Recovery Board  : RfM
Recovery from Mormonism (RfM) discussion forum. 
Go to Topic: PreviousNext
Go to: Forum ListMessage ListNew TopicSearchLog In
Posted by: Eric K ( )
Date: January 11, 2018 11:39AM

It has been discussed a great deal here - it appears a large majority of those who drop out of Mormonism and post here are introverts. To be a successful Mormon one needs to be an extrovert. Mormonism is often a painful experience as an introvert. I know the Myers-Briggs personality test is questionable. Many of us tend to fall in the introverted scale in the test based on that test. It is not a true measure of personality nor intelligence. It is interesting however. Here is an article on being an introvert that appeared today.

"Don't get me wrong: Introverts are not cold, indifferent, uncaring people. We feel everything deeply and intensely and are what the regular population would call "sensitive." We care deeply about the people around us and those we choose to let "in." We are malleable and can adapt to nearly any situation that society brings on. But it all comes at a toll that almost no one ever sees or believes.

So if you see someone sitting in the corner at a party, don't assume she is a wallflower. She's probably there with her glittery, extrovert friend and is just recharging her batteries. Don't hesitate to ask if you can sit with her; we introverts are pretty interesting people if you step away from the surrounding chaos. Give it a try. Sit in solitude with us and get to know us."

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Cheryl ( )
Date: January 11, 2018 11:50AM

I certainly have serious leanings in that direction myself.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: January 11, 2018 12:40PM

Except for the glittery dress, it's me to a "T" !!!

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: bobofitz ( )
Date: January 12, 2018 11:39AM

Come on EOD......I'll bet you have a glittery dress hid up somewhere....and you look real nice in it too. Sorry, I guess this thread just brings the smartass out in me.

I don't think the majority of exmos are either introverts or extroverts. If there is a common personality trait, it would be defining truth thru rationality, not emotion.

I certainly don't want to think that I left Mormonism because I couldn't "fit in" somehow. No, it was because my mind just figured out it was fraudulent. I could go to church this Sunday and be friendly and outgoing, but still know the doctrine and its worldview was absolute hooey. And having read your posts for the last year or so, I think this is true of you also.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Keith Vaught ( )
Date: January 14, 2018 01:32PM

Me too. My introversion played a big part in my life experience. I'm so glad I found this board in 2003 when I needed it the most. In addition, meeting Cheryl and her husband in person really bolstered my resolve to resign in 2004.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: messygoop ( )
Date: January 11, 2018 12:08PM

They were ideal secretaries and clerks at church. Just pass a clipboard from one side of the room and quietly wait for it passage to the other side.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: corallus ( )
Date: January 11, 2018 12:15PM

I max the scale on introversion as measured by the MBTI (INTP).

Because I get most of my energy from my own internal process, I struggle with many of the social aspects of the church.

HTing is very anxiety inducing.

Any suggestions that I reach out to people I don't know well or the continual requests to invite friends and neighbors to church functions causes me stress.

Bubbly friendliness by people I don't know makes me really uncomfortable, almost like they're stepping into a personal space where they weren't invited.

As a missionary - going door to door was torture. Even after 2 years....I never got used to it.

So it rings true to me that, beyond questions of the church's truth, introverts may struggle more with the church, given that they may not have as much need or desire for the social part of it. But I'm not sure statistics would prove that out.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: paisley70 ( )
Date: January 11, 2018 10:55PM


Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: angela ( )
Date: January 11, 2018 12:34PM

Not an extreme introvert, but definitely introverted.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: incognitotoday ( )
Date: January 11, 2018 12:38PM


Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Nottelling ( )
Date: January 11, 2018 12:43PM

I am an introvert as well. I always feel uncomfortable in groups of more than say 4 people inc myself. I also wonder what others think of me as I feel I come across as unfriendly. But I do like to be around bubbly and friendly people as I don't have to work as hard to try to be friendly, they do all the work. I also don't talk well, my words come out not in order and sometimes the opposite word that I mean to say comes out. That is a big problem for me.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: deja vue ( )
Date: January 11, 2018 01:13PM

Definitely an Introvert here. As a child I was ultra sensitive and disliked being thrown in with the crowd. Grew out of it as a teen. Was extremely popular in High School. Always lead in school plays, SB Pres, Preferred man, dance king. By the end of my teen years I had come to realize how disgustingly shallow it all was and found I detested jumping on band wagons, being put on a pedestal or stand in any spot light.

