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Posted by: commongentile ( )
Date: January 03, 2018 03:27PM

cheezus wrote in the "Monson dead" thread:
> I wonder what Nelson’s thing will be? Monson
> was all about a rescue of sorts. The Church
> marketing team probably already has his theme
> ready to roll out. My guess is that he will do
> something about strengthening and indoctrinating
> The Children more. After the apostasy and blood
> letting the church has had, they will want to make
> primary more militant to up the retention which
> will ultimately fail for

The new President could adopt a goal that every child coming up in the Mormon Church will be helped to develop an airtight, powerful testimony that nothing, (not the CES letter, not writings by the Tanners,) that NOTHING can shake!

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Posted by: jan ( )
Date: January 03, 2018 06:01PM

commongentile Wrote:
> cheezus wrote in the "Monson dead" thread:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> The new President could adopt a goal that every
> child coming up in the Mormon Church will be
> helped to develop an airtight, powerful testimony
> that nothing, (not the CES letter, not writings by
> the Tanners,) that NOTHING can shake!

Unless, of couse, they have same-sex parents.

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Posted by: messygoop ( )
Date: January 03, 2018 11:56PM

He probably wants to cut out the cancer that's threatening to destroy the church. Maybe, he will eliminate primary and relief society.

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Posted by: donbagley ( )
Date: January 04, 2018 12:04AM

Perhaps as a heart surgeon he will bring heart to the Morg. Ha ha ha ha ha...just kidding.

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Posted by: Babyloncansuckit ( )
Date: January 04, 2018 12:07AM

Given his last name and TSCC’s need to lighten up, his first order of business should be to smoke with Willie Nelson.

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Posted by: caffiend ( )
Date: January 04, 2018 12:17AM

Granted, a somewhat indiosyncratic one, but one who believes in an essentially Biblical theology.

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Posted by: snowball ( )
Date: January 04, 2018 09:42AM

1. Temple, Temple, Temple - you need to pay your 10% to get in but demanding money would be crass.

2. Complicate tithing to be more like taxes. You can get a deduction for shopping at City Creek, etc.

3. Make Mormonism Great Again: Bring back polygamy, blood atonement...oh wait I'm an apostate--scratch that.

4. Do nothing. Keep giving stern talks mixed with puffy pablum and a new initiative every once and awhile--maybe a new lesson manual series. Teachings of the anonymous essayists perhaps?

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Posted by: Badassadam1 ( )
Date: January 04, 2018 04:17PM

Changing and doing nothing is what they do best. Just talk to the camera twice a year and hope people keep paying their tithing in fear of jesus and the burning.

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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: January 04, 2018 12:08PM

I hope they finally get around to goosing the missionaries to try harder! I'm suggesting changing P-day to P-hour, to start.

And they need an app on the mission cell phones that allows the MP to surreptitiously turn on the phone's mic, and of course always keep the MP apprised of where they are.

They have to stop coddling the elders & sisters!

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Posted by: Badassadam1 ( )
Date: January 04, 2018 04:14PM

Hahaha P-hour.

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Posted by: Jonny the Smoke ( )
Date: January 04, 2018 02:10PM


1. Drink more Pepsi.
2. Keep my pants dry all day.
3. Shun more children from gay families than yesterday.
4. Look in the mirror every day and repeat "I like myself" 666 times.
5. Write my own obituary for the NY Times before I die.

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Posted by: cheezus ( )
Date: January 04, 2018 04:08PM

Another thought is that he will purge the church of the evils of Pornography. Porn. Pornograghy. Pornography. Anal porn, BJ Porn. Hardcore porn. Porn compilation videos. Pornographic pictures, movies and pornographic actors. Porn. Porn. Porno porn porn porn. porno popping on my apercot tree porn. Rid the world of porn. Pornomatics, porn theatres, porn husks. POrn on the cob. Porn on a rope. Pornucopia. We’re all against it.

Did we mention porn? Bad.

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Posted by: Badassadam1 ( )
Date: January 04, 2018 04:12PM

And don't forget to tie your hands to the bedpost every night. These are the wise words of the boner.

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Posted by: Elder Fartinson ( )
Date: January 04, 2018 04:36PM

1. Make it a commandment to ban all internet searches from unapproved sites. Require this as a temple recommend interview question.
2. Lower the Missionary age to 17 and extend the duration by 6 months.
3. Build 2 new temples w/in the first 6 months to show leadership, and announce 5 new temples every year.
4. Claim to have at least one new revelation within the first month entitled, "Proclamation to the World on Heavenly Father Approved Sexuality."
5. Try to put a positive spin on the gay issue by allowing gay couples over the age of 70 to serve missions.
6. Expand the M questions in youth interviews.
7. Acquire lands for new hunting/vacation retreats in New Zealand.

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Posted by: MCR ( )
Date: January 04, 2018 05:47PM

Here's my guess. From now on, everything's about internal consolidation. They'll find ways to limit the number of families who get indirect distributions from the Morg. They'll quietly stop up the leaks from which they hemorrhage money. In short, they'll prepare for the tithing-reduced, membership-reduced, negative-growth-rate, lose-the-youth, future. They'll still have missions, but those will focus more on "service" and more clearly move away from proselyting and an emphasis on baptisms. Temple rituals will expand to include more ritualistic duties for members to keep them involved. There will still be the constant haranguing of members to convert, tithe, go to the temple, attend church, serve callings, etc. But the leadership's heart won't be in it.

There will be consolidation of wards and stakes to reduce the number of leadership positions--too many overworked, under-committed leaders devalues leadership positions and teaches people that they really don't have to commit their lives to a corporation. Nothing bad happens to them if they just stop. The country-club aspects and the exclusivity of leadership positions will be emphasized so that rather than the members' concerning themselves with expansion of the church, they'll be encouraged even more to social-climb within it. In other words, TSCC will work at keeping and increasing the money in a more and more constrained environment.

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Posted by: presleynfactsrock ( )
Date: January 04, 2018 07:44PM

Dr. Nelson,

Never too late
If you're still thinking straight,
For freedom and courage
To come your way.

Think critically and
Seek for real truth,
Work it will take,
So please don't be late.

Shout out the lies
Hear the cries,
Of the needy, the poor
The estranged and bedraggled.

Open ward doors
(not just for tours),
Invite after-school programs
For youth and for teens.

Money you have
And so much to do,
Or will power and fame
Consume you?

Again, think critically -
I know you know how,
Apply it to Mormonism
Now, oh YES, now.

You be THE MAN
The REAL prophet who cares,
Yell out the truth
With gusto and flare.

From now on half-truths
Deceit and lies,
Are gone forever
Break those ties!

We will all work together
To help where we can,
And that is the plan man
Yes, the very best plan.


A fellow concerned citizen

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