How the hell do i become normal? The bard said it would take at least five to ten years so i have a long ways to go. Maybe i will never be or feel normal. This sucks. I don't even remember who the hell i even was like in high school when i had a little confidence and felt normal.

One of the first issue, maybe even the very first, is that there is a very good basis for believing that there is no such thing as normal.

Sometimes the best you can hope for is that you are accepted by one person in the form that is the natural you. And even identifying, and getting comfortable with what is "natural" for you is an interesting project.

I propose that what doesn't feel good to you isn't that you're not 'normal', but that you haven't yet decided on who to be.

elderolddog Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> One of the first issue, maybe even the very first,
> is that there is a very good basis for believing
> that there is no such thing as normal.
>
> Sometimes the best you can hope for is that you
> are accepted by one person in the form that is the
> natural you. And even identifying, and getting
> comfortable with what is "natural" for you is an
> interesting project.
>
> I propose that what doesn't feel good to you isn't
> that you're not 'normal', but that you haven't yet
> decided on who to be.

But can't you identify yourself as old dog? You look in the mirror and see old dog. I am not sure my reflection is totally me. I don't quite feel like a whole person no matter what i do or what i fix. Maybe i am overthinking this but i always felt like everyone has a normal. I don't know i am still on pain meds of course i don't feel normal haha. Well i am going to listen to some shawn McCraney to help me feel more normal and sane.

Try some Shawn Colvin too.

Ok will do.

Not many people feel normal, which means they're abnormal. :)

Exactly!!

Would you call The Boner 'normal'? Would you call Hie 'normal'?

Okay, yeah, I'm normal, but I'm the exception... Yeah, Abby Normal, that me.

elderolddog Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Exactly!!
>
> Would you call The Boner 'normal'? Would you call
> Hie 'normal'?
>
> Okay, yeah, I'm normal, but I'm the exception...
> Yeah, Abby Normal, that me.

I see boner and hie as very normal.

Badassadam1 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I see boner and hie as very normal.

Oh, man, have YOU got a lot to learn then! <grin>

I don't want to be 'normal' why should you???

I want to feel better and be happier than everyone else and have more energy! I want to enjoy life to the extent possible not based on what normal people enjoy.

I can always miss my goals and hit 'normal' but what if you miss your 'normal' ----- what do you get?

If your goal is normal maybe you should reconsider!

"Exceptional intelligence is not 'normal.' If you guys were 'normal,' you would not have been accepted into this university."

I still stay in touch with this guy, and respect him as the most gifted linguist I have ever known.

I think most of us felt a little bit taller, after hearing what he said.

If by "normal" you mean like everyone else, that'll never happen. Because you're not everyone else. You're you.

If by "normal" you mean comfortable, satisfied, pleased to be yourself...that's not something that's imposed on you. It's something you choose. And it's entirely up to you.

Agreed.

A very important factor in feeling 'normal' is learning not to care what people are thinking about you.

"You wouldn't worry so much about what other people thought of you if you knew how seldom they did" --Eleanor Roosevelt

This has been my mantra for years and especially since leaving mormonism.

gemini Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> "You wouldn't worry so much about what other
> people thought of you if you knew how seldom they
> did" --Eleanor Roosevelt
>
> This has been my mantra for years and especially
> since leaving mormonism.

Gotcha i will have to remember that quote for sure.

ificouldhietokolob Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> If by "normal" you mean like everyone else,
> that'll never happen. Because you're not everyone
> else. You're you.
>
> If by "normal" you mean comfortable, satisfied,
> pleased to be yourself...that's not something
> that's imposed on you. It's something you choose.
> And it's entirely up to you.

I want both definitions of normal. Other people seem more at peace and content than me and fitting in has never been my strong suit. I was never like the mormons but i was never like anyone else either besides a few friends in the past.

It can take time (yes, years). It's usually about change (routine-expectations).

It's about inventing/ reinventing yourself (something similar in a book I recently saw)... throwing out the parts you don't like/ need/ want and discovering, (re?)finding, claiming, or reclaiming those you want/ need/ desire.