I suspect I will always be that way now however I do open my mouth and voice my opinions occasionally (more than I should). My dad use to say, "Fools names and fools faces, often appear in public places". That kinda has become my creed now. There seems to be an abundance of it.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Badassadam1 ( )
Date: January 11, 2018 01:16PM

Introvert here, but had to force myself to get out of myself and my shell to get the help i need.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Amyjo ( )
Date: January 11, 2018 01:19PM

I'm both introvert and extrovert according to the Meyers/Brigg test.

The first time I took it was several points stronger on the extrovert side from the introvert. They were otherwise nearly balanced each other out.

The next time taken was several years out from the first. That time was a couple points in the introverted category - but still nearly balanced between both intro and extro.

For me is a balancing walk between the two I s'pose. Definitely prefer doing my own thing though as opposed to being a party girl. In fact I hate parties. Would rather be home watching a good movie, having dinner, and quiet company - which is to me family and close friends.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: angela ( )
Date: January 11, 2018 01:25PM

Amyjo Wrote:
> I'm both introvert and extrovert according to the
> Meyers/Brigg test.
> The first time I took it was several points
> stronger on the extrovert side from the introvert.
> They were otherwise nearly balanced each other
> out.
> The next time taken was several years out from the
> first. That time was a couple points in the
> introverted category - but still nearly balanced
> between both intro and extro.
> For me is a balancing walk between the two I
> s'pose. Definitely prefer doing my own thing
> though as opposed to being a party girl. In fact I
> hate parties. Would rather be home watching a good
> movie, having dinner, and quiet company - which is
> to me family and close friends.

This describes me, too.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: cl2 ( )
Date: January 11, 2018 01:54PM

When I was in the singles ward, I would go and wait for church to start and lean up against the radiator off in a corner. I met some girls later on a canoe trip who said that when they first came to the ward, they took note that all the guys stopped to talk to me and they wanted to get to know me. I thought that was pretty funny. Always the friend, never the bride. ha ha ha

I work at home and prefer it now that I don't have toddlers. I have a very few good friends. There are few people I feel completely comfortable being around.

Oh, when I worked at Thiokol, there were 2 guys who worked down the hall that always said hi as they passed. One of them finally started talking to me. He said that he always thought I was stuck up until he finally got to know me. He said I am reserved, not shy. Yep. Very reserved.

Mormonism was tough on my entire family as we are introverts. Most of us are out.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: catnip ( )
Date: January 13, 2018 06:37PM

I can, and have, functioned very well in extroverted settings. But given the choice, I much prefer solitude or time with my DH, a good book, a warm cat or two, a good movie - you get my drift.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: HWint ( )
Date: January 11, 2018 02:03PM

Not a fan of Briggs-Meyers, but I am definitely an introvert. Not shy. Public speaking doesn't bother me. But socializing and talking with people tends to drain me. I'm good at it. - but in very small doses. Shopping, big crowds, lots of noise and stimulation drain me. For 1 hr with people/noise I need 2-3 hrs alone/quiet.

LDS life is strongly geared towards extraversion & tends to make intraverts feel inadequate or flawed.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: GregS ( )
Date: January 11, 2018 02:13PM

Same here; definitely introverted, but with no qualms about public speaking.

While in Toastmasters I discovered that I rather enjoyed giving humorous speeches and impromptu "Table Talks", though I've never been comfortable with socializing. I have learned over the years that being a smartass helps a little. Regardless, I still solitude afterwards to recharge my batteries.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: January 11, 2018 06:06PM

The bigger a smartass you can be, the more you can control the distances between yourself and others.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: GregS ( )
Date: January 12, 2018 08:37AM

And that's exactly how I've learned to use it; to pull in some, and to push away others. It doesn't always work as intended, but I've had more successes than failures and I enjoy banter much more than small talk.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: January 12, 2018 07:46PM

Banter is a lovely challenge! Small talk is tedium.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: kathleen ( )
Date: January 11, 2018 03:22PM

I suspect introverts read more, and look where THAT got us !!!

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Nottelling ( )
Date: January 11, 2018 03:25PM

Question.....whereas I like people who are friendly as I don't have to work so hard....I also don't like to be around people who talk a lot in 1 single conversation, my attention starts to drift, I have a hard time following, and I get squirmy. Does anyone else have this problem?? Not sure if it is related to introversion but somehow I think it is.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Cheryl ( )
Date: January 11, 2018 05:07PM

Yes, someone like that does make me squirmy.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: kathleen ( )
Date: January 11, 2018 05:08PM

Nottelling, after that happens to me, I hafta go home and take a tranquilizer, and I swear all the rest of the day.


Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/12/2018 12:08AM by kathleen.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Topper ( )
Date: January 11, 2018 05:31PM

I'm an INFJ, light on the F. It has really helped me to understand myself.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: axeldc ( )
Date: January 11, 2018 07:14PM

As an introvert, I hated the missionary experience. Your main job is to talk to strangers about intimate topics like religion. You have to be with someone else 24/7 in a small apartment. You can no down time to yourself. It was sensory overload and very taxing.

For reference, I'm INTP

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/11/2018 07:14PM by axeldc.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: auntsukey ( )
Date: January 11, 2018 10:11PM

All introverts are hereby invited to listen to Susan Cain's wonderful TED talk on the Power of Introverts:

Then read her book, "Quiet-The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking".

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/11/2018 10:13PM by auntsukey.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Topper ( )
Date: January 11, 2018 10:35PM

He's also an ExMo.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Hockeyrat ( )
Date: January 11, 2018 10:48PM

I'm very introvert also, could never get in front of people.Its the main reason I stopped going to church, The people were nice in my wards, but it makes you feel guilty that you aren't afraid to say " no". I could always tell that they weren't expecting that answer about giving a talk or calling.
I found out now that it's also anxiety related since grammar school, I never went to class when it was my day to give a book report or anything. I literally was sick when I got up that day and stayed home
Once I know some one, or if they talk to me first, I'm a chatterbox.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: donbagley ( )
Date: January 12, 2018 03:26AM

That's me. I am an introvert to the point of being a recluse. I'm active online, because offline I'm not.

Mormonism never felt right to me from the start. Mormons get in your grill. They never let up. I hate the whole garment-feel-assigned-friend-visiting-teaching horror of it. I need contemplative time, reflective time, and lots of it. Though born Mormon, I don't have a feel for the subculture.

Thanks for the post, Eric.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Soft Machine ( )
Date: January 12, 2018 04:33AM

"I'm active online, because offline I'm not."

This pretty much sums me up, too.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: donbagley ( )
Date: January 12, 2018 04:37AM

Big hearts, my friend.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Nottelling ( )
Date: January 12, 2018 01:04PM

I wouldn't mind being assigned a friend or home teacher, that way I don't have to go out and find my own friend. Unless I didn't like who I was assigned...that is another story.

> garment-feel-assigned-friend-visiting-teaching
> horror of it.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: primarypianist ( )
Date: January 12, 2018 10:39AM

I'm very much an introvert, and it sucks!
I remember how horrible it was in school, having to get up and do class presentations, or trying to make friends. All I wanted to do was blend into the wall and not be the center of attention.
Church was the same. I never, ever gave a talk, and I never said the prayers as an adult. I also never went visiting teaching unless my partner forced me along, since I think it's phony and I'm extremely shy.
Also, since I play the piano, the bishopric had been trying for years to get me to have a piano related calling, since very few people knew how in our ward. I finally agreed to be the primary pianist, only cause I was playing in front of a bunch of kids, who could care less if I messed up.
All in all, I think being an introvert makes life very painful. I think it really holds me back, since no one wants to be around an introvert, who can't carry on a conversation.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Joe the man ho & Brig the pig ( )
Date: January 13, 2018 03:32PM

Primarypianist I am the exact same way and your absolutely right it does make life extremely painful! Its sad because introverts are human beings too but it seems like they usually get treated lower than a lot of the time. I don't think extroverts realize or maybe they just don't want to admit that not being able to carry on conversations and not being able to be a loud party animal all the time has alot to do with your brain chemistry some people are just not wired to be able to chat and chat and chat for hours on end. Ive been put down so many times for being too quiet ive even lost jobs over it even when trying my absolute hardest to talk.

If someone got made fun of or lost a job over not being pretty enough or having some physical dissability society would be outraged! But if someone gets made fun of or fired because they don't talk enough by all means be as cruel to them as you want its no biggie! And not all extroverted are mean about it ive met very kind extroverted as well but I have been put down by them quite a lot. I have noticed this treatment more in church and around Mormons then anywhere else though my boss who wouldn't give me hours cause I was way too quiet was very mormon and when I was a teenager in Sunday school the more extroverted girls would talk about how they hated being around quiet people.

At girls camp they wouldn't even let me ride in the back with them they would rather sit by there stuff they told me. And my mormon relitives even went on on Christmas day about how no one likes quiet people. Its really sad extreme introverts get treated the way we do so ya sorry for my rant it just really is a hard way to live I'm sure the extroverts that are rude about it would just love it if they got put down for something they couldn't control. Staying away from Mormonism I have found that I usually get treated a little better Mormonism is very hard on introverts for sure. But ya I'm sorry that life is hard on you just wanted to let you know your not alone.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Felix ( )
Date: January 12, 2018 01:38PM

Introvert also

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: afraid of mormons ( )
Date: January 12, 2018 06:12PM

I'm slightly introverted, but more balanced, according to the tests I've taken.

