This is a very strange sensation for me. I want to see my beautiful wife in a beautiful wedding dress. And i want the wedding to be simple for all to see, no mormon bullsh#t of locking people outside. That was some total bullsh#t suppression standing outside of temples on your sisters wedding day. You have no idea how that feels unless you have done it. It is a horrible self-loathing position. I don't want that sh#t for anybody to feel on my wedding. I think i know who i want to be with and no it is not my counselor. Real love is scary territory for me and you HAVE to be vulnerable and real which is hard for me to do. Ok i posted a lot today i did drink a coffee for the first time in a long time. Flame away for me wanting real love.

Just remember, Adam, that a wedding is an event.

Marriage is what happens after than event.

And it often involves the boredom and monotony of "stirring the oatmeal" day in and day out.

When people understand the difference between the two, they are that much more ahead of the game.

Mormon or otherwise. :)

Gotcha i will try to remember that.

That's very good advice, Adam.

18 years in and my marriage isn't like storing the oatmeal day in day out.

My wife is awesome, funny, articulate, very hot, and a great partner.

I'd liken marriage to great shoes...outside of marriage I see the agro of trying on lots of shoes that i'm not keen on the look of, or when i like the way they look they don't fit right and cause discomfort. Trying to get a great pair of shoes that you find attractive and are great to wear is a LOT harder than people think.

One big problem with Mormonism is we were told that any pair of shoes that is clean can fit your foot and you'll adapt to them. All this did was deform some feet and damage a lot of perfectly good shoes.

Try as they might some people, despite all the best positivity were wearing shoes that simply did not fit, or were designed for wearing to a formal dinner whilst they were running through mud.

I count myself as 'blessed' that the random dice roll of life gave me something in which i'm pretty much ok.

Hopefully my dice roll will provide good results as it did you especially the hot wife part but with an awesome personality of course.

I'll advise to take your time, but...

If/when it happens, I'd love to come :)

Well i have been taking my time, it is so nice to not have that mormon pressure on me every week. They made me feel too old but now i feel young still being 34 years old. Everyone that wants to come will be able to, no temple recommend bullsh#t.

I got married at 34.
First kid at 36.
Last one (of 3) at 55.

Do it on your time, not mormon time :)

Nice i like your timeline there.

It's best to get a girlfriend first. :) Don't rush into marriage. Take your time about it. Many Mormons get married much too quickly, before they even really know each other, IMO.

It's pretty dope. I recommend it. One day.

It seems like it could be pretty great and i have never felt that way before. I have witnessed some horrible marriages in my life, my parents now divorced, my sisters, my cousins, i could go on and on. All temple weddings of course.

I feel qualified to put my two cents in here.

Make sure you find a woman to whom you can relate as both a friend and a partner. Someone you feel safe and comfortable with. Someone you can laugh with, and cry with.

My DH and I dated for over a year, because we had both been "burned" in previous relationships. We decided, after 14 months of "dating," that we were finally able to overcome our fears, and trust each other.

Best wishes, Adam!!

Sounds like you want a wedding, not a marriage.

That may be true.

NO!!!...you don't...my gawd man think about it...nah just kidding..your allowed to $&@& up your life anytime you want...good luck...you'll probly need some

"Love is blind. Marriage is an eye-opener." (Attributed to Leonard Ravenhill)

"A man is incomplete until he's married. And then he's finished." (ZaZa Gabor)

"First, be the person you would want to marry." (Caffiend's mother--seriously!)

Edit, PS: Adam, in my 20s and 30s I thought that if I had the right girl and married her, I'd be inspired to get on top of a lot of problems and work out my "issues." I found it doesn't work that way. I had to stop drinking, grow up, commit myself to good, regular employment, clean the apartment, and the like. When I had made progress there, a good woman came along, and it's been 33 years of good marriage. There were other "good women," but the really good ones weren't interested in me. I had to fix a lot of myself, first.

There's a dangerous in-between relationship to watch out for: the girl who (thinks she) sees "potential" in you, and wants to fix you. It's complicated, but that kind of person (applies to both sexes) is a "rescuer," and is, in her own way, a very risky prospect.

You're making progress, Adam--and with more progress, you'll be ready for the right lady.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/15/2017 05:07PM by caffiend.

Everybody has told me be the person you want to marry, but it has taken a long f#cking time trying to become the person i want to marry haha.

If this is of any use or encouragement, Adam, I finally got off the sauce at 30. I didn't have a steady job until I was 32. But I was a happily married man at 35, and a father at 37.

I once asked my wife, 16 years my junior, "Where were you when I was young and lonely?" She answered, "If you treated me then as you treat me now, you would have been sent to prison!"

These things take time, and not so much, I hope for you. In another post I suggested that you try to do one conscious, tangible step at improving yourself and organizing your life. Clean a closet. Read a chapter in a good book. Call a friend. Go for a walk or a little jog. Apply for a job. Deal with a difficult person in a friendly way. Positive things will begin to accumulate.

Anything--but something!

We're pulling for you!

