Already recovered for atleast 5 years out. I have been on here probably a total of five months and i kind of noticed this. This is kind of a big deal to me to know moving forward to the next stage. I don't want to hang out, i want to get better and get the mind back to a normal functioning mind not a cult mind of any kind. I don't want to feel complacent and getting no where like i felt in the church. Being in a church was giving up to me. But i admit i don't know how to live a real life i just pretend i know what i am doing because the mormons had absolutely no clue what they were doing or what a real life was. They truly were a lost people on a road to no where but they felt ok about it because they were all in it together i guess. When you physically leave mormonism you are not normal even if you think you are. Is counseling the only way to become a real and normal person? Maybe so maaybe so. Told my counselor today i don't know who the f#ck i am and that is a scary thing that maybe i will never know.

badass, this place is what you want it to be for you.

There are newly-questioning people who come here.
There are newly-out people who come here.
There are people hoping to find a 'community' of ex-mormons who come here.
There are people who have been out a long, long time (like me), who come here to help some of the above, to 'hang out' with like-minded people, and to learn and challenge others to learn.

You decide what this place is for you. I don't.
If it's doing you some good, hang around.
If it isn't, don't.
This isn't mormonism, where you're commanded to attend or anything :)

Prolific posters come and they go.

Elder Berry comes to mind.

Your recovery may vary.

At least you are among friends here....for the most part anyway.

Best of luck in all your endeavors.

I liked elder berry when he was around. He was on more back when i began on here earlier this year.

I don't know if you ever fully recover from having spent a good part of your life including upbringing, inside a cult.

You do the best you can, one day at a time.

There's people here from many different backgrounds and at different stages in maturity and/or recovery. Not all of them are LDS or former LDS. They're here for similar reasons, maybe having grown up in a repressive environment inside another religion, et al.

Use the anger you're feeling now to redirect it in a constructive way and turn that energy into something positive for yourself.

Try not to compare yourselves to where others are at. It's not fair to you or to them.

Nor should you expect this board to be a substitute for therapy. It isn't. Stick with what's tried and true by staying the course with your therapist.

Keep posting and in time you'll see where you too have evolved.

Did you know the human body sheds its cells *completely* every five years to be replaced by new cell growth? If you stop to think about it, that's transformative.

Take the growth you acquire and expect it to replace what is not useful to you anymore, like the cult's lies and its teachings.

This is a really excellent post, Amyjo!!!

:)

Thanks, Tevai.

:)

At first I thought this was a place just like church where all was written in stone. It was my Mormon brainwashing syndrome still working overtime. This is definitely a place to hang out and share thoughts and ideas. It's like the Harmon's meet-up I've started attending. A coffee klatch where lots of things are brought up. This board is a cafeteria for things related to Mormonism. Take whatever you want and leave what you don't like. Therapy is much different. That is the place where you get your head together. RfM is where you can relax your brain and enjoy people - and disagree with them if you want.

I don't want to be in a recovering state for the rest of my life. This sucks green donkey dick as a co-worker used to say.

Don't hang out here unless you want to learn about mormonism.

Dave the Atheist Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Don't hang out here unless you want to learn about
> mormonism.



yew cood evun gradjuwait in morm un izm

I'm one of those come and go types...came back recently because my psycho pushy TBM family are at it again. My FIL has terminal cancer and is in advanced stages of dementia, so my SILs are quite determined to bring us perdition kiddies back into the fold before he passes so he can die knowing his eternal family is whole.

The man doesn't recognize his own wife and yet he's allegedly delivering beautiful mormon homilies from his bed a-la King Benjamin and I am supposed to repent my evil ways and make a solemn promise to a dying man that I will never stray again.

So I thought I was out of the cult but it's a zombie meme that just keeps pushing its nasty little tentacles into my life yet again. I come here because I need that reassurance from others that this crazy making abusive crap is just the typical actions of a controlling cult and I'm not bad or wrong for rejecting it.

I've been out 20 years and find that I'm occasionally still vulnerable to the cult's programming. While I can assure you that time does help heal from this experience it also helps to associate with others who go up and down the bumpy road of life with TBM families. It's like a little side family here on RfM, a bunch of fellow travelers. Most of the regulars here have been out a while but that doesn't mean that the cult isn't a relevant daily thing, because I think they come here more to help others than themselves. While this institution of abuse that calls itself a church continues to exist there needs to be an RfM.

