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Posted by: Bethany22 ( )
Date: January 12, 2018 10:36PM

Don't have a college degree or a high paying job, but I've reached a breaking point and just need to get the heck out of my parents' house within the next year. Between the family drama and the constant criticism for not being spiritual enough, I just can't handle it anymore. I actually feel like I might snap one day.

What should i do? Is it even possible to take the big leap and move to a new state or city and start over?

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Posted by: ziller ( )
Date: January 12, 2018 10:47PM

in b 4 ~ ¿ you need a place to stay bae ? ~

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Posted by: Dave the Atheist ( )
Date: January 14, 2018 12:38PM


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Posted by: StillAnon ( )
Date: January 12, 2018 10:56PM

What you're thinking, you might as well move to another country, where you don't speak the language. I can understand your frustration, hurt and anger. But, do it smart. Don't be rash. Take some time and find a job first. That will dictate your next steps. You'll be able to have an income that provides an apartment, transportation and food. Do it smart and intelligent, not emotionally. Unless you're getting physically abused, slow down, be smart and make a smooth transition. You don't have to tell anyone else your plan. Be smart.

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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: January 12, 2018 10:56PM

Join the Coast Guard.

Why not? All you need is a modicum of 'bright' and a will to do your best.

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Posted by: Babyloncansuckit ( )
Date: January 13, 2018 02:21PM

That’ll put hair on your chest.

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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: January 13, 2018 08:03PM

Great! So what put hair in and on my ears?

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Posted by: Lethbridge Reprobate ( )
Date: January 13, 2018 08:36PM

A question I'd like an answer to also EOD.

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Posted by: Dave the Atheist ( )
Date: January 14, 2018 12:40PM

What puts hair on and in your ears is gravity. It pulls the hair down from your scalp and it has to exit somewhere.

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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: January 14, 2018 12:44PM

Link, please...

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Posted by: Dave the Atheist ( )
Date: January 14, 2018 01:15PM

Trust me. I went to Trump Medical School.

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Posted by: summer ( )
Date: January 13, 2018 01:11AM

Sure. When I moved to NYC, it took me three weeks to find a living situation (most of that was not knowing what neighborhoods I could afford that were safe. If I had some idea, it might have been faster.) During that time I stayed in a nice hotel (I had previously worked in the hotel industry and was given free lodging,) and then a fleabag motel when that time ran out. I found a situation living with roommates. If you want to know how to interview with potential roommates, I can tell you.

I got a temporary job for a few months working in a shop. Then I signed up for a class in the industry in which I was interested, and got an associated job. So I would say it took three weeks to find a home, and then about three months to get fully settled in.

What I would think hard about if I were you is how you are going to earn your living in the long run. Being poor gets old after a while. You might want to think about attending a community college to get some skills that employers are willing to pay for. It can be worth it to take on debt if it will help you get a good job in the long run. I would make your move strategic in terms of making your life better, not just in terms of getting away from your parents.

AmeriCorps can also jump start an independent life.

Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 01/13/2018 01:17AM by summer.

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Posted by: waunderdog ( )
Date: January 13, 2018 01:29AM

There are a lot of people who start over in new places, with no social network and no sure thing awaiting them. People who pick up and go somewhere better are far more likely to have better lives than those who sit and wait for things to change.

Think about where you'd rather live or where there seem to be decent opportunities. Check out the roommates wanted listing on CraigsList for that city. see what's available and what it would cost.

If your main goal for now is just getting out of your parents' house, then you don't need to go somewhere totally new. Just go to a different part of town.

But, yeah, it's going to be hard. You'll have to take action. You'll have to hustle. You'll have to knock on a lot of doors and fill out a lot of applications. You'll have to put up with crappy roommates. You'll have to eat a lot of ramen. If you want your freedom you'll have to go out and make it happen.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/13/2018 01:32AM by waunderdog.

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Posted by: dp ( )
Date: January 13, 2018 08:24AM

waunderdog Wrote:
> You'll have to eat a lot of ramen.

