The short version of the story: I left over 6 years ago and I'm still sad/angry about it. The long version of the story is on my blog, with my most recent thoughts here: https://mantarayideas.blogspot.com/2018/01/new-world-take-ii.html
I'm hoping this might make someone else feel better, if they happen to share some of the same thoughts/feelings.

You're not alone...I left 37 years ago, and I'm also still angry about it.

Mostly angry because the cult continues to cause real harm to people I care about (and people I don't even know). And because it extends its harm to the public arena, with things like throwing money into the CA Prop 8 campaign (yes, and lying about the money they put in and getting caught lying).

While most of us get on with our lives, and other than having to deal with family aren't individually affected by mormonism, having been force-fed lies as a child, and told how horrible you were if you rejected those lies, may be something that some won't ever forget. Or forgive. Or "leave behind." The cult ruled 21 years of my life -- that'll never change no matter how old I get -- like you put in your blog post. :(

Thanks for the post.

It's true i will probably never get over any of it either, some of us paid a horrible price and those memories will never go away. I will carry my scars for forty more years probably both mental and physical.

Thanks for your comments! Glad I'm not alone :)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/08/2018 09:57PM by veritessalee.

Yes, I have no "forgiveness" for the Mormon cult, either. It (and pressure from my TBM family) influenced decisions that altered my life. I turned down a marriage proposal from the lovely Atheist boy, whom I had known and loved my whole life, because he was not Mormon. I was coerced into going to BYU, instead of the university of my choice (I had a full scholarship to both). I rejected another great marriage proposal, because he didn't go on a mission, and left the cult. I married a RM in the temple, who beat me and caused permanent physical damage and PTSD. I chose a "female-type" career, instead of pursuing my real interests and natural talents. (I later corrected that mistake.) I trusted my life to a TBM second husband, who left me for another woman, and took my assets. I trusted my bishop brother, who scammed me out of my life savings, and my business. This was all before I turned 35, so, luckily I had time to recover physically and financially, and resign from the cult, and turn my life around. I may never recover emotionally.

Marriage? Been-there-done-that
Do business with Mormons? Never again!
Trust that a member of a lying, money-grabbing cult will not be a lying, money-grabber? Experience has taught me something!

All the time I was back in school getting a DECENT education, getting on my feet in my career, raising some great kids by myself, loving those kids beyond all else, staying positive, and discovering the Truth--I was made to feel like a second-class citizen, never good enough, a loser because I was unmarried, a failure because I had to work outside the home, and easy prey for cult members. Mormonism was making our life miserable!

My life (and my children's life) is so much happier out of the cult, that, by contrast, I realize I could have been enjoying our successes, building up my confidence and self-esteem, spreading joy to others, doing REAL charity work, donating to GOOD CAUSES, instead of wasting away in a sick, dead-end cult.

Yes, Mormonism was a "mess"!

You sound like a brave person! Thank you for sharing your story - I admire your strength in building a good life for yourself, in spite of all the difficulties that have come across your path.

Thanks to the prophet Kevin Smith, we know that Buddy Jesus is always winking.

God bless the angry folks, because to them life matters. They feel the pain of loss of something they hold precious. I was made to love a lie, and that’s disgusting. It’s like being mentally raped every Sunday from age 3 on up. Hello, NOT NORMAL!

I’ll give you my current outlook on God. Hu is a very old word for God. Human is the word for the animal with God inside. That’s why the universal practice of “looking within” works for billions of people. Because that’s where God is. Not “out there”. The soul of God is inside your neighbor as well as inside you.

Life is very non-linear. It can all come down to one moment, and everything else is a setup for that. Mormonism is literally a living hell that you don’t know you’re in. Funny word, “false”. Fall with a “ssss” sound at the end. Reminiscent of the Garden of Eden story and the snake. Deception through language, yesss. Um, no.

"The short version of the story: I left over 6 years ago and I'm still sad/angry about it."
_______________________________________________________________

Your 'sadness and anger' is not hurting the church ---- it is hurting you!

Get over it!!!! However, you can!

"I have since realized that this experience will NEVER be put in a box. It is a writhing, angry mess that I will never fully contain. And you know what? I’ve decided that it shouldn’t be 'contained.' It’s a part of who I am."

Exactly.

I had no idea how deeply I had been betrayed or how much of my life was stolen from me by that church, or, how much my personality had been bent and twisted as someone in so deep I couldn't see the surface.

When I realized the lie I moved on. I hit the ground running. I forgot about it all. I got on with my life and with playing catch-up for all the lost time. Decades later I found that all I had done was bury what had happened all the way to China as what I had ignored fermented into a poisonous mess and the anger and pain I didn't even know I was carrying ripped its way to the surface. I felt terrible remorse for allowing myself to be treated that way.

RFM has helped me immensely to examine it, sort it out, and feel a lot of valued camaraderie from those who have been through the same. If misery loves company, then healing revels in it. Perspective is a wonderful salve. Scars are markers of progress. At least that is how I see it now. I am not looking for a Self Help Book style fix.

Having been TBM is part of who I am. The trick is to use the experience instead of letting the past use me. We know things we wouldn't have known otherwise.

I think that's what I'm working towards - how to use the experience (instead of letting it use me, exactly as you said). I'll have to give myself some more time, I think. Slowly, it's getting better.

I admit I did "get over it". Not for the LDS Inc., but for me.

LDS Inc., isn't worthy of any of my energy, and that includes my angry energy.

I have always been an odd ball, though, by not conforming to the norm, and that can be either Mormon or ExMormon.

I will always be affected by my years of being a mormon. I did allow myself to be angry now and then towards the leaders who I felt really messed up my life, but I didn't allow myself to do that for very long UNTIL I came here. I had always been angry at my gay ex for leaving me and blamed all gays for how he treated me, and then my exmo therapist sent me here.

This is when I realized where my anger needed to be directed and it wasn't the gays. Of course, my ex deserved a lot of my anger. It was HUGE in my healing to be able to finally be angry at the lds leaders, at the lds for many other reasons. LDS did not make my life better. I didn't know I could be free.

Even my therapist, who I think is one of the most brilliant people I've ever met, still has his anger towards the lds church. I asked him recently.

I was taught in the lds church that anger is evil, that it is a bad thing. As my therapist told me many years ago--it is good ot be angry. It is part of the grieving process, it is part of healing. I also know I'll carry something of my lds past with me. How can I not? Mormonism really did poorly influence my first 48 or so years. Now I get to choose. BUT it will forever impact my life.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/09/2018 02:00PM by cl2.