Some ideas: read, act, think/ invent (paradigm shift), exercise, socialize, volunteer, mediate (yoga), move (relocate), change your thinking/ practices/ expectations, eating habits, friends, (spend time differently) etc.

ALWAYS MOVE FORWARD... with or without those around you. Don't worry about them. They will catch up - or you will lose them - and you'll catch up with/ meet others [on the 'path'].

Maybe something here will help; someone.

M@t

moremany Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> It can take time (yes, years). It's usually about
> change (routine-expectations).
>
> It's about inventing/ reinventing yourself
> (something similar in a book I recently saw)...
> throwing out the parts you don't like/ need/ want
> and discovering, (re?)finding, claiming, or
> reclaiming those you want/ need/ desire.
>
> Some ideas: read, act, think/ invent (paradigm
> shift), exercise, socialize, volunteer, mediate
> (yoga), move (relocate), change your thinking/
> practices/ expectations, eating habits, friends,
> (spend time differently) etc.
>
> ALWAYS MOVE FORWARD... with or without those
> around you. Don't worry about them. They will
> catch up - or you will lose them - and you'll
> catch up with/ meet others .
>
> Maybe something here will help; someone.
>
> M@t

Wow, excellent advice m@t. You kind of sound like my best friend did. He told me to keep pushing forward no matter what anybody did around me. He also said it would not be easy to tread my own path and that has been very true so far. I guess i just wanted to fit in more with regular people or something.

Thanks BAA.

I agree, treading your own path is the way to go [SOMEWHERE]. Not to mention the BEST, and most likely, PLACE to "FIND YOURSELF".

Keep yourself interested - and interesting - ... I can say that!

M@t



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/14/2018 04:01PM by moremany.

Do you feel that the things you do are abnormal, or Is it almost a physical sensation like your skin is on backwards?

—-Serious question.

kathleen Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Do you feel that the things you do are abnormal,
> or Is it almost a physical sensation like your
> skin is on backwards?
>
> —-Serious question.

Both. I always do the basic things of survival of course but i am still not like the guys i play cards with as far as conversations. I say weird things that they don't understand but makes sense to me and makes me laugh but just makes them pause and look at me like a weirdo. And i haven't resolved all my pain issues completely so my body feels weird as well. I almost feel like an alien trying to learn real normality and real reality. Not tv reality or religion reality but actual reality.

kathleen Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Do you feel that the things you do are abnormal,
> or Is it almost a physical sensation like your
> skin is on backwards?
>
> —-Serious question.


Even upside down. Sometimes.

Good question kathleen. Cheryl: Join the club. lol

Cheryl Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> n/t

Is it a small club? Feels like it. Maybe my label as a freak from back in the day was right i can't fit in with any group. Even my card playing group of nerds i can't fit in with.

Not fitting in doesn't mean someone isn't normal or superior. It often means the group is flawed. It's okay to be one of a kind.

Excellent point.
You don't want to fit in with the mormons, right? :)

Cheryl Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Not fitting in doesn't mean someone isn't normal
> or superior. It often means the group is flawed.
> It's okay to be one of a kind.


Is it really good to be one of a kind? Seems lonely to me to not bend to fit in with a group. BTW i put up a badass sign on my door that says DO NOT KNOCK without invitation, and a bunch of other stuff. So far it has worked pretty good and has given me some much needed peace.

Normal is different for everyone, from what I've heard from my

sister who is a psychologist, if you're not sitting in a dark

room eating your own feces , you have nothing to worry about.


If you're really worried about it go to a psychologist and get

their imput. You can pay on a sliding scale if you're worried

about the affordability . People on a Recovery Board aren't

really equipped to offer substantive psychological help.

saucie Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Normal is different for everyone, from what I've
> heard from my
>
> sister who is a psychologist, if you're not
> sitting in a dark
>
> room eating your own feces , you have nothing to
> worry about.
>
>
> If you're really worried about it go to a
> psychologist and get
>
> their imput. You can pay on a sliding scale if
> you're worried
>
> about the affordability . People on a Recovery
> Board aren't
>
> really equipped to offer substantive psychological
> help.

