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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: January 02, 2018 12:15PM

This is part of my recovery. One of my children asked for a copy of my patriarchal blessing. I logged into lds.org and requested it. I got it in a pdf format which I had to type from because I can't edit it.

When they fulfilled my request it came with this disclaimer.

Quote:
We have been asked to remind you of the sacred nature of patriarchal blessings. Therefore, please bear in mind that the blessing should not be distributed or shared with those outside of your immediate family, including through electronic means such as in the memories section of FamilySearch, or on social media, websites, or blogs.

Screw them and their sense of secretive as sacred. I mean really? Why is this supposed to be secret? Because it is as much hog wash as the handshakes in their temple and publically posting my lineage and special blessing would somehow tarnish the "sacred" nature of the thing?

At any rate, I find this activity refreshing. Aren't they supposed to shout their truths from mountaintops like Captain Moroni and his Title of Liberty?

I mean seriously, my special blessing doesn't even work for me. God got me wrong. I've given into the "attempts of Satan to lead you astray."

In choosing my own adventure after this was bestowed upon my head in '86, I obviously didn't take this path. I'm wandering in the mists of darkness looking for a way into a greatness that involves mocking other people with buildings.

And without further adue my brethren and sisterns, here are detailed what I didn't become 31 years later...

My PB:
[My Real Name], In the name of Jesus Christ and with the authority of the Holy Melchizedek Priesthood, and with the authority of the calling of Stake Patriarch, I place my hands upon your head and give you a patriarchal blessing.
The Lord knows of your desire for this blessing. He knows of the preparation you have made in your heart and soul to desire this blessing. He knows of the great spirit which you are and of the great accomplishments you will fulfill and achieve as you live here on this earth and strive to serve Him.
He knows of the great mission you accepted. He knows of the great challenges which you will yet face as you go through life here on this earth. But He also knows of the choice blessings and talents you have been blessed with which will permit you to achieve even the greatest goals which you might set before you. And He also knows of the lives of others with whom you will work and associate who will be affected for good because of that life which you will live and the achievements which you will make.
I pray that our Heavenly Father's spirit will be here this day, that I will feel the inspiration I desire to say those things which He would have me say and that you will feel this inspiration and love and warmth and know in your heart and soul that which is said. Honor this blessing because of this understanding and enjoy the rekindling of this feeling you have in your heart at this time each time you read and lean to prayer above all to keep a communication open with the Lord that you might receive inspiration and guidance in answer to your prayers.
For you will be so inspired many times and you will know of this inspiration and be able to testify to many who will hear of the closeness of your Heavenly Father and of the thinness of the veil which separates us from them.
You are of the lineage of the tribe of Ephraim. And through this lineage, you have been given responsibilities which you will fulfill as you serve your Heavenly Father here. You will have the opportunity because of callings given unto you of serving in lands distant from this proclaiming the Gospel and giving your aid and assistance in building the church and helping to prepare this great church and to prepare this earth for the return of our Savior.
You have a sensitive spirit which feels the needs of others about you. And through this great empathy which you have you will be able to work closely with others and be a source of advice and counsel and you will be able to sit in positions of judgement wherein through your love and your desire, you will be able to work with many who need the help of an inspired person.
Rejoice in the fact that you have been given much. Use your talents to bless others and great will be the joy which you will receive in your heart and soul. Listen for the whisperings of the Holy Ghost and let them guide your steps in this life that you might choose those paths which will carry you towards eternal life and that you might receive wisdom and knowledge to thwart any attempts of Satan to lead you astray.
Enlarge on the blessings you have. Increase your talents through use and through learning that you might be a choice servant here on this earth and go forth with the knowledge that you have something to give to others which they can enjoy as they receive of it.
Honor your sweet parents with all that you do and say. Great will be the joy which will be yours as you so do in the knowledge that you will be able to leave before your loved ones as a father and a homemaker and a patriarch, that choice image for your loved ones to follow.
Now there are special blessings on a special, sweet spirit, a special son of God. Read them and enjoy them and strive to serve Him who has given all that is good and worthy in this life. As you do, as you strive to serve Him and your fellow man, will opportunities open before you and will challenges lie before you which will allow you to increase and grow string and to go forth and enjoy that which you do.
Now these are special blessings and I seal them upon you. I seal you to come forth in the morning of the first resurrection, there to enjoy those things which will transpire at that time.
And I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

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Posted by: Dave the Atheist ( )
Date: January 02, 2018 12:18PM

Why do I visualize you sitting in a chair getting your head smashed by their hands.

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: January 02, 2018 12:21PM

Because that is what happened.

I was nervous. I only did it because I was supposed to do it. I was budding into a rebellious young man at the time so much of what I read when I got the actual copy (I couldn't remember a thing sitting there) I laughed and thought he didn't have much discernment. My preparation for the thing was zilch, no prayer, reading scripture, nada.