That same thing happened when my grandma died, everybody gathered around just listening to crazy nonsense about the spirits she was seeing in the room. Mormons are way weirder than i realized during my second stint in the church. I really wanted to know if it was really legit but it was just strange and did not help me at all. I am constantly around tbms as well everyday to trigger me.

That isn't limited to a Mormon phenomenon.

It happens across the board.

I took care of a 93 year old woman during a summer break in college, on the weekends.

She was a stroke patient who was very sharp mentally. She needed help dressing and eating.

One morning as she was getting up to start her day she nearly died while I was on shift. She looked up toward the ceiling and began talking to her long deceased father. "Papa, is that you?" she asked several times staring up at the ceiling.

I started yelling her name and grabbed her saying not to go (I didn't want her dying on my shift lol.) I may have brought her back from the brink because she came around. Her family came over later that day to check on her and get her to the doctor.

She was a life long Presbyterian, and a retired principal.

A year later she did pass away, soon after her daughter placed her in a nursing home.

Jesus christ my grandma did say some crazy sh#t directly to me. Like she knew who i really was and that i was a good soul which she has never said to me beforehand. She said i was f#cked in the head previously. Its like someone else was talking through her.

For me it's like spending time now and then with old friends. For some of us dinosaurs here like me, there is a nice feeling to sharing a history. I can't explain it. Even more, I want very much to be able to encourage anyone struggling because I have never forgotten what it was like for me all those years ago. Exmos understand.

This is a great place to use as a sounding board, get some input and then, trust your own self.

Done & Done Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> For me it's like spending time now and then with
> old friends. For some of us dinosaurs here like
> me, there is a nice feeling to sharing a history.
> I can't explain it. Even more, I want very much
> to be able to encourage anyone struggling because
> I have never forgotten what it was like for me all
> those years ago. Exmos understand.
>
> This is a great place to use as a sounding board,
> get some input and then, trust your own self.

I understand. I came here about 16 years ago, it helped me

so much to recover from Mormonism because other exmo's were

here and we understood each other and could vent our feelings.

It felt like home. I come and go now but I have made some

wonderful friends from the old days .... it was just a great

time and learning experience. I'll never regret comming here.

I'm one of those come and go people.
Sometimes I don't come here for months and months at a time. Sometimes I kinda forget I was ever a mormon!

And then sometimes I get triggered and I come back to hang out and be reminded how insane that church really is and how well I've done since getting out. And I like supporting others who are struggling with finding out the truth.

And other times I'm just curious to see what new shitz the cojolds is up to now so I read here about the new 'revelations' and stuff.

It is what you want it to be as has been said on this thread.

You'll be okay BadassAdam. Be patient with yourself. Give yourself time.

It is an insane church with insane programming that is for sure anytime i think i am free i am most definitely not free. Its like trying to break free of a drug addiction but way worse. They both can end up in death and thats why the church is dangerous and i need to remember that from my own experience the church/cult can and has killed people before their time. I am definitely still in the mental warfare climbing out of the hole and insane indoctrination.

Hey Badass! Sorry this is kind of a delayed response I was going to reply to one of your posts the other day but I had to leave to go babysit my nephews then I was gone all day yesterday I'm not sure where that post is so ill just reply here sorry its a bit off topic but well anyways you were talking about how no one on here has seeked you out in the real world and now I hope this doesn't end up sounding creepy if it does I sincerely apologize haha but hey I was thinking if you wanted we could be friends? We could maybe email or something or just whatever you would want to do.