I see a psychiatrist every month and a couple of counselors every week and they seem to think i am alright with everything considered from where i started. Growing up in abnormal surroundings really f#cked with what i thought was normal. Trying not to sit in a dark room by myself but i like being alone rather than be around mormon people. Definitely don't eat my own feces haha. When i am around regular people i definitely feel different, they are more confident and talk more. I can tell a person that was not raised in a religion or a cult and i desire that confidence. That is what i think is normal, a mind that has never been messed with.

Try finding your personality type. It can go a long way in finding like-minded individuals.

https://www.16personalities.com/

paisley70 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Try finding your personality type. It can go a
> long way in finding like-minded individuals.
>
> https://www.16personalities.com/

The badass is a mediator, not sure what that means, stops fights or something? Like if the bone and the dog go at it i will have to step in between them, i think i get it. Sorry old dog but i have to be the mediator here haha.

My daughter is your same personality type as you are. It is also known as the "Healer" or INFP.

"INFPs are accepting and nonjudgmental in their treatment of others, believing that each person must follow their own path. They are flexible and accommodating, and can often see many points of view. It is important to the INFP to support other people; however, the INFP may react strongly if they feel their own values are being violated. They especially hate being steamrolled by people who insist there is one right way to do things. INFPs want an open, supportive exchange of ideas."

https://www.truity.com/personality-type/INFP

I guess that you really hated being steamrolled by the LDS church, huh?

paisley70 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> My daughter is your same personality type as you
> are. It is also known as the "Healer" or INFP.
>
> "INFPs are accepting and nonjudgmental in their
> treatment of others, believing that each person
> must follow their own path. They are flexible and
> accommodating, and can often see many points of
> view. It is important to the INFP to support other
> people; however, the INFP may react strongly if
> they feel their own values are being violated.
> They especially hate being steamrolled by people
> who insist there is one right way to do things.
> INFPs want an open, supportive exchange of
> ideas."
>
> https://www.truity.com/personality-type/INFP
>
> I guess that you really hated being steamrolled by
> the LDS church, huh?

Nothing pissed me off more than being steamrolled by the lds church. They used the god card and took advantage of my kindness i guess. I just knew it had to be incorrect, no way in hell the jesus of the bible is leading that church unless he lost his way over the centuries. I am not the only one that got steamrolled though, not by a long shot. I would hate to have my own family right now and realizing it is a lie and trying to recover. Thaaaat would be even more hell that i do not need.

A lot of that makes sense to me although i have never seen myself as a true healer because i could never heal myself without the help of professionals. Although i am obsesssed with healing more than anybody i know. And i have insane sympathy for the broken. In my mind in order to be a real healer you have to be able to heal anything like physical pains especially, and i can not. But i am totally obsessed with healing, been trying to heal myself for years now both physically, mentally, and emotionally. It is a big deal to me because if there is a christ figure out there then his healing abilities are very limited and that is very interesting to me that there could possibly be no one out there that can heal everything like the bible claims.

Not feeling normal feels normal.

Badassadam1 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> How the hell do i become normal? The bard said it
> would take at least five to ten years so i have a
> long ways to go. Maybe i will never be or feel
> normal. This sucks. I don't even remember who
> the hell i even was like in high school when i had
> a little confidence and felt normal.

Why would you let someone else dictate for you what is "normal?"

What worked for the bard dude isn't you. You aren't him.

And what is exactly "normal" anyway?

You accept yourself right where you're at. At whatever stage of development you're in, and go from there.

That is your "normal." If something doesn't feel right, and you feel out of sorts, work on it. What else can you do besides wallow around complaining of being out of sorts?

Take charge of yourself. You don't have control over many things, but you can control your responses and how you react to things by changing your attitude.

Maybe you have too high expectations for yourself. Accept who you are today. Then you can begin to like yourself for who you are instead of who you'd like to become. Work on yourself in order to achieve the goals you have for yourself.

