Anybody else suck at talking to people still? I am still pretty bad but i was told they would be really bad for a while. Nobody has true social skills in the church no offence to anybody. When you leave you are literally like a baby with social skills compared to people in the real world. Any conversation over an hour and i am done but that is better than what i used to be.

You could probably start by treating, and conversing with, people in the way you'd like to be treated. Approaching people with an aggressive, negative attitude is likely to result in the same back at you.

You are correct i have noticed this. But i still don't like you just so we are clear on that. No mystery there. You could learn a lot of communicating skills as well like not pissing people off on purpose.

When talking to non-members, try talking about what a cult the church is. A lot of people who don't know much about the church are enterained and shocked about the church when you tell them the right facts.

I think you do well at expressing yourself here.

Since we're all pretty much anonymous here, you can be a little more carefree at venting which you have done very well in being able to communicate how you feel.

With your access to online resources, maybe look at some for self-help communication skills and social etiquette etc. You're very bright and a quick learner.

Keep applying yourself and you will get results.

I am a quick learner, my communicating skills with my counselor alone has vastly improved over time. Maybe venting my mind to the board has helped me i dont know. Wish i was as bold in the real world as i am on the board but one day it will match each other.

Badass, get a hold of Barbara Walter’s How to Talk to Anybody about Anything....Okay, wanker, because I love you, I’ll tell you the gist.

Walters says, and I’ve found it’s true, that most people feel honored when one strikes up a conversation about that person’s interests and/or accomplishments.

Not too long ago I went into a coffee shop in SLC. I turned around and a pierced, tatted, bearded young man was standing behind me. He was wearing a sweatshirt with The Heavy Metal Shop on it. I politely looked him in the eyes and said, “I’m kind of new to metal, who are some of your favorite bands?” He started talking and invited me to sit at his table. Pretty soon a buddy of his walked in and the three of us engaged in fun, off-color conversation over good coffee. I loved it! Remember, Bro, I’m in my mid-60s.

I loved it because it was fun and I enjoyed about 45 minutes of just shooting the shit with a couple of young men whom I would have judged as weird in my TBM days.

If someone has a tat, it’s really easy to strike up a conversation—“Wow, that’s beautiful ink!” Be sincere, be friends, smile, and make eye contact. Also, just be interested in them.

Remember, you’re the Badass. And you’re a neat guy who likes people. There’s only one incredible man like you, and that’s you, Adam. And, you’ve got to have self-confidence in your own wonderfulness.

And, so we’re clear on this...I’m the Boner and I like you just because of the quality of man you are!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/13/2017 10:01PM by BYU Boner.

You might be the first person to ever call me neat boner haha. I almost hit on my counselor today boner haha but i remembered what you said. She is so beautiful it is rediculous. I have become obsessed with women like the repression from mormonism is lifting. Not sure where this is coming from but i think every woman is beautiful around me like more then i ever have before. This could get me into trouble if i don't get a hold of myself and my loins. Strength in the boner power in the badass is my mantra to calm me down haha.

From your first post (that I read) up to now, it seems to me that you've gained a lot in communication skills. You frequently thank people for advice and comment more when others' hearts are aching.

All we have to go on are your written comments. But, I think you exhibit less anger. And, you add more punctuation! :D

You've lashed out at us couple of times, but, you're going to be OK, and so are we.

I try to emulate people here, when I'd rather just act like a shit. Reading anything by BYU Boner and many others is like a university course in how to treat people.

Yes, I'd say you are acquiring or regaining social skills.

Yes it is hard to not act like a little shit on here sometimes but i really am trying to turn into a real man i think haha, and not be a little kid hellbent on revenge for what happened to him in life lashing out at everybody. Sooner or later i will learn total punctuation and not do run-on sentences. English was my worst subject, i was a plagiarizer like joseph smith that is how i know how he thinks. Hell if i started a religion i would probably do polygamy too in my thirties and i really have thought about this. No 14 year olds or other mens wives though, i have a little more morality than that.

The highly moral badass signing out.

Take into account that you are BIC, it would be more difficult for you to develope social skills than me (I was baptized when I was 21).
So don't feel bad about it, what you are living it's normal.

They should make a song about the BICs'. "You know i'm BIC, yea you know me, you know i'm BIC...."

Toastmasters.

You're welcome.

I know mormons that go there so that is a no go for the badass. I have a better chance learning social skills playing cards i think.

I dated a BMOC (remember that old expression,"Big Man On Campus"?) at BYU. I was extremely intimidated, at first, but he turned out to be a very good guy, and was a leader and a philanthropist, even back then.

Anyway, my point is, that I was genuinely interested in him. He had a lot to say, and I would hang on every word. Still, I was very shy, and didn't talk very much. I was afraid I had been a "dud" on our first date.

He told his roommate that I was the best conversationalist, ever! I had mostly just listened.

Listening is the key. "Active listening" with full attention, and eye contact, and affirmations that the listener understands what is being said. (But, be genuine. You don't have to agree with all the opinions.)

Listening is also a sales technique. I'm amazed that the PR-savvy Mormons don't teach their missionaries, recruiters and leaders the techniques of being a good listener. The teachers at BYU weren't good listeners, either. Bishops make demands, and ask probing questions, and act as a "judge in zion". Even the GA's seem like old geezers who don't have a clue as to what's going on with the masses.

When have you ever had a Mormon really listen to you? In my experience, they are always preaching at me, telling me to read the book of Mormon, telling me to do something or give them money, bragging about all of their "blessings", telling me how busy they are, telling me how wonderful the church is, or judging and gossiping about someone less fortunate in order to build themselves up.

These one-way conversations are a good example of what NOT to do.

Have you ever had a Mormon sincerely ask you WHY you left the church, then wait and listen to hear what you have to say? Without interrupting you? (No, they just TOLD me that I was offended, and ended it there.)

It's called "common courtesy." As with most other "laws of the land", Mormons think they are exempt from this.

I have had mormon condescend me with almost every conversation, that used to fly with the badass but now that i know that god is not their leader i do not give two sh#ts what they say. I am tired of them making me feel like an idiot when i know i am really not even when i pretend to be. And yes i agree that BICs have a tougher road especially if there was trauma, we literally feel like we are battling with god himself just to become normal, whatever that is but it is definitely not the church that is normal so that is the starting point i guess.

Good point, but I think, they do not ask because they donot care. They know ahead of time there is something wrong with you.
Also any exchange may bring up some thoughts and doubts they have and do not want to address them.
They are caught, either way.
I think they have an especially difficult time with bics— because, like w#f is left?
You never really know what converts might drag in with them?
It takes time. You are right where you need to be.

Am i right where i need to be? Who knows? But i think i am on a tough road to reality and sanity.