I thought about this as i battled people here. I know i can deal with the mormons because i understand them even though i don't agree with most everything they do. But i don't have to take this sh#t here. I just want to be blocked from everybody's sight so i can just vent without any responses its not like we are going to chill in the real world or anything. Can i be deleted from people's sight on here somehow so i can just type without responses? People take my venting a little too seriously. You can not arrest someone for venting thoughts, this is not minority report.

I wish you could get together with some of the guys you've met on here to get some real-life support because I think that is what you need more than anything.

I wish I knew a way for you to do that.

The cult is not the answer to battle loneliness.

You need to learn how to be your own best friend so you don't feel lonely even when you're alone.

The worst loneliness in the world is being in a roomful of strangers who think like mechanized zombies, who don't know how themselves to relate.

You need to take up some hobbies or interests to get your mind off yourself.

"If you want to be happy, learn to be alone without being lonely. Learn that being alone does not mean being unhappy."

~ author unknown

I am still a mechanized zombie i think.

I would go someplace that is less judgmental than the Mormon church to make friends. Try a UU service. Or go volunteer at an animal shelter. You could walk the dogs or play with and feed the cats. The people at animal shelters are wonderful, and the little critters will appreciate your company. Or keep on with your pursuit of hobbies (it sounds like you have made friends through card playing.) There are lots of ways to meet people. You don't have to go back to the Mormon church.

Adam, I totally agree with what Summer has posted. The animal shelter is a great idea! (((Hugs)))

Saw a cat in my yard and standing on a trash can when i went to pay a bill they are everywhere here it really is a problem and a thorn in my side. They are just waiting for me to fail so they can all pounce on me.

I am not proselytizing here, but if you want to meet some nice people to socialize with who aren't LDS, and don't want to go to any church, try Temple Emmanuel in Pocatello. They meet the second Friday each month, and welcome visitors.

I personally get a great benefit from going to meetings. The prayer services help me a lot, and listening to inspirational talks by knowledgeable, trained rabbis as opposed to Mormon groupthink, is like night and day.

It trumps Mormonism, no pun intended.

Ditto for what Amyjo says, Adam. Shalom, good friend!

Many rabbis may as well be stand-up comedians. At one service, a brilliant rabbi entertained us, talked about God, and taught us all about fractal images all in one sermon. The object of his presentation was that we are all fractal images of God.

So memorable!

Oh, I'd have loved to heard that one!

My (now retired) rabbi gave one on how he knew there was a God based on the engineering design of the ear. It is so intricately woven and put together that only a supreme creator could have been responsible for that creation. And by extension, all of life.

The ear holds special poignancy for him. :)

Great idea.

Do you really think "loneliness" is going to be "cured" by spending hours listening to nonsensical drivel, surrounded by fake-happy asshats who'll only be your "friend" if you pretend to believe the same nonsense they do?

Really?

Go play some more card games. Go do some other stuff. Be around people who are genuine. That'll help with loneliness. Avoid the fakery of mormonism like the plague, that'll only make things worse.

^^^^^
This 100%

And the animal shelter idea. And the UU idea. I've considered UU as an alternative if I ever wanted to do any sort of church again. Very inclusive and love based, not exclusive and judgmental.

I don't really like animals that much if i am being honest. I am allergic to a lot of them and cats just roam in my yard like they own the place.

My son is 27 and still plays MTG. Works on his deck, geeks out, has a good time.

My deck is pretty lethal and badass these days.

I don't know i feel like i can deal with the robots pretty well at this point and being able to see people is a big deal to me because i have insane discernment. Battling anonymous internet people is not fun at all. I will just go back in street clothes and battle any mormon that wants to battle me if they have a problem with the way i dress, go to the intermedent class after sacrament and then leave, hopefully they teach new testament for a change or something. Talking to mostly teenagers playing cards isn't really sharpening my skills the way that i want. I feel like my gifts are going unused i guess you could say.

why don't you vent in a word document? Just write stuff down. Get it out..

or get a voice recorder app on your phone, or make a video of yourself and vent. You can always decide later whether or not to show anyone.

it might help get things off of your chest.

Becca Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> why don't you vent in a word document? Just write
> stuff down. Get it out..
>
> or get a voice recorder app on your phone, or make
> a video of yourself and vent. You can always
> decide later whether or not to show anyone.
>
> it might help get things off of your chest.


