Found this in my missionary journal to England south 72-73. Socialism. you have two cows and give one to your neighbor. Communism. you have two cows and give them both to the government Facism. You keep the cows and give the milk to the government ...........And the government gives you part of the milk back. New Idealism. the government shoots one cow, milks the other and ...........pours the milk down the drain. Nazism. The government shoots you takes both cows. Capitalism. You sell one cow and buy a bull. Mormonism. You keep both cows and milk them, giving one tenth to the lord. Feed your family with some, help your neighbor with the rest, and the lord will give you two more cows. There has to be something now to add that would be hilarious, any thoughts?

Mormonism:

You have to slaughter both cows, and give 10% of them to the church, so you can get into the temple, where you have to promise to give the other 90% of the cows (and everything else you own) to the church if they ask. Nobody gets any milk, just meat -- and it's all the church's.

Mormonism: You teach the cows to clean the toilets at the church after you knit sweaters for them to cover their shoulders. They will probably need skirts too, or would even the Mormons find that to be udderly ridiculous.

TEATS!!!!

Mormonism:
The church gives you a big pile of manure and tells you there is a cow in there somewhere. If you can find it only if you're faithful.

This!!

mormonism: You need at least 4 cows to buy a wife.

mormonism: Only white cows are worthy.

mormonism: You have 10 cows, you give 1 to the church, 2 to the missionaries, 3 to the poor....and marry the other 4.

mormonism: Two cows show up at your door and you have to use the hose to make them leave.

mormooooonism: A cow takes a dump on your porch and it looks like a plate of cookies.

Buy a lottery ticket today!! You are Jonny the Smoke-ing hot!!!!

On a somewhat related note, in my novel a prospective father-in-law (who maintains a small herd of hobby bison) jokingly (ugh) refers to my Mormon princess heroine as a "50-cow wife." The girl wonders how that converts to bison.

Happily, my secular-feminist critique readers got it. Any thoughts, folks?

Those of us who've seen or heard of "Johnny Lingo" get it immediately.
I'm not sure it'll click with everyone else, though the mormon movie was based on a story in a non-mormon publication (Woman's Day) :)

Actually, I was thinking in terms of other tribal economies, sub-Sahara Africa, perhaps. But if it has a distinct LDS connotation or association, so much the better!

Thanks for the heads-up.

In Mormonism you have to die first. but you'll get all the cows you want in heaven.

Only Mormonism can give you true cows. You will have no tangible evidence that those true cows even exist, but there is something wrong with you (maybe a lack of faith, or a porn problem) if you doubt their existence.

Holy Cow!

Cubs win! Cubs win! Cubs win!

We will find those cows in Zarahemla. That's what the Book of Mormon says.

You forgot 9 cows buys you a wife.

Capitalism: A multi-national corporation buys your two cows -- and the land the cows are standing on -- let you live on that land and make you take care of their cows according to their specific instructions, leading to faster growth and maximizing profits.

Welcome to Amerika.

You milk your cows and give 10% to the church, 5% for other church things, 5% to the missionary fund, but then you have trouble feeding the cows and they start to look rather lean, and you can barely feed your 9 children with the milk, but even though you can't afford a barn, so the cows have to move in with family, the church leaders tell you to keep milking them and with enough faith the udders of heaven will open and will pour you out a blessing of gallons of white and delightsome whole milk.


You end up with nothing but chapped udders and skinny cows, and your own hands are so chapped that you can't fulfill you calling as church organist and finally leave in disgust with your malnourished children; the church leaders tell a made up story at General Conference about how unfaithful you were and some stupid milk strippings malarkey.

Ha ahahaha! " . .the udders of heaven will open . . ." Too good!

Your account pretty much nails Mormonism. Still laughing.

In mammary of Mormon milk stripping milfs.

Marmonism just wouldn't be the same without them.

Mormonism: You are told you there were two cows but it came to pass that Joseph Smith had to give them back so all that is left is cow dung.

Who you callin illiterate you moran?

The guy who gives you 10 cows to marry your doctor makes you the richest man on the island and your daughter is worth more than any other woman on the island. See, I was thinking of Johnny Lingo also. LOL .
I can’t remember how many cows buys you an ugly woman ( I loved that movie, but that part always got me worked up)

Meant daughter, not doctor. I can’t figure out how to edit on this contraption.