I have thought you seemed like a cool person to be friends with but like you said I wasn't courageous enough to seek you out. I wasn't sure if that was something you would even want and didn't want to creep you out I guess if you know what I mean haha. And hey I'm ALSO an exmo and so even if you just need someone to vent to you can always talk to me and if you would rather just talk to me here on rfm that's totally cool ill leave that completely up to you. Just whatever your comfortable with. Just thought I would let you know that :)

I don't know what i want to do. I have just been pissing everybody off around me including my neighbor recently. I really wanted to get my health to a certain point before i start any friendships. I am like a crabby old man especially with the cold weather, it is killing me. I will probably have to get neck surgery shortly because it is definitely a problem. I haven't checked my email in years i just have one cause certain sites require it. I disabled facebook five years ago which was pretty badass i thought at the time. I am used to being around creepers from being around the mormon church so thats not a big deal. I don't know if i am ready for a friendship but maybe soon i don't know. Friendships mean connection and therefore equals pain down the road, i guess that is a horrible way to see connections but i have been hurt many times through my life so i don't even bother anymore just want to coast to the finish line unnoticed with everyone else. I actually set up people to turn against me pretty fast, i may be the best at it, it just makes things easier. Well i got to go talk to my counselor for the millionth time. I have two counselors, when is a normal counselor and the other one is specifically for trauma.

Hey that is totally fine! I completely understand in fact I think I forgot but I was GOING to mention in my previous post that if you need some time first I understand and you can take as long as you need to and you can just let me know when your ready to start a friendship and even if its not for a while down the road thats ok I should still be on this site :) so just feel free to hit me up whenever is good for you! And ya I actually said farewell to facebook five years ago as well I was never a huge fan. Too much of a bragfest if you ask me. And if you don't want to email I'm sure we can maybe text or find some to get in touch :)

" friendship means connection and therefore equals pain down the road" I know where your coming from I have been burned by friendships before as well...mostly by Mormons.... and It does not feel good. And hurting you is not my intention I am not perfect but I don't like hurting people and try my best not to. "I am used to being around creepers from being around the mormon church so that is not a big deal" lol LOL ok thanks I feel better about that now! :) hahaha

"I am like a crabby old man pissing everyone off" Hey I know your going through a lot and I wouldn't expect you to put on a happy face all the time if you don't smile and act like a happy little morgatroid 24/7 I totally understand and I wouldn't care I know life isn't all creepy smiles and mormon rainbows all the time and I promise you wouldn't offend me at all I would not be judgemental about that I promise.

But ya take as much time as you need and if you do ever want to start a friendship you know where to find me :)

F#ck all those creepy smiles of the mormons. I hope they all go to fake creepy smile fake land after they die. Sorry someone had to say it. I think i can get out of this hole, been climbing for a while so maybe friendships are in the future. People say i am good looking but i kind of have a little pot belly right now haha. They say i kind of look a little like kevin bacon but i don't know about that haha. I look like the badass that is all i know. The mormon girls will regret not wanting to be with me when i get back to my prime haha jk. The whole not wanting to be with me because of not being an RM really crucified me but oh well.

"Maybe friendships are in the future" ok sounds good just let me know whenever your ready :) "I kind of have a little pot belly right now" lol dude don't worry about it your fine! And Kevin Bacon eh? Nice! ;) lol And I have green eyes and long hair that's usually very dark but its blondish at the moment (needed a change) haha and I honestly cant think of a celebrity that I look too much like I look like the man ho "that is all I know" lol although I do not look like the REAL Joe the man ho Smith so don't worry hahaha at least I would sure HOPE not! Lol cause I'm SURE you would just really appriciate that! LOL jk JK!

"I hope they all go to fake creepy smile fake land when they die" LOL that sounds like a GREAT place! LOL and yes they will go there and Joe the man ho will be there right at the end of the rainbow just waiting there to greet them with a creepy rather sticky handshake and creepy smile of his own! Then they can bask in each others creepy fake smiles for time and all eternity hehehe.....uuuuggghhh! And aww I'm sorry the mormon girls rejected you cause you didn't go requit people to a freaking cult :( that's super lame

If you looked like the pictures of joseph smith i would punch you in the face, no offense. It would be d@mn good therapy i think. But my life kind of sucks, not going to lie, i think it was better back in the day, but making a comeback has been difficult. Got vitamins got meds got surgeries in the future set up. It is a great party here in the cold. Trying to move to a cheaper place and getting away from everybody which will be good as well. I don't look exactly like kevin bacon i just been told i do. I actually don't like his work very much in movies.