Beans and rice would be healthier and cheaper.

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Posted by: chipace ( )
Date: January 13, 2018 02:24AM

For me a hard-reset is more about a mental change than a change in location. I did my undergraduate degree while living at home. I definitely would have had more fun living away, but I still had fun. I would just come home to sleep and do laundry.
I would recommend going back to school and spending most of your time away from home. Attend church if they require it, but just treat that like a part-time job that pays for room and boarding.
Your time for independence will come, but I would recommend starting it in a position of strength, not weakness, cause shit happens.

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Posted by: afraid of mormons ( )
Date: January 13, 2018 04:00AM

If I had my life to live over again, I would have done what Chipace suggests.

Unfortunately, I left home to get away from my family, and ended up in a place far worse--BYU Provo. My first (assigned) roommate stole money, clothes, and jewelry from me. The classes were below the level of my high school classes. I hated the nonsensical religion classes. Didn't like the Mormon atmosphere, where I was just a number to them. People were phony. I was assaulted, with an attempted rape. I met and got married in the temple to a wife-beater. Eventually, I ended up at the U of Utah, and in an apartment with great roommates, and got my advanced degrees there. It took way too long.

At home, I had two lovely Atheist boyfriends, whom I had known all my life, and I probably would have married one of them. Living at home would have kept me safe from theives, scammers, rapists, and other criminals. The California schools--even one of the junior colleges--had better teachers and classes, and an atmosphere of learning and achieving, instead of just partying and socializing. My home ward was fine, and very liberal. I had a car at home, and life-long friends. I could have worked less and studied more.

Seriously think about all you DO have at home. Use Sundays to plan your week, catch up on the news on your i-phone, text your friends, cook dinner for your family, take garbage to the dump, clean up the yard, or anything else your family might require of you. It's only one day.

All of my children lived at home for most of the time they were at the university here. (They left for graduate school). It was actually fun--like a fraternity/sorority house--and we saved a ton of money. The kids always had good jobs, with local people who knew they were good kids, and hired them. We helped each other if our cars broke down, or if we were sick, and when my daughter broke her leg and needed help getting to classes. They married friends from our neighborhood, instead of strangers they barely knew.

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Posted by: xxMMMooo ( )
Date: January 13, 2018 05:05AM

May be hard. Most anything can be done if you're willing to pay the price. Every life(style) has its sacrifices. You give up somethings to gain something else.

Only ... you must decide

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Posted by: laurad ( )
Date: January 13, 2018 01:59PM

Not sure how old you are, but the first thing that came to mind was to go to school somewhere. Live in a dorm, rent a house/apartment, whatever. It would fix two problems.

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Posted by: Amyjo ( )
Date: January 13, 2018 02:29PM

It isn't easy starting out if you haven't yet left home, and have no support structure in place, a job, an education, or a game plan.

You'll need some savings to set up house somewhere else for starters.

Be realistic about what you can afford, and then aim for the best neighborhood that fits your budget. You will need a job to pay the rent. And keep the roof over your head.

Have you considered going back to school? Either college or vocational to learn a trade or profession?

If your parents are in any position to give you support, take it and be thankful. You're going to need to be resourceful.

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Posted by: desertman ( )
Date: January 13, 2018 02:35PM

Been there! Done that!
Total of 35 jobs in my lifetime. In spite of this we DW and I never starved and raised 4 children.

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Posted by: pugsly ( )
Date: January 13, 2018 03:11PM

My twin brother and I did this years ago (1980). We had saved enough money for two plane tickets and $400 extra. We left with a small suitcase and that was it. Went from SLC to Kentucky - didn't know a soul.
It was HARD and it was SCARY. On the flip side it was liberating and worth every hardship we went through to be away from our psycho mom and the effing Mormon church.
Good luck to you.

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Posted by: Amyjo ( )
Date: January 13, 2018 06:57PM

At least you and your twin had each other for a support system.