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Posted by: BYU Boner ( )
Date: January 02, 2018 01:34PM

Dude! I’m also from the tribe of Ephraim! This makes us fellow wankers!

The last time I saw my PB was going in the shredder. However, Mrs. Boner kept a copy of it that she annotated heavily. I shit you not. Every nuance every phrase was marked and cross-correlated with hers. This gave me the creeps, Bro, that’s how seriously she took my “monumental contribution to the building of the kingdom of God and the establishment of Zion” promise.

Of course, I had to do my part, or this wouldn’t become a reality. I guess it’s because I jacked off that my blessing never became a reality. At least that’s the way my wife saw it.

I, too, think you’re a “special, sweet spirit, special son of God.” If the patriarch is still alive, I recommend sending him a thesaurus to find alternatives for the word, special. And no, “choice” ain’t going to cut it!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/02/2018 01:36PM by BYU Boner.

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Posted by: moehoward ( )
Date: January 02, 2018 04:05PM

Boner,
My 23&me DNA came back and I'm a wanker also. Not part of the tribe of Ephraim though, Dam.

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Posted by: BYU Boner ( )
Date: January 02, 2018 06:49PM

Here’s to inter-tribal circle jerking!

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Posted by: saucie ( )
Date: January 03, 2018 03:11PM

BYU Boner Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Here’s to inter-tribal circle jerking!


I like how you never deviate from your main theme... it shows

purpose and resolve. Always stay focused.

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Posted by: jstone ( )
Date: January 02, 2018 05:59PM

Patriarchs dont get any training, there's no manual its a hiding to nothing. After an individual has been pressure cooked all his life actually being creative is difficult.

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: January 03, 2018 01:42PM

BYU Boner Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> The last time I saw my PB was going in the
> shredder. However, Mrs. Boner kept a copy of it
> that she annotated heavily. I shit you not. Every
> nuance every phrase was marked and
> cross-correlated with hers. This gave me the
> creeps, Bro, that’s how seriously she took my
> “monumental contribution to the building of the
> kingdom of God and the establishment of Zion”
> promise.

Can you post her annotated copy? I'd love to see how they correlate!

> Of course, I had to do my part, or this wouldn’t
> become a reality. I guess it’s because I jacked
> off that my blessing never became a reality. At
> least that’s the way my wife saw it.

Of course. My father never became a bishop because of self abuse and molesting his adopted daughters. I never tried though it "clearly" says I'm supposed to sit in some kind of judgement. Not my thing. I'll leave the judging to the self righteous with their authority claimed from a sexual predator.

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Posted by: Aquarius123 ( )
Date: January 02, 2018 02:02PM

I think they want us to "not share" and to keep the PB "sacred" is because they don't want us to compare notes and discover how very much alike they are. We might figure out that PB's are bs.

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Posted by: looking in ( )
Date: January 02, 2018 03:16PM

That's what I thought. I've never seen one before, not having stuck with the church long enough I guess, but I expected it would be more, I don't know, detailed and directed to the individual personally. The above is as elderolddog said below, really pretty generic. Makes me think they might have 5 or 6 that they rotate through, with a little tweaking for each new blessing.

(Edited because I meant to reply to elderolddog below.)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/02/2018 03:17PM by looking in.

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Posted by: exmormonminion ( )
Date: January 02, 2018 04:14PM

I'm a newbie, here.

My friends compared their patriarchal blessings, from the same patriarch, and they were almost word-for-word identical. All of the women's blessings mention a temple marriage and being a "mother in Zion." It was all superstition. The girls were afraid that their blessing would not say they were going to be a "mother in Zion," and they would be cursed with being single forever. There was a rumor about a girl who's blessing did not include marriage or children, and she ended up never getting married! A fate worse than death! We wanted to fast and pray and be very good before we got our patriarchal blessing.

One of my TBM uncles was declared to be of the tribe of Manassa (the inferior tribe), when all of his brothers were of Ephriam. How could that be, in the same family? Ah--but later in life he had an affair and got divorced, and started smoking and drinking with the other woman! The church is true! Grown adults believed in patriarchal blessings.

My TBM RS president mother and bishopric father never bothered to get me a patriarchal blessing. I guess it was because I was a female, and was raised to be only be a Mormon stay-at-home mom. Women weren't encouraged to go on missions, during my teen-age and young-adult years--the policy kept switching back and forth--and I don't know if the Mormons still discourage missions for women this week.

I knew Mormons at BYU, who would bring out their patriarchal blessing, and re-read it all the time. They said it encouraged them, and kept them on track.

Elder Berry, your blessing could apply to absolutely anyone! Even horoscopes are more specific. Oh, I see other posters have picked up on the horoscope similarities.