I cleaned a lot of my place today and i never do that. Threw away a ton of junk mail on the counter. I think it does help your mind to clear out actual junk that has been piling up for months. F#ck the mail is what i say at this point. I do want to get my sh#t together in my thirties though atleast by 37, thats a good number to get sh#t together i think. In my twenties i was wreckless and didn't even care to get married and i kind of had that mentallity that a savior figure would save me and repair me of all my mistakes but that definitely did not happen i ended up hospitalized and it sucked to be hospitalized when you thought you were a free man especially with injuries. I really did hate myself back in my twenties but i hated myself since i was younger then that really, when you get abused young before you become an adult it f#cks with you pretty bad, you feel like you are up against god himself since that point forward and there is no hope for you in life to be happy so you just destroy yourself with addictions and numbing the pain to live i guess. But it has been a b#tch to try to fix everything both body and mind. I swear my mind got frozen in the 1990's and i am still trying to snap out of it.

Sounds like you still have work to do before you're a decent candidate for marriage. Yes?

Yes i have work to do still for sure.

That kind of thinking, with some stick-to-itness, will keep you moving ahead. I fully approve.

Jimmy Soul song: ‘If you Want to be Happy.’ Youtube. Check it out before making any decisions. Just saying...

Do you have to have a woman for a spouse?

I'm inclined to share a great life with someone....

just saying.

Wait what? did i just get proposed to? haha. I don't know i just take vitamins and get surgeries haha not much else is there to me oh and i play cards at the mall haha. Baaaasically my life sucks and i live in pocatello idaho, its the bermuda triangle, once you are here there is no going out. I have not been in a relationship in a loooooong time, i am not very good at them i guess. But i am attracted to women sooo i do need to try i think. Even if it is awkward as f#ck at first. The shy badass signing out haha.

Marriagw has been great for me, and I endorse it. Had it not been for marriage, I probably would still have made it through medical school, but my time off would have been spent surfing, drinking beer, looking for one-night stands, and playing video games. There is still time for that sort of thing except for the one-night stands, and I limit the surfing because it can be very dangerous and I now have others besides myself of whom to think.


That being said, marriage has been harder work than medical school was. It's also been more rewarding. And I have a wife who is practically a saint, who gave me time and space in our marriage to grow up, since I went from mission to parents' home while in school to marriage, never really living independently. I needed a bit of time to be a bit of a selfish ass, and my wife gave me the better part of three years of it before she became gravely ill and someone else had to be the adult in the house.

I understand anyone wanting to be married. Being alone isn't all that great a thing. At the same time, you want to learn who YOU are before adding someone else into the mix. And while any marriage ma be the greatest thing anyone has ever done, it will at times also be one of the most difficult if not the very most difficult.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/16/2017 12:10AM by scmd.

I like that you added video games in there, your post just went up a few knotches with that haha. I always thought that it would make things more difficult to add someone to my life as well but i think i definitely need it to fill a void in my life. I almost kind of feel safe from the church to start a relationship without them bothering me.

It's such a marvelous feeling of being able to kill two birds with one stone in having just one ceremony to get two people fully committed to giving tHeir all for the rest of their lives to serving the purposes of the Lord's loving leadership hierarchy. So often we do ceremonies in the Church that just focus on getting one person fully assimilated into complete commitment. But with marriage it's double effective so that is why it's so important in the Church.

Meaning, two people committed to serving and obeying the LDS church, i.e. sealed more to the church than each other.

My guess is that Adam wants a wife committed to him (and him to her). Not disagreeing with you, Honest TBM--just clarifying.

All of the joys and happiness within the marriage are for the sake of the Church institution becoming a greater force upon mankind in getting all souls everywhere more fully assimilated into it. I cannot conceive of any other parties involved in such an institution needing any joy or happiness because it's all been consecrated to the Church so that the glorious holy middlemen put in place as local and general authorities in the Church can have more power in order to grow their dominions upon mankind :) This is the sacred purpose of marriage and I cannot conceive of analyzing it more in-depth for fear it could cause a Doubt to form which could get me fried for eternity according to the marvelous conditioning I've been blessed to have through the Correlation program :)

You just totally killed my desire to get married in about .2 seconds. Thanks honest TBM.

I do not want to see garments on my wife, not ever. I want a real relationship not a corporation match-up.

He's saying the LDS selling point of a temple sealing is it commits two "birds" with the one stone of temple-sealing both not to each other, but to the cult.

Or did I misread him?

No, Adam, garments have no place anywhere near the marriage bed--ever. That's for pajamas and lingerie and skin (lots!). --the quite contented Caffiend.

Yes exactly what i think. I don't want to think about the cult every time i see my wife that is for d@mn sure. They do that sh#t to f#ck with your mind on purpose.

And i never read the full paragraph when honest TBM posts. I read the first sentence and if i don't like it i don't read anymore.

Badassadam1 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> And i never read the full paragraph when honest
> TBM posts. I read the first sentence and if i
> don't like it i don't read anymore.

Thanks, I'll remember that!

:=)