This is a lot of what I do. I recently wrote a seven page letter to my family of origin. BUT, and that's a big BUT, I never sent it!! It's a tool to vent and it works because your mind has to focus on specifics as well as to make your writing coherent. Not to be too critical, but a lot of what I read from you seems to be disconnected ranting. Slow down and put all of your feelings into a rational pattern of thought.

It is pretty disconnected my mind is all over the place.

Adam strikes me as just bored, maybe a little depressed, with a hint of ADD.

If you haven't been diagnosed with any of the above, please forgive my being an armchair psychologist.

You seem like a very bright person, who is lacking a stimulating and challenging environment where you are at the moment; but were one possible I see you as quite possibly thriving in.

Maybe work on not being so bored by developing some interests you are drawn to, or hobbies. Work on the depression by taking care of your body, soul, and mind (they are interconnected.) Try surrounding yourself with as positive and loving environment as you can muster. As for the attention deficit disorder (if you suffer from that at all,) can be stabilized by working on the other things in your life needing attention and focus.

Just some ramblings of my own based on what I've observed.

I would say i am someone in a lot of physical pain that is still a little disconnected from himself and reality. But when i see "normal" people i see they are mentally ill as well it is very strange.

At least, I bagged myself a genuine RM, and despite our religious differences (he buys it, I don't) we get along remarkable well and have done for going on 27 years

I found myself a truly decent guy, an RM who believes most of the baloney, sees the occasional contradiction, doesn't let it cause an existential crisis, and we cherish each other dearly.

Since my best friend of 55 years has been gone for nearly 3 years now, he has had to take over some of the places in my soul she has filled for decades, and is doing an amazing job.

Anyplace but Mormondom, this might be considered impossible. But here, hey - miracles can happen. Don't expect them on a regular basis, but they Do happen. Healing can happen when you least expect it. Don't give up.

I don't have a problem with some mormons, they actually are pretty d@mn innocent. I got a problem with the leaders and the manipulation tactics used against me and others our whole life making us hate ourselves and hate life. Its not easy to break free of a brainwashed mind. If you think you are in the clear just by physically leaving you are in for a rude awakening and you will probably go back via loneliness or something. Even hanging out with robots, vipers, and wolves is better then nobody at all maybe.

I did think about doing the video thing like sir david the bard because i think he is an absolute genius and happier than i am for sure. I try to vent a lot like he does but it is just not the same as doing videos. That guy has literally brought me this far. And he thinks like i do which is rare to find.

Badassadam1 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I did think about doing the video thing like sir
> david the bard because i think he is an absolute
> genius and happier than i am for sure.

So... why not get thee together with Sir David and entertain us endlessly on UTube. Worth a shot.

He, the happy genius and thou, the suffering straight man.

It would be a huge honor to be on the bard show. He has gotten me through a lot of tough sh#t. We think alike on a lot of things. And we hate having to go out that front door haha. I know i could make that guy laugh and others laugh. Even the mormons thought i was funny and they never laugh.

I will disagree with one thing you said Adam. Yeah you could, (be arrested for making legal intent to commit a crime)

and yeah what you post on a public board could be utilized to designate intent to commit a crime, or as evidence of being a danger to others or yourself

its not ok to state an intent to harm others through or to state any intent to in any way to hurt or harm others, that is not ok it isn't acceptable & once I read a phrase where a person stated that they would or intended to do harm to another person I determined they were not physically safe and not intellectually someone to continue any communication with,
assuming both that their presence presented a danger to me as well as the person they had threatened, both in person & in any further contact. And if they became embroiled in legal investigation, their problem is not my problem. Their intent and stated threat, publically stated threat, is their intent, their criminal intent- and has nothing whatever to do with anyone else. Including legal investigation.

re: verbs action words connected with legal felonies, linked with phrases attaching a stated intended target, such as I read written - was a clear statements of intent to commit a criminal act, these are public statements linked to individuals' internet address and as such traceable

That is unacceptable. that's just unacceptable. I am not going to take any part in it. I won't condone it by reacting participating in talking about it. When you wrote it, on another thread, that one line, I was off, turned off and will not participate with you again. Because its a legal threat, of a criminal act, and I don't participate with people who make statements like that. because its just not acceptable. In the event you act on it or participate in a crime, I will not be engaged in communicating with or associating with or assisting in a felony.

Maybe you could enlighten us by sharing this post you are saying Adam has written?

