We did not wave to each other. It was just a stare. Nothing more.

Lots of thoughts and feelings about guilt started to be generated in my mind but I managed to stop it and everything was fine again ten minutes later.

How do you feel when you met people you split up with?

I feel much the same as you and I think your reaction was very healthy.

Of course there is an immediate reaction when we run into people we have had a "history" with. It may be anger, sadness, frustration, feeling of loss, betrayal, or all of the above. We are flesh and blood and these feelings are chemical in a lot of ways. It isn't just our "self" that processes the reaction, it is our physical body too. That is what I came to understand about something related--panic attacks I have had. Takes about 20 minutes for an attack to subside for me.

Not to have a reaction might mean you are dead. :). And,ten minutes to get back to normal is just enough to make you feel really alive and in tune with yourself but not long enough to ruin your day.

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> How do you feel when you met people you split up with?
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Blessed!!

I know this was TIC but seriously most of the time my reaction is to reflect on how much better off I am now. Unless of course it was my fault we split up.

It was TRUE, as well as TIC!

I've had to be in my BYU bride's presence only twice in the past 30 years, and yep, counting my blessing was one of the lines of thought running through my mind.

Yes, it's kinda sad when it just gets to be no big deal. You may share some DNA but they're just other people you know. And it feels no different than passing a friend from high school. What is the point of begging people to be in your life who you really have absolutely nothing in common with, are not someone you would ever purposely pick to be friends with and are just annoying as hell. And I know I am certainly not their kind of person either. Thank god.

The relations who are still part of my life are there because they are people I would want to be friends with or at least acquaintances, whether we were related or not.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/07/2018 02:22PM by NormaRae.

I had exactly the same experience in the parking lot of our neighborhood grocery store, with my cousin. She's 5 years older, but I could keep up with her, swimming, water skiing, hiking riding horses, at our cabin on a lake, which our fathers built together. We lived in different states, but we spent our summers together, and both of us went to the U of Utah. Now, we both live in Utah, but her side of the family are very wealthy, and are extreme Mormon fanatics, holding several GA positions, mission and temple presidents, etc. She was RS president and stake RS president. My side of the family are nothing, in the Mormon social hierarchy. She has always been a snob, and a snarky gossip, about our other cousins. Yeah, the gossiping got on my nerves...so I wouldn't have chosen her as a trusted friend, in the first place, had we not been related.

We both live in the same neighborhood, now. As soon as she heard I had gone inactive, she stopped speaking to me, altogether. She just looks the other way, as if I weren't there. My Mormon neighbors and fake-friends act the same way.

Like you other posters, I did feel all those emotions, and the guilt, at first. I feel pretty good that these feelings last only a few minutes, now.

Your relative didn't wave to you, either, right? You weren't the one to break up with her.

It does get easier, as you move forward in your new life, and associate with happier, more friendly people, who don't think they are better than everyone else, and with whom you have more in common.

What does "TIC" mean?

I'm sorry we ex-Mormons have been treated so rudely by people we once trusted, thought were our friends, even loved.

It hurts, but it does help to take those 10 or 20 minutes, and put it into perspective. I'm happier without constantly having to cope with gossip, lies, jealousy, competitiveness, and prejudice. I just remind myself that, at best, the Mormons I used to know well were admittedly racist, sexist, homophobic, and elitist. They are actually proud of these attributes! They still tell bad jokes about these things, and laugh, and think they are "cute."

RFM really has helped me realize that Mormon shunning has nothing to do with our value as individuals. Although it's sad this happens, I appreciate people sharing these experiences. We are not alone.

I feel the same as you

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> What does "TIC" mean?
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I guessed, but I'm a good guesser: tongue in cheek

One time when my brother was a boy, he was walking in a blizzard, and our grandfather walked past him and nodded. No offer for a ride. Think about that--my family. No love.