The neutral test results made it difficult for me to label myself as either an introvert or an extrovert, and I'm glad of this! Instead to taking the blame for not fitting in somewhere, I would gain confidence in the situations where I did fit in.

Instead of analyzing what was wrong with me, I would identify which situations were stressful and unpleasant, so I could avoid them.

I could perform on the piano and organ, with normal "stage fright," which was overcome by a lot of rehearsing and practicing. I sang in choirs and performance trios and quartets. I acted in plays, and had the lead role in some. I could compete in tennis matches, ski races, skating competitions, bicycle races. I entered and won art contests, and a talent show. I could carry on a conversation with anyone--anyone--even the most closed-off, unfriendly people, if I was motivated. I was genuinely interested in what others had to say. I genuinely liked people. That was especially true when I lived in California.

I could NOT give a talk in church. I felt everyone was judging me, and they just sat there, stone-faced.

I was very uncomfortable giving relief society lessons, yet I could speak to a group of 200 people, as part of my school board volunteer work. Why? Because in my speeches, and later in my business presentations, I believed in what I was saying, and it was for the good of others. In church, I never quite believed, and never felt like I could be an "expert" at things that didn't make sense to me.

I made friends easily with California childhood friends, school friends, neighbors, my children's friends. I could make friends with people with my same interests--sports, political causes, Sierra Club, animal lovers, musicians, artists, etc. In the Mormon church, I felt weird around people, like, they were judging me, which they really were. I also felt that they were in competition with me. Very often, what they said were in opposition to my own knowledge and ideas. For very good reasons, I was more closed-off with Mormons, and in a Mormon atmosphere.

I had tons of boyfriends and boy "friends" out in the world, but felt very awkward at singles dances. I avoided those like the plague. (Here's a hint for you shy people: wear expensive clothes, expensive jewelry or watch, drive there in an expensive car, and people will be all over you--although for the wrong reasons.)

I love going to lunch with my friends, and we talk and laugh. I did not enjoy relief society lunches, and I would sit silently, and no one would ever laugh. My SLC ward was pretty awful.

Like an introvert, crowds drain my energy, I require solitude, I'm independent, I'm not needy for the approval of others, I prefer being in the background, I read a lot, spent time alone playing the piano, hiking in the mountains with my dog, going to operas and the symphony alone. Yet, my passion is my boisterous, active, interesting, hilarious family. I love NICE people, and children.

No matter how you define yourself, most people require some kind of balance. The Mormon cult never offered me any kind of balance--it was all draining busy-work, forced VT-type fake friendships, "every member a missionary", being beaten into submission, being taught to behave in one certain way. It was being coerced and bullied into giving talks and prayers I didn't want to give--plus being told what to say and how to say it. Mormonism just isn't for most people.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: adoylelb ( )
Date: January 12, 2018 09:54PM

I'm also an introvert, so it's no wonder I didn't last long. While I could speak in front of a crowd, and managed to fake a convincing testimony, I'm not that big on having my personal space invaded and I have interests beyond Disneyland, Disney cartoons, and the latest MLM scheme that Mormons are into. I'm just glad I never went to the temple, as I know I would have hated the garment feel-up, as having people get right in my face and try to hug was bad enough.

Mormon friendships are assigned things, and the spy network for the bishop/Big Brother to keep tabs on everyone. In most cases, those friendships end when someone moves out of the ward. Outside of Mormonism, friendships are actually genuine and what you say tends to stay with that friend and not spread around as gossip.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: waunderdog ( )
Date: January 14, 2018 12:17PM

Eric K Wrote:
> So if you see someone sitting in the corner at a
> party, don't assume she is a wallflower.

More often, I've had people accuse me of not mixing because I think I'm better than them. Maybe it's because my socially exhausted face looks unpleasant.

Options: ReplyQuote
Go to Topic: PreviousNext
Go to: Forum ListMessage ListNew TopicSearchLog In

Screen Name: 
Your Email (optional): 
Spam prevention:
Please, enter the code that you see below in the input field. This is for blocking bots that try to post this form automatically.
 **    **  **    **  **     **  **    **   *******  
 ***   **  **   **   **     **  **   **   **     ** 
 ****  **  **  **    **     **  **  **           ** 
 ** ** **  *****     **     **  *****      *******  
 **  ****  **  **    **     **  **  **           ** 
 **   ***  **   **   **     **  **   **   **     ** 
 **    **  **    **   *******   **    **   *******