I've looked over days of his posts, and read as he posts, and haven't seen him say what you're alluding to here.

In all fairness, if you're going to say something so defaming against another, please provide the proof.

Adam by most of his writings I've seen is a gentle person. That he's frustrated, dealing with health issues and anxiety including PTSD, doesn't excuse what you say he has said. Just please provide proof if you're going to make these allegations.

I think that thread he or she is referencing was edited / changed.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/15/2017 11:02AM by rubi123.

Ohkay, thanks.

I saw it. I took it as (inappropriate) venting.

I wouldn't type a direct quote or excerpted or cited form. I am unwilling to be an accessory to any crime.

The poster used the personal pronoun in the sentence subject, followed with a form of to be in the future tense, followed by an action verb eluding to a violent felony, followed by a stated direct object in which the poster directly identified the human object of the action verb referencing a violent felony.


Its not acceptable, there is no justification for stating that the only reason for going to some service or event if because of planning to or referencing a violent felony and the planned violent felony being in their actual plans.

That's not acceptable. It was on this board. It is appropriate to remove any such thing.

it is not ok to be utilized as an accessory to a violent felony, to appear to be promoting or contributing to or discussing any person's plan for a violent felony. Anyone who typed and spoke on that thread in which this poster brought up their stated intention directly, implicates themselves as an adjunct or accessory to this poster's stated criminal intent.

and there is an address in which each person's post can be accessed, making it clear and admissible to court. I am not willing to participate & I am not willing to be blamed when another person who I do not know and have never met makes criminal statement of intent in person or even on an internet board. Its just an unacceptable legal risk when anyone online threatens to harm another person or expresses intent in a direct statement as was posted.


So again, I disagree entirely with the last line of the original poster's paragraph in which they assert that they were not legally responsible for what they said before committing a crime or in referencing or planning or stating an intent to commit a crime. yes they are legally responsible. I will not agree with their assertion in the last line of their paragraph, as to the original poster's assertion that they were free from legal consequence , stating a disagreement with law does not change the legal code.

I am not going to be supportive on an internet board with a person who alluded to needing to be restrained or convinced not to do a felony, an action of violence. I am not going to support anyone who makes violent references, or be manipulated into enabling a person who alludes to violence against others for any reason.

I agree with you there. I didn't see that myself. It does seem out of character for Adam.

By making threats there is no duty of confidentiality between therapist/patient; attorney/client; clergy/parishioner, etc.

They have a duty to inform law enforcement when someone tells them of their plans to do someone bodily harm. There's a fine line between making imaginative statements of what someone would like to do, and expressing a sincere desire to act on that.

what a mess to get drawn into someone's actual felony, to be demonstrated to have chatted with them as they planned it, or manipulated over a series of conversations communicating about avoiding (the person's stated violent felony/ stated idea)
and then, were they to commit that violent felony- to have no record of reporting the plan or stated intent thus appear to be supporting it by collaborating in planning a violent felony
which then occurred.

that is not an acceptable manipulation, that a form of enabling communicating participating in 'helping' them until the person's stated threat is a reference point, or an understood reference point which they may elaborate upon, and your continued 'helping' (ie collaborative listening/) 'convince' them not to participate in eluded to (earlier clearly stated threat, intent to (violent verb) to (direct object, clearly reference human stated earlier) - becomes a form of participation
if that person proceeds to do they said they desired (to commit the violent felony) they communicated their plans and intent to you.

that's not a receivership of data one wants, that's not a responsibility to hold that knowledge or awareness- what do you do with it? what is the legal accountability? when there are a series of deleted threads or statements, or later edits in which a poster references utilizing violent language, in this instance directly indicating a specific person as object to receive that violence, well then what?

if or when that violent intent were acted upon, then those in communication about it could be said to collude or be part of planning it. That's completely unacceptable risk. Its someone else's felony. Someone else's planned or desired stated intent/

it is so unacceptable to take that risk. I wouldn't sit in the room for a member of my family discussing a crime or discussing ways to avoid a crime they stated they badly wanted to commit and could barely find ways to avoid committing. That is not a position I want to be in, on or off line. People's cell phone statements, texts, and online postings are being admitted as evidence in trials, documentation and evidence. So that means this isn't inadmissible, if someone speaks of criminal intent - intent and desire to commit a crime (in this case a felony.)