Some of us BYU girls used to have a line, that we would say to the boys: "You are so sensitive!" We would secretly laugh at that, because what college student doesn't think they are sensitive. This applies to everyone.

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: January 03, 2018 01:44PM

exmormonminion Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Elder Berry, your blessing could apply to
> absolutely anyone! Even horoscopes are more
> specific. Oh, I see other posters have picked up
> on the horoscope similarities.

Yes, alas in pedigree I had it all and in pb I was just like everyone else.

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Posted by: GregS ( )
Date: January 02, 2018 02:17PM

Mine is published as a daily serial in the local newspaper. It's under the heading of "Horoscope".

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Posted by: Aquarius123 ( )
Date: January 02, 2018 03:44PM

Horoscope. I like that!

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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: January 02, 2018 02:25PM

ElderBerryWine, you are one generic SOB!

I'm thinking the SP wasn't feelin' it that day...

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Posted by: cl2 ( )
Date: January 02, 2018 03:31PM

as I thought it would be as long as mine is. ha ha ha I think it is the patriarch and how long-winded they are. Mine is fairly long, but I don't have it anymore. I almost threw it out, but then gave it to my TBM daughter for her entertainment since mine is much longer than her's is. Maybe it made her think???? Not likely.

At one time, I almost had mine memorized because I wanted to do everything correctly so I could find that one and only God had promised me. I was told I would be found in holy places serving the lord and I wouldn't be called upon to suffer unduly at any time. Obviously, I did something wrong WHILE being a good little mormon girl.

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Posted by: incognitotoday ( )
Date: January 02, 2018 05:52PM

My ex-w and her friend had them one after the other. Comparing them both they were word for word the same. My ex-w, not to be disuaded, got a new one. Makes sense, right?

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Posted by: commongentile ( )
Date: January 02, 2018 06:47PM

Here's how I think Patriarchal Blessings should happen in the Mormon Church, if they were authentic:

The only preparation the man called as a Patriarch would make is to strive to live a righteous life, and specifically, fast and pray before giving the blessing. When the blessing begins, the Patriarch would be possessed by the Holy Spirit, with the Patriarch's normal consciousness, thoughts, and personality in complete abeyance. The words of the blessing would thus come directly from the Holy Spirit, show preternatural discernment, and not be at all formulaic. As the Apostle Paul said in Galatians 2:20, he (Paul) no longer lives but it is now Christ who lives in him. So during the Patriarchal Blessing, the Patriarch would in a sense no longer live, but the Holy Spirit would live in him.

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: January 03, 2018 01:47PM

So have a zombie for God bless you as a haunted consciousness? That sounds way creeper than the ordeal was. And I it was a creepy old man pretending to know me.

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Posted by: commongentile ( )
Date: January 03, 2018 02:56PM

And furthermore, regarding the Prophet, even if Heavenly Father has decided to allow his Prophet to languish in dementia or debilitating physical illness, Heavenly Father should still be able to take possession of the Prophet's brain and vocal cords and deliver clear and articulate revelation and guidance for the Church, even if the Prophet immediately thereafter lapses back into disability.

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Posted by: pilgrim ( )
Date: January 03, 2018 12:13AM

When I was gospel doctrine teacher, there was a lesson on Patriarchal Blessings....and I laughingly said to the class, "well, you all know what a sinner I am because NOT ONE promise has come true!" The stake president was in there, and I don't think he thought it was funny. The fact that I was concurrently gospel doctrine teacher AND a supervisor in the temple didn't seem to help my credibility with anyone!

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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: January 03, 2018 01:49AM

So neither being a revered teacher nor working in holy places was 'predicted' in your PB? What the heck was to be your faithful fate?

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Posted by: pilgrim ( )
Date: January 17, 2018 04:28PM

A husband of great spiritual stature, many children, having a home filled with love, etc etc etc.

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Posted by: smirkorama ( )
Date: January 03, 2018 02:20AM

no problem -just point out the MORmON PRofits and ASSpostHOLES have NEVER had a legit prophecy fulfilled yet!!! How ever they have had several bogus prophecies totally flop !!!

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Posted by: messygoop ( )
Date: January 03, 2018 05:24AM

Gee all those special and sweet phrases sound like a recipe.

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: January 03, 2018 01:48PM

Celestial syrup is what pb cognitive dissonant sandwiches are made with.

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Posted by: Abbynotloggedin ( )
Date: January 03, 2018 02:05PM

Mine, although given in another language, came up with the same phrases and generic words like yours and mentioned by others here.
Comparing with my husband's they now focus more on stay pure in your thoughts, avoid worldly pleasures and don't look at forbidden content. He is some years younger than me.
Unfortunately I couldn't get my hand on an actual PB for a female.

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