Bethany only has herself thus far to strike out on her own. It is more daunting IMO for a female without specific job skills, disadvantaged really unless she has something saved up to live off while she apartment hunts and job hunts. Also being alone in a strange city can be daunting and intimidating for a woman without having some street smarts (many young women have been over protected by well-meaning parents; especially true in Mormon families.)

It may be to her advantage to set this time aside to save toward her goals while planning, lots of planning for the independent life she would like to live.

Her parents may be willing to help her achieve her goals if she gives them a chance. Living at home as an adult can drive the best situation buggy without a Plan B to move out at some point in time.

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Posted by: CateS ( )
Date: January 13, 2018 07:32PM

You can do anything you think you can do. And you can't do anything you don't think you can do.

Perception is reality.

If you are asking others if this is possible, for you at this point, it probably isn't.

My guess is that you have to change the way you think about your ability to do this before it's going to happen for you.

There are ways to change the way your brain works. Fortunately, you don't have to know how to change, you just have to start trying to change. And keep trying.

Good luck.

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Posted by: Kimberly ( )
Date: January 14, 2018 12:11PM

Been there. It's so tough to live with true blue mormon parents who think they know what is best because it's what their belief system tells them. They don't realize they alienate their own children. They don't realize how unloved, judged and lonely they make you feel. And for that I try to forgive my parents and wife because they are only doing as they were taught. Hang in there. Leave when the time is right. You'll know when.

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Posted by: Anon45 ( )
Date: January 14, 2018 12:21PM

It's a tough call. Do what is best for you. If your parents and family are eating away at your mental health then you'll loose your drive to achieve the goals needed to leave. So if that's the case I'd suggest leave as soon as possible so you have the energy to tackle all the other struggles of life. But if you can hang in there then save your money so you have a better chance when you leave. Also. Relocating to a new city was the best choice I made. Felt like a fresh start mentally and physically. Got some space from the family pressure etc. But ican be tough to be alone in a new place. For me it was better then feeling unloved and judged by my own parents. In time the space improved my relationship with my parents too. Mormons see people who left the church as angry or anti or "offended". What they don't realize is those feeling often develop after being out of the church for some time when family and members treat you poorly.

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Posted by: readwrite ( )
Date: January 14, 2018 05:10PM

Hard. Until you do it. Then is gets easier... for a while. Then it gets harder, again, as you get older, (and possibly) more rigid and stubborn).

Read these comments. Plan. Save. Be smart. Stay flexible. Just DO IT!

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/14/2018 05:12PM by readwrite.

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Posted by: anonuk ( )
Date: January 14, 2018 05:44PM

it is easier if you have no commitments like a spouse and or kids. Young, free and single? - go for it. People from the southern hemisphere do it all the time, some with only air fare and limited resources but they travel light, stay in youth hostels and find casual work. Some find flatmates and good jobs and stay permanently, some keep on travelling with the intention of going back home sometime (usually if a visa runs out). You have a whole continent to explore already so no visa worries.

The only thing stopping you is you, but proper planning and preparation prevents a piss poor performance. Plan, prepare and go. If you burn no bridges you can always go home for a bit and start over - done that once or twice myself.

Life is as good or as crap as you allow it to become.

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Posted by: Cheryl ( )
Date: January 14, 2018 06:05PM

You also need to be fully aware of the living options and costs before you move and you need to have a contact or two in the area to help you learn the lay of the land.

Do not move without knowing what you're doing and without having a modest nest egg to tide you over for a few months.

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Posted by: Amyjo ( )
Date: January 14, 2018 06:19PM

Beware of Craig's List scams for apartment rentals.

Don't give money sight unseen for an apartment.

Be careful before signing a rental lease agreement. Once you give a landlord a security deposit, then change your mind, the deposit is non-refundable.

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Posted by: Anon45 ( )
Date: January 14, 2018 08:25PM

Let us know what you decide. We're rooting for you!

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