Hey! Sorry for the delayed response been kind of a crazy week. I'm sorry your going through so much Badass and I promise I wouldn't make you act like a happy go lucky robot like the Mormons expect all the time. I know that's not always reality. I think its actually pretty crappy that Mormonism wants people to act happy all the time when there in pain its pretty disgusting actually. Anyways I hope your staying warm! I hate the cold as well! And I actually don't look too much like Joseph Smith to tell you the truth at least I would hope not LOL but if you want we could get get a blow up dummy and paste a pic of Joe's face to it and let you punch that in the face? Haha although a blow up Joseph Smith dummy actually sounds more than a little creepy might give us nightmares so maybe that's not such a good idea idk lol

I look a little like Chris Hemsworth in the right (lack of) light.

Very nice, a showdown between footloose and thor, i like it.

Right now I should be working, but I've worked ALL morning on both jobs and I needed something to eat, so while I'm on my lunch, I read exmo. FB is boring. This place is much more interesting, so I come here for a break from work quite often. BUT other times I come here because I'm dealing with mormons on a too up close and personal basis. It does things to my brain, like PTSD triggers, and I have to sort it out. At first, I used to be on this board almost 24/7 reading and posting. It gradually died down. When I first went to fb, I was there all the time and not here. FB has caused my problems with my daughter, so sick of it.

BUT I just need a break from work. Working alone at home and listening to doctor's talk in my ear for hours on end makes it so I need a break quite often.

Anyway, I didn't know when I was here from the beginning that I was healing from what I was reading and posting, and the feedback I got from people. Like someone else said, you don't just stop therapy before you are "better." Well, I'm going on 20 years of therapy, but it has been a long time since I went more than a few times a year. This year has been an exception. I've gone about 5 times this year so far. BUT I used to tell my therapist I didn't see that I was improving or healing and he'd get out that list of steps of grief and show me where I was and we'd discuss how I got there, etc. When I told him I failed because I declared bankruptcy, he said most people wait until they lose everything, so you did it the right way. Well, I saved my house, which is worth a lot more today than the day we bought it 31 years ago. I did that, not the ex. So I healed by just putting one foot in front of the other. This place did help me in ways I didn't even realize.

It is a lot more interesting to read on breaks than the news.

How does facebook even exist still? Did it not die with myspace? F#CK i feel old.

Badassadam1 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> How does facebook even exist still? Did it not
> die with myspace? F#CK i feel old.


My Space was before Facebook. It's better.

Riiiiiiiight.

Shumie, why you cant spel?

Help and support on RfM isn't a straight shot to a quick recovery. Having a consistent sounding board and advisor might work better than posting for you.

The value of RfM is in having an opportunity to express and work on issues. Individuals have differing success rates. It's dependent somewhat on who happens to read your posts and how it happens to strike them which is iffy at best. Most of the insight comes in formulating ideas and typing them, not in what others happen to say to you.

How long posters have been here is an interesting puzzle, but it isn't vital to recovery. At least that's how I see it.

One reason it may seem that way is because the people who heal and leave aren't here anymore, or they only come in once every year or two, just to say, "Hi."

Those of us left behind are the ones who do enjoy the social interaction.

It's nice to feel healed and then be able to help those who are at the beginning of their journey. It's nice to be with people you can relate to, who understand where you've been and what you've gone through. It does become a community.

Sometimes too, you can heal and feel really good about your journey, but then some of the active Mormons in your life can wreak havoc and you need to talk about it.

It's difference for everyone. There is no one-size-fits-all.

They definitely come back and wreak havoc that is for sure.

IMHO a person's life is like an unfinished building, while you are living, you are building it. You can change things on it, but you can't completely destroy anything on it.
Mormonism is one of those things, from 2015 to march 2017 it was my religion, it defined my way of living in a major way. Now that I'm out, it is also important in my life but in a very different way, being in that cult made me realize how brainwash works, how an accepted way of worshipping God can make suffer a lot of people, and many other things.
Now my values are better than ever, so Adam, don't think that you can't change because you can't forget the fact that you were in a cult for so many years, use your experience to focus in which ways you can change and try to recover your life step by step.

My version of this is "you can only grow up the way you grew up." I grew up mormon and nothing can change that. No longer believing in the religion doesn't change how I grew up, it just changes how I act now.

That does make sense old dog.

