeons, no counselors, no psychiatrists. We just all got screwed by a cult some more than others obviously but still screwed. I think i may have gotten screwed the most unfortanately besides a couple others.

Words of wisdom Jonny.

I hope to hear good things have happened to you SOON and that life starts treating you better.

Going back to the Morg? Hmm...ok

No going back to nothing i guess.

I just keep getting triggered and i don't think its healthy maybe. I keep going into rage mode and i am afraid of hurting a mormon that crosses my path physically in the real world or something or burning a church down. Or even just saying screw it and put a a bullet in my head.

Adam, I know things aren't ideal. But, if you keep leaving things and places because things "trigger" you, you'll never find peace. There's a lot of good people here full of good advice. They may not deliver a message in the way that doesn't ruffle your feathers, but their messages are still valid. Maybe take a break, step back and look at the big picture, instead of looking for things that bug you. That's life-it isn't utopia, but there's way more good than bad. You just have to focus on the good.

You posted at 3:00 am saying you need to go. 12 hours later, you're still posting.

Don't you have better things to do? :)

Jonny you are the reason i came back last time now i remember. This is like deja vu. But there was a real TBM posting and i had to see it play out just for a little bit and then i will be out of here.

I hope you are able to find a community that better serves your needs.

You will be missed.

I have found some new friends. The trade off should be pretty smoothe, i need to physically be around people i think but not fake mormons.

badassadam Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I have found some new friends. The trade off should be pretty smoothe, i need to physically be around people i think but not fake mormons.

Neither fake mormons nor honest TBM's LOL.

Yes honest TBM would have been the death of me i kind of feel sorry for you guys haha. I think he was the reason i left last time. I couldn't stand reading his paragraphs of nonsense. I am pretty much tired of all internet nonsense, if you want to chill meet me in the mall and lets play cards.

Very wise advice, jonny.

It was good advice he was on here when i began and i dont want to be one of those people that are on here for decades like jonny probably. I am too young for this i have to live a real life eventually. Being on rfm for more than 5 or 10 years is not my idea of heaven or living. Its a good small transitional tool.

((((()))))

^^^^^^^THIS^^^^^^

I left for a while--either several weeks or several months, I can't remember exactly. I had about three people insulting me, and I was fed up. I enjoyed the long break, but eventually I felt the need to come back. People seem to be more polite to me these days. Maybe there were a lot of complaints? I never made a formal complaint, but just left. I have so many painful issues to work out from many years of crappy Mormonism, and I have to talk about them somewhere. Perhaps you will feel like trying this place again after a long vacation from it.

Yea i don't know exactly what i am going to do but i dont want to be mad everytime i am on here. Its just not healthy for me and i need to start focusing on other things in life. Widen my gaze. Get my neck surgery done and that should help.

I think that the board has gotten more civil over the years. But that doesn't mean that board members who post with a problem are going to like every answer. I always say, take the advice that is useful and leave the rest.

I hope I have been nice to you, because I have sympathy for you. Many of us on RFM have been through horrendous experiences. Some of us have lost our spouse and family to the cult. Some of us have lost our jobs, due to cult slander. A few gay friends have committed suicide, because of the Mormon cult. The reason RFM is here, is for us to recover. Recovery implies that we have problems and setbacks, in the first place. Badassadam, you might have expected a lot of expert help here, but along with it, you have found a lot of fellow sufferers. No one has exactly the problems you have, so no one knows exactly what it's like to be you, right now. We are limited in our ability to help you, but we have tried.

In the few posts I have read, you seem to have gotten great support, here! These are good, caring people, and I will vouch for them. They are helping me.

The Truth is often repeated, to the point of becoming banal. "This, too, shall pass." "See a therapist." "Call the suicide hotline." Don't get angry at this good advice. We mean well. The truth is, that you will most likely heal, and that your anger will dissipate over time.

We are here, if you need us.

I hope your surgery goes well. Neck surgery is scary. I have never had it, but my brother did, and he was frightened. Everything went well, and he has been out of pain for28 years, and able to move normally. Still--it's human to be afraid.

I am very afraid of neck surgery but i have to do it.

I wish you peace, Adam.

Adam you are Badass. I have loved your posts and comments. I hope everything goes alright for you. Take care and you're welcome back anytime.

Good luck my friend.
You gotta do whatvyou gotta do.
Id suggest a trip out of the country however, if you can afgord it, soon.
America is enough to drive anybody off the deep end right now.

Maybe i do need a trip or something. I keep getting triggered in this town. Alright maybe ill get on here after surgery or something.

Take care, Adam, our fellow traveller.