Date: November 30, 2017 08:18PM
Back in 2005, I stumbled across this page while I was doing some research on a bit of doctrine I was struggling with. My Mormon mind struggled to keep up with all that I was reading. I started lurking for a while, hoping to build up the courage to witness to you apostate devils. In the end, I went inactive a few months later. Within a year, I was posting regularly as a self proclaimed exMo - today I made that title official. I thought I would take the opportunity to let any TBM lurkers in on some secrets that I wished the ward members knew while I was inactive. I’m sure it won’t deconvert anyone, but maybe it will at least help some lurkers learn some manners.
YOUR NON-MORMON FRIENDS are not miserable. Well, maybe they are, but not for the reasons you think. They aren’t all desperately looking for answers, and almost none of them are trying to build up the courage to ask you what makes you so special. If anything, your non-Mormon Friends are trying desperately to avoid the church conversation with you. It’s not because they are too blinded by your majesty, it’s because everyone knows you will send missionaries to their doorstep if they do much as belch a Mormon term. Stop doing that. It makes you seem fake and only interested in earning your Recruiter badge. And if you are fake and only interested in earning your Recruiter badge, you’ve missed the point of what Jesus told you: “Love one another.”
INACTIVE MEMBERS aren’t as homogeneous as you think. They aren’t all offended - some have genuine theological issues they are struggling with and need space to work it out. Let them know you are there when they want to talk and back off. Some are offended - some are genuinely hurt by something that they experienced at church. Don’t minimize it, and don’t try to make it all better by leaving food on their doorstep. Sometimes an apology will help. Sometimes they just need a break from you for a while. All of these are fine. Speaking of...
LEAVING SHIT ON PEOPLE’S DOORSTEPS is not socially acceptable. It’s juvenile and a bit creepy in the modern world. I don’t know where it came from, and I don’t know what strangers may have done to it between you dropping it off and me getting home to find it. I once had a ward member drop off a beautiful fruit basket on my doorstep...less than an hour after I left the house for a month-long trip to Europe. It really annoyed me to have to deal with a basket of fruit that had been rotting in the summer sun for a month as soon as I got home. I know you think this makes you seem folksy and innocent, but it really just makes you seem creepy, desperate, and a bit slow.
BOTHERING PEOPLE AT HOME is extremely annoying and doesn’t work. I remember the GA that gave the lesson about how he lovebombed the youth back to church by showing up at his house every Sunday and waking him up. Want to know the truth? Stories like that are bullshit. What actually happens is that you fill me with anxiety about how I have to deal with you showing up at my door at all hours of the day and night. Give people their space. After a certain period of time has passed, just assume they have moved on and stop reaching out. If someone tells you they don’t want visitors, don’t give some BS excuse about how you’ll honor that, but someone else might not know about it - y’ all talk about everything, make sure to communicate it when someone asks for no contact. Showing up unannounced is quite rude. Phone calls are less intrusive, but still a bit annoying. E-mail is fine. A thoughtful, hand written note is under-rated.
WE ALL KNOW that you aren’t reaching out to us because you genuinely care. We were members of the church once, we know how it works. You are looking for stats to build your Celestial Kingdom street-cred. If you are genuinely our friends, fine. If you are just trying to make us your project, piss off.
YOU ARE SPIRITUAL HILLBILLIES, essentially children playing church. Milk before meet is fine for recruiting, but at some point people need real answers to hard theological questions. Do you believe that God was actually once a man on another planet with a god over Him? Do you believe that you can become gods? Questions like these are ones people expect “the one true church” to answer boldly, and not to slink around to avoid weirding people out. If your church is really true, etch your teachings in stone and stand by them. This weak waisted theology is going to kill you in the end.
KNOW THAT YOU ARE DYING and it’s all because of how you treat people and how you are so wishy-washy with your doctrine. Right now you have figured out how to stay afloat with the angry old white men, but they will be dead soon. People want substance, eventually having a jowly old asshole trying to talk trash from the pulpit will get old. People want God’s love and forgiveness - not modern prophets and obedience.