I recommend you practice some behavioral therapy. It may help you by changing your patterns of behavior will improve your mental outlook instead of dwelling on your thought processes. They seem to drag you downward. Pull yourself up by the bootstraps. Complain less, and do more constructive things that can help you to grow and develop as a contributing member of society.

"Is behavioral therapy effective?
Behavioral therapy has successfully been used to treat a large number of conditions. It’s considered to be extremely effective.

About 75 percent of people who enter cognitive behavioral therapy experience some benefits from treatment.

One study found that cognitive behavioral therapy is most effective when treating:

anxiety disorders
general stress
bulimia
anger control problems
somatoform disorders
depression
substance abuse"

https://www.healthline.com/health/behavioral-therapy

Amyjo Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> "Is behavioral therapy effective?
> Behavioral therapy has successfully been used to
> treat a large number of conditions. It’s
> considered to be extremely effective.
>
> About 75 percent of people who enter cognitive
> behavioral therapy experience some benefits from
> treatment.
>
> One study found that cognitive behavioral therapy
> is most effective when treating:
>
> anxiety disorders
> general stress
> bulimia
> anger control problems
> somatoform disorders
> depression
> substance abuse"
>
> https://www.healthline.com/health/behavioral-thera
> py

I would like to take an anger management course or class. I would like to vent out loud to a crowd that understands deep anger. I think that would be very helpful to find one around here. Think i am ready for it.

Amyjo Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Badassadam1 Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > How the hell do i become normal? The bard said
> it
> > would take at least five to ten years so i have
> a
> > long ways to go. Maybe i will never be or feel
> > normal. This sucks. I don't even remember who
> > the hell i even was like in high school when i
> had
> > a little confidence and felt normal.
>
> Why would you let someone else dictate for you
> what is "normal?"
>
> What worked for the bard dude isn't you. You
> aren't him.
>
> And what is exactly "normal" anyway?
>
> You accept yourself right where you're at. At
> whatever stage of development you're in, and go
> from there.
>
> That is your "normal." If something doesn't feel
> right, and you feel out of sorts, work on it. What
> else can you do besides wallow around complaining
> of being out of sorts?
>
> Take charge of yourself. You don't have control
> over many things, but you can control your
> responses and how you react to things by changing
> your attitude.
>
> Maybe you have too high expectations for yourself.
> Accept who you are today. Then you can begin to
> like yourself for who you are instead of who you'd
> like to become. Work on yourself in order to
> achieve the goals you have for yourself.
>
> I recommend you practice some behavioral therapy.
> It may help you by changing your patterns of
> behavior will improve your mental outlook instead
> of dwelling on your thought processes. They seem
> to drag you downward. Pull yourself up by the
> bootstraps. Complain less, and do more
> constructive things that can help you to grow and
> develop as a contributing member of society.

I see a part of me in the bard that's why i can relate to what he is saying on some level. The guy makes way more sense to me than all the people of my life combined, not sure if that is a good thing. He is by far the first honest man i have ever seen in my life. Everybody else lied and i paid the price for other men's lies and i have to make sure it never happens again. I see him as a man that got screwed like i did but is at least a decade ahead of me. The world is lost in my opinion, no real examples to turn to, so i need to seek out the people that know what the hell is going on and make sense of what i am going through when the professionals fall short. Everyone has their life to live and i get that people think they are normal i really do, if there is one thing i have learned in recovery is that people think they are perfectly fine and normal but they really aren't i am sorry. I observe people a lot when i am in certain situations and their actions are very strange maybe its because i am observing mormons or something.

I wanted to be normal when I was young. I’m glad I’m not.

Maybe you’re not over having lost your tribe. They put out your tiki torch and kicked you off the island. Don’t try to rush it. You’ll get yourself put back together on your timetable.

Babyloncansuckit Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I wanted to be normal when I was young. I’m glad
> I’m not.
>
> Maybe you’re not over having lost your tribe.
> They put out your tiki torch and kicked you off
> the island. Don’t try to rush it. You’ll get
> yourself put back together on your timetable.

I think you are right. Although the tribe was built on bullsh#t it was still a tribe.