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Posted by: Cheryl ( )
Date: October 25, 2010 03:42PM

Listen folks, please don't dive headfirst into alcohol, drugs, or other wild activities just because you leave the morg.

Many might call me cowardly but when I left the mormon church, I decided I wouldn't do anything rash until I got my feet on the ground and had time to process "the evil outside world." I guess I was a timid soul, but that first inclination served me rather well.

I left in 1967 and my first departure from morg thinking was to start dating nonmo young men and to drink a cup of coffee occasionally if someone offered it. A year or so later I tried a Vodka Collins drink, just one. I was never interested in smoking and never did try it. In fact I've lived what some might consider a lifestyle like in the Leave it to Beaver TV series. That might seem restrictive to some, but it suited me quite well and was wildly free and exilierating compared to having a church dictate what I do almost all day every day including what underwear I wear and where I buy it.

So my advice is to find out who you are before you totally change your lifestyle and habits. If you already know for sure you want to sell everything you own, put the money into the biggest motorcycle known to man, and open a traveling whore house, that's certainly up to you.

But I think most of us would do better if we followed the example of deer in the wild. They don't leap over a seven foot solid wood fence if they have no sense of what's on the other side and they know they're not experienced or knowlegeable on how to deal with whatever it is.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/25/2010 04:04PM by Cheryl.

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Posted by: Skunk Puppet ( )
Date: October 25, 2010 03:54PM

what I have thought *many* times. Just because you've jettisoned Mormonism does not mean you have to take up all the bad habits of the "Gentiles." Moderation and pacing yourself is the key.

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Posted by: Nina ( )
Date: October 25, 2010 04:15PM

Ditto to that! It's just what the morg tells the members, that apostates turninto people like that or they left so the could to all those 'evil' things openly. I also have a coffee in the morning (caffeine just like colas) I don't drink, even church historytells us they did, including in the Ohio temple and on Smith's last day) Young had a whiskey distillery etc etc., so they're noone to talk. Actually, my postmo-life would be considered quite boring to most.

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Posted by: wine country girl ( )
Date: October 25, 2010 03:57PM

It's always good to know who you are before making these kinds of decisions. This isn't to say I did it that way, I think it's a good way to do things.

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Posted by: good call ( )
Date: October 25, 2010 04:41PM

Excellent advice Cheryl. I enjoy quality whisk(e)y: Scotch, Irish, Tennessee, Bourbon, Canadian...but I "keep it together". There are a lot of things out there that can hurt you if you are not careful.

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Posted by: fallenangelblue ( )
Date: October 25, 2010 04:51PM

That's good advice, but it's hard to follow if you leave the church when you're really young. I felt like I missed out on all the mistakes I could have made when I left home, so I started making them as soon as I had the chance. But I was also very depressed and I can recognize my heavy drinking at the time as a self-destructive habit. I just wanted to FEEL something. It's painful to leave the church and people tend to seek out drastic solutions when they are going through painful events. I just wish that everyone was smart and took your advice.

Alas, I was a stupid kid.

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Posted by: CA girl ( )
Date: October 25, 2010 04:51PM

My nevermo dad had a mom who was an alcoholic and he was raised by his step-mom. My dad is very successful, but his childhood crap has been hard on him his whole life. He drinks, but in extreme moderation. He's the one who taught me to be responsible about alcohol and to not drink to compensate for anything. And on my other side, my grandpa died of lung cancer because he was a heavy smoker. I always thought it was dumb how LDS kids would say they didn't drink or smoke because they were Mormon. I had actual thought and reasoning put into why I followed the Word of Wisdom. It wasn't just blind obedience, like so many of them.

So when I left, I didn't feel like I had to run around trying everything because I didn't feel like I'd been kept from doing things. I had DECIDED for myself not to do them. And yes, I have had a glass or two of wine since becoming an exmo but, like my dad, I save it for a special occasion. I think the whole Mormon concept of unquestioning obedience is bad on so many levels, but mostly because it steals your ability to make rational decisions for yourself. You have to learn to make good choices elsewhere - sometimes at a great cost.