Yes i understand brainwashing as well and mind control from it all. I learned how to survive amongst wolves and snakes also that were always in pretend mode and i want to screw you over mode behind a fake smile. Can discern a good man from a bad man when nobody else can. Not really sure if anything i learned will be useful but maybe you never know. All i know is that it nearly killed me and i still don't feel like i am totally in the clear yet, i may have a ways to go. There are still surgeries i have to do and a bunch of other things but the wolves never give up and they will never stop trying to get their claws in me to pull me back while i try to get healthy again.

Hey badass I'm still in the process man. Stuck in the church against my will to be exact. All for a degree... stupidest smart decision I've ever made.

You find a counselor specifically to help with getting over the church or were you seeing one before?

My counselors are pretty specific, one is for all the trauma involved in the church and family and the other is to basically help me deprogram from everything and become an authentic person fully in control of his own life.

You do what you got to do but it will all add up later on in life, constantly subjecting yourself to it all constantly for a trade-off for an education may not be worth it in my opinion. 4 years in mormonland equals atleast and i mean at the very least 3 years of counseling and deprogramming with a real counselor down the road. I cringe when i hear about people having to go through the motions of it because you are still around it and you still have to put on dress clothes (shutter) i am getting flashbacks right now f#ck.

Don't worry so much about what is "normal" for this group or about how you "should" act. These are common side effects of mormonism. It steals your individuality and self confidence until you end up feeling that their is no "captain" on your ship to give you orders.

Well, the sip is a pirate ship and they've been using you as free labor. You're not on that pirate ship anymore. You've jump ship, survived, swam ashore and made it to land--no small accomplishment!

You're now on dry land in the driver's seat of your own car, and you're doing fine. If you don't feel ready for the Indy 500 don't worry. None of us are.

If it seems like the group is just a bunch of old hands chatting away, maybe they are, but that's just a way to keep engaged until someone new comes along who really needs us. You just keep posting and letting us know what you need and we'll stop our conversations and listen and do our best to help.

That is a good analogy with the pirate ship and the free labor. Hijacked our minds and our money as well. And this is no easy task you got that right. But i feel it will matter in the end all of my efforts to swim through the chaotic waves to dry land. I will do this and i will live again.

I find RFM interesting, too. I like the variety of people, and all the differences in age, gender, occupations, education, etc. People on here have opened my mind, and given me new perspectives. I'm so grateful to you all.

My children and I resigned several years ago, but one of them married a Mormon RM neighbor. She is an atheist, but is conforming to the Mormon lifestyle, because she loves her husband an her life. She and her husband have agreed to attend Mormon meetings every other Sunday. I am constantly vigilant in protecting my grandchildren from Mormon stalkers, and liars, and abusers--just as I always had to protect my own children, until we finally escaped. Oh yeah, I have PTSD flashbacks! Tell me about it!

What I would like people to know, is that there is an enormous up-side to leaving the cult! My children and I are very happy! Looking back, even the worst days, when we first discovered the lies, were better than the best days in the cult. That's what they say about drugs, and it is true of Mormonism. My depression vanished like magic, in minutes, when I walked out of church for the last time, and it has never returned! The worst thing in my life was the Mormon cult. It caused me more trouble than my divorce, and more anxiety than struggling to support my children. Working and worrying in the real world was a labor of love--I wanted to raise my children, and to love them. I did NOT want to rush back and forth to endless meetings, to busywork, pretend to love the BOM and those old polygamous prophets, pretend that the temple was "so spechul" and lie to myself that "Mormonism is the best way to raise a family." I was so happy that it was a hoax, and we could escape with a clear conscience.

You are free to define "normal" for yourself. That is actually fun! You can be anyone you want to be, and change from day to day. It isn't normal for most people to be consistent, but Mormons have to be happy and obedient and reverent at all times. You will be grumpy, you will be angry, you will be discouraged when you're feeling sick, you will laugh when something strikes you as funny. That's normal!

You need to adapt to changes, as your real personality emerges. You will discover that you have a sense of humor! (Loud laughter is something the cult suppresses.) You might be very creative or artistic or intellectually curious or athletic or sensitive, or have a myriad of traits that the cult frowns upon. You will change your mind on a lot of things. One of the happiest times, was when I was finally free of racial prejudice. (I was only slightly prejudiced, because I had been raised in an integrated community, and always have had friends from different cultures and countries. I had temporarily lived in Latin America and Scandinavia, and other countries.) I felt so cleansed and free and happy! Hatred can make you miserable. Now, I hate only Mormons, and that's the last of my "personality cleansing" projects. Stop hating Mormons.