Which was the whole reason I brought it up the poster that wrote the statement of criminal intent about a felony stated in the end of their paragraph, that it wasn't possible to be held criminally liable for what they said or typed, which isn't accurate- texts, phone conversations, posts, blogs, all contribute to criminal cases and are admissible as evidence.
Don't share crimes and don't state criminal intent, the rest of use do not want to be dragged into any criminal conversation, to any precrime planning (colluding, association) nor be linked to anyone else's criminal conduct.

(the intent of this board was disaffection with the Mormon religion which is in no way a crime, and it does not support crime, nor does it support any violence, nor does it support any felonies) the leaving of the lds life style has nothing which maintains and nothing which supports commitment of criminal felonies. leaving the church does not correlate with violent illegal acts, nor planning nor condoning any criminal action.) AND I'm not willing to do that or participate in supporting any speaking condoning or overlooking anyone speaking condoning a desire to do a violent felony stating a targeted victim.

crime, which they commit, could be charged to the person associating with them...

that the person who committed the crime had associates discussing it before hand, or were around while it was discussed and had record of participating in discussion of the crime prior to its commission were in effect, also guilty of a crime.

it isn't the duty to report as a counselor or mandated reporter, it is to not participate in planning a criminal offense, to not be an associate prior to a felony, and not to communicate about an identified victim with someone indicating a violent desire to commit a felony which in them dropping their criminal desire into the conversation, making you a party to the crime

if and when they commit it. all recorded. legally. for print out and sharing as evidence in court.

Maybe some folks life isn't interesting enough, and think this is exciting. I am not interested. Once anyone anywhere starts talking about desire to commit a crime or a violent felony- I don't want to hear it, don't want to participate, don't want anything about their plan or criminal intent near me because I do not condone it.

I'm with you on this. Part of my PTSD stems from acts of violence from people I knew in my past. Not against me directly, but indirectly. There is no recouping what's been lost when someone crosses over that line.

Self-protection is a necessary part of survival *and* recovery both from the negative effects of Mormonism and dysfunctional relationships (something Mormonism is notorious in fomenting.) Destructiveness is something I've worked long and hard to be free from. In order to love anyone else, one has to first be able to love him or herself.

Unconditionally. That doesn't mean excusing or justifying all manner of behavior. What it means to me is accepting yourself where you're at instead of never feeling good enough or self-shaming.

Join a "Meetup.com" group. I did once, like minded people get together to do fun stuff.

Meetups are a great way to meet new people and do things you maybe normally wouldn't. I highly recommend them, as well. There are groups for hikers, coffee drinkers, singles, etc., etc., etc.

Badassadam, What has happened to you?

I think BYUBoner lives in your neck of the woods, maybe not too far away. Maybe you two could hookup for coffee or other beverage of your choice? Might be a short drive and definately would be a fun time?

You need some type of Focus factor. You are coming across to me as 'scattered' like you come and go. Not like ziller, tho. I have been noticing your rants are getting scary, to me.

Do you like art- painting or making things? Sometimes at occupational therapy you make things that are useful and fun to do at the same time. This is a good type of focus factor.

I am sorry you don't like cats. I am not worried if you like me or not? I am just an alternate ID on the www. who is trying to figure things out still. Please do not go to church to feel like somebody or social time. There are a million OTHER places to get the positive attention you need, as do we all.

There are so many folks on here at RfM who are wonderful people, out there. They care about you more than the few pissants who rile your dander, badass. You gotta learn to let things roll off and cling to the good, positive things life has to offer.The people who piss you off here aren't worth your energy expense into the negative side of things. Energy, positive energy is what you need. It helps you heal. Don't you want to get better?

Please be careful what you say in print. Histrionics, Adam. Words are powerful and can cut like a knife. You CAN be held accountable for what you say. Sorry.

But lots of (((hugs))) and :):):):):)D your way any way!

^^^^This^^^^

Adam has got friends here at RfM. Hope he knows this.

When you don't feel well it may seem like the whole world is against you. But that doesn't make it so.

It takes heart to get through challenges and struggles. After listening to Adam's posts, he has what it takes to survive and to thrive. He just needs to recognize that for himself.

I don't think i can recover or ever could. Got my ass kicked by religion and their leaders. And now i am getting my ass kicked by ex-religious leaders on here. I basically want what all people want in my position, just justice, and then i can go in peace. We prayed for the second coming since we were children so all that abused would be burned. Oh i know i am accountable and others will be too i promise and that includes all god figures if there are any.

