Date: January 21, 2018 09:10PM
Wow. what an awful experience. Its too bad for all involved folks still apparently live in the same locale. And very sad the toxic family theme keeps getting replicated. Very sad.
I am sad for your mother becoming older and fragile needing care, and still managing altercations or critical interactions between her children. I am sad that as my cousin once employed for Days of our Lives writing said you see most things in soap operas are from real families (just not all at once. Its an incident from hundreds of families events all put in one moment) Its too bad for your family someone toxic didn't move, or break away or get cut off so both sides would have peace. Maybe its not too late for peace in the family or for your mothers last years to be uneventful comfortable and peaceful- possibly your self absorbed annoying sister will go away and not communicate which sounds like something you would appreciate. Its too bad it didn't happen sooner you could have had more peace. Since your mom is connecting to you perhaps you're closest so you don't really need her help anyways. I hope that any other family members who might have learned borderline conduct or be born manic depressive (one is learned from borderline establishing behavior before kindergarten I think, the other seems genetic) have disapated and abandoned the homestead sufficient to leave it in peace. Maybe these folks cousins, siblings, what have you, great aunts who ever maybe they just live somewhere else? Then it would be more peaceful- obviously horrid to have to endure aunties and uncles and counsins and siblings drama with a genetic disorder like manic depression among them. I don't know how you can stand it, and sort of hand it to you, to stand in there, and stand in there for you mom, among all those toxic sounding family members. God sometimes it helps to be adopted. sheesh. I don't know how you do it. I'd want to clear out- how many years of rudeness have come at or your mom through this sibling a sister right? oh Those are the worst. God I'm glad I don't have a sister about now, to read about your experience, Jesus. How can you stand it. I chose my sister. She's my oldest friend. named a kid for her. She travels a lot. neat destinations to meet her at. I had the privelige to just go out, meet someone, fall in love with them, and be a sister I got to stand in for them at a wedding when they were on another continent for the military. But your sister by birth sounds like the worst scourge of the earth and you had to communicate with them all your life?
God. and the church says families are forever huh. kinda like hell. But don't tell your mom, she might not be able to handle it (if she's tbm.)
I do not know how you can stand it seriously. some one you love so much needing assistance and then a sister bothering them being rude to them, if not to you. that's worse being rude to you mom. I don't know if there are medications for people who don't like you. I'm not sure if your sister sounds like she likes you maybe sibling rivalry happens among seniors? No body's publishing on that. Leaving you with all the work, conveniently saying she is through, right when you mom is in a care facility and maybe you could use the help, or extra visiting and stuff. SHEESH her timing really couldn't be worse to inconvenience and cause her mom and you pain. I am so sorry this is happening. Being related, it might be triggering past incidents of stunning rudeness your sister threw at you through the years actually.
I don't know what makes family members so different, but I heard a mother is a different person when they are twenty or fortyfive, as is their household. So the older siblings have different culture and past than the very youngest in these huge families. Perhaps this is what happened to you sadly and built such distance and differences. Are you even related? is it possible she was adopted? or are you? that would figure everything out. Maybe you're one with the good genes. Is everyone around you bi polar its genetic. That would be so hard to be the only calm one. sigh. Did you see the vignette going around facebook about the little identical twin girls driving a tiny car- and one smiled and pushed the other out to take the wheel? That's your sister probably. At least your mom likes you. But where the heck is your sister when you need her- this is so unfair.
Your post really struck a chord with me, and reminded me of the dischord and grief before older family members passed hearing stories around the staff room table on other big farm families, even folks having to take apart of dairy herd and disassemble an ag ranch as the siblings feuded and parents faded. It just resoundingly sounds so very real. I am sad this is so universal, ten percent? of families deal with great tragedies. Hang in there.
I know I go on and on, but your experience calls to mind my husband's sibling, and I would like to let you know that with counseling or assistance they might be brought around to support you properly once again at this trying time. Here's how my husband AND NATURE, WORKED IT OUT. a family member with a professional degree keeps attempting to direct all conversation & when all eat, when they walk, even direct where they drive. That's the sister in law to avoid! Their self absorption & attempts to control their adult siblings are constant, which are acknowledged and gently laughed over with head shaking behind their back for they are dearly loved despite their flaws.
this sister in law claimed one of my children's tumor removal and bone marrow replacement didn't occur, after they demanded every one visit a suicide site at a local bridge, then drive to a cemetary and then proceded to attempt to direct conversation repeadted in reminices of fatalities and hospice among the family. They then proceded to attemptm to secure a communication about medical plans around the table, (six of us were there seated) when it was my turn I said if it has spread I'd hospice. She blinked her eyes and said what? what have you had, I stated the obvious dozen plus procedures, and she said "no they didn't" none of my surgeries happened even the first with the scar right in front of her at the table (can't cover it with clothes)..to which my husband replied turned to her and said, yes, they did I was there. And we packed up and drove away after my husband went on a fine walk with them, after receiving various criticism (he married a Mormon> he had children young> <they had none> he has an old trailer? he has a truck? we camp? we visit our children? we had, children? his wife had tumors his children had tumors how could they have forgotten> they didn't know> HOW could they not know and addressed this criticial self absorbed over educated dominating family member once and for all. He stated to her: once you have faced dying, you live. Camp while you can. ) On the drive home to me he said, she's amazingly over indulged everybody's favorite. Its like two different families , the older siblings and the younger set of siblings. The younger set were protected from all the sacrifices of the olders made for them buying things working to assist our mother. I'm not calling the younger set back. I belong with (named his older set of siblings by name.) and then that man drove on home in his truck down the highway.
My husband turned to me and said, I am done with that part of the family I am not contacting them again. He was strangely quiet. He rebuilt a camper and did amazing amounts of reconitours around state and national monuments with many grandchildren visits instead of visiting siblings again. Finally he visited family skimming through their area not stopping by despite the 1500 mile drive. It really looked like he'd had it, adult siblings who were rude and unappreciative didn't deserve time with him. I was sad for him.
After a little over a year had gone by, word came to him through one of his various siblings: the dominating self absorbed sibling had gone out and bought a used trailer... Gone camping 20 weekends the last year. Shut the -- up and woke the --- up plus had been caught camping in camp ground not notified about the Santa Rosa fire & had to drive through the flames on either side of the road wondering if they would survive the night.