You might discover that you are an introvert at heart, as many of us have. Mormons are raised to be extroverts, and popularity is as important as wealth. "Every member a missionary." Outgoing, popular people bring in more converts. I was almost a total recluse (except for work and family) for the first few months, after I discovered all the Mormon lies. I went from extreme extrovert, to living alone, and being shunned by all of my mormon neighbors and former friends.

It's OK to be suspicious of people who want to be your friend. That's the PTSD, and just go with it, for a while. For months, I just came home from work, and hiked up in the mountains, with my dog. My children were all away at college, and I lived alone. I wouldn't see or talk to anyone all weekend. I had to wrap my brain around the brainwashing, and swallow the fact that an evil cult had (almost) ruined my life. All that hiking developed new muscles, and I dropped 20 pounds. After a year, or so, I came back to being more balanced, but I still have fewer friends than before--but at least they are real friends.

Try to have fun along the way. There will be little moments of joy, if you look for them. Try to laugh every day.

I was a teenage convert. I was crushed when I found out that Mormons love the extroverted, outgoing, popular, already happy types. They only treated me like I was special until shortly after I was baptized. They had taught me to expect persecution for being a Mormon. Yet when I actually got it,(really family members ridiculing and tormenting me for having been taken in by crazy Mormons) they seemed to take the side of the persecutors. I was supposed to set an example, they said, so that my family would admire the church and want to join it. As a teenager, I was supposed to be absolutely perfect in order to rope them! Who wants abusive relatives at the same church with you, anyway. Over time, I noticed how much the extroverts were honored and favored and people from already happy families were preferred over someone like me. Somehow I learned to live with it. I got used to being overlooked for "callings" that they said for from the Lord. It hurts to think that God doesn't favor you.

Exactly if i went to church now i would be in the same ward as the abusers are in. If i do that i have lost.

Like others have said, recovery from Mormonism isn't the same for everyone. The lucky ones can walk away from the church and never feel its influence again. But for some of us, we have to recover the best we can within the confines of our circumstances. Unfortunately, that may mean that we still have some ties to the LDS church.

I have a TBM husband and a strong TBM family. I live in a city that's about 95% LDS. When I first left the church, I felt that I couldn't possibly feel recovered unless my circumstances changed. I soon realized that it was nearly impossible to make all the changes necessary to completely rid myself of the church.

Over time, I've made peace with the fact that the church will most likely always have some influence in my life. Some days are fairly easy and some days are really hard, but I always try to keep in mind that the most important thing is that I figured out that the church is a fraud. Sometimes just knowing that I figured it out and I don't have to let the church control me has to be recovery enough.

I started reading RfM several years before I left the church and I imagine I'll keep reading for some time to come. Those who contribute to RfM are some of the smartest people I've never met. Reading RfM keeps me sane because I'm surrounded by all things Mormon. Earlier today, I listened to a very Mormon story told by an LDS coworker. I nodded and smiled as my coworker told her ridiculous story and then came home and read RfM to save my sanity.

I come here to save my sanity as well. As soon as i walk out that front door it is me against the robots. There are some smart people on here but not as smart as the badass jk. It is all about fantasy against logic in my head. That fantasy is really hard to shake that they created for you because i was born into the fantasy i did not really know anything else so it has been hard to face reality over and over. My parents still watch disney movies they love that fantasy.

I'm here because my wife and in-laws are Mormon; and in order to keep the peace at home, it is better for me to blow off steam here than over Thanksgiving dinner.

I've got a better perspective on my wife, who converted to Mormonism 35 yrs ago. I have also learned that there is a wide spectrum of personalities and experiences among both those who have left the church and those who are still in it.

Neither group, TBM nor ex-mo, is monolithic; but I've seen and read enough to recognize patterns and behaviors that have allowed me to navigate interactions with my in-laws and to coax my wife into questioning whether the church truly is more help than hindrance.

If and when my wife ever leaves the church, I want to make her transition as painless as possible by avoiding what many here have had to contend with.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/10/2017 08:08AM by GregS.

I dredd thanksgiving and most holidays i just want to be left alone and do absolutely nothing and be around nobody on these days.