The only justice you will get is in gaining your own freedom, your own life. And in time, that will be more than enough.

I suffer for decades and they roam free and live as if nothing had happened. There is nothing fair about this and there never will be justice and i realize that now. Nothing i do will ever outweigh what has been done to me.

Perhaps, if you find yourself feeling like everyone is kicking your ass or out to kick your ass, you might want to change the way you communicate with and respond to people. Obviously, your approach isn't working on many levels. Thinking or wishing that others will behave in a special way, just for you, is fantasy. You could probably start by not threatening people. You're driving normally tolerant people away.

Driving people away is just something i do. I want to see who is legit at the end of it all. Drive out the anonimous and bring back the real like the good old days. I have no time for the anonymous if they want to jibber jabber i don't really care. I need actual friends, like i will do anything for you and you will do anything for me. I have been surrounded by flakes my whole life and only a few have stayed true. Where are the soldiers in this world? Anybody that sees this post i am calling out to you. Not the soldiers that carry guns, but the REAL soldiers.

That's it, I'm out. This is ridiculous.

I am out too. F####ck this weather i don't know how people do it with the dark days and the pressure changes. A guy here takes 10000IU of vitamin D to counter the insane mood swings and depression but i am too afraid to go that high but i might.

I think you need to interrupt your thought pattern and so I disagree with the poster who said just vent on paper. Venting will just reinforce the negative connections in your brain regarding mormonism, loneliness, your bad luck, ect., that you're trying to escape from.

You are way, way too obsessed with this stuff and your unhappy state as you try to recover emotionally and physically.

I suggest meditation as it allows you to practice controlling your thought patterns. Eventually, you will be able to push it aside and think about other, more interesting and positive things and then act upon those thoughts.

Look up mindful meditation and look at the health and mental health benefits and then just start. Even 10 minutes per day will benefit you.

It works from the inside out. You need to educate yourself; it isn't hard to learn. Just do it.

"Behavior therapy is focused on helping an individual understand how changing their behavior can lead to changes in how they are feeling. The goal of behavior therapy is usually focused on increasing the person’s engagement in positive or socially reinforcing activities. Behavior therapy is a structured approach that carefully measures what the person is doing and then seeks to increase chances for positive experience."

https://psychcentral.com/lib/about-behavior-therapy/

"Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is a form of psychotherapy that treats problems and boosts happiness by modifying dysfunctional emotions, behaviors, and thoughts. Unlike traditional Freudian psychoanalysis, which probes childhood wounds to get at the root causes of conflict, CBT focuses on solutions, encouraging patients to challenge distorted cognitions and change destructive patterns of behavior.

Change Your Thinking"

https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/cognitive-behavioral-therapy

“Feeling Good, The New Mood Therapy” was a paradigm shift for me. Our thoughts control our emotions! I was astounded to discover that and it’s helped immensely to know it’s within my power to recognize distorted thoughts and then change them into more rational ones.

F#ck it ill just call the men in blue on myself, everybody is thinking it, its not like they don't know me, as long as i get out of lockdown for my neck surgery that is all i care about. I can't counter this weather on any level i get locked up almost every winter since i have been up here. It totally shuts me down. Nothing will work and i am trying a lot of stuff. Meds, vitamins you name it i am still hurting. Might as well get locked up and out of everyone's way in the meantime because everybody is so normal.

You haven't tried light therapy.

Or behavioral therapy.

Just saying.

If you really want to feel better, you have to seize the day. Time waits for no one.

I have a light in my room for SAD so there is that. Seizing the day for me is MUCH different then seizing the day for everyone else.

I didn't censor comments, but you can. That doesn't mean you won't see the responses, and if reading negative ones is a trigger, forget that idea.

But blogging can be fun. You can vent and then delete posts later, although the Wayback Machine might capture it.

Truth be told, your blog won't show up in the first 20+ pages of results in general internet searches.

Blogging can be your platform to shape as you wish.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/15/2017 09:34PM by Beth.

If it's just to battle loneliness, why not look at another church? I'm not saying ANY church is the answer, but if it's an instant social group you want, the LDS org. isn't the only group around, and the others would be much easier to break away from if you decided to do so.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/16/2017 01:48AM by scmd.

I think being around people of any kind would be good to keep me present and engaged. It does not really matter to me if they are phony and fake at this point.