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Posted by: matt ( )
Date: October 25, 2010 04:58PM

This is all good advice, Cheryl.

I gave it to myself when I stopped being a Mormon.

Did I always follow it? In truth... no. Not always! ;o))

But now we have the choice! And doesn't that feel so good?

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Posted by: Major Bidamon ( )
Date: October 25, 2010 06:21PM

Thank you Cheryl for this timely post. Recently I drank my first glass of wine and it was great, but then I reflected on my family history and the problems alcohol abuse has caused.

I also noticed a more rational approach to my decisions. For example, on a recent business trip:

-- I was upgraded to first class and had access to free drinks. Great opportunity to get plastered, but I thought, "naw, I don't need that right now. If this plane has an emergency, I want to have my wits about me. And, I have a long drive after I get into the airport. How would that look to my employer? A DUI in the middle of the day! No thank you, I'll just have a water"

-- Later that night, at the gas station -- I looked at the beers and thought, "I don't want to buy a six pack -- there are no fridges in the hotel room and all I want is one beer to go with my sandwich, but the single beer cans are these huge double serving deals (I was visiting a college town -- the poor students need to get the best bang for their buck I guess). Too much. I'll just go with the smoothie drink."

-- Of course, the monster in the traveling-mormon-male's hotel room was waiting for me when I tucked in for the night. Why not some cheapo skin flick? I thought, "You know, I've been tempted in the past and now I think I can look at this any time I want because I'm more and more convinced that JS was a pervert and I'll be ok on judgement day, if there is a judgement day, when compared to him, BUT this stuff is crap! And wake up man, this girl performing her acts on film might be a consenting adult OR she could be a manipulated, drug addicted, HUMAN BEING -- why the hell would I support this garbage?" And with that THOUGHT PROCESS, my "temptation" went away.

My point -- I have found in the last 3 weeks that I have more power over "temptations" than I ever did when I was a TBM. It feels good to think like an adult!

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Posted by: Cheryl ( )
Date: October 25, 2010 07:35PM

You made good choices because you used your brain, always better than because you feel like a church is looking over your shoulder.

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Posted by: wine country girl ( )
Date: October 25, 2010 07:48PM

What good is life after mormonism if you can't think for yourself? If you can't reason for yourself? If you can't make your own choices based on what YOU think/feel is good for you?

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Posted by: BYUAlumnuts ( )
Date: October 25, 2010 06:33PM

Absolutely! I could never understand why someone who left a lying damn church would then go off the deep end just because they felt they could now. There are so many great things in life without resorting to alcohol or drugs.

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Posted by: Rubicon ( )
Date: October 25, 2010 07:40PM

You haven't lived life until you have experienced bed spins and spent the night puking bile into the toilet.

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Posted by: Anonymous User ( )
Date: October 25, 2010 07:49PM

I knew what was on the other side before I joined and when I quit I went back to the other side, or as mom calls it"living in the REAL world" now. I thought the whole LDS thing was lame from the start, and it really was phony all along. It is sooo nice being able to smoke and drink if I choose too in public and I dont care who sees me! Sign me as 'Utah Mo no more'!!

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/25/2010 07:50PM by orangecat.

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Posted by: mick ( )
Date: October 25, 2010 08:02PM

There I go again being childish. Damn this arrested development!

Anyway, it is good advise. But it's the same advise I was given when I was a teenager, and I didn't listen to one word of it. I went off the deep end. Sex, drugs and rock n' roll, I did it all! In no way am I endorsing my past. In fact I've done a lot of stupid shit. I'm sure I don't need to go into details. All the wasted years in the church really didn't justify wasting more years in a complete blur.

The point is you can give all the advise, but it's up to the individual to choose the life they want or don't.

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